36. Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Six
T he sheets next to me are still warm when I wake up, but Sable is gone. I push myself upright, looking around the cabin, but he’s not at his desk either. Panic rises within me, mixing with the sadness his absence brings. Doesn’t he know you don’t leave a woman alone after bedding her?
Ignorant, uncivilized, Pi—
The door bursts open as Sable strides in, a bucket in one hand, a cloth in the other. He curses something under his breath before his eyes lock on me.
“Ah. You’re up,” he says as he walks towards the bed, puts the bucket down, and pulls the sheets from my naked body, as if it's the most normal thing in the world.
My gasping makes him stop dead.
“You want to be modest now?” he asks, raising one brow. “Darling, I was between your thighs last night. I want to clean you up.”
Heat rushes into my cheeks. “You don’t have to—“
“It’s the least I can do,” he interrupts. “Please. Let me.”
Pressing my lips together, I give him a short nod. Sable removes the blanket from my body completely, then dips his hand into the bucket and begins to clean me. With his eyebrows drawn tight, he focuses on his task, as if it’s the most important thing for him to do.
When he finishes, he smiles and pulls the blanket over my exposed body again.
“Thank you,” I murmur, and give his hand a gentle squeeze.
He winks, but the smile on his face doesn’t reach his eyes. “It‘s naught.”
“I should probably get up. Have you told the crew that I will sing their shadows back?”
“Aye,” he nods and gets up, then crosses the room to dig through his chest of treasures. I watch in surprise as he pulls another dress from it, one I haven’t seen in there before.
“Please,” he walks back towards me, then lays it on the bed in front of me. “Wear it today. I want to see you in it, just once.”
The dress isn’t emerald or blue. It’s in the lightest shade of pink that I have ever seen, so light that it matches my iridescent scales.
“Where did you get this from?”
“My chest.”
I roll my eyes. “You know what I mean. Where did you get it from?”
He straightens and runs his fingers through his hair. “I got it from the markets back home.”
I raise one brow and let my fingers gently run over the sheer sleeves, the bodice, the lace details there. It is the most beautiful dress I have ever seen, even beating the emerald-colored gown.
A smile tugs at my lips. “You got it? Meaning, you bought it?”
“No. I stole it.” He clarifies and nods his head towards the dress. “Put it on.”
A smile tugs at my lips at his confession. He stole it for me.
“You stole it with the intention of gifting it to me?”
I press my lips into a thin line before taking the dress and pressing it against my chest, a treasure of my own to keep.
“I love it,” I breathe. “Thank you.”
Sable returns a curt nod, as if he were shy about it, making me smile even wider. He stares at me in anticipation now, with his jaw locked tight.
“I won't put it on now.” I decide. “Because this isn’t goodbye. You will see me wearing it when all of this is over.”
He opens his mouth to protest. “But I—“
My lips press against his in a gentle kiss, making him forget his words, and making me forget the world around us, even if it is just for a brief moment. Heat flushes into my cheeks in surprise at my own bravery. I’m kissing him.
When I tear away from him, Sable looks at me with widened eyes. Both of us are out of breath and at a loss for words. His short beard feels rough on my skin as I place my hand on his cheek.
“You are going to see me in this,” I whisper. “Afterwards.”
The line of his mouth tightens a fraction more.
“Okay. Afterwards.”
I put on my emerald gown in silence, all while he is busying himself with fastening the straps of his coat, though I can see the tension in his shoulders in the small mirror by the wall.
When I finish, Sable’s eyes find mine, and I give him a slow nod before he takes my hand in his.
I am ready.
Or at least, as ready as I can be.
“You know that you don’t have to do this, right?” He squeezes my hand once, then presses a kiss against the back of my hand. “I would never put this burden on your shoulders.”
“I know,” I swallow. “But I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t. Not just because of you. But because of me.”
Sable frowns, and his gaze sweeps over my legs. He knows.
“Ever since your sister told me that the Glim could be leading us towards your fate or mine, I have come to think our fates are intertwined. Maybe it leads us to both of our ends, or both of our beginnings.”
A faint light twinkles in the depths of his dark eyes. He sees it too. Our future. Hope.
“So yes,” I say with a soft voice, “I want to do this.”
The air in the cave is cold and damp as we step onto the deck, laced with salt and something that I can’t quite name. It tastes like iron on my tongue, the same taste that came with the drowning of Rat.
Death.
Swallowed by distance, I can no longer make out the walls of the cave. Around the Noctis, the water lies black and still.
The crew is already assembled, waiting for us.
Not lined up, not neat, but gathered in a loose half circle near the mainmast. The same way they stood for my Tribunal.
Lanterns swing gently above us, but the light doesn’t go far.
What’s not swallowed by the dark planks is swallowed by the shadows that surround us, each belonging to one of the men.
Dozens of them, way more than I have ever seen at one time.
Even with their faces turned downward, I can see how hollow they look. When I glance back at Sable, I am struck by how hollow he looks too. How his skin stretches over his cheekbones, how deep and dark his eye sockets look.
Only when we reach the center of the deck does Sable let go of my hand.
“Crew of the Noctis”, he begins, his gaze sweeping over his men.
“In the past few weeks, we have followed the Glim, not knowing if it will be the cure to our curse, or if it will lead us to our doom. I don’t take any of your trust for granted.”
When he tenses, I give him an encouraging nod.
“Today, Risa will sing your shadows back. We will do it quickly,” he continues, voice low and controlled. “We will do it in order. You follow orders and keep your heads.”
A few men bob their heads in agreement, some swallow loud enough for me to hear.
Sable turns to me, and for a moment, the mask of the captain slips, leaving only the man who so carefully cleaned me moments ago. The man whose bed I shared last night.
“You will not endanger her,” he commands, all while keeping his gaze on me. “If your shadow is too far gone and will not return, make space for the next man.”
He turns again, facing his men.
“You’ll feel their pain,” he says. “The shadows don’t want to return. They’ll push. They’ll pull. They’ll make you consider letting it slip away, presenting it as the easier choice.”
My mouth goes dry, my heartbeat too fast. They all stare at me now, their expressions shifting between unease and hope.
One of them presses his lips into a thin line, another’s brows draw together, while a few others watch me with quiet intensity, as if trying to measure whether I can truly do this.
“Let her voice command them,” he finally says. “Let her bring them home.”
Command.
My stomach twists at his words. I have spent so long with my voice buried by instinct and shame and the ache of what I’m missing, that I forget it was ever meant to be a weapon. But this is my chance to use it as something different. To use it to heal rather than harm.
One of the men steps forward.
“What if she fails?”
“She already saved one of us,” Sable replies and straightens his back. “You will not disrespect her by doubting her. And if you do, you’d better get the fuck out of the line.”
Murmurs erupt throughout the crew, some voices doubting, others reassuring.
They are scared.
They should be.
“Aye,” Nightglass’ voice carries above the others. When our eyes meet, he gives me an encouraging nod. “She saved my son. She will save me.”
Sable steps towards me, close enough that I can smell myself on him, salt and smoke combined.
“You can stop this at any time,” he whispers. “This is your decision. But if you fail to make it in time, I will make it for you.”
He pauses and draws in a slow breath before something flickers behind his eyes.
“You will not die today.”
My throat dries up at his words, making the words I want to say stick there.
Sable lifts his chin, returning to the captain's voice.
“We go in order,” he says, clear enough that the men at the far edge can hear. “We start with the youngest. One by one. You hold still, you don’t flinch.”
“Match.” His gaze pins the wiry pirate, apparently the second youngest after Lark. “You go first.”
The lad stiffens, then steps forward, his hands curling into fists at his sides. His shadow surges, stretches too long across the boards, reaching toward me like the living thing it is. I don’t step back. Instead, I widen my stance and plant my feet firmly into the ground.
Sable shifts closer behind me, not touching me but near enough that I can feel him at my back. His steady presence is a warning to whoever watches from the dark.
Heat crawls up my spine when Grim appears in the line, somewhere near the end. I have to make it.
One by one. Not just for them, but for myself. I may not have a tail, but I will bring their shadows back with my voice, even if it's the last thing I do.
I drag in a slow breath and let the anger guide me. An emotion so dense I feel it in my core, fueling what’s behind my sternum, coiling with fear and grief.
It feels different now. Before, the power had always come like instinct. Like a reflex I didn’t trust, that only surfaced when the circumstances demanded it. There was no control when I made Rat climb over the rail.
Only destruction.
Now it answers me. It has weight.
It’s the direct result of immersion and surrender, of me letting the saltwater press into my skin until there was no clean edge between where I ended and it began.
My voice feels like an instrument that once was unfamiliar, one I haven’t dared to use because every time I do, I am reminded of my limits, of what I am. Or rather, what I am not.
I close my eyes for a heartbeat and reach for it.
And it rises to meet me.