12. Sawyer #3
“What?” He pushed off the wall, gesturing toward me with his beer bottle. “I’m just making conversation. Complimenting her suit. It’s nice. Very practical for someone on a budget.”
Uncomfortable laughter rippled through some of the guys near him. Not mean laughter, exactly. More like the kind that happens when someone crosses a line and no one’s big enough to call it out.
I couldn’t move…couldn’t breathe. Every eye was on me, every whisper was reaching my ears.
Did you hear what he said?
Oh my God, so awkward.
I mean, her dad did kind of screw everyone over...
Poor Sawyer.
“You’re being an asshole,” Owen said, louder now. “Seriously, what is your problem?”
Knox didn’t move, even that smirk stayed plastered on his lips. “Just making conversation, little brother. Relax.”
“You’re being a dick.” Owen turned to me, his face flushed with anger on my behalf. “Sawyer, I’m sorry. He’s drunk and being an idiot—”
“It’s fine,” I whispered. But it wasn’t fine. Nothing was fine.
I turned and rushed away before the tears could fall. Everyone was about to see exactly how much Knox’s words had shattered me and I couldn’t let him know he’d won.
Owen’s voice got louder behind me. “What the fuck? She didn’t do anything to you!”
I didn’t hear Knox’s response…I didn’t even want to.
I just kept walking, past the pool, past the laughing groups of people, past the life I used to have.
I made it to the side yard, a dark strip of lawn between the pool house and the neighbor’s fence, before the tears came. Hot, humiliating tears that I wiped away, annoyed at myself.
I wasn’t going to cry over Knox Aldrich. I refused to give him that power.
Except I already had.
“Sawyer.”
No. No fucking way.
Did he follow me? I spun around and found Knox standing a few feet away, backlit by the party lights. We stared at each other while music and laughter drifted beyond the pool house.
“What do you want?”
He stepped closer, close enough that I could see some of that anger left his face.
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
“But you did.”
“I know.” He dragged a hand through his damp hair. “Seeing you with him—”
“With Owen?” I laughed bitterly. “Owen, who’s actually nice to me? Who doesn’t humiliate me in front of everyone?”
He pulled his hand through his damp hair. “That’s not—”
“What, Knox? What isn’t it?” I moved toward him, my pulse pounding with each step. “Because you just made sure everyone at this party knows exactly what you think of me.”
“You don’t understand…”
“Then explain it!” The words exploded out of me. “Explain why you hate me so much! Because last I checked, I didn’t steal anyone’s money. I didn’t destroy our families. I was just trying to survive freshman year when everything fell apart!”
He swallowed hard and for a second I thought he’d actually be vulnerable, raw. But then the mask slammed back into place.
“Your dad destroyed my family,” he said, softer now. “Maybe you didn’t make the decisions, but you’re still a Thorne. I can’t forget that just because your tits are hanging out in a too small bikini.”
“Fuck you,” I whispered.
“Right back at you.”
His sneer had tears springing back in the corners of my eyes, but I somehow kept them at bay.
He turned to leave and I should have let him. I should have stayed exactly where I was.
But I couldn’t. I was too angry. Too hurt.
“You’re a coward.”
He stopped and turned back slowly. “What did you say?”
“You heard me.” I crossed my arms, steeling myself. “You’re terrified of feeling something real, so you destroy it first. It’s pathetic.”
He closed the distance in three strides, suddenly right there, close enough that I could smell chlorine and beer covering up his normal scent.
“You don’t know anything about me. Not anymore.”
“Keep telling yourself that.” My heart hammered but I didn’t back down. “I know you’re miserable. I know you blame everyone else for it. And I know that no matter how cruel you are to me, it won’t change what happened or how you feel.”
“Stop talking, little girl.”
“No.” My voice shook, but I continued. “I know you. And I know that you’re standing here right now because you can’t stay away. Even when you hate yourself for it.”
We stood there, breathing hard, just staring. His eyes dropped to my mouth, and I wet my lips.
Then he stepped back, clenching his hands into fists.
“You’re delusional, Thorne. I don’t think about you at all.” He looked me up and down, showing nothing but contempt. “Tonight just proved that charity cases shouldn’t show up where they don’t belong.”
I stood there and watched him walk away after getting the last word. He hurt me, cut me deep, but I knew I was right about him. Even though I wished I wasn’t.
I blink, the memory fading as fluorescent lights come back into focus.
That night was the first time Knox really showed me his pattern. Draw close, then destroy…make me feel seen, then make me feel worthless.
And like an idiot, I kept falling for it.
I roll onto my side, ignoring the pain in my ribs, and stare at the blank wall.
Some patterns, it seems, never break.