Chapter 14 Kaspar #3
He shrugged. “It’s not that they’re bigger.
It’s that they can use sand dunes to launch higher in the air if they want to hunt us, rather than their sea-domain equivalents.
In general, all the monsters can fly higher in the air because it’s easier for them to push off of the sand, so they’re already starting at a higher point than the sea monsters. But don’t worry. We got this.”
I took a breath and gave him a nod, trying my best to let it go. Max was the one with experience out here, so I’d just have to trust him.
I only wish the engine fluxstones had more power.
What if I go down there and charge them?
It wasn’t the first time that thought crossed my mind, but I knew I couldn’t. The fluxstone engineer, Mad Murray, would notice for sure, and it wouldn’t be hard for them to figure out it was me who charged them.
As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t.
If only things were different.
Not wanting to focus on that, I leaned heavier into Max’s side and nuzzled into his shoulder.
Max dropped his orange peel on the other side of him, brushed off his hands, and wrapped his arms around me tighter.
Then he surprised me by kissing the top of my head and resting his cheek there as we both gazed up at the stars.
The sweet gesture made my belly flip and my heart flutter.
If only things were different…
I’d never have to give this up—give him up.
But wishes never came true, even if you wished upon a star. So I’d take this moment, treasure it, and remember it always as a precious time with a precious man who I cared about and who cared about me.
I’d store a piece of Max in my heart and take it with me, keep it safe, for the rest of my life.
We sat there in the peaceful moment for a long time, and I loved every second of it.
But then Max shifted, and I saw the strain of pain around his eyes. He was trying to hide it, but he couldn’t. Not from me.
So I straightened and leaned in to kiss his cheek, making him startle and stare at me. After giving him a grin and a wink, I reached into the sack and pulled out the jar I’d begged Stitches to give me. I even promised to help her in her cupboard tomorrow morning to help pay for it.
I hadn’t told her who it was for, but I had a feeling she knew, and that was the only reason she’d agreed.
After another brief hesitation, I held it out to him.
“What’s that?”
“It’s salve… for your leg.”
He froze, and we were pressed close enough that I could feel how taut his muscles were.
I held back a sigh because I knew this was a touchy subject. “Max, I… I know it’s bothering you, so I think you should take the prosthetic off and let me rub some salve on it—”
“You’re not touching my stump.” His voice came out harsh. Mean. Reaper-y.
It made me jerk back in surprise, but I narrowed my eyes right back at him. He could go all Reaper all he wanted on me, but it wouldn’t make me back down. I knew he’d never hurt me. I knew he was a good man.
“There’s no reason to be embarrassed, Max,” I said, gently putting my hand on his thigh above the prosthetic.
“I-I already have some in my room, so I’ll put it on when I go to bed.”
I shook my head. “You’re hurting now, and you still have a few hours left up here. Put it on now.”
He turned his face away, staring up at the sky as if he could simply ignore me and I’d let it go. If he thought that, he didn’t know me as well as he thought he did.
“My master lost his leg in a battle, I told you that before. But I didn’t tell you that I used to help him when the pain became too intense.
I’d help him remove his prosthetic—his was in even worse shape than yours—and he would swell so bad it was difficult to get the prosthetic off him.
When it was really bad, I’d sometimes rub salve on his stump.
It wasn’t something he ever asked me to do, but he was a good man, and I hated seeing him in pain. So I did what I could to help.
“By the time I was apprenticing for him, he’d been living without his leg for nearly twenty years. But he was still embarrassed by the injury the first time I helped him. He got over it after a while and had an easier time asking for help.”
I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. “I really hope he’s found a new apprentice by now.”
Max didn’t respond for a long time, but I kept my hand on his thigh the entire time. Eventually, he plucked my hand off him, lifted it to his mouth, and placed a few small kisses there. Then he pulled his pant leg up and removed the sleeve, giving me my first full view of his prosthetic.
It was bronze and had lots of nicks and dents. It was very clearly well used, and luckily, it had almost nearly charged fluxstones in at the moment.
Max hesitated for another beat, his fingers lingering on the straps of his prosthetic. I could see the conflict in his eyes. Finally, with a deep breath, he unlatched the remaining buckles and pulled the mechanical leg off, setting it carefully on the crow’s nest floor behind us.
As he rolled up his loose-fitting pants, I tried hard not to stare, but I couldn’t help taking in the details.
His leg ended almost halfway between his hip and where his knee would have been—a bit shorter than Master Redman’s, who’d lost his just above the knee.
The stump was rounded at the end, the skin pulled tight and scarred from surgery.
The injury was clearly old and had healed well overall. But tonight, the stump was angry, red, and swollen, especially around the circumference where the prosthetic had been pressing. The skin looked irritated, with a few spots that might blister if he wasn’t careful.
“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Max said quietly, not meeting my eyes.
I opened the jar of salve, the herbal scent rising between us. “I’ve seen worse,” I said matter-of-factly. “Master Redman’s would get twice this swollen when he overdid it.”
Max nodded, his jaw still tight.
I really wanted to kiss it to make it feel better, like my mom used to do when I was little—not that it actually made it better, but the sentiment was nice. But I knew Max wouldn’t appreciate that at all.
I also didn’t think he’d appreciate me saying anything about it or making it a big deal. So I scooped some of the salve onto my fingers without another word, then I gently rubbed it into his skin.
Max was tense and seemed a little horrified, but I just smiled at him and made sure to cover every inch of the sore limb with a generous helping of salve.
It took a couple of minutes, and Max didn’t say a word the entire time.
When I finished, I closed the jar and tucked it back in my sack. “Since you have some in your room, I’ll keep this so I can use it next time. But please make sure you put some on tomorrow morning before you put on the prosthetic.”
He stared at me for a long moment. “It really doesn’t bother you, does it?”
After wiping my hand on my pants to get rid of the lotion, I reached up and brushed some curls off Max’s forehead, staring into his eyes. “No, Max, of course it doesn’t. The only thing that bothers me is seeing you in pain.”
He swallowed hard, and I watched his Adam’s apple move. “That can’t be helped. I have a job to do.”
“Don’t you have a cane or something you can use?”
He shrugged. “I have one, but I’m not about to walk around, barking orders at people, while using it.”
“Why not?”
He sighed. “The Reaper cannot be seen as weak.”
“Using a cane doesn’t make you weak.”
“They won’t see it that way.”
I sighed because I didn’t want to get into an argument. I didn’t agree with him, but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t about to change his mind tonight.
Honestly, I’d gotten further with him than I thought. Never in a million years did I think Max would’ve let me put the salve on him. He showed me so much trust tonight it made my heart swell.
Leaning in, I captured his lips with mine, giving him a long kiss and wrapping my arms around his neck.
We were at an odd angle, and I didn’t want to make him move any more than he had to—his leg needed rest—so we didn’t kiss for long. But I drank in every second of his mouth on mine, of his flavor on my tongue. Our tongues brushed, making my entire body light up and sizzle with expectation.
But then the kiss slowed into something softer, sweeter, and my heart lit up instead. We kissed and kissed until we were both breathless and had to pull apart to breathe.
I smiled at him, and he grinned back before pecking my lips one last time and pulling me closer until I rested my head on his chest.
His heart beat loudly in my ear, matching my own and making my eyes water with the knowledge that this couldn’t last.
How could I have this amazing man only for him to be taken from me weeks later?
I wanted to keep him. I wanted to beg him to stay in Asteris with me.
I wanted to build on this foundation we were laying.
But that wasn’t fair. This was his life.
Max had built his life on this ship, and even though I knew he hated Viper, he loved the rest of it.
He was born to be in the sky, and I could never ground him.
I kissed his neck and sat up, wiping at my eyes so I didn’t bring the mood down. But when I finally met his gaze, his eyes looked wet too.
It made mine want to water again, but I refused to let this happen every time we were together.
So I sent him a smile, kissed the corner of his mouth, and turned to lean my back against him.
Max wrapped his arms around me, rested his chin on the top of my head, and held me tight as we stared at the stars again.
I scooted a little and bumped into Max’s prosthetic behind us, and for the millionth time since I realized his leg had been amputated, I wondered how it happened.
“How did it happen?” I found myself asking minutes later before I registered what was about to come out of my mouth. I winced. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I—”
“No, it’s fine.” He gave me a tight squeeze and didn’t say anything for a few beats. Then surprised me again by saying, “I… I want to tell you what happened.”