Chapter 7
Win
“I can still remember all my friends in high school thought it was so cool that an older guy was paying so much attention to me. They said they were jealous and convinced me there wasn’t anything wrong with a man in his twenties pursuing a sixteen-year-old.” Channing snorted and looked into the glass of red wine she was holding like it was a crystal ball. She’d already finished one bottle and was well on her way to knocking out a second.
I took her outside to the small patio after her alarming revelation in the bathroom. Obviously, I had a lot of questions I needed her to answer, but she was so upset she was practically incoherent. I’d never seen her lose control like this before. Letting her get wasted so she could pour her heart out seemed like an effortless way to get the full story in her own words. I stayed silent and listened to her talk while making sure she didn’t do anything to hurt herself. I dug up all the dirt on everyone involved in Winnie’s life. I thought it was impossible for Channing to keep secrets from me. The fact she was pregnant and had a baby, and there were no records of any sort to indicate such, let me know someone put in the effort to keep her situation buried. The prime suspect was my mother.
I don’t know why she would benefit from hiding the fact Channing had a baby, but I knew she wouldn’t cover it up without a malicious reason.
“Nowadays, I know that’s called grooming. Parker was a predator and should’ve been locked up for statutory rape. I didn’t understand what he was doing was wrong until much later on in our relationship. When I was sixteen and seventeen, he kept things mostly platonic and innocent. He spent all his time making me feel special and important. My mom was sick, and Willow only showed up at home when she had the chance. I think he knew no one was around to see that he was brainwashing me into thinking he was the love of my life. He didn’t want to risk them ruining all his hard work.” She barked out an ugly laugh, and her fingers tightened on the thin stem of the wine glass until her knuckles turned white. I was worried it would shatter under the pressure, just like Channing seemed close to doing.
“The closer I got to being a legal adult, the more he started to isolate me and control my every move. He claimed his actions were out of love and concern, wanting to give me a safe haven from my family. He knew I had a hard time at home and was forced to grow up much faster than my peers. I was mature, but not in a way that would’ve protected me from him. He was already talking about getting married, and I couldn’t wait. I thought marrying him meant I would have help with the very adult decisions I was having to make at home. But I actually spent more time taking care of him, and catering to his needs, than I spent at school. I barely graduated, and nothing changed with my mom or me being her sole caretaker. I’ll never know what it was like to be a normal teenager. Which is why I fight so hard for Winnie to have that experience. I regret giving my youth away. My entire life revolved around Parker and making sure he was happy. He was a lousy musician. His dream had always been to be a rockstar. I was supposed to be his number one fan, even if it meant skipping school and sneaking into bars underage.” She choked and reached up to rub her bright red eyes. “Even if it meant entertaining his friends and other shady people if he thought it would help his career.”
I leaned forward and tried to reach for her hand. She didn’t need to lay out the details for me. It was easy enough to connect the dots. She was young and na?ve, and her ex abused her in horrific ways. When Channing was a teenager, I was just finishing up college and had already started working at Halliday Inc. My youth ended as soon as I started following in my father’s footsteps. But I realized what I thought I lost couldn’t compare to what had been stolen from Channing.
“We had a courthouse wedding the day I turned eighteen. None of my family or any of the few friends I had left were there. Parker’s drummer and his coke dealer were our witnesses. It was pathetic. I cried about it for days. I think that was the moment I started to understand there was something wrong with our relationship. Even though my parents’ marriage was mostly for show, they still had a real wedding. There were pictures of them all over the house. And even though Willow and Archie eloped, they had a wedding, be it an unconventional one. Willow looked over the moon in love in the pictures she sent. There are no pictures from my first wedding because I had a black eye. Parker punched me in the face the night before when I demanded he let my mother come. He didn’t want my family to have any evidence that he put his hands on me, and while a seasoned judge might overlook a black eye covered in makeup, my mother and sister would not. To this day it doesn’t feel real. More like a nightmare that took too long to wake up from.”
My stiff fingers curled into a fist on top of the glass table. I reached for the tumbler of brandy I’d yet to taste. I constantly felt sorry for myself when I thought about my cruel and regimented youth. Self-loathing came swiftly when I started to realize it was incomparable to the things Channing survived.
She finally loosened her fingers on the wineglass. She chugged back what was left, then reached for the rest of the bottle. She must’ve decided that pouring another glass took too much work because she started to drink straight from the bottle.
I blew out my breath and felt the center of my chest burn. “I’m sorry I forced you to go through another courthouse wedding. I had no idea you were previously traumatized by a similar situation.”
She snorted and pushed back the long part of her hair that blew into her eyes with the evening breeze. “Would you do things differently if you’d known? ”
I shrugged. “I like to think I would.” But I was backed into a corner, and she was my only way out. I kept telling her I wasn’t a good man, and I meant it. If dragging her to the courthouse was the only way to reach my goal, I probably would’ve ignored her feelings lingering from the past and pushed her to do what I wanted anyway. “At the very least, I would’ve put more effort to try to exchange that awful memory for a better one with me.” I thought I knew Channing. I convinced myself I understood her. It was a big smack in the face to learn I barely scratched the surface of what made her quirky mind tick.
In the past, I accused her of not wanting to grow up and take responsibility because of how she lived. Now, I could see she’d been forced to grow up too fast and her lifestyle now was her way of experiencing the carefree days she’d had ripped away. She wasn’t irresponsible and immature.
She was simply doing her best to heal old wounds the only way she knew how.
“It doesn’t matter, now. What’s done is done and we can’t go back.” She set the wine bottle down and licked her stained lips. She rested her cheek on her palm and stared at me with glassy eyes. “After we were married, Parker made it clear he wanted to get me pregnant as soon as possible. The idea terrified me because I was still a child myself, and he was the only person I’d ever had sex with. I was too inexperienced across the board. But I couldn’t say no to him. When I did, he hit me. He cursed at me. He isolated me in our shitty apartment for weeks on end, allowing my mother to spin deeper into her psychosis since I wasn’t around to supervise her. He forced me to have sex with him. He brainwashed me into thinking all the above was normal. I got pregnant right away, and then almost immediately suffered a miscarriage.” She gulped, and a tear ran down her face. She breathed hard through her nose and whispered, “There’s no feasible way to maintain a pregnancy when you’re being physically and emotionally abused. It was a horrific cycle that happened twice more. He’d knock me up, then knock me around and I’d lose the baby. Every time it happened, I wanted to die. I thought it was all my fault. I genuinely believed I did something wrong, that my body was broken, and that’s why I couldn’t carry to term. It never occurred to me that he was the cause.”
My blood turned to ice and a killing intent the likes of which I’d never felt before welled inside of my chest. When I asked Rocco to run a background on Channing before extorting her into marriage, none of this popped up. Which meant that all the suffering and loss she described, she faced alone. Her ex never took her to the hospital or sought medical help for her. He ruined her repeatedly and left her to deal with the aftermath by herself. “Willow never noticed what was happening?”
I couldn’t imagine her sister ignoring such horrific treatment. They were very protective over one another.
Channing sniffled and wiped her nose with the sleeve of the vintage silk robe she was wrapped in. Normally, I’d cringe at the defacing of such a beautiful and expensive garment, but right now, she could destroy everything in this house, and I wouldn’t bat an eye .
“Willow and Archie were on the run from your mother. She tried to check in on me, but anytime she popped her head out of hiding, your mother would send henchmen after them and they’d have to move again. She had her own demons to deal with. Plus, I lied to everyone about what was happening. I’m supposed to be the levelheaded and rational Harvey. I’m the one who takes care of everyone else in the family. How was I supposed to admit how badly I failed when it came to taking care of myself? Back then, even if my sister or my mother knew what was going on, I would’ve played it off as a misunderstanding. I couldn’t grasp how wrong everything Parker did to me was until the final pregnancy.” She closed her eyes and put a hand to her chest like she was trying to hold her heart in place. I’d never seen her look so forlorn. “I got pregnant when I was nineteen. By then, I’d met Salome. Salome moved into the apartment across the hall from ours and heard every time Parker got physical. Slowly but surely, she started to intercept me whenever I was alone. In the laundry room. Taking out the trash. In the elevator. She told me she would help me. She repeated over and over that the way Parker treated me wasn’t right. She threatened to call the police if she heard him hit me ever again, so for a while, he left me alone. It was the only time during our marriage I felt somewhat safe. She saved my life. She’s also the reason I managed to carry the final pregnancy almost to term. She monitored me the entire time. Making sure I ate and saw a doctor for regular checkups whenever Parker was out of town for a gig. I swear Parker was scared to death of her. ”
Channing trailed off and hesitated to continue her story. Seeing that she was clearly trapped inside a devastating memory, I got to my feet and walked around the table to where she was curling into herself like she was protecting her body from powerful blows. I picked her up and sat back down with her in my lap. I tucked her head under my chin and promised, “If you want to leave the past behind, I’ll make sure none of it ever touches you again. If you want to keep going, you don’t have to press on alone. Who you were, and who you are now, there is no difference to me, Channing. They’re both you, and you’re mine. I’ll fix whatever that bastard broke. Okay?”
Her shoulders started to shake, and I could hear her muffled cries. “I was very pregnant, and Parker demanded I go to a bar to watch his band perform. We’d been there a few times and that’s where I met Roan. I have no idea why. Maybe it was to humiliate me because he flirted around and kissed five different girls right in front of me throughout the night. He wanted me to drink and party with his band, but I refused. I stuck with water throughout the evening, but at some point, I started to feel really off. I know he slipped something in my drink when I went to the bathroom. Fortunately, Roan was the bartender. He could tell something was wrong. He wanted to rush me to the hospital, but Parker refused and threw a fit. The next thing I knew, my water broke, and I was going into labor. Nothing about it felt right. Roan and Parker got into an altercation which set off a brawl inside the bar. The cops were called. By the time I made it to labor and delivery, I was covered in blood and barely breathing. I don’t remember much after that, but I delivered the baby and didn’t die; both seemed to be a miracle.”
I held her tighter and remembered her asking me what I was going to do if she wanted to have kids in the future because our marriage contract initially lasted for five years. Channing was currently in her mid-thirties. If I hadn’t let her adjust the time limit, I very well could have stolen her last chance to start a family because I was clueless about her history and complications. No wonder she was so resentful I forced her into marriage despite all the benefits. I would hate me too if I was in her shoes.
“How come there are no records of this anywhere? Rocco dug through your background, including your medical history, with a fine-tooth comb. There are no red flags.”
Channing gave a sharp and piercing laugh, then confirmed my initial guess. “Because your mother covered everything up. Roan wanted to press assault charges against my ex. Parker freaked out and begged my dad to help him stay out of jail. He offered to pay him. Since my father’s only loyalty is to money, of course he agreed. The only way to get money was to use the baby as a bargaining chip. When I came to, the baby was already gone. Parker and my dad brokered a private adoption while I was still unconscious. I only know that I gave birth to a premature little boy because the doctor told me. I never saw him. Never held him. I didn’t hear him cry.” Tears started rolling down her cheeks. I went to wipe them away for her, but she drunkenly batted my hand away. It was clear she wanted to feel every ounce of pain she was reliving through her words. “Parker didn’t actually want children. He just wanted to keep me pregnant, so I would be compliant. He wanted a way to tie me to him for the rest of my life because he knew I would never walk away from my kid. Once my dad was involved, Paul Harvey saw an opportunity for an even bigger payday. Just like always. He promised your mother that he would tell her where Willow and Archie were hiding if she greased the wheels and found him a family waiting to adopt a newborn, and got the charges against Parker dropped. He wanted a family willing to pay top dollar. Any chance for him to make a quick buck, he’d take it. Even if it meant selling off his firstborn grandchild like livestock.” Channing sobbed so hard her entire body shook. It was hard to understand the last few sentences because they were garbled and twisted by the intense emotional storm she was caught up in. It took all my strength to keep her on my lap. I made soothing noises, but she was understandably inconsolable.
“You know how they convinced the doctors I wouldn’t contest the adoption?” The question was flavored with her years of disgust and anger. I’d never seen her this way before. It was like a totally different Channing that lived deep within her normally cheerful and effervescent skin.
I shook my head but had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“I was out of my mind when they told me that my baby had already been adopted. I was more distraught than my mother had ever been, even during one of her major episodes. My father convinced everyone that I agreed with the adoption previously, but the stress of the birth and previous pregnancy losses made me manic. He had them run a blood test and whatever drug was in the water showed in the results. He called me an addict and swore to anyone who would listen that I would be an unfit mother. He even had a notarized release from a lawyer with my signature on it. With Colette Halliday backing his every word, no one wanted to believe a manic teenager over the adults. He pointed to our family’s history of similar breakdowns, and every single person dealing with me found it far more convenient to chalk up my protest to a psychotic break.”
I kissed her temple and rocked her back and forth. I swore I heard her heart shattering as she relived every agonizing moment. Winnie grew up being terrified that people would use her grandmother and mother’s illness against her, and I was certain it was the same for the woman in front of me. It was hard to fight against generations of complicated genetics.
“I’m lucky Roan realized something about my situation was fucked up. He persisted in tracking me down at the hospital and saved me. He and Salome got me away from Parker. He refused to drop the charges against him, even with threats from your mother. They held my hands throughout the divorce. They gave me a safe place to hide and heal. They helped me hire a private detective to find my son, and still follow up even though there’s been no hope for years. Both of them stood next to me, a hand on each arm, until I was fully back on my feet. Roan even married me to make absolutely sure Parker had no legal leg to stand on when he came sniffing back around. He still has a no-contact order in place against him. Salome always wanted me to go get one as well, but it felt pointless. I never thought a piece of paper would be able to protect me, and I was afraid it would just encourage him to torment me even more.” She shook her head, which brushed her soft hair against my chin. “After today, I think should put one in place for my father. He has a healthy fear of being incarcerated since he’s always been a petty criminal. It might work against him.”
“You never located the baby?” It was stupid to ask. If my mother was involved, the trail would be ice cold. No one knew how to get away with being evil and malicious better than the woman who gave birth to me.
Channing sniffed again and reached for the abandoned wine bottle. “No. It’s like he vanished into thin air. But Ky is the right age, and he looks just like Parker when he was younger. I don’t know what to think.”
I hummed a sound of agreement and shifted my gaze so that I was looking at the glow of the lights from the sprawling city.
“Ky’s family isn’t wealthy. And his appearance simultaneously with your father’s feels orchestrated. This is an area you can’t be rational about, and when it happened, you were on the brink of death and doped up on narcotics. Don’t get your hopes up too high. Let me poke around and try to put the pieces together before you make a move toward that kid.” I wanted to protect her, even more so now that I knew my mother was involved in the coverup. I was silently berating myself for making her live with the woman who constantly dragged her to hell. I’d nearly lost her to my mother more than once. I wasn’t about to let another unknown entity take her away.
Trying to lighten the mood, I teased, “At least I know you married Roan for convenience and not because he was the love of your life. That makes me feel less jealous of all the time you spend with him.”
She moved her head so that she could give me a narrow-eyed look. “I married him because I loved him. He’s endlessly kind and caring. He put the shattered pieces of my heart back together one by one. Sure, our relationship started out as something different, but eventually it settled into a really solid and comfortable marriage. We were a good match.”
That jealousy I just boasted about having control over surged back to outrageous levels. “If it was so easy to be with him, then why did you two split?”
Roan Goodwin owned a blue-collar bar and made a mediocre living. He was a handsome man with an easy-going personality. He didn’t get heated over much and had no problem mingling with any demographic. Exactly like Channing. Their personalities were remarkably similar.
“We split because, while we loved each other deeply, we weren’t in love with each other. Staying with someone simply because it’s effortless isn’t the answer.”
It was my turn to let out a dry laugh. “You said being with me is too hard. Does that mean we’re destined to work out if easy isn’t the answer?”
“Smartass.” She used her elbow to dig into my gut, which made me grunt. I kept her held close to my body as she finished chugging the bottle of wine. She was undoubtedly going to be hungover and emotionally drained tomorrow. I was happy she trusted me enough to be honest. Her history was as complicated and convoluted as mine. She was far tougher than I’d ever been, and my mother was even worse than I imagined.
I hated how impossible it seemed for this woman to care about me the way I did for her. My family did a damn excellent job making sure Channing could never picture happiness and Halliday in the same sentence.
I didn’t know if there was a way to make up for all that she lost at my mother’s hands. But I was making it my mission to try.