Chapter Five
N ick tried to go about the rest of the evening as if his heart hadn’t stopped when Em made her big announcement. Once he’d recovered enough to breathe naturally, he’d pressed his lips into a smile and gone on as if everything was okay. When Em—who nearly always partnered with him for games like bid whist and Pictionary—said Kass had called dibs on being her partner for the night, Nick tried to quell the panic growing inside him.
“You good?” Dexter asked when he sank onto the seat beside him.
“Yeah, I’m good.” Nick smoothed down the front of his sweater. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You’ve been a little off since my sister made her big announcement.” Dex looked at him as if the answer should be evident. “You two are best friends, but you clearly didn’t see this coming. Did something happen between you two?”
“Em’s a grown woman. She doesn’t run everything past me.” Nick tried not to sound as irritated by the question as he was.
Dexter narrowed his gaze, a sign that he wasn’t oblivious to the fact that Nick had dodged answering his direct question.
“Well, now that she’s put it out there, what do you think of this idea? Because I feel like she’s putting too much pressure on herself. I don’t want Em to get hurt.”
“I couldn’t agree more.” Nick lowered his voice as he glanced around the room. “As her older brother, you should be the one to tell her that.”
“As her older brother, she’ll think I’m trying to run her life and tell her what to do,” Dex noted. “Seems like a conversation her best friend should have with her. Unless there’s some reason you can’t talk to Em about this.”
Nick pinched the bridge of his nose and inhaled deeply. “Em and I are good. I’ll talk to her.”
“Thanks. Keep me posted.” Dex seemed relieved. “Oh, and by the way, great job on the marketing support you’ve been giving the New York office while they’re searching for a replacement VP. Our CEO loved the marketing campaign you proposed for the property in Virginia. You still interested in moving up in the organization, even if it means relocation?”
Nick glanced over at Em who was animated and practically glowing as she talked to Mama Mae about her Soulmate Project. He sighed quietly, then forced a smile. “Yes, sir.”
“Good. Because Jeff asked if you were open to relocation. I’d hate to lose you, but I understand.” Dexter offered a pained smile. “I’ll email Jeff first thing in the morning and let him know. He’s pulling together a team to discuss the plan further. Looks like you’ll be making a trip to New York soon.” Dexter clapped a hand on Nick’s shoulder. Then he joined his wife on the other side of the room.
Nick rubbed the back of his neck and heaved a sigh. Two days ago, he would’ve been thrilled about the news that he’d impressed the CEO of their resort management company. And he’d have been especially excited about the possibility of moving to New York, where he could pick up gigs as a session drummer—something he’d done when he’d lived in LA. He’d hoped to talk Em into moving to New York with him. But given what had happened over the past twenty-four hours, that was no longer a possibility.
Moving to New York with his best friend would’ve been an adventure. But after Em had admitted that she had feelings for him and he hadn’t reciprocated… asking her to be his platonic roommate in a city where she didn’t know anyone would make him a selfish asshole of epic proportions.
But he was jumping the gun. The CEO asking if he’d relocate was very different from actually being offered a job. Right now, he had much bigger concerns. Because he could just imagine how this conversation with Em was going to go.
Even if Dex hadn’t asked him to speak to Em, Nick would’ve. They’d always been straight with each other, and they never avoided calling each other out on something if they believed the other person was making a mistake. Having tough, honest conversations was what friends did.
Why should this be any different?
Nick went to the dessert buffet for coffee and a piece of red velvet cake. Kassie was there picking up a piece, too. He tried not to be insulted that Em had consulted her about this Soulmate Project but hadn’t mentioned it to him at all.
He and Emerie had always been open about everything going on in their lives—including their love lives. The gory details? No. But the basics? Yes . So despite their insistence that everything was fine between them, Em was definitely acting brand-new.
“Hey, Kass… this plan of Em’s. What do you think about it?” Nick tried to sound casual as he filled a mug with decaf coffee.
“I was a little concerned at first,” Kassie admitted. “It seemed like a knee-jerk reaction to… you know .”
“But now you don’t think it is?” Nick added cream and sugar to his coffee.
“Her argument was convincing.” Kassie cut the moist cake with her fork and popped a bite into her mouth.
“Which was?”
“That’s a conversation you need to have with Em.” Kassie sighed quietly. “You two have been friends forever. You’re not into her. Okay, fine. But you can’t fault her for wanting what she wants. I mean, c’mon, Nick, you had to have seen this day coming. You couldn’t have possibly believed she’d be content to be your sidekick forever.”
Nick was momentarily stunned by Kassie’s direct words. It was the lengthiest conversation the two of them had ever had. Kassie was normally shy and all smiles. But today, she was pointed and unapologetic. She cared about Em as much as he did, and she was staking her ground and trying to protect her friend. He admired that.
Besides, Kassie wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t that he’d never considered that Em would one day get seriously involved with someone. It was just that he’d tried not to think about it. And since they both had a shitty track record with relationships, he’d only had to tolerate whomever she might’ve been dating for a few months, tops.
“You should talk to Em, Nick.” Kassie’s tone was compassionate. But then she gave him a stern face and pointed a finger at him. “Just remember, you can’t straddle the line on this. If you really care about her, and you’re not ‘the one,’ don’t get in the way of her finding the man who is. That is what she wants, and she deserves to be happy. You don’t get to have your cake and eat it, too, Nick. You need to choose.”
Kassie walked away before he could respond. It was just as well. There wasn’t much he could say, because she was right. Still, he couldn’t let this go without talking to Em about it himself. He’d promised her brother he would. And it was what a true friend would do.
Nick stayed at the party until Em declared that she was leaving. He offered to walk her to her car. Em hesitated before saying, “Sure.” It was unlike her. They’d always treasured the time they got to spend together—even the tiniest moments, like a seemingly inconsequential walk to the car.
They walked together in silence with their take-home bags as they left Rett and Sin’s cottage. Since she didn’t bring it up, he said, “So about this Soulmate Project… when exactly did you put this plan together? Before or after you admitted to having feelings for me?”
He hadn’t intended to come off sounding like a jilted lover. His mouth had gone rogue.
“ After .” Em stopped and turned toward him, her arms folded as she stared up at him defiantly. “In the wee hours of the morning when I couldn’t sleep, if you must know.”
Had she been unable to sleep because of his rejection? Because he hadn’t been able to sleep because of the guilt he harbored for hurting her.
“And you don’t think this plan is directly related to the fact that things didn’t go as you’d hoped last night?”
Em chuckled bitterly. She turned and walked toward her car again.
“I can appreciate why you’d think that. But let me clear things up for you, Nick. This isn’t some elaborate plan designed to make you jealous in the hopes that you’ll change your mind. You said you don’t have feelings for me, and I accept that.”
Nick frowned, biting back the truth. That he was attracted to Em. He could feel the heat emanating from her soft skin on this chilly night. Was intoxicated by the scent of the perfume she was wearing. The scent of citrus and flora made him think of the incredible vacation they’d taken together in Tulum. And how he hadn’t wanted their time there to end. But they were best friends. Adding love and sex to the mix would jeopardize their friendship.
“Surely, you must see why the timing seems… curious .” Nick fell in step beside her.
“‘Don’t call me Shirley.’” There was a glimmer of amusement in Em’s eyes as she employed the quote from Airplane! —a 1980 screwball comedy that parodied disaster films. He’d introduced her to the film because it was a favorite of his dad’s.
Normally, the quote would send them both into a fit of laughter. But this was no laughing matter—at least not to him.
“Last night, you declared your interest in starting a relationship with me .” Nick slapped a hand to his chest while trying to keep his voice even and appeal to Em’s sense of logic. “Now, less than twenty-four hours later, you’ve devised a plan to find the love of your life.”
Em unlocked her car, put her things in the backseat, then shut the door before turning to him again. “Here’s the thing, Nick. I do have feelings for you. And for a long time, I believed that you were my soulmate. That you would be my happily ever after. That someday, we’d have kids, and a house, and two dogs. Because I dream of that life, and I want it with you. But now I know I was mistaken—maybe even delusional—for fantasizing about having a happily ever after with you. It doesn’t mean I don’t still want those things. It simply means I can’t have them with you. So I need to find out who I’m meant to have that life with.”
Nick’s heart squeezed in his chest, and his lungs constricted. The thought of Em starting a life with someone else caused him physical duress. But he couldn’t fault her for wanting what she wanted. He just wasn’t capable of giving her that life.
“I realize this is new territory for us and that it’s uncomfortable. But this is important to me, Nick. I know we haven’t really ever talked about it, but I want a fairy-tale romance. To be with someone who loves and adores me the way Dex loves Dakota. And I want kids of my own someday, but it feels like my window is closing.”
“I’m not saying you shouldn’t want those things,” Nick said. “I’m just suggesting that maybe you shouldn’t force them.”
“I won’t wait around anymore hoping that Prince Charming will come along one day and sweep me off of my feet. I can’t afford to lose more time. Besides, I’ve always gone after what I’ve wanted. So as scary as it may be, I need to do that right now. And I need you to support me in this, just like I have always supported you.”
Em’s words were like a punch to the gut. She had been there through thick and thin, anytime he needed her advice or support. They’d been there for each other in more ways than he could count, but…
“You have always been the person who talks me down off a cliff. You gas me up when I need a boost of confidence. Maybe I was being a little petty by not telling you about my plan ahead of time. But I knew you’d react like this.”
“I care about you, and I just want what’s best for you.”
“Then be the friend I need right now and trust that I know what’s best for me.” Em poked a finger to his chest. “I’m going to do this, Nick. And it’s exciting, but it’s also terrifying. Kassie is great, and I’m glad to have her in my corner. But you’re my best friend. We’ve always been there for each other. Always. Is your support on this really too much to ask?” Her voice broke, and her dark eyes were suddenly filled with tears.
Shit.
Nick had convinced himself that he wanted to put a halt to Em’s little project because, like her brother, he wanted to keep her from getting hurt. He wanted to spare her any additional rejection and keep her safe in the bubble of their friends and family. But he was being selfish. Trying to maintain the status quo because it was more comfortable than the unknown of introducing a new person to their world who might not understand or accept their friendship.
Nick rubbed his bearded chin and sighed, Kassie’s words echoing in his head.
You can’t have your cake and eat it, too. You need to choose.
“You’re right, Em. I was wrong to doubt your motivation and your judgment. If this is what you want, then I’m on board, too. All right?”
Em dived into him and wrapped her arms around him.
Nick squeezed his eyes shut and sighed as he hugged her back. He rested his cheek atop her head, loving the warmth and feel of her body pressed to his.
All of the tricks he’d relied on these past few years to ignore his attraction to his best friend no longer seemed to work. A part of him wished they could stay like this forever. He immediately thought of that last night they were together in Tulum. The night he’d almost kissed her. He hadn’t done it because he’d realized the inherent risk of disrupting the dynamics of their friendship. It was a risk that he hadn’t been willing to take. He’d made the same choice again last night. So now, he needed to be her friend and support Em the same way she’d always supported him.
“Thanks, Nick.” Em finally pulled out of his embrace, creating a vacuum where her warmth and comforting scent had once been. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”
“But I do know how much you mean to me.” Nick shoved a hand into his pocket. “So whatever you need, just ask.”
“Actually, I was thinking—” Em sighed quietly when Nick’s phone buzzed in his coat pocket. “Never mind. You should get that, Romeo.”
“Whoever it is, I’ll call them back later,” he said.
“It’s not important. Nothing worth keeping your adoring fans waiting. Answer the call. We can talk later.” Em pressed a soft kiss to his cheek—something he couldn’t recall her doing before. Then she wished him good night, got into her car, and drove off.
Nick stood frozen in place as he watched Em drive away, not bothering to check his phone. He reminded himself that supporting his best friend’s quest for love was the right thing to do. So why was the little voice in the back of his head wondering if he was making the biggest mistake of his life?