Chapter Twenty
E m sank into a booth across from Kassie at Blaze of Glory and took a sip of the drink her friend had ordered her.
She was exhausted. Her legs and abdomen were sore, and so were her arms. She’d had a long day handling client graphic design projects followed by two hours of dance practice with Carlos and Ms. Idelle. She’d bypassed a shower and opted for a long soak in a hot tub where she’d fallen asleep. Which was why she’d kept poor Kassie waiting for her on their girls’ night out.
“Sorry I’m late, Kass. But practice was brutal today.” Em set her glass down, removed the pick, popped the maraschino cherry in her mouth, and chewed.
Kassie giggled. “You’re savoring that cherry like it’s a premium cut of steak.”
“I’m starving.” Em rubbed a hand over her belly. “I haven’t eaten since… I don’t remember when I last ate. And now that you mention it, a steak sounds great.”
“I’ll let Blaze know that we’re ready to order.” Kassie caught the owner’s eye and raised a hand.
He nodded and held up a finger as he poured someone else a drink. Once he was done, he made his way over to them with his electronic pad and pen in hand.
Blaze was in his forties with a scruffy red beard, the same spiky crew cut he’d been wearing since he’d first returned to town after enlisting with the Marines, and wary blue eyes that seemed to change with his mood, like the ocean, visible outside of the bar and grill.
“What can I get for you ladies tonight?” Blaze asked. He keyed in both of their orders, then cocked a head and rubbed his bearded chin as he studied Em. “You just missed your partner in crime. Nick was in here ordering the same thing about an hour ago. Haven’t seen you two together in a while.”
It’d been two weeks since she and Nick slept together. Emerie had thrown herself into her graphic design work, marketing her business, helping her mother convert her childhood bedroom into a craft room, and very intense practice for the dance exhibition coming up in less than two weeks. And Nick had been on business trips to New York and Virginia. That was why she’d barely talked to her best friend. Not because of the awkwardness of the two of them having slept together. That was the story she’d been telling herself… and Nick.
Em opened her mouth to say as much to Blaze and Kass, but he was a human lie detector, and she was practically an empath. There was no point of trying to bullshit either of them. But being honest with them meant facing her own feelings about what had happened between her and Nick. Something she wasn’t ready for.
“We’ve both been really busy, and Nick’s been traveling a lot,” Em said. Her cheeks burned as both Blaze and Kassie stared at her, then exchanged a look.
“Well, he’s here now, and the dude looks like he lost his best friend. Never seen Nick like that before. Maybe you want to check on him.” Blaze tapped his fingers on the edge of the table. “Your appetizers will be out in a bit.”
Em drew in a quiet breath and frowned. Part of her felt guilty about avoiding Nick. But she couldn’t help being angry at him, too.
“I was going to try and be all subtle and clever about bringing up the fact that you’ve been avoiding Nick. But since Blaze already put it out there… you wanna talk about it?”
Em sipped her drink. “I’m not avoiding…”
Kassie hiked an eyebrow and folded her arms on the table.
Em sighed. Lying to herself was one thing. But she felt badly about lying to her closest friends.
“Okay, so maybe I am avoiding him.”
“Why?” Kassie leaned forward. “You aren’t mad at Nick for tossing Alan out on his ass, are you? That dude was trash.”
“No, it’s not that.” Em drew in a deep breath and worried her lower lip with her teeth. “About that night… I didn’t tell you the entire story.”
“Okay. So what else happened?” Kassie lowered her voice and leaned in closer. “Did you and Nick get into a fight?”
“Yes.” Em glanced around to see if anyone else in the bar was listening. “But he also kissed me again.”
Both of Kassie’s eyebrows shot up, and she clapped a hand over her mouth, seemingly holding back a squeal.
“Oh my God! Nick is into you,” Kassie whispered loudly. “I knew it! Wait…” Kassie narrowed her gaze at Em for a moment. Suddenly, her big brown eyes widened. She pressed a hand to her chest. “You two didn’t just kiss. You slept with Nick, didn’t you?”
Em shushed her friend as she glanced around again. “Yes. All right? But I’d prefer it if the entire bar didn’t know.”
“I’m sorry, Em.” Kassie squeezed her wrist. “I’m just surprised and happy. But wait… if you two finally hooked up, what’s with the disappearing act?” She lowered her voice. “Was the sex terrible? It’s Nick, so I just assumed he’d be… well, you know… good at it.”
“It was amazing,” Em confessed.
“Okay. So you want him, he wants you, the sex is crazy good. I’m not seeing a problem here.” Kassie frowned, thoroughly confused by Em’s dilemma. “Was it something he said or did after this amazing sex that ruined things?”
Em’s stomach twisted in knots, and her chest ached as she thought about Tiffany and Ellen and all of the other women Nick had slept with. Gorgeous, voluptuous women who could easily be lingerie models. Women she could never compare to.
Over appetizers and another round of drinks, Em told Kassie about the text messages and about her ensuing argument with Nick.
Kassie popped a smashed potato into her mouth and chewed thoughtfully.
“I can understand why seeing those text messages would’ve been so unnerving. Especially at such a pivotal moment.” Kassie chose her words carefully. Em knew her friend well enough to realize that there was a “but” coming. “But if Goldilocs was expecting Nick, yet he came to your apartment to rescue you instead—”
“I could’ve handled Alan,” Em interjected. She was no damsel in distress.
“I’m sure you could have.” Kassie nodded. “We never want to imagine that we could become the victim of sexual assault. Yet, so many of us have.” Lines formed on her friend’s forehead. She swallowed hard. “So please don’t downplay how serious a situation like that could become. All right?”
“I won’t. I promise.” Em took both of Kassie’s hands in hers and nodded. It was the second time in the five years that they’d been close friends that the other woman had alluded to being a victim of assault. When Em had pressed Kassie about it, her friend had quickly changed the subject. “And if there’s anything you’d like to talk about… anything —” Em stressed “—I’m here.”
“I know.” Kass grabbed a jalape?o popper. “But the only thing I want to talk about right now is why—after you finally got exactly what you wanted—you’re avoiding Nick.”
Em nibbled on a smashed potato. “What I want with Nick isn’t just sex. It’s a relationship. It’s—”
“A soulmate.” Kassie picked up another potato, too.
Em nodded solemnly.
“We all know what you’re looking for, Em. And Nick really cares for you. I can’t believe he would get involved with you unless he’s prepared to deliver on that happily ever after.” Kass sipped her drink. “Have you considered that maybe he’s realized that’s what he wants, too?”
“I wanted to believe that.” Em traced a finger through the condensation on her glass. “But those text messages reminded me of what I’ve always known.” Em frowned. “Nick is an eternal bachelor who doesn’t do relationships. I was wrong for expecting him to suddenly change.”
“But Nick didn’t actually tell you that he doesn’t want a relationship. Right? You’re basing your decision on those text messages, which he didn’t solicit—”
“And his past history,” Em noted.
“True,” Kassie conceded. “But you’ve come to your own conclusion rather than allowing Nick to make a decision for himself. That doesn’t seem fair, Em.”
“Was it fair of Nick to deny that he had feelings for me and then start acting like some jealous boyfriend the moment someone else showed interest?”
“No. Nick should’ve been honest with you. But maybe he was still coming to terms with his feelings about you. Just like you’ve been struggling for years to come to terms with your feelings for him.”
“Maybe there’s a reason we’re both struggling with this,” Em said. “And maybe that reason is that we’re better off staying friends.”
“You don’t really mean that, Em.” Kassie’s accusation was softened by her tone and empathetic expression. “You’re just scared.”
Em groaned quietly and swirled her drink. Kassandra was right. Nick had been worried about how a romantic relationship would impact their friendship. And now she was worried that she could never be enough for him.
“Maybe I am afraid. But given the situation, don’t I have good reason to be?”
“Okay.”
Em knew Kassie well enough to know that the word didn’t signal agreement. She was simply tabling that line of discussion for now and moving on to another one.
“But if this is all for the best, it still begs the question: why are you avoiding Nick?”
“He seems to think it’s some sort of punishment,” Em said.
“Is it?”
Em drained the rest of her drink, then shrugged.
“I don’t know. At first it was just… awkward, you know? But the more I thought about everything… the more upset I got.”
“Are you angry with yourself for sleeping with Nick? Or are you angry because someone texted him at a really inopportune time?” Kassie nibbled on another potato.
Em didn’t miss her friend’s implication that she was being unfair to Nick. That he wasn’t the one who’d initiated the contact with those women. They’d reached out to him.
It was a fair point. But those messages had fed her insecurities. Someone was always calling or texting him. Flirting with him as if she was invisible. And yes, they’d only been friends then. But every single incident had tugged on a little string, like the unraveling of a sweater, eroding her confidence and feeding her doubts about whether Nick would ever want her.
“Both,” Em said. “I’ve spent all this time pining over Nick and wishing that he’d look at me the way he looks at every other woman on the planet. The moment I give up the dream and move on, suddenly he’s interested, and we tumble into bed. But now what?”
“Maybe if you give Nick a chance to explain himself, he’ll surprise you,” Kassie said.
“Or maybe I’ve been naive, and Nick was right all along. This could be the beginning of the end of our friendship.”
“I know you’d both be putting a lot on the line. But the only way to find out is to try. Yes, there’s a chance that Nick will disappoint you. But there’s an even greater chance that the two of you might find everything you’ve ever wanted from a relationship. After all, he’s been spending most of his time hanging out with you. I can’t recall the last time I saw him on a date. Can you?”
Em opened her mouth to respond, but the last time she’d seen Nick with someone else was when that tourist had kissed him on New Year’s Eve. That had been months ago. Then again, maybe he’d been more discreet about his dating life, worried that he’d hurt her feelings.
Kassie’s cell phone rang, and a look of alarm replaced her friend’s smile.
“What is it, Kass?”
“This is the maintenance manager at the aquarium. If he’s calling me at this hour, it can’t be good. Excuse me while I take this.” Kassie hurried toward the exit to take her call.
A pretty server approached the table with Em’s steak and Kassie’s crab cakes.
Em thanked the woman, who seemed reluctant to leave.
“You’re Nick Washington’s friend, right?” the gorgeous, young Black woman asked.
Em’s stomach knotted. Still, she forced a broad smile.
“Taneeka, right? Yes. I am Nick’s friend. Why? Did he leave something behind when he was here earlier?”
“You could say that.” The girl flipped her beach waves over one shoulder, her long, mink eyelashes fluttering. She reached into her apron pocket and handed Em a piece of paper with a floral print folded in half and sprayed with the same perfume the girl was wearing. “He left before I got the chance to slip him this. It’s my phone number,” she added.
“Yes, I figured as much,” Em deadpanned. She rocked onto one hip and slipped the note into the back pocket of her jeans. “I’ll be sure he gets it the next time I see him.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.” Em offered the woman a weak smile.
The woman turned to walk away, then turned back toward Em. “You two are just friends , right?” Taneeka emphasized the word.
How the hell was she supposed to answer that?
“Yes,” Em said after a beat of silence.
Regardless of the fantasies she’d entertained about them becoming a real couple, that clearly wasn’t in the cards for them. So it would be best if they just remained friends and forgot about that one incredible night they’d shared.
She needed to come to terms with that, and so did her best friend.
Taneeka walked away, though she didn’t seem convinced by Em’s delayed response. Then someone played Em’s favorite Dua Lipa song on the jukebox, and it felt like a lightning bolt struck her.
The dance exhibition was two weeks away, but she had an inspired idea that would require her and Carlos’s final number to be completely revamped. Ms. Idelle had been worried that while Em’s bachata steps were technically accurate, they lacked fire and passion.
If Ms. Idelle wanted fire and passion, she’d give it to her. But it would translate much better with a salsa routine. Em just hoped that Carlos and Ms. Idelle would be on board with choreographing a new routine. One that would be much better suited to Em’s personality and style.
When Kassie returned to the table, Em borrowed a pen from her friend and jotted down a few notes about the new routine. It would be dramatic and have lots of flair. And by the end of the night, she’d be ready to resume her Soulmate Project and let go of the unrealistic fantasy that she and Nick would ever really be anything more than friends.