Chapter 20 #2
Blakelyn doesn’t see me at first. She’s too far inside her own head. Her arms are tight to her sides, eyes are wide and terrified and fixed straight ahead. Her mouth is drawn tight. Her lips are white, and her body is taut… as though she bracing for impact.
But… I see her.
I’m moving before I realize it, before the beer in my hand even hits the porch.
She looks up just as I hit the bottom step and when her eyes lock with mine—something breaks.
Not just in her. In me. “Blakely?—”
Her knees buckle and I catch her, wrapping my arms around her body and pulling her into me, supporting all of her weight.
Her breath stutters against my chest. Her hands fist in the back of my shirt like I’m the only thing keeping her from coming apart.
And the tension and fear within her roll off of her in waves.
“What happened? What’s wrong, Blakelyn? ” I bark, my voice rougher than I mean it to be.
She doesn’t flinch. She doesn’t answer. She just shakes her head and presses her face harder against me, her breath is ragged, and tears soak through my shirt.
“I’ve got you, baby” I murmur. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”
What the fuck is going on? What happened?
I don’t know if that’s true. I don’t know if I have her. I don’t know if she’s okay.
I haven’t seen her like this.
Not even when she told me about him. About what he did to her.
What the hell is happening?
I don’t ask again. I don’t know if I want the answer.
I help her inside my cabin her, wrap her in the thickest blanket I can find, and made her tea she doesn’t touch. She’s just sitting, griping the blanket with white knuckles, and staring straight ahead while she shakes.
Carefully, I sit next to her on the couch. I don’t touch her, just close enough to say “ I’m here.”
She still stares straight ahead. Her eyes are blank. She’s in my cabin, but she’s not here. She’s somewhere else, watching whatever storm this is roll in.
Finally, softly, she whispers, still clutching the blanket like a lifeline, “He texted me. Earlier. At school.”
Tyler…
My jaw clenches and I ask, “Tyler?”
I already know the answer.
She nods. Still not looking at me, but she flatly says, “He found my number. And he has a new one. It was blocked. I don’t know how he got it.
I changed everything before I left. My phone.
My accounts. He knew where I was. You know that.
He showed up. But he left. You made him leave.
But he didn’t stay gone. He’s back… and he said—” Her voice cracks and she swallows.
My chest tightens and my stomach flips. It feels like someone just gutted me and poured acid in the wound.
“What did it say?” I ask, trying to stay calm… for her.
Her voice is barely audible as she says.
“I’ll always be his. He doesn’t need to see me to own me.
And he’ll see me soon. He called me sweetheart, but I felt the rage and the hate like he was standing in front of me.
I left and didn’t go back with him when he found me before.
So, he’s coming back… and he will kill me.
He will. I know it. I can’t be here. I—I have to leave. I can’t be here. I have to go. Now.”
He threatened her. She thinks he’s going to kill her.
He won’t. I will fucking kill him if he so much as shows his fucking face around her.
Stop. Calm down.
Breathe. Focus on Blakelyn.
I breathe through the white-hot rage that pulses behind my ribs. “Show me.” Somehow, my voice is calm.
She hands me the phone. I read it. Every sick, possessive word. That smug fucking tone, like she’s a thing and not a person. Like she belongs to him… like he has any claim on her.
My vision goes dark as I read it a second time. The growl that rips from my chest surprises even me. “I’ll kill him.”
Her head snaps toward me and her eyes clear slightly.
“No,” she says sharply. “You won’t, Gruene.
That’s what he wants. To pull me back in.
To control me even from far away. He’d love it if you made a scene.
He wants to hurt me. He’ll use you against me.
No! I’ll just leave. I should leave. If I leave, he’ll follow me, and you’ll be safe. I need you to be safe.”
She’s not fucking leaving.
I stare at her, rage vibrating in every muscle but I shake my head. “No. You’re not leaving, Blakelyn. You have a life here. A job. He’s not taking that from you.”
And me… you have me.
She stares back—worn, but fierce. She heard what I didn’t say.
I see it on her face. Her eyes clear and some of the fear leaves them.
The panic recedes and she once again looks like the woman who showed up here and wrecked my whole fucking world.
The woman who left her abuser in the middle of the night and started a life, a life she deserves, and didn’t look back.
Don’t look back now, Blakelyn.
I breathe through my mouth, and she exhales, too. She nods, just once and says, “Okay.”
I breathe again and mutter, “We need to call the sheriff.”
She doesn’t leave, not even to go next door. She showers in my bathroom and pulls on one of my t-shirts.
I lock every window and check the doors, three times.
She lays in my bed, and I lie beside her but keep my gun on the nightstand.
Her head is on my shoulder and her fingers tangle in the hem of my shirt.
I pull her tighter, so her body is flush against my side.
She doesn’t speak but she doesn’t move or let go either.
She’s not leaving. That’s enough .
The sun is already high above the trees when I open my eyes. We both slept.
She’s still asleep, soft and warm against my chest and for a second, I pretend we’re just two people still figuring shit out… that the world outside isn’t filled with shadows trying to pull her back in.
Her fingers twitch against my side and the weight of everything comes crashing back in.
I don’t move.
When she finally stirs, she looks up at me like she’s not sure I’d still be here.
Shit.
I haven’t said the one thing she needs most.
Shifting up, I lean on one elbow so I can look down at her face. “I’m not going anywhere, Blakelyn.” I say quietly. “Not now. Not if he shows up. Not if things get messy. I’m not leaving you alone with this.”
Her throat works around a swallow, and her eyes get glassy. “Gruene, you don’t have to say that just because?—”
“I’m not,” I cut her off. “I’m saying it because it’s true.”
It is.
I’m not going anywhere.
I love her.
She nods as tears drench her lashes and trail down her cheeks. She buries her face against my chest again. She’s silent as she cries.
I let her stay there as long as she needs.
She calls in to work, saying she’s caught a bug, but she hopes to be back tomorrow.
The river is unusually quiet, even the regulars seem subdued. Or maybe, it’s just me. Maybe I can’t hear anything except the blood rushing in my ears every time I think about that text or the fact that Blakelyn is in my cabin with the doors locked. I look up at it every few minutes.
Reece throws me a look around noon. “You okay, Gruene? What the hell is going on? Is Blakelyn okay? I noticed she didn’t go to work today.”
Of course, he did.
I grunt.
He says, “You look like you’re about to rip someone’s face off.”
“Probably.” I mutter.
He raises a brow. “Want to talk about it?”
“Nope.” I reply.
He doesn’t press. He just nods and keeps unloading the beer cooler, but he looks at me every so often and I know that he knows something is definitely up.
I should tell him. He can help me keep an eye out and he’s my friend. He also cares about Blakelyn. But I don’t.
I check in with her a few times throughout the day through text.
Gruene
Keep the doors locked.
Make sure you eat.
I’m right here if you need me.
She sends back a heart emoji and a picture of a book that she found on my shelf. I don’t even know where it came from. It must have been Molly’s.
I don’t realize how tight my chest is with each text until the damn three dots appear. And it doesn’t ease until her text comes through.
She’s still in my cabin when I get home.
She’s not wearing any makeup because it’s next door and she’s still wearing my t-shirt. Her hair is piled on top of her head in a knot she clearly gave up on halfway through.
I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life.
She doesn’t speak at first, just walks straight to me and puts her hands on either side of my face.
“I need you to hear me,” she says, voice shaking.
“I am not scared of him . Not anymore. I am not running again. But I am scared of what happens if I stay… and you pull away from me again. I can’t—I can’t handle that, Gruene. ”
I won’t. I can’t.
My breath catches. “Blakelyn?—”
She stops me by shaking her head. “Let me finish. I know you’re scared,” she pushes on.
“I know what you’ve been through. You can’t shut down every time something hard happens, anymore.
You can’t push me away. You can’t love me like I’m precious, and then, leave in the middle of the night because you freak out.
I’m not something fragile you’re not allowed to keep—I’m here, Gruene.
I want to stay. But if you can’t be in this…
here, now… with me, tell me now. I can’t do this alone. ”
It guts me… every word.
I did this to her.
I loved her with my body but never let her know that she also owns my heart.
I pulled her in, and then, I pushed her away.
I let her think she was a warm body that I just filled. But she’s not.
She’s more. So much more.
I am scared. I’m not sure I deserve her… deserve this… but I’m here and I’m staying here.
With her.
I cup her wrists, rubbing over her pulse with my thumbs. “I’m not pulling away, Blakelyn. I’m here and I’m staying here. I’m just trying to figure out how to hold something again without breaking it. ”
Her expression softens and she smiles at me, “But what if I’m already broken, Gruene?”
“Then maybe… we don’t try to fix each other,” I whisper. “Maybe we just hold each other through it.”