Chapter 44 - Us
July
The night swept over us, silent and shy, settling our souls and helping our minds regain some lucidity after Roden’s unexpected appearance.
Once I’m sure Galen will not lose his leg, thanks to Merya’s mending skills, I end my watch with a soft kiss on my friend’s forehead. My mind has been such a cauldron of memories lately that whatever Galen and I had in Libera feels like a story belonging to strangers.
I brush away a lock of hair from his eyes, and he stirs in his bed, mumbling something that only makes sense in his dreams.
When I exit his room, the corridor’s soft and warm penumbra welcomes me, accompanying me as I descend the stairs to the ground level.
There is only one place that may stop my thoughts from stirring wildly, and forget about Roden for a little while. When I open the kitchen’s back door, it shimmers in the distance, calling me, and I can’t run fast enough to reach its shore.
When I’m finally by the lake, its surface is so still it’s hard not to confuse it for a solid slab of glass. Mack warned me against breathing too close to it, but what if I dipped an inch of my finger to ensure this is real water?
I only need to lean forward a bit more…
“Having your memories fully back will stop you from even looking at this thing.”
I curl my hands against my chest and inhale so deeply that something acrid burns my nostrils. I immediately step away, lingering before slowly turning towards Kris.
His face carries the signs of what we all had to endure lately; there are shadows under his eyes, and his hair is tousled, but nothing seems to have cracked his smile. The same I met when he jumped off the tree, the same I glimpsed in my dreams.
“How is he?” He runs his hand through his hair and crouches over the grass that turns yellow the closer to the lake.
“Let me guess—yapping, pretending he doesn’t need to be kept under constant supervision?
” Kris rolls a pebble between his fingers before throwing it into the lake.
It skips a couple of times, causing a trail of smoke, until the acidic waters consume it to a bunch of dust.
I step behind him. “He was asleep when I left. Mack is with him now.”
Kris scoffs, “Tabitha toyed with the idea of locking him up for an hour or two, just to be safe. But I convinced her not to…”
The sound of the grass changes beneath my feet as I step on the leaves whose life has been destroyed by the poisonous waters, and I sit next to Kris. “I saw the key around his neck—thank you.”
He shrugs, dismissing his gesture as the most normal thing to do, and lifts his gaze to the wall beyond the lake. “If Roden is really getting close, the range of protection of those keys will soon be nothing but a pleasant shock tickling his mind. It won’t stop him…”
“What about you?” I mumble, mostly to keep the Roden subject away from our conversation for a little while.
“Still here,” he stretches his legs before him, throwing his head back to study the cloudless night sky.
I copy him, testing the ground to find a soft spot. “Have you ever thought about disappearing, from everyone, from all of this?”
I regret asking when he stops staring at the sky to focus on me.
“From you?” he exhales, letting go of something he’s been holding in for almost a lifetime.
I take in his expression, unable to say anything for what feels like an eternity.
His lips are slightly apart, as if the weight of his answer is still affecting him.
His imperfect haircut casts a shadow over his face, yet some of his traits still manage to shine through: the straight profile of his nose, similar to Galen’s but slightly raised at the tip, his long lashes, a tone lighter than his brother’s, the smirk growing at one side of his mouth…
He huffs a laugh and bumps his shoulder to mine. “Some may say staring is rude, but you can keep going if you want. Although we have some pressing matters to discuss.”
I blink. Blink again. “Oh, my….I wasn’t—I was, wasn’t I?”
“You certainly are many things, July Crimson, but rude is none of them.” His subtle smile turns quickly into a roaring laugh that spreads over the lake and echoes around us.
My body responds before I can stop it, and I find myself laughing with him, shaking with the need to let go for once and feel normal again.
When the moment has passed, all that’s left is silence and us.
“Roden found me, every single time. When all this started, I tried running away, creating a new identity, and hiding in the most remote part of Horigos. He could sense me wherever I went, but somehow he was only able to hurt me for a while, to send his power straight into my soul like a sword until I’d bled for days from this wound in my chest. But he never managed to kill me. ”
“That must have been daunting; waking up every day not knowing if Roden would try again or leave you be.” I study his profile, the slight twitch of his eyebrows.
He nods, leaning back on his hands, swaying left and right.
“For some time, I managed to build a normal life in the northernmost part of The Mother, among the rebels. And Roden did stay away from me for a while; I thought he had given up. I knew who he was, my adoptive father told me, but I didn’t know why he loved to make me suffer so much.
That was probably the question I kept asking myself: what did I do wrong to deserve this? ”
As he tells me his story, probably one I’ve heard many times and forgotten about, I can’t stop thinking about how at ease he seems around me despite our many pasts.
He gathers one leg to his chest, resting his chin on his knee and smiling at me sideways.
“I lived a boring, unflavoured life for a while. Until, one day, this wonderful woman showed up in my life, trying to end it and failing—every time. The worst part was that she would always come back, and repeat the same action without remembering my face, the sound of my voice, or the addictive effect her smile had on me…”
A wince, my lips twitching. As if all my thoughts have suddenly appeared in capital letters on my face, he tilts his head, narrowing his eyes.
“Am I sharing too much? I thought that might help with your memories,” he says as he reaches out with his right hand and stops mere inches from my fingertips.
“I know that’s not true,” I blurt out to cut the awkward silence.
“Oh…” He averts his gaze. The moonlight, bumping off the lake, casts a silver sheen over his face.
I crawl closer to him, fearing my confession will travel too far should I speak too loudly.
“I know what’s in the caves. I know what we have done and kept a secret from the others.
The only thing I still don’t understand is why?
If we share it with Tabitha, she may help us find a way out.
Because I don’t want to take any more of your soul… I can’t.”
His hand finally finds mine, and I forget how to breathe when his eyes bore into mine.
“What about all those souls we could save together? Do we abandon them to find our happiness?” His voice drops, echoing in his chest and melting mine.
“What? No, I didn’t mean to abandon everyone and forget about what Roden did to us…”
He arches a brow, pivoting to face me fully. “What do you want to do with your life, July Sofia Crimson? With your power?”
“Oh…” It’s all I can say. I really want to tell him I hate that name, even if I don’t know why, but it sounds right when he says it.
A little smile blooms on his lips, and I hope it’s not because of my puzzled expression.
Realising I’ve been on all fours for too long, staring at Kris like an idiot, I sit back. “I want to make it count, but I don’t want to hurt you again.” I swing my focus from the dark waters before me to the tall walls running around the building.
In the corner of my eye, Kris moves closer to me, his breath warm on my cheek as he whispers, “What hurts me the most is knowing that Roden made you forget about us—”
I gasp, and the grass to my left swishes. A solitary frog jumps at my feet, dangerously close to the lake. I instinctively lunge forward to grab it, but Kris’ hand is on mine before I can save the little creature.
“What are you doing? I’m not really keen to see a living creature bursting into dust like that pebble earlier.” I glare at him, surprised by his lack of compassion.
He is smiling. He’s about to let that frog die, and he’s freaking smiling while the little red creature leaps towards the water trap.
“Just wait. Before you go chasing it, how many red, furry frogs have you seen before?” His hand gently pinning mine down.
“None but that’s not the point. Would you let me save it if it were bright yellow?” I frown.
He purses his lips, averting his eyes to look everywhere but at me.
“And you are about to laugh at me because…?” I cock my head.
With a single, high croak as if to catch our attention, the frog inflates its throat, swipes its webbed feet across its eyes, and jumps, spreading its limbs in the air, gliding over the lake.
I blink and rub my eyes like a giant, human frog.
“Forget about red frogs, have you ever seen one doing that?” Kris slowly releases my hand when he’s sure I will not run after the animal.
I quickly stand up to follow the creature's journey as it lifts higher, no longer gliding but flying, until it is so far that I can barely distinguish its little feet flapping like wings.
Slowly, I turn to Kris. “That’s a Mack Frog.”
Kris’s eyes grow teary as he tries his best not to laugh in my face.
“Sure, we can call it that from now on. That’s a scout.
They’re handy when we don’t want to venture outside.
Mack has his own little army of frogs, birds - you want to stay away from those entitled beasts by the way - mice…
worms, even, but they’re only good for overgrown bushes. ”
I secretly thank the dark for masking my blushing face. I probably wouldn’t be in this situation if I had my memories. But I don’t need to remember everything to know what a scout on a mission means.