Chapter 37 #2
‘I feel as if I’m suffocating here; trapped on Pin Hill Island for the rest of my days.
’ She stopped, she hadn’t said it before, but now she knew, for a long time, it had been a background noise in her growing discontent.
‘It sounds crazy, it feels like desertion to want to leave. You know, as if I’m letting everyone down and throwing away my future without really appreciating what I’ve got.
’ And there was a lot now, Danial too, was another thing to consider.
‘Is that the plan? That you will take over both places one day?’
‘There is no one else,’ Siggy said. ‘I think,’ she said then, because this had always been what she believed even if it wasn’t put into words.
‘I think Rae would just like to see me being happy. You know, if the hotel wasn’t going to do that, or if I decided to do something else instead, she’d understand.
She’d be okay with it; she’d probably help me in any way she could if I asked for her help. ’
‘She is a good person to have on your side,’ Melissa said.
Siggy knew Melissa had already experienced Rae’s kindness.
Rae had arrived down here one evening with dishes and cutlery and other odds and ends all beautifully matched up and presented as a gift to Melissa.
Siggy only knew it because Danial told her about it the following day when they were walking on the beach together.
Rae would never breathe a word about it.
‘And your parents?’
‘My dad would be fine. I mean, he’d worry about me, probably. He’d text me every day, with all the worst emojis!’ She made a face.
‘You’re their only child, of course, they are going to be more…’ She waved her hands as if the explanation lay on the air itself.
‘But my mother, she’s a whole different story.’
‘Blythe?’ She said the name as if trying it on for size.
‘She’d go mad if she thought I was even thinking of leaving.’
‘I’ve heard lots of good things about your mother,’ Melissa said carefully because Siggy suspected, she hadn’t experienced the kind and good person Blythe could be when she was on your side. ‘Perhaps you need to talk to Rae and your dad first and then maybe…’
‘I don’t think I can talk to my dad at the moment,’ Siggy said. She couldn’t tell Melissa that she thought he was having an affair; bad enough she’d told Danial, anything more would be a betrayal of both her parents.
‘I know everyone has a lot on their plates, but Siggy, time moves on quickly, one week into the next and soon it’s another year and then suddenly before you know it,’ she stopped and made a puffing sound with her lips. ‘It’s too late.’
‘And you don’t think I’m being selfish?’
‘Oh, dear girl, you’re being the very opposite, you need to follow your heart, we only have one life.’
Melissa’s words stayed with her. Galvanised her in a way that gave her a sort of quiet serenity. She was going to follow her heart, somehow it would all work out.
The following day, if there was even one occasion to sit and chat to Rae about what was going through her mind Siggy would have snapped it up, but her aunt was as busy as she’d ever been.
Before they opened for the morning there was a meeting with a surveyor who was working on behalf of the buyer interested in number three.
Rae spent almost two hours going through the place, answering questions, talking about various ways the building could be separated and what would and would not be acceptable to her in terms of disruption.
When the hotel did open, there was a sudden rush, as if word had filtered into the village that they were already busy and so people turned up to add to the workload.
By mid-afternoon, the rush seemed to have abated, and Siggy sat down with Danial for their lunch.
She’d made a fresh vegetable soup which had quickly run out earlier, so she’d made a second and third batch which had just about stretched to lunch for them both.
There was just one bowl left over for Rae whenever she got back from her appointment with the solicitor to work out details around the property deeds in preparation for sale.
It was nice, sitting here, pleasantly tired after the busy morning with Danial – who was good company.
‘You’re in a good mood,’ he said, cutting into her thoughts.
‘Am I?’
‘Yes, it feels as if you know something that no one else does,’ he smiled. ‘You have a secret?’
‘Maybe I do,’ Siggy said lightly, ‘maybe I do.’
That evening, when she got home, she downloaded a heap of prospectuses for the following academic year. Then she made a list of her top six favourites and exactly what sort of points she’d need to get entry into them.
For a few days, she was positively buoyed up on the dream of leaving the island the following year, although she told no one. What was the point?
Her mistake was leaving the notebook lying open on her bed when she went into school the following Friday. Her mother was the shade of an overripe tomato by the time she got home.
‘What on earth? When were you going to tell me? What sort of girl does this to her mother, just when everything is so…’ she’d never seen her mother so upset, so devastated.
‘Mum. I’m a grown woman. The idea of running the hotel, it’s not my dream.’
‘It’s a wonderful opportunity for anyone your age. Have you any notion how many people would give their eye teeth to have a place like that just handed to them?’
‘No, Mum, the only one who’d want to spend their life locked into a dying business in the middle of Muffeen Mòr is you – there’s nothing here for me now.
My friends are all going to be heading off to college and I want to go too…
’ She stopped because she didn’t want to blurt out something that would do far more damage than anything she could say about her own dreams.
‘You’re not going, I’m telling you now, I absolutely forbid it.’
‘I’ll be an adult, Mum, you can’t stop me. You can either give me your blessing and wish me well or I’ll just go…’
‘Give you my blessing,’ her voice had risen to the level of soprano. ‘Over my dead body will I be giving you my blessing to go living in some filthy flat on the other side of the country – you know those places students stay? Full of germs and serial killers, you know that?’
‘Oh, Mum,’ Siggy said before whipping her notebook out of her mother’s hands and racing downstairs and out the front door.
Once outside, Siggy suddenly realised, she had no idea what to do next.
There was a cold breeze starting up and it looked as if the sky might open with rain.
She’d walked out in little more than a T-shirt and a pair of shorts.
Well, she couldn’t go back. There was no point.
Whatever chance she had of keeping things on an even keel, she knew that arguing with her mother would only drive a deeper rift between them.
She set off walking towards the village, perhaps she could stay in the hotel for a few nights. Rae wouldn’t mind.
The hotel was closed when she arrived in the village.
She pushed her key through the front door, hoping not to scare the living daylights out of Rae.
She checked in the little flat, but there was no sign of her aunt.
She went to the bar, poured herself a large glass of wine.
Rae wouldn’t mind, it was for medicinal purposes – then she went upstairs to one of the rooms they’d aired in case they got last-minute bookings.
On a whim, she wasn’t sure why, she turned right instead of left.
They had no plans to let out the rooms in the part of the building that was to be sold, but the rooms had been aired for the viewing earlier in the day.
She chose one of the top-floor rooms with a view of the sea and guaranteed not to disturb Rae when she got back.
No one would be booking in here this year.
She could stay for as long as she needed and really, not put anyone out – that would suit her perfectly.
Tomorrow, they had a party of six arriving.
For now, Siggy thought, the best thing she could do was just turn in for the night and put the argument with her mother.
The glass of wine would knock her out. She wasn’t a drinker, generally, one large glass would put her to sleep within half an hour.
And she needed to sleep. For all her bravado, she was upset.
She hated fighting with her mother and hated even more this secret she was carrying about her father.
Soon her eyes began to feel heavy. She would think about it tomorrow, for now, she needed to rest.