Chapter 22 Kaspar
Kaspar
My heart ached.
And not for the reason I’d thought.
Not because my secret was out.
Not because Viper wanted to plug me in.
Not because some of the crew kept looking at me like I’d personally thrown their friends into the mouth of the sand kraken.
While all of that hurt, while all of that was awful, it was nothing compared to the thought of leaving Max.
I didn’t want to leave him.
Ever.
I didn’t want to disembark in Asteris and never return. I didn’t want to start a life there without my sky pirate. I didn’t want to live without him.
Every time I looked at him, the longing I felt in my heart—hellfire, in my soul—almost overwhelmed me to the point of freezing on the spot.
I wanted to spend the rest of my days here on this ship with the man I was falling for. If I was being honest with myself, I’d fallen for him a long time ago.
“Ghost?”
Willy’s voice caught my attention, and I turned to him. “Yeah?”
“You okay? You’ve been standing still for five minutes.”
I glanced around and realized that there was barely anyone left on deck.
Had I really been daydreaming that long?
“Oh, um, sorry. Lost in thought.” I scanned the railing I’d been cleaning and slid farther down it so I could finish.
As I scrubbed, I reached into my pocket with my free hand to check that the rocks I’d taken from Duskwater Harbor were still there.
I was covered in weapons, as I always was, but knowing I had a way to use my magic if I needed, eased my anxiety a little.
I’d taken to carrying them in my pocket every day.
I moved down to the last section of railing and asked Willy, “You going to dinner?”
“As soon as you’re done, yeah.”
That made me smile, and a little bit of warmth gathered in my heart. If truth be told, I didn’t want to leave Willy, Ariella, or Hawk-Eyes either. Or even Sage and Stitches and many of the other friends I’d made on this ship. I liked it here. I liked being a part of this group.
At least, I liked it when we weren’t ordered to murder people, anyway.
With a sad sort of smile on my face, I finished the rail and turned to my friend. “I’m ready.”
He gave me a nod, and the two of us dropped our cleaning cloths into the bucket, put it away, and headed for the ladder. Just before we went down, Ariella stepped in front of us, cutting us off.
“What are you two doing?”
“Going to dinner.” Willy was all smiles because she was talking to us. That guy had such a huge crush on our friend, and he made it so obvious that I often felt second-hand embarrassment from it.
“Not without me.” She turned a scowl my way. “You know you can’t go anywhere without me or Reap.”
I sighed. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it’d be fine since Willy’s with me.”
“Is Willy going to be able to keep Viper from grabbing you?” She looked at him. “No offence.”
He shrugged but looked offended. I was kind of offended for him too even if what she said was true.
“Can you stop him? Can Reaper? Because I don’t think anyone can—” I lowered my voice to a whisper—“not while he’s captain.”
Ariella glanced around. “Not here.” She sighed.
“Ghost, it’s no secret that I think Reaper should be captain.
Not just me, though, it’s what almost the entire crew wants.
But he won’t listen to me. So you need to convince him.
” If only I could. Then she turned on her heel and headed down the ladder, clearly expecting us to follow her.
Willy stared at the spot she disappeared from, looking pensive.
I asked Willy, “You okay?”
He sighed and tugged on his brown cap. “Yeah. She just… I don’t know if she’ll ever see me as anything but the kid who started working here two years ago.”
I rubbed his upper back. “She does. She sees you as her friend, and that’s a good place to start.”
He let out a loud breath but nodded before waving me forward, and the two of us descended to the lower deck and walked into the galley.
Sage had cooked fish stew. Again. But I couldn’t blame him since pretty much all we had left in our reserves was fish.
We’d been in the desert for longer than anticipated, and I knew none of us wanted to risk taking the ship down to a lower altitude so we could hunt for something else to eat.
Not after the kraken attack. Desert serpents and other monsters were apparently really good jumpers, so it was too big of a risk to hunt.
So no one complained that we were eating the exact same thing for the fifth night in a row. At least we weren’t starving.
Max was nowhere in sight when we fixed our bowls, so I found an empty table to sit at.
Willy, Ariella, Hawk-Eyes, and Stitches joined me, so the table didn’t stay empty for long at all.
I was sure Sage would join us as well once everyone was served.
Too bad Max tended to eat by himself. I would’ve loved to have him join us as himself—not as Reaper.
He would love these guys as much as I did if he let himself get to know them.
None of my friends were treating me differently after finding out I was a fluxweaver, and I didn’t think they’d ever know how much I appreciated it.
Right here, with this crew, with my friends, I felt like I truly fit in for the first time in a long time.
I’d always had friends growing up, and many people in my neighborhood had known about my magic, but it had always been this big scary secret that no one could talk about.
It’d always been something that put not only me but everyone else at risk because if the king’s guard found out they knew and didn’t report it, they’d get thrown in the dungeons.
But everyone on this ship already knew, and even though there was still a danger from Viper—and possibly more punches in my future from Viper’s loyal men—it felt good to have these people truly on my side.
On the one hand, it felt like I’d always been a part of the crew, like I’d been doing this forever. On the other hand, it felt like only a few days ago when I’d struggled to find anyone to sit with, when I’d taken food back to my hammock to eat alone.
And now these people were my friends, my… my family.
I let out a long sigh and decided I needed to stop all this melancholy bullshit. I needed to enjoy the time I had left with them.
So with that in mind, I put a smile on my face and joined in the conversation.
Waiting for everyone else to fall asleep was the worst, but it was something I’d been doing nearly every night since the first time I’d snuck up to the crow’s nest to spend time with Max. Still, it felt like I’d been waiting for hours by the time I heard Greybeard snoring.
That was my cue to go.
So as quietly as I could, I slipped out of my hammock, tiptoed across the floor to the ladder, and climbed it on silent feet. When I reached the main deck and turned toward Max’s cabin, a huge smile grew on my face at the sight before me.
Max was standing in the doorway, arms folded across his broad chest, one shoulder leaning against the doorjamb. He looked foxy as hellfire, and I really, really, really couldn’t wait to get my hands on him.
As I stepped closer, and Max moved over to let me pass through the doorway, I noticed him avoiding putting weight on his leg.
So as soon as he shut the door, I said, “Take your leg off.”
He turned to me with a furrowed brow. “What?”
“Take your leg off. I can tell it’s hurting you, and you don’t have to hide from me.” I met his gaze. “You know you don’t have to hide anything from me, right?” I hid a wince since it hadn’t been very long since I was hiding a big secret from him, but hopefully, he understood what I meant.
He shrugged but gave me a small nod.
So I walked over to his dresser and picked up one of the bottles he had there.
It was shaving cream, so I set it down and picked up a jar, grinning when I found what I was looking for.
I turned back to Max and frowned when I found him in the same spot, his arms crossed again and his leg still on. “What are you doing?”
“What am I doing? What are you doing?” He waved his hand in my direction, then at his dresser.
I cringed a little. “Sorry. I was just looking for this.” I held up the salve that Stitches made for him. “Come on, take off your leg so I can apply this.”
A mix of emotions crossed his face. “You don’t have to do that. I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself.”
After dropping the jar on the nightstand, I crossed back over to him. I grabbed his forearms, went up on my toes, and stretched to kiss his grumpy face. “I know you are, Max, but I want to take care of you. Please let me.”
He searched my eyes for a long moment before letting out the smallest huff and moving over to the bed. He took his leg off and his other sock and shoe mechanically, then looked up at me with the most vulnerable expression I’d ever seen.
I placed my hand on top of his as I sat beside him. “Hey, it’s okay. If this is going to make you uncomfortable, I don’t have to do it, okay?”
“It’s not… it’s just… I’m not used to anyone seeing it, let alone touching it. You saw it before, I know, but this is still… new to me.”
“I know, but it’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re gorgeous, sweetheart. So fucking sexy.” The endearment slipped out, but I didn’t regret it at all. Max was sweet—at least, he was to me.
His lips twitched. “You said fuck.”
“So you know I mean it. You’re fucking sexy.” He opened his mouth in what I was sure to be an argument, so I kept talking. “No, don’t say it. Every part of you is sexy, Max, even your stump.”
I stood up in front of him, put my hands on either side of his hips, and leaned in to capture his mouth in a scorching kiss, trying to show him with my mouth just how sexy I thought he was.
Even just this much touch between us set my body aflame, and all I could think about was seeing and tasting more skin.
We were in a private room with a lock and little chance of discovery, and we needed to take full advantage of it while we could.