Chapter 22
Chapter 22
Groundhog Day was an oddly American holiday. Gabby had a few clients from outside the US who were puzzled when February 2 rolled around every year. Punxsutawney Phil might have seen his shadow in Pennsylvania this morning, but the weather was bleak in Atlanta. Technically, that meant spring was right around the corner.
For the first time, despite every terrible thing that had happened with Jason, Gabby felt hope.
She had to see him. Soon. She’d chosen this day on a whim. After watching the movie Groundhog Day half a dozen times on late-night TV in years past, this week she felt a great deal of sympathy for the frustrated Bill Murray. Ever since Christmas evening when she and Jason called it quits, her days had been stuck in a repetitive and lonely loop.
Unless she made some changes in her life, she had no chance at all for a happy ending. Truthfully, she wasn’t sure she believed in those.
Some people got them. But maybe not in a forever kind of way.
Was she willing to take a chance with Jason, knowing it might not last?
For days and weeks, she had told herself no . But now, like the first signs of spring emerging from winter, her heart had begun to change.
How to broach this confrontation was a problem. It didn’t seem fair to corner him in his house when he would likely be covered in dust and dirt. But if she waited until later in the day, he might have commitments. He might be out .
She took a half day off from work and raced home to eat lunch, shower, and change clothes. Nothing fancy. Jeans. A soft lavender sweater that reminded her of the crocus she had seen in a nearby yard. When she slipped on her ballet flats, she had to smile. It was still winter. Jason would probably chide her for not wearing socks.
Her moment of humor was only that. A moment. She hadn’t seen Jason in thirty-nine days. Hadn’t talked to him. Hadn’t read a funny text. Hadn’t inhaled his scent, though that was still imprinted in her brain.
Anything could have happened in the interim.
He had said the ball was in her court. That was frankly terrifying.
Situations changed. People changed. For the first eighteen years of her life, Gabby had lived with inconsistency, lack of control, and last-minute changes . There had been no stability. No assurances. No promises of good things to come.
Life had kicked her in the stomach time and again.
That sick feeling had stayed with her even as an adult.
Maybe now was the time to exorcise the demon. Take away its power over her. Recognize that she was stronger than she knew.
Bad things could happen, even now.
Jason might not want to see her. Perhaps he was no longer interested in a woman who was high-maintenance. Not when it came to clothes or makeup or housing or cars. But with emotions.
He could have moved on. Like Dahlia. Like the whole wide world turning on its axis.
Gabby was tired of being stuck.
She wanted more. She wanted him.
Her body alternated between hot and cold as she made her plans. So far there was only Step One. Go to Jason’s house. After that, she would have to wing it.
When she pulled into his driveway, she saw a familiar car. That was good—right? She got out and stared. Beautiful windows gleamed in the afternoon light despite a day that was gray. The roof was pristine, too.
So much had changed since the last time she was here.
Though it was difficult, she forced her feet to move. When she stood on the tiny stoop, she rang the doorbell.
He must have seen or heard her arrive. The door opened instantly.
Something flashed in those sea-bright eyes. Heat. Interest.
Or maybe she imagined that reaction.
When she chanced a look at him again, the expression on his face was impassive. Polite. “Gabby. Would you like to come in?”
“Um, yes...”
He stepped back and waved his hand. “Still no furniture. You can have the camp chair. I’ll stand.”
A mattress with rumpled covers lay on the floor near their feet. Things happened on mattresses. But not today.
Gabby scooted past him, looking around the open area. There were no walls in Jason’s house yet, but two-by-fours that smelled of new wood gave a good idea where one room might end and the next one begin. “It’s a lot cleaner now.”
He shrugged. “All the demolition is done. I kind of miss it.” His lips twitched. “Pounding things was good for stress relief.”
“Pounding things?” Gabby’s eyes widened.
His face turned red. “You know what I mean.”
“Oh. Sledgehammers.”
He stared at her. “Why are you here, Gabby?”
“I wanted to wish you a happy Groundhog Day.”
He glanced at his watch. Checked the date. “So it is.” He frowned. “I must be missing something. I wasn’t aware you were a fan of rodent holidays.”
“Stop being a smart-ass,” she huffed. For a man who claimed to love her, he was remarkably unwelcoming. He wasn’t dirty and sweaty, more’s the pity. His button-down white shirt and leather jacket with dark khakis made him look like a fighter pilot in a World War II movie. Give him a pair of aviator sunglasses and he’d be a taller, broader Maverick.
She ignored the camp chair, unable to sit while Jason was on his feet. If they were going to make progress, she had to meet him on equal ground.
He folded his arms across his impressive chest. “How’s Dahlia doing?”
“My mother is married,” she said, still having trouble with that thought.
Jason’s wooden expression slipped, revealing shock. “You’re kidding. How did that happen?”
“When she and Dave got down to Florida, Mama felt guilty about living in sin . So they went to the courthouse. Dave felt bad, I think, about leaving me out.”
Jason’s face softened. “I’m sorry, Gabby. That must have hurt.”
She wrinkled her nose. “It did. But in a way, it’s a good thing that she felt confident enough to move ahead with marriage. Her first marriage. I’ve spent most of my life trying to take care of her. This is progress...even if I would have done things differently.”
“I think you’re right.”
The silence built between them. Heaps and piles of uncomfortable silence.
Now that she was here, she honestly didn’t know what to say. Was she supposed to throw herself in his arms and beg for another chance?
That seemed needy and scary.
It would be much better simply to state her case.
She hadn’t expected it to be so hard.
Finally Jason glanced at his watch again. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I have an appointment. Was there something else you wanted to say?”
Looking at him brought back familiar feelings. Like being a child and peering through store windows at shiny, beautiful treats that would never be hers. Pretty dresses. Expensive toys. Delightful foods. Standing on the outside looking in. Knowing that hoping and wishing weren’t enough.
Now, though she tried desperately to read Jason’s mood, it was impossible. He seemed as distant as the moon. And despite his dazzling masculinity, he was as cold as the moon.
“I was offered a new job,” she blurted out.
Jason blinked. “Oh?”
Quickly she told him about Mr. Hancock’s unexpected visit to her office. “It means a huge step up. I’d be the most senior female staff in the building. And the salary is double my current pay.”
He shifted from one foot to the other and rubbed the back of his neck. “Congratulations. Your mother must be very proud.”
“She doesn’t know about the offer.” Gabby said it bluntly.
Jason cocked his head. “Why not?”
“Because I turned it down two days ago. In fact, I quit entirely. I have enough in savings to take a little time off. Figure out what I really want to do.”
Jason inhaled sharply and glared, visibly uneasy. “I don’t know why you’re here, Gabby,” he said. “And I don’t know why you’re telling me these things. In case you forgot, we ended our relationship.”
Panic stabbed sharply in her belly. “But you said I could come find you.”
His eyes blazed. “Under one condition only.”
“Please,” she said. “I have some things to say. Let me say them.”
“Why?” His scowl was dark and foreboding.
“Jason...”
“Fine,” he said. “Talk.”
Jason was in hell.
He’d spent long weeks convincing himself he could live without Gabby Nolan. Now she had walked right into his house and immediately exposed the lies he’d tried to believe.
He ached to hold her. But he dared not. This didn’t seem to be anything close to a reconciliation. More like an information dump. Or someone cleansing her soul.
That sucked. He didn’t want to be Gabby’s sounding board. Not anymore. He couldn’t handle it. Already his sex was hard, and his chest hurt.
His fists clenched in his pockets. Gabby’s face was pale, her eyes huge and filled with some negative emotion—a combination of fear and dread and pain. Not the look of a woman who wanted him. “Talk,” he demanded sharply. “I have thirty minutes, max.”
There was no appointment. Maybe Gabby realized that. But he wasn’t going to let her trample him again indefinitely.
She took three steps in his direction. Stopped. Pressed her temples.
Then she took a deep breath.
“I’m not good at letting people in,” she said bluntly. “My default is to protect myself by not letting anyone witness my insecurities. I’ve spent my whole existence covering things up. It became a habit, even when it was no longer necessary.”
He shrugged. “Okay. Not really a surprise.”
She winced. “My life as an adult is predicated on being able to control my environment. Structure. Schedules. Doing the same things. Over and over. That may be incredibly boring to you, but it represented safety to me. Then you bumped into me at that coffee shop, and suddenly, things changed. I felt my control slipping. My schedule fragmenting. My environment shifting to include people and places and experiences that were new. And you,” she said, the last two words quiet.
He had no clue where this was going. “Then clearly I should apologize for upending your perfect life.”
He heard the sarcasm in his words. The bitterness. The anger.
“Jason...” She held out her hands.
“No,” he said. “We’re not doing this.” He couldn’t. She was destroying him bit by bit. “I get the message. I messed up your fine predictable life. Won’t happen again. You’ve made your point.”
His eyes burned. His chest was so tight, he wondered if a man his age could have a heart attack. For the second time in his life, he had made a wretched mistake. Apparently he had no clue what women wanted.
Gabby took two more steps. He backed away and bumped into a wall, or what would become a wall. “Leave,” he said sharply. “I don’t want you here.”
She went white, but she didn’t move. “I love you, Jason.”
In an instant, the world stood still. His head echoed with weird noises. His hands tingled. “Don’t say that,” he muttered. “I don’t need your pity.”
“It’s true.” She wet her lips with her tongue. Her throat moved as she swallowed. “I love you. I’ve been so afraid to let myself feel things, but it’s true. I love you. Quite desperately, in fact.”
When he didn’t speak—couldn’t speak—she went on. “I know you’re going to travel a lot. For your photography. I’m okay with that. Maybe I could tag along sometimes. And I know you have money. A lot of money. That was one reason I almost accepted the new job. So I could build a bigger bank account. But here’s the thing, Jason. I’m tired of being that scared little girl who learned to hate peanut butter. She will always be part of me. I get that. Maybe I’ll finally see a therapist one day soon. I’ve never wanted anyone peeking inside my brain. For years I couldn’t afford it, and then when I could, I was arrogant enough to think I could handle all my problems on my own.”
“A lot of people are that way,” he said hoarsely. “Me included. We don’t want to admit when we need help.”
“Well, I’m trying,” she said. “I want to be a better person.”
He floundered mentally. She said she loved him. He wanted to believe her, but there were things she didn’t know.
“I think you’re a wonderful person, Gabby. Just the way you are.”
Her smile was wistful and sweet. “Thanks for saying that.”
“It’s true.”
He wanted to drag her close and kiss her until neither of them could breathe. But they weren’t out of the woods yet.
Gabby’s smile faded. “Where do we go from here? Oh shoot, scratch that,” she said, seeming disgusted with herself. “The new Gabby is trying to live day to day. You’ll have to forgive me when I screw up. I thought since I have more free time now, you could teach me how to renovate houses. This house, maybe.”
Her words were shaky, vulnerable. But he had to get through this.
“I haven’t been honest with you,” he said bluntly. “In the last six weeks, I’ve gone behind your back. I’ve asked Leah to keep my secrets. Asked her not to tell you that she and I have been talking.”
“Oh.” Gabby bit her lip. “Well, I guess it wasn’t a problem. I haven’t been in contact with Leah or with Cate. I didn’t want to talk about you. And me. To be honest, the only friend I’ve shared any of this with was my neighbor, Tanya.”
“And what did she have to say?”
“Um...direct quote? I don’t understand why a woman as smart as you are could be so ignorant about love. ”
Jason lifted an eyebrow. “She’s a straight shooter.”
“You have no idea.” Gabby stared at him, visibly troubled. “Are you going to tell me about these secrets?”
“Yes. First, I won’t be doing much traveling. Not right now. But when I do, I’d love to have you go with me if you want to...”
“Okay.”
He hunched his shoulders and muttered a curse. “You remember my trust funds from my grandparents?”
“Kind of hard to forget something like that,” Gabby said. “Though I’ve tried, believe me.”
“Well...” He inhaled sharply, still feeling incredulous that he had jumped into the deep end. “I gave away more than half of the total amount.”
Gabby’s eyes rounded. “Gave it away?”
“Yes. Not to make you more comfortable about us,” he said hastily. “But if that’s a side benefit, I’ll be happy.”
“Gave it to whom? To what? And why?”
Her frown bugged him. “I’ve spent a lot of time—since the debacle with Cate—trying to decide how my life should go. What I’ll do. Where my passions are leading. It finally dawned on me that perhaps I needed to quit focusing on myself and do something for somebody else. Then hopefully, other areas of my life will fall into place.”
“What prompted this revelation?” she asked, brow still creased.
He’d been hoping for an enthusiastic response. But her expression was more dubious than admiring.
He cleared his throat. Would this admission make her angry?
“It was you,” he said quietly. “The more I learned about you and your mom, the more I realized that for years, you both were mostly invisible. And sadly, you aren’t the only ones. There are so many families who are barely getting by...kids especially.”
“I don’t understand.” Her intent gaze made him itchy, self-conscious.
“I’ve set up a foundation with the money,” he said, trying to keep it simple, though the process had been anything but. “I’m going to fund a sizeable expansion at Leah’s camp. And set up an endowment. Once all that is in place, I’ll start looking for other organizations that need my help.”
“Wow. Leah must be over the moon.”
“She and Lucas are excited. I am, too. We’re hoping you’ll want to get involved.”
“Of course I will,” Gabby said.
He fell silent.
They looked at each other.
He ground his jaw. “If all you want from me is sex, I’ve decided that’s okay. You don’t have to say those words.”
“You mean I love you ?”
“Yes.”
“But I do,” she said, her eyes beginning to shine.
Tears? Happiness? Because he couldn’t read her, he was mute.
Gabby kept talking, the words tumbling out in a rush. “I was hoping you still loved me. Even though I can be a pain in the ass.”
“No, baby. You’re not that at all,” he said quickly. “You’re prickly sometimes. And yes, you hide behind walls. But every time I kiss you, I know you’re letting me see all of you. I fell in love with both women. The shy, reserved female and the wildcat in bed.”
Her lips twitched. “Wildcat? Really?”
“I had the scratches to prove it,” he said. “But it’s been weeks. Everything healed.” The muscles in his face finally loosened enough for him to smile. “Everything but my heart. You did a number on that.”
He reached for her then, took her hand, pulled her close. Rested his chin on top of her head. His heart was in the attack range again. Pulse pounding. Oxygen evaporating.
In his arms, Gabby felt like all his dreams come true. “I love you,” he said.
She tipped back her head so she could look at him. “I wasn’t just saying what I thought you wanted to hear. I love you, too.”
“Thank God.” He kissed her then, feeling drunk with happiness. Their tongues tangled. Their breath mingled. He felt her heart beating in time with his.
She combed her fingers through his hair. “Will you make love to me? So I know this is real?”
He cupped her ass and pulled her hard against his pelvis. “It’s real, Gabby. So real.”
They removed their shoes, then knelt on the mattress and undressed each other. Her bra was pale lavender. It matched her sweater. The random thought bounced in his brain. But when he reached behind her to unfasten the clasp, they both sighed and groaned.
Her breasts nestled in his palms. Plump and soft and tipped with tiny, dark pink buds. He tasted her reverently.
Gabby squirmed. “Let me see you. I want you naked,” she said, the words breathless.
“Okay.” The word was barely audible. His throat closed up.
He had shrugged out of his jacket earlier. Now Gabby unbuttoned his shirt. She stroked her hands over his chest, then kissed his collarbone. “My bed has been so empty,” she said. “January has been the longest month of my life.”
“You don’t have to tell me.” He unzipped her jeans and helped her slide out of them. Then they worked on his pants. When he was down to his boxers and Gabby wore nothing but bikini panties, he wrapped his arms around her and dragged the covers over them both. “I don’t want you to get cold,” he said, leaning on one elbow to look down at his lover.
Her dark silky hair looked good on his pillow. Her smile was radiant. “I’m not cold at all. Tell me we’re going to be okay,” she begged.
“We’re going to be okay.” He had never been surer of anything in his life. For Gabby to come here today and claim him was a huge step. He was humbled by her bravery. “Just so you know, I’ll be buying you presents often. Maybe expensive ones.”
She nodded soberly, but her eyes danced. “I’ll learn to adjust.”
He stared at her, memorizing every line of her face. “I have nothing at all unless I have you, Gabby,” he said gruffly. “I wasn’t sure you would ever believe in us...in me. I’ll spend my whole life making you happy, I swear.”
She cupped his cheek in one hand. “I want babies, Jason. Your babies. Our babies. And even though we’ll teach them to be strong and independent, I won’t ever let them feel hurt or abandoned. Not if it’s in my power to protect them.”
His jaw worked as a wave of emotion caught him and dug deep into his gut. “Agreed,” he croaked.
Now she frowned. “Will you be okay if we have girls? I know families like yours do the whole lineage thing.”
He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. “We can have half a dozen girls if you want. I love my parents. But you’re going to be my family, Gabby. You and those babies. Do you believe me?”
A single tear found its way down her cheek, leaving a thin, shiny track on dewy soft skin. She licked it off her lip. “Yes, Jason. I do.”
“Good. Now, can I have you?”
“Only if I can have you in return.” Her cheeky grin was adorable.
He grabbed the protection he needed. It wasn’t quite time for those babies. He wanted to keep this endlessly intriguing woman to himself. At least for now.
When he moved between her legs and pressed into her, their gazes held. The moment felt as sacred as any vow.
“I adore you, Gabriella Nolan,” he said. “I won’t ever let you go.”
She caught her breath when he surged deep. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted. You and me. It’s like a dream.”
“Better than a dream,” he said. “It’s a fantasy come to life. I’ve waited a long time to find you. To find us. Now close your eyes and let me show you a glimpse of our reward.”
She gasped, her inner muscles squeezing him. “Reward?”
“For now and forever,” he said. “You in my bed every night. A man couldn’t ask for more.”