Chapter Nine
H ey, Nick, what’s going on with you?” Quinton Carson—the pianist of their band, the Holly Grove Island Players—asked after they’d finished rehearsing. “You’ve been off all night. We’re performing at this wedding in three days.”
“Sorry.” Nick huffed, annoyed with himself. He’d never been this distracted during a performance or practice.
The band was more of a hobby than a career for the five band members, but still, they’d always taken their obligation to it and each other seriously.
When Nick looked up, all four of his fellow band members were staring at him with concern. In addition to Nick and Quinton, the group consisted of their bassist, Jay Montgomery, Rich Vargas on tenor sax, and Em’s brother Dexter on alto sax.
Jay and Rich looked just as confused by the fact that he’d been unable to focus all night. But Dexter’s frown held more pity than irritation.
“Give him a break, fellas.” Dex removed the black and gold saxophone strapped around his neck and placed it into its case. “Nick’s got a lot going on with this big project he’s taken on at work. You know he’ll come through on Saturday night. He always does. You just worry about keeping pace with the rest of us on that last piece, Q. Feels like you’re a step behind.”
“I’ll keep working on it,” Quinton groused, closing the piano lid.
Nick gave Dex a subtle nod of thanks for covering for him as he collected his things.
Jay and Rich took Quinton up on his invitation to stay for beers, but Dexter was eager to get back home to spend some time with Dakota and Olivia.
Nick wished Dex a good night as they walked out to their cars, parked in Quinton’s circular drive. But Dex halted Nick with a hand on his shoulder.
“I know I told the guys they shouldn’t worry, but is everything all right?”
“It’s like you said… this project I’m doing for the New York office, in addition to my own job, is an adjustment, but nothing I can’t handle,” Nick assured his friend who was also his boss.
“And this has nothing to do with this soulmate search of Em’s?”
Nick’s spine stiffened at the mention of his best friend’s quest for the perfect man.
“If that’s what Em wants, it’s what I want for her, too.” Nick tried to force a smile, but it felt more like a scowl. “I’m just not used to her shutting me out like this.”
“My tomboy little sis is in her soft life girlie era, and I love that for her,” Dex said. “Besides, Dakota, Sin, Kassie, and Izzy are a better source of advice about navigating the dating world from her perspective.”
“I know.” Nick frowned. “But I can give her the inside scoop on what a guy is thinking and what his cryptic messages actually mean. I might not be enthusiastic about this project, but I want to help.”
“Then you should remind her that you want her to be happy… even though that means she’ll end up with someone else.”
Nick didn’t need to turn his head. He could feel the heat of Dex’s stare.
“So you know that…”
“She admitted that she’s into you, and you turned her down? Yeah. It’s a small town, man.” Dex shrugged. “So I have to ask… are you sure that what you’re feeling isn’t regret or jealousy now that you aren’t the center of her world?”
How in the hell was he supposed to answer that question?
He hadn’t even been completely honest with himself about his feelings for Emerie.
“I regret hurting Em,” Nick said carefully. “And maybe I am a little worried that if she finds this perfect guy she’s looking for…” Nick’s voice faltered, and his throat tightened.
“That she won’t have room in her life for you anymore?” Dex sighed quietly when Nick didn’t respond. “You two have been best friends forever. I can only imagine how you must be feeling. But you had to know that at some point Em was gonna fall for someone . And if you don’t feel that way about her—”
“I know.” The reality of Dexter’s words felt like a weight on Nick’s chest.
“You might have chosen to spend the rest of your life as Peter Pan. But just remember… eventually, Wendy decides that she’d rather grow up. The question is… are you going to step up as her best friend and support her efforts, despite your hurt feelings, or is this friendship only about what’s in it for you?”
Nick’s attention snapped to his friend. His gut knotted. “Shit. I sound like that selfish, asshole friend who needs to be the center of attention all the time.”
“I didn’t say that.” Dexter held up his open palms. “You’ve been a great friend to Em. I’ve rested easier many nights because I knew that if my brothers and I couldn’t be there, you’d have Em’s back. Even my dad, who hated the idea of you being his baby girl’s best friend, has come to like and trust you. All I’m asking is that you continue to be the man we all believe you to be. That means either you want to be the only man in Em’s life or you’re willing to set your ego aside and be the friend she needs as she searches for the man who wants to be.”
“I get it, boss.” Nick drew in a deep breath, not committing to which option he would take. “I won’t let Em down.”
“Didn’t expect you would.” Dex clapped a hand on Nick’s shoulder. “Now I’m going home to the two women who mean the world to me—my wife and daughter. Good night.”
As Nick watched Dexter drive off, his friend’s words echoed in his head.
He’d chosen to prioritize his friendship with Em by not getting involved romantically. And though he’d agreed to help Emerie find her soulmate, his commitment to the project had been half-hearted at best. Em had always been there for him, and he’d do anything for her. So he needed to prove it by being the friend she deserved. Even if helping Em find the man who would steal her heart would break his.
Nick pulled out his phone and dialed Em, asking if he could drop by for a few minutes. Hearing her voice always made him smile.
As he drove toward Em’s condo, his heart thumped, and his pulse raced. He told himself it was because he was eager to spend some time with his best friend. But a little voice at the back of his head called him out as a liar who was afraid to face the truth: that he wanted more than just friendship with Em.
It didn’t seem wise to admit his feelings to Emerie. But at the very least, he should be honest with himself. He needed to remind himself of why he’d chosen not to pursue a relationship with Em. Of why he was sacrificing the chance to be the man who got to lay beside her each night. He was protecting her heart and their friendship—at all costs. Two things he could not afford to fuck up, as he had before. Otherwise, he’d spend the next few months in absolute misery.
Em opened the door just enough to peek her head out. Her half smile lit something in Nick’s chest. He was immediately struck by how pretty Em was. Not that he hadn’t known and appreciated that all along. But lately, he couldn’t relegate that knowledge to the back of his brain as a basic, known fact—like gravity or the capitals of each state. No, it was determined to sit front and center and disrupt his thoughts.
“You look nice.” Em scanned his tan wool coat, beige sweater, black jeans, and black leather boots. A black, wool scarf was draped around his neck because it was particularly chilly. “I thought tonight was just band practice. Why do you look like you’re going on a date?”
“I can’t look nice just because?” He shrugged.
“You can, and you do.” Em’s grin widened. “It’s just so unfair that you can look this good effortlessly. Meanwhile, now that I’m trying to put some actual effort into my look, it takes me forever to get ready whenever I leave the house. I’m exhausted before I make it to the car.”
“Well, you’ve knocked it out of the park with your new look. Besides, if it makes you feel good and gets you closer to your goal, I’d certainly say you’re worth the extra time and effort.” Nick couldn’t help smiling.
“You’re right. I am worth it. I’ll remind myself of that the next time I’m struggling to recall the order of application for the ten products required for my ‘no-makeup look.’” She used air quotes, then laughed. The sound warmed his chest. “Thanks, Nick. You always know what to say. But I didn’t expect to hear from you tonight. I’ve already gone into full pajama mode. C’mon in.”
Em opened the door and stepped aside to let him in.
“I didn’t expect to call, but…” Nick froze as he slowly scanned the length of Em’s body. She wore a fitted, long-sleeve, V-neck, pink Henley shirt and boy shorts. Her pajamas were more body-conscious than anything Nick had seen her in before. The deep V-neck revealed the dark brown skin of her chest, and the short shorts exposed a lot more thigh than he was accustomed to seeing except for when they were on the beach. The sleep set was playful and sexy, highlighting all the things he loved about Em’s body. She wore a long, cable-knit sweater over it with matching thigh-high socks.
Fuck.
Em looked incredibly sexy in that little getup. It was stretching his determination to see her as just a friend to its absolute limit.
Nick realized he was standing there with his mouth hanging open. He swallowed hard, thankful his coat was shielding his body’s reaction to her. “Uh… that’s… new.”
Nick had seen his best friend’s entire collection of sleepwear: T-shirts and baggy shorts too battered to wear in public. But he’d never seen her in anything that highlighted her numerous assets the way this outfit did.
“Yeah, Sin was brutal. She made me ditch the old stuff and buy actual pajamas and loungewear. She said I should buy something that makes me feel sexy and that I’d actually want someone else to see me in. I resisted at first, but this set is like one of my favorite things I’ve purchased for this new makeover. It’s warm, cozy, and super comfortable.” Em placed a hand on her belly, glancing down at her legs. “I didn’t know how I’d feel about these shorts being so short, but these thigh-high, cable-knit socks are everything .”
“I definitely agree with that.” Nick loosened the scarf around his neck because Em had the place toasty on a chilly winter night. Though that wouldn’t account for the racing of his pulse. He cleared his throat. “I mean, I’m glad you’re investing in yourself. You look good… and happy,” he added. “What are you up to tonight?”
“I was watching TV.” Em gestured toward the sofa. “You want anything? Hot chocolate? A soda? Maybe a beer? I think I have a few bottles of that import you like in the back of the fridge. And my mom made ham. You can make a ham sandwich, if you’re hungry.”
Em was rambling—something she did when she was nervous. They were just hanging out at her place, as they had a hundred times before. So why did tonight feel… different ?
“Quinton’s wife made tacos. I’m good. Thanks.” Nick slapped a hand to his stomach, and Em’s gaze dropped there. She nibbled on her lower lip before shifting her gaze back to his.
“You said you needed to talk to me about something?” Em sank on the opposite end of the sofa and turned toward him, as if she needed the space. She sat cross-legged and hugged one of the oversize pillows to her chest. It was her preferred way to sit on the couch. But today, he couldn’t help noticing the gleaming brown skin on her toned thighs. “Is this about your project for the New York office?”
“No. It’s not about work.” Nick tried to pull it together and focus on why he’d come here. “It’s about this dating quest you’re on.”
“We’ve talked about this already, Nick.” Em huffed. “I said I’d be cautious.”
“That’s not what I was going to say.” Nick held up a hand. “I came to say I want to help.”
“You already said so.” Em frowned suspiciously.
“But you didn’t actually believe me,” Nick noted. “Or you wouldn’t be shutting me out.”
“Shutting you out? How? We spoke earlier today.”
“But we talk less. Hang out less…”
“You’re a busy corporate exec, and I’m an entrepreneur trying to grow my business. There are only so many hours in the day, Nicky,” Em reminded him.
“I know.” Nick leaned forward; his hands folded between his open legs. He hated sounding clingy, but the sudden distance between them wasn’t all in his head. “But things have definitely been different between us since New Year’s Eve.”
“I know, but eventually, it’ll be like it never happened.” Em dropped her gaze from his as she repeated the words that neither of them believed, no matter how much they wanted them to be true.
Nick could only hope that the more they said it, the truer it would become.
“You’re overthinking it,” Em said: an admonition he usually gave to her. And he was nearly always right.
“What if this is like that crack in your windshield you kept ignoring? Eventually, it spread until you had to replace the entire windshield.” Nick turned toward her, draping an arm over the back of the sofa. The thought of losing their friendship was shattering. “I don’t want that to happen to us, Em.”
“It won’t.” Her frown deepened. She placed a warm hand on his arm, propped on the back of the couch. “Because we won’t let that happen.”
“That’s why I’m here,” Nick said. “I know you’ve been hesitant to talk to me about how things are going with your Soulmate Project. But I don’t want you to feel that way. I want you to be happy, Em. So I’m completely on board, and I want to help.”
“I appreciate that, Nicky.” Em hugged her pillow again. “But let’s face it, you can’t help me select the right bra for my body type or teach me how to apply my makeup so I don’t end up looking like a circus clown.”
He had a myriad of opinions on the bra issue, but it seemed best not to mention that.
“Point taken.” Nick grinned and Em giggled. It eased the tension that had settled between them since that night on the beach. “Maybe I’m not the right person to school you on how to apply winged eyeliner or wear stilettos without breaking an ankle. But I can give you valuable insight into the male mind.” Nick tapped his temple with two fingers. “Consider me your male mind strategist slash bullshit detector.”
“Now that is the kind of valuable intel I could use.” Em nodded thoughtfully. “I guess it would be nice to have an informant on my side.” A slow grin teased the edges of Em’s full lips. But then her expression sobered. “I know that we’ve always talked about everything, but we’re usually pretty surface-level about relationship stuff. We avoid talking in depth about our feelings and we never, ever kiss and tell.”
“That’s an unwritten rule we are definitely keeping.” Nick was willing to make sacrifices for the sake of their friendship, but he wasn’t a masochist. He didn’t need to hear the details of Em being with someone else.
“Deal.” Em extended her hand, and Nick shook it, trying not to think of how soft and warm her skin felt or how reluctant he was to let her hand go. “So let’s talk. Ask me anything you want to know.”
“All right.” Nick clapped his hands together and regarded his friend. “Let’s start with your date with Marcus. You two went out over a week ago. But whenever I bring up your date, you dodge the question.”
“I wasn’t—” Emerie halted mid-sentence when Nick raised an eyebrow. “Okay, fine. I was dodging your questions,” she admitted with the most adorable pout. “It wasn’t so much a date as two people who’ve known each other forever hanging out with a group of his friends. And, if I’m being honest, our night out wasn’t bad.” Em went to the kitchen and turned on the teakettle. “You sure you don’t want some hot chocolate?”
“If you’re making some already… sure.” Nick followed her to the kitchen and parked on a stool. When Em didn’t volunteer any additional information, Nick pressed further. “So when you say that it wasn’t bad, do you mean that—”
“I mean that when Marcus isn’t feeling the pressure of trying to impress the guys at Blaze’s, he’s actually a decent human being and a lot of fun. I had a good time with him and a few of his friends. He was comfortable with them. So he didn’t feel the need to put on a pretense. When Marcus is just being himself with all the other nonsense stripped away, he’s a fun guy. Also, I discovered I don’t hate bowling as much as I thought. I just needed someone to teach me.”
“Marcus is a solid bowler,” Nick acknowledged.
“Maybe that’s what made him so comfortable. We were on his turf playing a sport at which he excels. Apparently, his pride is still a bit hurt from the time I wiped the floor with him one-on-one in basketball.”
Nick laughed. “The man is a bit sensitive.”
“Sure you don’t want that sandwich?” Em opened the refrigerator.
“Your mom does make a good ham.” Why had Em made the quick conversation pivot? With Em, there was always a reason. “Okay. You talked me into it.”
“Good. Because I really want another one, but it felt rude to eat it in front of you if you’re not eating.” Em washed her hands, then rummaged in the refrigerator for the makings of ham sandwiches.
Nick’s eyes were immediately drawn to Em’s curvy bottom beneath that cable-knit cardigan as she searched her refrigerator shelves.
“I know there are pickles in here somewhere.” Em shoved things around. “Nick, could you toast the bread?”
“Could I… uh… sure. Of course,” Nick stammered. He cleared his throat, feeling guilty for shamelessly ogling his best friend’s ass. “Let me wash my hands.”
Em gathered the items from the fridge and set them on the counter. “Are you okay? You look a little”—she gestured to her own face—“flushed.”
“I’m… fine.” Nick shifted his gaze from hers, then grabbed a paper towel to dry his hands. Em wasn’t the only one who could change the subject when things got sticky. He returned the conversation to their original topic. “I was pretty shocked when you agreed to go out with Marcus. I’m even more stunned to hear that you enjoyed your night with him.” Nick tossed the paper towel. “I guess that means you plan on going out with him again.”
He’d meant it as a statement, but the inflection in his voice indicated it was a question.
“I already did.” Em didn’t acknowledge the wide-eyed astonishment on his face but did offer further explanation. “Marcus’s friend was having brunch at her house the next day, and she insisted that I come. You know how I feel about fluffy pancakes and crisp bacon, so…”
“And they say food is the way to a man’s heart.” Nick shook his head as he placed slices of sourdough bread into the little toaster oven on the counter. “If someone wanted to kidnap you, I swear all they’d have to do is leave a trail of pancakes and bacon leading into the back of the kidnapper’s van. You’d walk right in, sit down, and make yourself a plate.”
“Hey! It was damn good bacon. The kind with the peppered edges. And it was cooked to absolute crispy perfection.” Em made the chef’s kiss gesture. “If his friend wasn’t already spoken for, I would’ve considered asking her to marry me.” She grinned.
“Enough about the bacon.” Nick was only half teasing. “Is there going to be a third date with Marcus?”
“Probably not. I mean we might hang out and go bowling or something. The man bowls a 220. You know how competitive I am. If I’m gonna bowl, I wanna learn from the best.”
“Fair.” Nick acknowledged this with the nod of his head.
“But that same competitiveness is the reason I could never be interested in a man like Marcus. He’d be uncomfortable in situations where I excel and he doesn’t. He’s intimidated by my abilities and independence. I don’t need a guy like that in my life. I want someone who will champion my accomplishments whether they’re in business or in sports. But…” Em frowned, her words trailing off as she turned away from him. “Never mind.”
“Hey.” Nick put his hands on her shoulders, forcing Em to face him again. “I’m proud of you for realizing that you shouldn’t settle for someone who wants you to play small to make themselves feel bigger. You deserve more than that, Em. Even if that considerably reduces the dating pool.”
“I know, but thanks for saying that. It’s nice to hear.” Em nodded toward the toaster oven that had just dinged.
“So what’s next?” He used wooden tongs to remove the slices of bread from the oven and set them on plates.
“Kassie’s cousin is coming to town for a visit, and since I’ve been hesitant to accept any dates from the apps, I let her talk me into setting us up.”
“Oh.” Nick frowned immediately, then mentally chastised himself for it. He made the effort to neutralize his expression. “When?”
“He’ll be here in a few days.” Em took the plates from Nick. “Hand me a butter knife?”
“So soon, huh?” Nick handed her the utensil. “Have you considered that if things don’t work out, it might affect your friendship with Kass?”
“No. Why would I?” Em frowned, glancing up from smearing stadium mustard onto all four pieces of bread. “Sure, Kassie hopes things will work out with me and Dillon. But she’s not going to throw a tantrum and stop being my friend if we don’t hit it off.”
“Okay,” Nick said. Again, more of a question than a statement.
“And this is you being helpful?” Em was irritated as she spread a thin layer of mayo on each slice of bread.
“Does being helpful mean I can’t also be honest with my best friend?”
“Make your own damn sandwich.” Em shoved the plate toward him and started constructing her sandwich, piled high with ham, Swiss cheese, and dill pickle slices.
“C’mon, Em.” Nick stood beside her and assembled his sandwich. “We always keep it one hundred with each other, even when that means saying something that’s hard for the other person to hear. You said you want us to go back to the way things were. That’s what I’m trying to do here.”
“No, what you’re being is contradictory. First you tell me I should rely on my connections to find someone my family or friends can vouch for. I do that, and now you’re getting me all worried that I’m going to break Kassie’s heart if I don’t like her cousin.”
“When you put it that way—”
“Exactly! Make up your damn mind, man. I have enough jitters and concerns about this. You’re supposed to be my hype man, Nick. Not create more doubt. I’ve got that part covered already, thanks.” Em was pissed, and he couldn’t blame her.
“Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry. I’m still working out all the bugs with this thing,” Nick admitted as he constructed his sandwich. “I’ll keep working on that. But I’ve dated a friend’s cousin, and let’s just say we’re not friends anymore.” Nick shrugged.
“I hate it when you go and make a valid point while I’m trying to be mad at you.” Em expressed her supreme displeasure with an exaggerated groan. “Fine. I’ll talk to Kass before my date with Dillon. But if she says she’ll be cool about it, even if I don’t like her cousin, I trust her word. Just like I trust yours.”
Nick couldn’t help feeling guilty. Not that he’d done anything that made him untrustworthy. But he wasn’t being one hundred percent honest with Em about his feelings for her, either.
“Great. And since I’m here anyway and apparently having a second dinner, how about we watch a movie, your pick?”
“Even if I feel like watching Brown Sugar again?” Em propped a fist on her cocked hip.
“I just happen to be in the mood for a lil’ Taye Diggs and Sanaa Lathan.” Nick grinned. “I’ll even make you an amaretto sour.” He nodded toward the bottle of Disaronno on the little tray where she kept her alcohol. “Deal?”
“Okay, fine. But you know the rules. That constantly buzzing phone of yours—”
“I’m turning it off right now.” Nick took out his phone and turned it off.
“Okay, fine. Whatever.” She agreed with a dramatic eye roll.
“You know you love me.” Nick chuckled, pulling her into his arms for a hug.
He hadn’t meant it that way, and he was sure Em realized that. But as she settled into his arms, her lush curves pressed against him and her arms wrapped around him, he couldn’t help wondering if maybe he did. And if the person he wasn’t being honest with was himself.