Chapter 7 Kaspar
Kaspar
Today had been… a lot, to say the least. Knowing I was on a pirate ship and actually seeing it in action were two very different things. Even though there were some people on this ship who I’d rather not spend any time with, I’d been able to ignore the whole pirate thing.
But now I’d seen them actually raid another ship.
Not only seen it, but participated in it myself.
I helped them.
Holy dragon balls, I’d helped pirates raid another ship.
Did that… did that mean I was a pirate too?
Oh my goddesses, I was a pirate.
Holy unicorn horns, I was a fucking pirate.
The thought made me want to curl up in a ball underneath a blanket and never come out.
What would Kayla and Cody think if they found out I was a pirate?
What would they think if they knew I’d killed someone?
I. Killed. Someone.
Guilt was a familiar friend in my chest, making it tight with grief and anxiety. If I didn’t try to get it out, it would eat me alive.
But I had no idea how to make it go away.
With a grimace, I set the last box in the correct spot and turned around, ready to eat dinner and relax for the rest of the evening—after I finished my other chores.
Reaper already told me I didn’t have to scrub the deck today, thank goodness, but the after-dinner dishes would need to be washed, so I’d probably be awake for hours yet.
My eyes scanned the area near the ladder, searching for Reaper, but he was nowhere to be found. Surprising, considering he’d come down here to make sure I was organizing things correctly so many times, I’d lost count.
He hadn’t been unkind. It was just strange to have the first mate micromanage me like that. But… I hadn’t really minded. I mean, why would I when it meant I had such a sexy view any time I faced the ladder where he’d sat.
I’d known he was there every time without even looking because I could feel his prosthetic’s fluxstones.
Fluxstones called to me, they always had, whether they were full or completely empty.
But when low, it felt as if they were begging for my magic, begging me to fill them to the brim with power.
Every time a fluxstone was low or out of power on this ship, I felt it and could tell exactly where it was and how big the stone was.
It was kind of frustrating because I really wanted to fill them with my magic—in fact, it was starting to feel like my magic was ready to burst out of me—but I couldn’t.
There was no way in hell I could let anyone on this ship know I was a fluxweaver.
All my life, there’d been people who wanted to take advantage of me, people who’d used me for my magic, people who’d threaten to turn me into the king’s guard if I didn’t comply with their demands, people who’d proven how untrustworthy most people were.
And those people hadn’t been pirates.
I could only imagine how bad The Black Wraith’s crew would be.
So no, I couldn’t go around fixing everyone’s fluxstones, no matter how badly I wanted to.
With a sigh, I tried to think of something more pleasant, and of course, Reaper’s face was the first thing to pop into my head.
He truly was a handsome man, and I heard myself sigh at the thought as I made my way to the lower deck. Man, if he knew the thoughts going through my head, he’d probably throw me overboard.
Or maybe he was secretly harboring the same thoughts and he’d kiss me instead.
That, I could totally get behind.
Mm. I bet he tasted so good. I bet he’d feel amazing pressed against me, his hard muscles rubbing against mine, his—
I cut off those thoughts before I wound up with a problem in my pants.
But I couldn’t stop the grin that spread over my face as I thought about his lips on mine.
Not wanting anyone to see what I was sure was a ridiculous expression on my face, I wiped it clear and set off toward the galley.
I could tell when I was close because all the fluxstones Sage used for cooking called to me. Every fluxstone, every rock, on this ship called to my power, and it was getting harder and harder to ignore.
But I couldn’t let anyone see what I was.
I was just a normal person.
I was just Ghost, the stowaway. There was nothing special about me. Nothing at all.
Sage was still in the kitchen, serving up some kind of stew, and when I was handed a bowl, I said, “Thank you.”
Sage nodded. “You’re welcome.” He glanced around, seeing no one else near us, and quickly passed me something wrapped in cloth. “For later. As a thank you.”
My brow furrowed, but I quickly stuffed it in my pocket since he clearly didn’t want anyone else to see. I had no idea what it was, so hopefully, it wouldn’t be gross from sitting there too long. “A thank you for what?”
He shot me a grin. “We all know what you did.”
I stared blankly at the strange man.
He lifted a brow, staring at me like I wasn’t smart enough to get it. “You saved Reaper.”
Shock made my body stiffen momentarily as I took in his earnest expression. It was true that I’d helped Reaper, but I hadn’t realized anyone else had noticed besides the man himself.
“How do you know about that?”
Sage snorted out a short laugh. “Everyone knows. Ariella saw the whole thing, and Hawk-Eyes has been telling tales about your skill with a sword.”
That surprised the hellfire out of me.
He tilted his head to the side. “How’d you learn to fight?”
“I was a blacksmith’s apprentice back home. We tested every single sword we made, and my master taught me how to fight.” I shrugged.
His eyebrows rose. “You’re a blacksmith?”
“An apprentice, yeah.”
“Hmm.” He hummed to himself, but Two-Toed Roch came over to grab a bowl from him, and I didn’t want to be anywhere near her.
So I said, “Thanks, Sage,” and rushed over to the tables where most of the crew was already seated and eating.
There didn’t seem to be any empty seats, so I stood, frozen, for a few seconds, debating what to do and where to go—should I go back to my hammock and eat alone like I’d been doing, or should I take a chance and sit at a table?
Hawk-Eyes noticed me and waved me over, so I sat across from her, grateful for her intervention.
For a moment there, I thought about running away to eat alone in my hammock or possibly even in the hold.
But despite my hesitancy toward these people, I was kind of sick of being alone all the time.
I wasn’t used to it. I was used to working with Master Redman at the smithy, helping customers when they came in, visiting friends and neighbors in the evenings and on weekends, and going home to my sister and nephew. I wasn’t used to so much isolation.
And I’d been alone this entire time even though I was almost always surrounded by people.
But it wasn’t the same. They didn’t talk to me, not the way my sister and nephew did. Not the way my friends did, or even my customers and neighbors.
Goddesses, I missed my family. So damn much.
An ache built in my chest at the thought of Kayla and Cody.
I knew—hoped and prayed—they were okay without me.
Kayla was a badass and an amazing mother to her son, and Cody was the sweetest kid on the planet.
By the time the extra money we’d saved over the years ran out, I should be set up in Asteris and able to send for them.
They’d be fine without me there, right?
They would. They had to be.
But that ache in my heart grew a little more every day I was separated from my family, and I couldn’t wait for the day we were together again.
“How’s your arm?” Hawk-Eyes asked, pulling me from my dour thoughts, thank the goddesses.
I glanced down at the wound in question with a small grimace when I noticed some new blood on my skin—it’d probably opened up from lifting things in the hold. Sigh.
I said, “It’s fine. Stitches took care of it.” She’d had to put in about fifteen stitches when Reaper noticed it hadn’t stopped bleeding an hour after the raid, but all in all, it wasn’t too bad. “What about you? You hurt your leg, right?”
“Took a knife to the calf, but Mom fixed me up too. Wasn’t too deep.” She shrugged.
It took me a second to remember that Stitches was her mother, and then I sent her a small smile. No wonder she was the only other person on the ship who was nice to me. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
She shrugged, but there was a pleased smile on her face.
A hand slapped my shoulder so hard, I almost toppled over, and for a split-second, I thought I was being attacked.
But when Mad Murray sat beside me, I relaxed a hair.
I didn’t know the pirate well since he spent most of his time in the engine room—he was the fluxstone engineer, so that was where he worked, and he apparently fiddled around with other mechanical things down there—but he hadn’t been unkind to me yet.
He hadn’t exactly been nice, either, but he hadn’t played tricks on me, tripped me, or called me names, so I’d call that a win.
I glanced at him. Mad Murray had multi-lens goggles that all had different tints or magnification powers.
He looked like a mad scientist, hence the name, and he always seemed to forget he was wearing them.
Like right now. Most of the lenses were pushed up so he was only wearing the first lens, but it made his eyes look huge as he stared at me. It was kinda freaky.
Before I could comment, Hawk-Eyes sighed, saying, “You forgot your lenses again, Murray.”
“What?” He reached up and startled as if he really hadn’t realized they were there.
He removed them from his face, carefully folded them up, and tucked them in his collar, then sent me a laugh.
“No wonder you looked like you were sitting way too close.” He gave me a friendly push that almost had me flying out of my seat, and the man laughed even louder.
He was a big guy who didn’t know his own strength, and he had the loudest laugh I’d ever heard in my life, but at least he was being friendly. Well, minus all the pushing.