Chapter 54
54
Massimo
"What?" She blinks. "What did you say?"
"I love you, Olivia. My wife, my heart, my true self. Meeting you made me realize what I was missing in my life. You’re a mirror for my desires, the book of my passions written to bring my deepest yearning to life... The reflection of everything I was seeking, only I wasn’t aware of it, until I met you. What I feel for you is bigger than myself, more significant than anything I’ve encountered before, or will encounter again. I saw you and realized every step I’ve taken in my life was a step closer to finding you. Everything I’ve done so far has pushed me toward you. You were my true north, and I didn’t even realize it."
Her face pales. "What are you saying?"
"That you are magnificent. You were created for me. Since I met you, there hasn’t been a time when I’m not thinking of you. I love you, and everything about you. I love your fiery nature, your ambition, your focus on making something of yourself, how you’re loyal to your family, despite the fact they’ve never recognized your talents, how you’d do anything to protect your sister, even turn your back on your true love."
"You don’t mean it." Her chest rises and falls.
"I do." I bring her fingers to my lips and kiss them. "You are my every hope and dream, every thought I’ve ever had. I am because of you, Via."
"Stop." She tries to pull away, and this time, I release her. She jumps up and begins to pace. "You’re confusing me, Massimo."
"Confusing you?" I sit up straight. My side protests, and my shoulder screams in pain, but I ignore it. "I thought I was being very clear when I said that I love you, Via. I am in love with you, I?—"
"Stop." She slaps her palms over her ears. "Please stop." She turns away from me. Her body language is stiff, her muscles tense. She folds her fingers into fists, tucks her elbows into her sides. I can’t see her features.
"What is it, Via? I thought you felt the same way about me?"
"I—" She shakes her head. "I do. I love you so much, Massimo. And when I saw you collapsed on the ground, my heart almost stopped. I was sure I was going to die. I thought I’d lost you. It felt like someone had reached right into me and pulled out all of my insides.” She turns on me. “And then, when you kissed me—” she wrings her hands together "—I was so relieved, I thought I was going to die all over again. I’m not sure I could take another one of these incidents. If something were to happen to you again, I’m not sure I’d survive it."
I open my mouth to protest, but she stops me.
"And it could happen again.” She squeezes her fingers together. “Don’t deny it. You’re a Mafioso. You’ll never really be free of what it means to be part of an organized crime syndicate."
"Maybe; maybe not. Either way, we're going to try. We have enough clout to ensure that our futures, and that of our offspring, are free of the shadow of our past deeds."
She hunches her shoulders. "What if that’s not enough? What if, each time you try to move forward, a shadow from your past—from our past—crawls out to confront us? What if—" she raises her palms and stares at them “—despite your best attempts, we’re put in situations where we’re forced to make split-second decisions, the consequences of which we’re going to have to live with for the rest of our lives?"
I flinch, then square my shoulders. "Being part of the Mafia is in my blood, and it’s in yours. It’s not something we can ever get rid of completely. It’s not something we should hesitate to talk about. In fact, to move forward, it’s important we come to grips with it and confront it," I retort.
"And no doubt, kill if needed," she says in a low voice.
My heart twists, and my guts churn. "I’m sorry you were put in a situation where you had to do that. But I’m not sorry that you did it."
She shakes her head. "Neither am I."
I frown. "So, what’s the problem, Via?"
"Can’t you see?" She tips up her chin. "That is the problem. This—" She gestures between us. "All of this—you being hurt, me not hesitating to shoot someone to protect the both of us, you killing my brother to safeguard my future. The fact that I’m not even upset about that, or that I had to shoot someone to protect us. It’s not normal. It’s not how ordinary people would react, Massimo."
"But we’re not ordinary, Via. We live on the edges of society. We see the things that other people refuse to see. We do the things that other people won't do. We’re the kind who constantly push the boundaries of what’s right to survive.”
She scoffs. “You might, but that’s not what I want for myself.”
“Like it or not, our legacy defines us. We were born into it, and try as we might, we can’t walk away from it. It's what we were born into."
"But it’s not something I chose as my lifestyle. I don’t want that. It’s why I left… Not only to pursue my passion, but also so I could find a life separate from what it means to be part of the Mafia. Then you came along; and here I am, right back where I didn’t want to be."
My heart begins to race. My pulse thrums in my stomach. A drift of snow seems to localize in my chest, and I ignore it. "I thought you cared about me, Via," I say carefully. "I thought you had feelings for me."
"I do." She locks her fingers together. "It’s what makes this so much more difficult to say."
The hair on the back of my neck rises. "Don’t." I keep my voice level, but every muscle in my body tenses. Even before she opens her mouth, I know what she’s going to say. It still doesn’t prepare me for the shock when she turns her face sideways.
"I need some time apart, Massimo."
"No," I growl.
"Yes." She shuffles her feet. "Please understand, I just need to figure out where I am at with all of this."
"With all of what?" I snap.
"With you, me, this wedding, with what happened... How you almost died."
"But I’m alive." I swing my legs over the side of the bed and she starts.
"Please, don’t get out of bed, you need to rest."
"And watch as you walk away from me? You want me to lie back and allow you to talk yourself into some bullshit explanation for why you need some space from me?"
"I do need space, and it’s not bullshit. I simply need to hear myself think. I need to figure out what I want."
"I know what you want. I’m the only one who knows what you need. Thinking of you is what keeps me awake. Dreaming of you is the only reason I allow myself to sleep. Wanting you is the one good thing I’ve done in my life, and you want to take that away from me?" It feels like someone has wrapped their hands around my neck and is squeezing the life out of me.
I push up to my feet. My knees wobble, but the damn things hold, thank fuck. I take a step forward, and fuck, maybe I spoke too soon, because my thighs spasm. " Che cazzo !" I thrust out a hand to grab the edge of the bed, but she rushes over and grabs it instead.
"Massimo, please." She squeezes my arm, and pinpricks of heat shiver out from the point of contact. Every cell in my body seems to come alive. This woman. Why can’t she understand how much she means to me?
I wind my arm around her waist and draw her close. "Look into my eyes, Via."
She shakes her head.
"Via, please, baby, give me this, at least."
She bites down on her lower lip, and my dick twitches. She tips up her chin, then finally raises her gaze to mine. Watery green eyes, smudges in the hollows under her eyes, skin that reminds me of the finest gossamer, and the scar that curls across her cheek toward the corner of her eyes.
"You are so beautiful."
A teardrop squeezes out from the corner of her eye. "Don’t," she whispers.
I bend and lick the trail of moisture down her cheek. She shivers. I press tiny kisses down to the corner of her mouth, and a moan bleeds from her lips. I brush my mouth over hers, and a sigh breezes out from her.
"I wish I could turn back the clock. I wish I’d found you sooner, so I could love you longer."
Another tear rolls down her cheek. "Massimo, please don’t make this so difficult for me."
I peer between her eyes and I see pain, pleading, and something else, something I dare not put a name to. An emotion so very much like love. She loves me; she’s just not ready to admit it. Maybe what she needs is time… and space.
I tilt my head and capture her mouth with mine. I thrust my tongue between her lips and drag it across her teeth. I suck on her tongue and kiss her, trying to convey all of the love I feel for her, then release her so suddenly, she stumbles a little. I step back, and the cool air rushes between us. She stands there, blinking.
"Go." I jerk my chin toward the doorway. "Go, please... before I change my mind."