Chapter Six #3
It was another quarter hour before she could rise from her recumbent position and dry her tears.
Her mother offered her a damp cloth for her face, tutting at the puffiness of Marianne’s cheeks.
“You ought to rest before the ball. I believe Thomas sent to the apothecary for some tonic to soothe Fanny’s nerves. ”
“No, I do not wish to numb what I feel, I must feel it. But I cannot possibly go to the ball!”
Elinor cast her eyes in the direction of Lydia’s room, which had yet to go completely silent. “Dearest, you shall be miserable if you stay at Longbourn tonight.”
“And you have promised to dance with the colonel,” her mother reminded her. “Rest awhile; I will silence Lydia if it means kicking her out of a window.”
Marianne nodded, laying back against the pillows. She clasped Elinor’s hand. “Will you stay with me?”
Elinor agreed, and the two sisters lay side by side, speaking softly of their broken hearts, until Marianne did manage to drift into a fitful sleep. When she awoke, darkness had fallen, and she knew that those of her relations who were attending the ball must soon begin their preparations.
Elinor came into the room a few minutes later, her gown in hand. “Mary is going to dress with Kitty, so I shall make ready with you.”
“I cannot go to the ball,” Marianne said with a heavy sigh.”
“Then you are choosing to allow Willoughby to make you wretched still,” Elinor said. “Have you no wish to curtail your own misery?”
“How can I? It is too awful!”
“But you have already known him to be a reprobate.”
Marianne frowned, desperately wishing she could take her sister’s pragmatic view. When she said nothing, Elinor pressed her. “Please, Marianne. I shall take heart from having you there with me, for I suffer just what you do, knowing the man I love to be promised to another.”
This was the first time Elinor had admitted to such feelings, and Marianne was deeply affected by the admission. “Oh, Elinor! We are quite pathetic, are we not?”
“But we have come to Hertfordshire to be merry with our cousins; I beg you would not allow his treachery to rob you of the experience, for after this visit, I do not know when we shall see our cousins again – perhaps not until summer.”
Marianne sniffled but nodded her head. “Oh Elinor, you are right.”
“And you have such a lovely new dress to wear….”
“Oh, very well. I am sure I shall dance very little, but I will go.”
They began their toilettes in peaceful silence, but ere long the protests of Lydia and Mrs. Bennet once again filled the house.
Marianne was not sure if she ought to laugh at the absurdity of it, or perish at the shame of having such a cousin, but she was grateful for the distraction of it.
Elinor was quite right in persuading her to go to the ball, for left alone with her aunt and cousin in such a mood, Marianne might run mad or burn down the manor.
After a particularly thunderous reprimand from Mr. Bennet in the next room, there was finally silence, and then Mrs. Dashwood slipped into Marianne’s room. She closed the door behind herself and leaned against it with a heavy sigh. “Good Lord.”
“I hope our uncle has not been persuaded to change his mind,” Elinor. said. “If Lydia is given her way, she will only grow more ungovernable.”
“My brother will not be gainsaid. I believe Colonel Fitzwilliam impressed upon him the severity of her misbehavior, as well as the danger of her falling in with the wrong sort of officers. Poor Thomas has not been as attentive to his girls as your father was with you, and now he has been made to feel it.”
Elinor shook her head. “It is unfortunate to think that though our cousins have been left a great fortune, Lydia’s wild behavior could materially damage her sister’s reputations.”
“That is what I fear, too,” Mrs. Dashwood agreed. “And perhaps even yours. I am glad the colonel did not think ill of you, after yesterday's ordeal. He was very civil to your sister, Marianne, and he has asked you to open the ball with him! But I am glad to see you have decided to attend the ball.”
“I will go, but please do not make such insinuations! My heart is broken, and you know I do not approve of second attachments; after being so ill-used, I am sure I shall never give my heart away again!”
“It is a pity Mr. Wickham will not be there to cheer you,” Mrs. Dashwood said with a sigh.”
“I like Mr. Wickham, but only because he is better educated and more charming than any of the other officers, and like myself he has endured great suffering. He has confided in me that he was cheated of his inheritance by Mr. Darcy, as I already knew from Lizzy – and Mary said this new colonel is cousin to Mr. Darcy. I think they have some terrible vendetta against him.” We should be quite a dreary pair, but I should have been glad of his consolation. ”
“The colonel promised to explain himself, Marianne,” Elinor reminded her.
“And you must hear him out,” Mrs. Dashwood insisted. “We know, of course, that he is wasting his charms on Elinor – though it amused me to tease you a little about it yesterday, my dear. But he is a thoughtful and intelligent man, and I believe he is a good man, Marianne.”
“And he is only thirty – that is five years away from the infirmity of Colonel Brandon,” Elinor said with a wink.
“How can you say such things to me?” Marianne shook her head at them. “You would have me think of the man who has aided in the ruin of my new friend?”
“Oh, Marianne.” Mrs. Dashwood embraced her daughter.
“I only wish for you to find some happiness, my dearest. Not every man you will meet is as false and wicked as Mr. Willoughby has been. I am glad you have liked Mr. Wickham, if only in friendship. But I hope you will give Colonel Fitzwilliam a chance, at least, to prove that not every man is a villain. You must recover from this and hold your head high, for you have done nothing wrong; the fault is all Mr. Willoughby’s. ”
Rebellion coursed through her, and a strange sense of guilt, as if she wished to argue that she had been a fool, that she had given her heart too freely and openly, and she was bitterly intent on never doing so again.
Marianne trembled, cognizant that it was foolish to be so determined to be wretched.
“I suppose I ought not compound the misery Mr. Willoughby has caused me.”
“Exactly,” Elinor said. “You must be the mistress of your own happiness.”
“And it was so generous of Mrs. Jennings to gift you each a new gown when your cousins were ordering their wardrobes!” Mrs. Dashwood surveyed her daughters with admiration and declared that they were quite ready to depart for Haye Park and make merry.
It was fortunate that the event was a masked ball, for all the ladies whom Mr. Bennet was obliged to escort had wept before leaving the house.
Elinor wore a fine white silk gown with silver sarsenet embroidered with tiny pearls, and her mask had been painted to look like white marble, with small white feathers sweeping upward on either side.
Marianne wore a burgundy gown with an overlay of silver and black embroidered vines, and her mask was crimson with black, thorny roses delicately painted around the eyes.
She had chosen the ensemble just after learning of Willoughby’s dalliance with Colonel Brandon’s ward, when her mood had been darkest.
She hoped the effect would be off-putting to the gentlemen, for she was perfectly in earnest when she vowed to herself that she would never form another attachment.