Chapter Sixteen
N ick sat at his parents’ kitchen table, trying his best to keep up the illusion of following their conversation. His mother and father—both professors working at the same university—were top experts in molecular biology and astronomy, respectively. They shared an apartment near the university during the semester, coming home to Holly Grove Island mostly on the weekends or during breaks.
As usual, most of the conversation went over his head. It was just as well tonight. It had been a little more than two weeks since he’d kissed Emerie, and his brain was still scrambled. He couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss or what might’ve happened between them had Kassie not returned when she did.
“What’s going on with you tonight, son? That’s the third time one of us has been speaking to you and you’ve zoned out.” Timothy Washington sat across the kitchen table from Nick with his arms folded as he carefully assessed him.
“Sorry, Dad. I’ve got a lot on my mind. The project at work and…” Nick’s voice trailed off. He rubbed his chin and frowned.
“And this Soulmate Project of Em’s, I’d imagine.” Evelyn Washington set her fork down and folded her arms, too.
Her expression was “who you think you’re fooling?” but her tone was compassionate.
“That, too.” Nick stabbed the last of his steak and took a bite.
He was trying his damnedest not to pout about the fact that Em would be going on her second date with some dude she’d connected with on the app. But based on the softening of his mother’s expression, he was failing.
“I was so sure that you and Em would eventually end up together,” his mother said. “They don’t say it around you, but your aunts have been referring to her as my daughter-in-law for the past couple of years.”
His shocked expression was met with her quiet chuckle.
“Emerie Roberts is an absolute sweetheart. More importantly, she’s the perfect woman for you, Nicholas. She adores you. Quite frankly, you’re the only person who seems oblivious about it.”
His mother’s bright smile shifted to a deep frown.
“We were so surprised to hear that Em was suddenly on a quest to find her soulmate. But you said you applauded her bravery and supported her efforts. So I’ve kept my opinions to myself. But in the weeks since Em began her search, you seem sadder every time we talk. And tonight, you’re agitated and distraught. So what’s really going on?”
Nick couldn’t help thinking of when he’d asked Em the same question. The question that had led to the most incredible kiss of his life.
“It’s nothing.” He stood quickly, grabbing his dishes and stacking them with theirs before taking them all to the sink and rinsing them. He started loading the dishwasher.
“Don’t worry about the dishes, sweetheart.” His mother closed the dishwasher door and guided him back to his seat. “Right now, I’d much rather hear what’s troubling you.”
“I screwed things up with Em.” Nick heaved a sigh.
He’d barely been honest with himself about his feelings. Now he was confessing them to his parents? But it was nice to have someone to discuss this with. He was tired of endlessly debating the situation with himself. He’d been hoping to either convince himself that things with Em would be different or make peace with his decision.
“You blew it how , son?” his father asked.
“On New Year’s Eve, Em told me that she wanted to be more than just friends. I said that I didn’t see her that way, and that I love her as a friend.”
“You didn’t!” His mother slapped a hand to her forehead and groaned. “Why on earth would you say that instead of telling her the truth?”
“My friendship with Em means everything to me. She’s the one person in my life who is always there when I need her—no matter what.”
His parents exchanged a hurt look. But in their usual calm, logical, and scientific approach to parenting, neither objected.
Instead, his father said, “Seems like that’s all the more reason for you two to be together.”
“I was sure that if Em and I got involved, it would spell the end of our friendship. I’ve dated women I was friends with before. Both relationships ended badly,” he admitted.
“Well, your father and I were best friends who fell in love, and it worked out just fine for us.” His mom gestured toward his dad with a proud grin. “We’ve been married for nearly forty years and counting.”
“You were best friends,” Nick emphasized the past tense. “But that’s not the relationship you have now. You barely had time for me growing up, let alone each other.”
“Nicholas Fabian Washington!” His father’s voice boomed like a clap of thunder. “How dare you imply that your mother and I were neglectful. Do you have any idea how many sacrifices—”
“Tim, please.” His mother put a hand on his father’s arm, halting his rant. “I’d like to hear what Nick has to say. Wouldn’t you?”
His dad rubbed his whiskered chin and huffed. “Fine. Let’s hear it.”
“And let’s actively listen to what our son has to say.” She squeezed her husband’s arm, her eyes warm and pleading. “What’s important here is understanding why our son feels this way, not preparing a rebuttal.”
His father heaved a sigh and clamped a reassuring hand over his mother’s. “We’re listening, son.”
Nick shifted his glance from his mother to his father. His brows furrowed, and his gut tightened in a knot. This was a conversation he’d danced around his entire life. But if understanding his parents’ relationship could give him any insight into how he and Emerie could truly have both love and friendship without one relationship sabotaging the other, it was a conversation worth having. No matter how painful it might be.
“Can I be brutally honest?”
His parents exchanged a worried look, but both quickly agreed. “Of course.”
Nick pressed his palms to the table and met his parents’ expectant gaze. “Yes, you’ve been married nearly forty years, and I admire that. But you each exist in your own little bubble. That’s not what I want for me and Em. I don’t want to lose the bona fide friendship we’ve always shared.”
“What exactly is that supposed to mean?” his father demanded indignantly. He took a deep breath and lowered his voice after Nick’s mother clamped a hand on his wrist. “I mean… perhaps you could further explain that statement. After all, we provided for you and made sure that you had all the things we didn’t have growing up.”
Nick’s parents were good people, and they’d done their best to raise him while also making their mark on the world. He realized that. But his resentment over feeling like science, history, and the greater good always came ahead of him had built an invisible wall between him and his parents. As an adult, his relationship with them felt formal and superficial. That was the reason they didn’t normally have honest conversations like this. He didn’t want to hurt his parents. But this discussion had lingered in the back of his head, like an open wound that never quite healed. Maybe finally getting the words off his chest was the best thing he could do for his relationship with his parents.
“You’re both accomplished career professionals, and I respect that. I’m proud of the barriers you’ve broken in your respective fields. And I’m in awe of the tenacity and determination you’ve both shown in the face of bigotry and misogyny.” He looked at his father, then his mother. “But those accomplishments came at a price. Your relationships with me and with each other are the sacrifices you made to achieve those goals.”
His father looked outraged. His mother gasped, genuine hurt marring her beautiful face.
“I realize we couldn’t be there for your basketball games and band performances as much as we would’ve liked. But your father and I were doing important work. And just as importantly, we were making a path for other Black scientists. We’re both committed to reaching down to help young, Black STEM professionals climb that ladder because other folks are working hard to destroy it rung by rung.”
“I know, Mom.” Nick nodded. “And I understand how important and how necessary that work is. I feel that same pressure as a corporate VP. That’s why I was willing to take on this additional assignment. But as a ten-year-old kid, I just wanted my parents to care as much about me as they cared about molecules and undiscovered galaxies. I wanted to matter to you as much as getting your work published or securing funding for your programs. I wanted… needed to feel like I was a priority in your life.” Nick’s jaw clenched as the tension and bitterness built in his chest. He tried to tamp those feelings back into the little box where he’d been storing them his entire life.
“Your father and I love you very much, Nicky.” His mother squeezed his hand. The corners of her eyes were damp. “You mean the world to us, sweetheart. And you have always been our priority. I’m sorry if you didn’t always feel that way.”
Nick forced a pained smile. “I know, Mom. And I’m not saying any of this to make you feel bad. I just need you to understand why I’m worried that getting romantically involved with Em would destroy our friendship.”
Oh yeah, genius? Then why did you kiss her?
Nick tried to shut out the voice in his head condemning him for being both stupid and selfish. He never should’ve kissed Emerie. But he couldn’t bring himself to regret it.
“I realize how difficult it must’ve been for you to level with us about your feelings, son.” His father finally broke the awkward silence that had settled over them. “Believe me, there were countless moments when I felt like the shittiest father alive because it was Oliver who taught you how to throw a ball and ride a bike instead of me.” There was pain in his father’s voice and expression. “The Jones family was a godsend. Evelyn and I were only able to do the things we did because we knew that you were with them. And that they cared for you as if you were their own. Maybe we became a bit too reliant on them. We both regret that. But I promise you that nothing we’ve accomplished means more to us than you, Nick.” His father’s voice trembled with a hint of emotion.
“That means a lot, Dad,” Nick said honestly, surprised at how much lighter he felt getting those words off his chest and hearing his parents express their regret.
“So… about Em. She embarked on this Soulmate Project following your rejection.” His mother dabbed the corner of her eyes with a napkin and tried to sound more upbeat. “Do you think it’s her way of trying to make you realize that you two belong together?”
“At first I did.” Nick was ashamed that his ego had allowed him to believe that Em would go through with such an elaborate plan simply for the sake of spurring his interest. “But I was wrong. Em wants to settle down and start a family. To have children of her own.”
It made Nick’s chest ache to think of Emerie falling in love with and marrying someone else. Having a kid with him. He already hated this guy she was going out with tonight. But he hated himself even more.
He should’ve admitted the truth to Em. That he wanted to be with her, too. But not at the expense of their friendship. Then they could’ve worked through their concerns whether they chose to move forward with a relationship or not.
“And what do you want, son?” His dad frowned, rubbing his beard. “Because you’ve never given any indication that you’re ready to settle down and give us grandkids.”
“Or…” His mother narrowed her gaze at his father before returning her attention to him. “Perhaps you haven’t considered marriage and a family because you couldn’t imagine yourself taking those steps with anyone other than Emerie.”
Nick felt like a light bulb had flipped on in his head. He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his forehead.
His mother was right.
His relationship with Emerie had been the primary one in his life. Whenever a woman he’d been dating had threatened to interfere with that relationship, he’d ended things. Because his friendship with Em was the relationship he would protect at all costs.
Nick had always thought the reason he hadn’t considered marriage or starting a family was because he wasn’t cut out for it. But these past few months had made him see things differently. Because Emerie Roberts was the one person he could unequivocally say he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He couldn’t imagine spending forever with anyone else.
And while Em had been going on dates with Marcus, Dillon, and now this Alan dude from the dating app who sounded like a pretentious asshole, Nick couldn’t remember the last time he’d been out on a date or had even wanted to go out on one. He’d come up with one excuse after another as to why he couldn’t go out with other people. But the truth was that he’d become focused on Em and her quest for love.
Faced with the possibility of losing her, it had become increasingly clear that Em meant everything to him. That she was already more than just a friend. And she had been for some time.
Nick laughed bitterly. “All this time, I’d convinced myself that I loved Em as a friend. But that’s not true. I just plain love her. So much. I’ve been a complete idiot. Why didn’t I recognize this before?”
“You’ve been friends for so long, sweetheart.” His mother placed a gentle hand on his cheek and smiled. “In situations like this, love can come on so gradually… you don’t really notice it until you’re forced to make a choice. Em’s decision to move on with her life finally put you in that position.”
“We Washington men can be a bit oblivious when it comes to love.” Tim chuckled. “Good thing we fell in love with brave, smart women who light a fire under our asses.”
His parents exchanged a smile as his father squeezed his mother’s hand, then kissed the back of it. There was so much love in their eyes.
Had he been wrong about his parents’ relationship? Maybe they weren’t as demonstrative with their affections as some of his friends’ parents were. But now that he was truly paying attention, the love, respect, and camaraderie between them was evident.
“I really fucked this up, didn’t I?” Nick pressed a hand to his mouth and groaned.
“You stepped in it up to your—”
“Tim!” His mother shot his father a look, then flashed Nick an encouraging smile.
“The situation isn’t ideal,” she noted. “But there’s still time to fix it. You need to tell Em how you really feel about her. If you don’t tell her now, you’ll lose her.”
“She’s going on a second date with this guy later tonight.”
“Then you’d better get over there. Right now ,” Evelyn added when he sat there staring at her. She clapped her hands to punctuate each syllable. “You don’t have a single moment to lose.”
“You expect me to just show up there while she’s getting ready for her date and tell her I don’t want her to go on it?” Nick asked.
“ Yes !” His parents’ response was immediate.
Nick jumped up from his seat, his heart thumping against his rib cage.
Am I actually doing this?
“About what you said earlier… Your feelings are absolutely valid, sweetheart. And I’m glad you finally got them off your chest.” His mom squeezed his hand.
“And you were right about your mother and me being so focused on our academic careers that we neglected our relationship. We ran into a really rough patch after you went off to college. We even tried living apart for a bit and discussed the possibility of ending our marriage,” his father admitted.
“Why didn’t I know this?” The news hit Nick in the chest like a sledgehammer. He’d been so preoccupied with himself and making the most of his college experience that he’d had no clue his parents’ marriage had disintegrated so badly.
“Because we worked very hard to ensure you didn’t know,” his mother said. “We thought it would negatively impact your academic career. But you were more aware of our relationship woes than we were at the time.” She sighed. “The time your father and I spent apart was the most devastating period of my life. It didn’t take long before I realized—”
“Before we realized…” his father interjected.
She smiled and squeezed his father’s hand. “It didn’t take long before we realized what a big mistake we’d be making if we walked away from the life we’d built together. We were both raised to believe that parents shouldn’t openly show affection in front of their children. That likely has some bearing on your misconceptions about the current status of our relationship. But rest assured that the love and passion we have for each other burns brighter than ever.” She eyed his father flirtatiously, and his old man responded with a grin and a chuckle.
“Okay, okay… you’re still really into each other. I get it. Let’s not go from zero to sixty here.” Nick held up a hand.
“You’re the one who was worried about our sex life,” his dad said.
“Ew… gross. No, I was worried about your seeming lack of connection and companionship. As far as I’m concerned, I was delivered by the stork. End of story.”
His parents laughed.
“Whatever floats your boat, son,” his father said, still holding his mother’s hand tight.
Nick was happy that his parents had revived their marriage. That they’d found a way to still be happy and in love after nearly four decades.
“But we have fallen into some of those same bad habits that nearly derailed our relationship back then,” his father acknowledged. “I don’t ever want to go there again. So I’m glad you brought it to our attention, son. I plan on working hard to rectify that.”
“Me, too.” His mother smiled back, her eyes filled with happy tears. She turned toward Nick. “As for your concerns about your relationship with Em diminishing if you get involved romantically… I don’t believe that to be true. You have two decades of love and friendship. You’ve seen each other through highs and lows since you were kids. I doubt that was the case with those other friends you dated. It certainly wasn’t for your dad and me.”
“That’s right, son. You two will be building your relationship on a rock-solid foundation. Doesn’t mean you won’t run into the occasional problem. Just means that you have enough love and respect for each other to work your way through them,” his father added.
“Thanks, Mom.” Nick kissed his mother’s cheek. “Thanks, Dad.” He hugged his father. “Thanks for dinner and the talk. But there’s somewhere I need to be right now.”
“Good luck, sweetheart. Send Em our love.”
Nick grabbed his coat and hurried to his car. His brain was spinning, and his heart raced as he thought of what he’d say when he showed up at Emerie’s door.