Epilogue 1 - Bailey
The first time I played the Canada Day festival in Hawthorne Ridge, I was fifteen years old.
The stage wasn't really a stage. It was a flatbed trailer that Thomas had borrowed, parked at the end of Main Street with borrowed speakers and a microphone that had seen better days.
I was terrified.
Sadie stood in what she called the front row, wearing a ridiculous red-and-white cowboy hat she'd found at the dollar store.
Every time I looked at her, she would grin and give me a thumbs-up.
I made it through one song before I forgot the words and wanted to burst into tears, but then Luke joined in and everything that had felt terrifying suddenly felt right.
The memory still makes me smile.
Today, the crowd stretches as far as I can see. Main Street is closed to traffic. Restaurants and cafés have spilled into the street. Red-and-white decorations hang from every building. Kids run past carrying cotton candy and glow sticks while live music drifts through the hot summer air.
The entire town feels alive.
Home.
The word settles heavily in my chest. Not because it hurts. Because it doesn't anymore. Luke's arms slide around my waist from behind.
"You getting sentimental on me, Sunshine?"
I lean back against him. "A little."
His chin settles on top of my head. "Thinking about Sadie?"
Always. I nod because that is easier than saying it outloud. The answer lives inside me now. Not sharp anymore, but always present. Because she will always be with me.
I look across the crowd. At the families, children, and couples dancing. The life happening all around us. A year ago I wasn't sure I would ever feel joy again, I wasn't sure I knew who I was without my sister. A year ago I wasn't sure Luke and I would survive.
Now I'm standing in the middle of the life we always talked about building.
The life she wanted for us.
The orchard is thriving.
The event barn is booking weddings faster than we expected.
A few months ago we finally finished restoring one of the smaller barns and fenced in the surrounding pasture.
Last month we brought home our first goats.
Iris is obsessed with them. Every time I hear her squeal when one of them comes up to the fence to greet us I hear Sadie at the farm in Vancouver, so excited.
Every time I drive past them I can hear her voice in my head, talking about chickens, pigs and enough animals to drive the rest of us crazy. The plan is still to expand, just like she wanted.
Just like we promised.
The stage manager waves us forward.
"Five minutes."
This is probably the largest musical production that Hawthorne Ridge has ever seen. We didn’t announce it, we plan on slipping on to that stage in between what has been advertised and giving the people who we grew up with a great show.
Luke squeezes my hand. "You ready?"
I look up at him. There was a time I thought I had lost him. A time I thought success had stolen the boy who used to write songs with me in the bed of his truck.
But we found our way back to each other and I am grateful every single day.
"Yeah," I say softly. "I am."
The crowd erupts when we walk on stage. It isn't thousands of people, or a packed stadium. It is families we grew up with, who are here to celebrate with neighbours. Because this is their festival, their town, and I am so proud to be one of them.
Luke reaches for my hand before the first song starts. A simple gesture, one nobody else probably notices.
But I do.
The set flies by and the crowd loses it when Rhett and Jackson join us on stage. By the final song the sun has just started to disappear behind the mountains.
People sing every word. I look out at the sea of familiar faces and suddenly realize this is it. My final contractually obligated performance, no more labels, or executives deciding who I should be. No more fighting to protect pieces of myself.
I'm free.
The realization steals my breath. Luke notices immediately, and he steps in closer to me instinctively. The crowd begins chanting for one more song.
"One more!" someone yells, and I realize it’s my music teacher from the eight grade.
The chant spreads instantly. I look toward the sky. Toward her, then toward the people who love me most in the world.
"One more," I agree.
The crowd loses their minds. Luke starts playing, and for a moment I swear I can almost see Sadie standing at the front of the crowd wearing that ridiculous cowboy hat. Grinning, giving me a thumbs-up. Telling me I can do this. Just like she always did.
The celebration continues long after we leave the stage. Music, laughter and people everywhere. This is probably the only place in the world where I don't feel like I need to either hide who I am or fake who I am.
Thomas, Noah and Rose have a booth near Adams pub with the newest varieties of ciders. Noah is wearing Iris and keeps swatting anyone who tries to take her from him, saying she has earned him at least five numbers since he slipped on her baby carrier.
Thomas hands me a glass of Saskatoon berry cider he has been working on telling me to make sure the label is always out, because he has been chatting with Brandy, my former social media manager, about branding and now thinks he is an expert.
I turn from the booth and nearly walk straight into Jackson Reed.
"Absolutely not."
Jackson laughs, "I haven't said anything yet."
"You were about to." I retorted.
"I was." he says with a grin.
I know what he wants, he’s been skirting around it for the past few months.
"Still no."
Rhett starts laughing before Jackson can answer.
"I think she'd be great." Jackson says.
"I know she'd be great." Rhett answers.
"I don't want a label." I replied.
"You could be the label." Jackson counters.
I stare at him, and the stubborn man stares back.
“We could be the label.” He adds with a wink, and Luke chuckles beside me.
"Jackson."
"What?"
Is he laughing at me?
"You live in Nashville." I offer as an explanation as to why I do not want to have my own label.
"I own airplanes." He rebuts.
I burst out laughing. "Oh my god, you are ridiculous."
"I've been told that, but Bailey…” Then he suddenly stops, mid-sentence. His attention shifts over my shoulder, so I follow his gaze and I see Clara locking up the café. Jackson forgets we're having a conversation. Completely. A slow smile spreads across his face.
Rhett snorts beside me. "I tried telling him."
I blink confused, Clara is married and how would Jackson even know her… But then I think of all the times he showed up with bags of baked goods.
“Ugh, Jackson… I don’t think..”
But he is already moving, heading across the street, towards Clara. I have never seen that look on his face, I've never known Jackson to show interest in anyone. Rhett laughs again and I turn away hoping that story doesn’t end in heartbreak.
"Bailey."
I turn to find Cole standing beside me, with Iris asleep against his shoulder. The sight squeezes my heart every single time. She is getting so big and reminds me more and more of her mother every single day.
"Adam invited everyone to the pub," he says.
I reach out and brush a curl away from Iris's face, looking up at Cole’s sad face.
"Stay." I say.
He immediately shakes his head. "I should get her home."
"Cole." I try.
"Bailey." he retorts.
I laugh. "Go have a drink, maybe a little fun."
"No." he says, and I swear I see the fear in his eyes.
I step closer and lower my voice. "Sadie would be furious." His fake smile falters, but I push on. "She'd tell you to stop hiding. She would tell you to live your life."
He closes his eyes like that truth is too painful to hear, but then he whispers, “I know.”
For a moment neither of us speaks. Because we both miss her, every day. Some days more than others. Then I reach out and pull Iris into my arms, his eyes opening wide when I do.
"I've got her."
Cole looks at me, then at Iris, then toward the pub, and laughter and people.
“I don’t know if I can.” he whispers.
“You can,” I reassure him and then kiss Iris on the top of her head as she instinctively snuggles in closer to me.
"Bailey?" his voice cracks.
"Go." I say, knowing he needs this push.
He nods slowly, steps closer, kissing the top of my head and then Iris’s and then without another word walks away.
Luke walks me to our truck, and after I get Iris safely into her car seat, he pulls me into a kiss that steals the breath from my lungs. When he finally pulls back, his forehead rests against mine.
"I think we should give her a cousin."
I laugh so hard I nearly wake Iris. "Luke."
"What?"
"We are not having this conversation in a parking lot." I say.
"Why not?"
"Because…" But I stop, because I can't come up with an answer.
His grin only grows. "You love me."
I roll my eyes and climb into the truck before he can continue. The drive home is quiet. Luke drives with one hand on the wheel and the other resting on my thigh. Iris sleeps in the backseat.
The last year flashes through my mind in pieces. The grief, anger, pain, but then the healing, self discovery and so much love. Learning how to breathe again, how to live again. Finding our way back to each other.
Some days it still hurts. I don't think that part will ever completely disappear. But grief isn't the only thing I carry anymore. Love lives beside it now. With hope, joy, family and…
Luke squeezes my thigh gently.
"What are you thinking about?"
I look out the window, at the familiar roads, at the mountains in the distance. At the place I spent years fighting my way back to.
“That you are right, Iris does need some cousins."
His smile softens, and his voice cracks, "Yeah?"
I look over at him, at my husband, my best friend, then I glance in the rearview mirror at Iris sleeping peacefully in her car seat.
My chest aches with a happiness I once thought I'd lost forever.
"Yeah," I whisper.