Chapter 9
Few days passed and it was finally Saturday.
For the first time in weeks, Orm had nothing waiting for her.
No meetings.
No client calls.
No construction site inspections.
No deadlines chasing after her.
The quiet inside her condominium felt strangely unfamiliar.
Usually, she buried herself in work until exhaustion won over memory.
But today there was nothing loud enough to drown the silence.
So at exactly seven in the morning, while lazily staring at the ceiling with half-awake eyes-
something suddenly hit her.
Tomorrow was Lingling's birthday.
Orm immediately sat upright on the bed.
Her heartbeat stumbled painfully against her chest.
For a few seconds, she simply stared blankly ahead, trying to process the date flashing on her phone screen.
May 11.
Lingling's birthday.
And then the memories came all at once.
In four years-
Orm had never missed it.
Not once.
No matter how busy life became.
No matter how exhausted they were.
No matter how chaotic their schedules turned.
Lingling's birthday had always been important to her.
Always.
There were years filled with loud celebrations and teasing.
One year, Orm surprised Lingling at midnight with candles stuck messily into convenience store cupcakes because every bakery nearby had already closed. Lingling laughed so hard she nearly cried while blowing them out inside the parking lot.
Another year, they drove three hours out of Bangkok just to watch the sunrise near the sea because Lingling once casually mentioned she missed seeing oceans.
Orm remembered how sleepy Lingling looked that morning.
Hair messy.
Hoodie too oversized.
Face still swollen from sleep.
Yet somehow still the prettiest person Orm had ever seen.
There was also the birthday where both of them were too overworked to plan anything properly.
So they bought a tiny cake at almost midnight and sat inside Lingling's car somewhere near the riverside.
No music.
No grand celebration.
Just the soft city lights outside while Lingling quietly rested her head on Orm's shoulder.
They watched the sunrise together afterward because neither of them wanted to go home yet.
And another year-
Lingling fell asleep before midnight even arrived.
Orm remembered laughing softly while fixing the blanket around her inside the condo.
Then whispering "Happy birthday" against Lingling's forehead while she slept peacefully beside her.
Back then, Orm truly believed there would be countless more birthdays together.
But now-
Lingling was in Khon Kaen.
Far away.
And Orm suddenly wondered if Lingling thought she forgot.
The thought hurt more than expected.
Before she could stop herself from overthinking-
Orm grabbed her car keys.
Still wearing oversized sleep clothes and slippers, she left the condominium almost immediately.
-
The grocery store was unusually crowded for a Saturday morning.
Yet Orm walked through the aisles like someone carrying an important mission.
Her cart slowly filled one by one.
Chocolate bars.
Heavy cream.
Butter.
Flour.
Sugar.
Bananas.
Vanilla extract.
Sprinkles.
Candles.
She stopped in front of the baking section for nearly ten minutes with a serious expression on her face.
Completely focused.
As if she were preparing architectural materials instead of ingredients for a cake.
An old woman beside her eventually glanced at the overflowing cart and smiled.
"Big celebration?" she asked casually.
Orm blinked before giving a small awkward smile.
"Something like that."
The woman laughed softly before walking away.
Orm remained standing there for a while.
Then quietly picked up banana flavoring too.
Because Lingling loved bananas.
Obsessively.
Banana milk.
Banana pancakes.
Banana bread.
Anything banana-flavored immediately became Lingling's favorite.
And Lingling loved chocolate almost equally.
So somewhere between the baking aisle and the checkout counter-
Orm made a ridiculous decision.
She would make a chocolate cake shaped like a banana.
The thought alone already sounded disastrous.
Probably ugly.
Possibly horrifying.
But undeniably personal.
Very Lingling.
Orm could already imagine the exact reaction.
Lingling laughing uncontrollably.
Mocking the shape.
Taking endless photos anyway.
Then still eating the entire thing because it came from Orm.
The image alone made Orm smile for the first time in days.
A small one.
Barely noticeable.
But real.
-
The entire day turned into complete chaos.
From the moment the sun rose through the apartment windows, Orm had been standing in the kitchen wearing an oversized hoodie, hair messily tied up, eyes heavy from lack of sleep, while dozens of baking tutorial videos played nonstop on her tablet.
"Why is your frosting so smooth?" she complained to the screen while aggressively whisking chocolate icing in a bowl.
The woman in the tutorial smiled effortlessly.
Orm glared at her.
"This feels personal now."
Flour dusted the counters.
Eggshells littered the sink.
Several measuring spoons had somehow disappeared.
And at some point during the afternoon, chocolate batter ended up on her cheek without her even noticing.
The first cake burned completely because she forgot to lower the oven temperature.
The second collapsed in the center.
The third almost survived-
until she accidentally dropped one entire sponge layer onto the floor.
Orm stared at it in horror.
For three full seconds, she genuinely looked like she might cry.
"Oh my god..."
She slowly crouched down beside the ruined cake layer like she was mourning a fallen soldier.
"This is so hard," she groaned dramatically before falling backward onto the kitchen tiles.
But after a few minutes-
she stood back up again.
Because somehow quitting never crossed her mind.
Not today.
Not when it was for Lingling.
Hour after hour, she kept trying.
Restarting recipes.
Rewatching tutorials.
Carefully writing notes on her phone like preparing for an exam.
Less butter.
Cool the ganache first.
Don't overmix.
Fold gently.
She repeated every instruction under her breath seriously, determined to get it right.
Because for some reason-
despite everything that had happened between them-
she desperately wanted Lingling's birthday to feel special.
Even if she had no right to be the one making it special anymore.
-
Meanwhile, her phone would not stop vibrating.
Again.
And again.
And again.
Sean's name kept flashing across the screen.
At first, Orm ignored it absentmindedly while measuring flour.
But eventually the constant buzzing became impossible to overlook.
She finally checked the messages.
(Message)
Sean: Baby, where are you?
Sean: Are we still having dinner tonight?
Sean: You haven't replied since this morning :(
Sean: Did something happen?
Sean: I'm getting worried.
Orm stared at the screen quietly.
Guilt flickered briefly across her face.
Sean had done nothing wrong.
He was patient.
Caring.
Consistent.
The kind of boyfriend people said was safe to love.
And yet-
today she had forgotten him completely.
Her eyes slowly drifted back toward the half-finished cake sitting on the counter.
Chocolate frosting.
Banana filling.
Lingling's favorite.
Without realizing it, she placed the phone face down again.
Sean could wait.
Because today-
Lingling had somehow become her priority again.
So naturally.
So instinctively.
As if Orm's heart had already made the decision long before her mind caught up to it.
And maybe that realization should have scared her more than it did.
-
By evening, the apartment looked like a disaster zone.
Used bowls stacked dangerously near the sink.
Chocolate stains covered the counter.
A whisk had fallen onto the floor hours ago and remained there forgotten.
But in the middle of all the chaos-
sat a finished cake.
Slightly uneven.
The frosting looked messy in some places.
The banana shape wasn't perfectly symmetrical.
But it was real.
Orm slowly walked toward it, exhausted beyond words.
Then she laughed softly to herself.
"Okay... maybe it's a little ugly."
But somehow-
it still made her strangely proud.
Because she made it herself.
For Lingling.
And the moment that thought settled in her chest-
another memory suddenly resurfaced.
Three years ago.
During a random lunch break after work.
Lingling had been lazily scrolling through dessert photos online while eating fries across from her.
Then casually-
almost absentmindedly-
she said,
"If someone ever makes me a banana chocolate cake, I'll probably marry them immediately."
Orm laughed loudly back then.
"You're so easy."
Lingling only smiled softly over the rim of her coffee cup.
"Only for certain people."
At the time, Orm never thought much about those words.
She thought it was teasing.
Nothing more.
But now-
standing alone in her kitchen years later while staring at the cake she spent an entire day making-
the memory hit differently.
Painfully differently.
Because suddenly every conversation with Lingling felt layered with meanings she had been too blind to notice before.
Every joke.
Every lingering stare.
Every soft gesture.
Every moment Lingling chose her without asking for anything in return.
Orm slowly sat down on the kitchen floor afterward.
The apartment had grown quiet.
Outside, rain poured softly against the windows, the sound filling the silence in gentle waves.
And little by little-
more memories came flooding back.
Lingling waiting outside her condo past midnight just because Orm once texted:
"I can't sleep."
Lingling staying in another province for a construction deal driving nearly three hours after Orm had one terrible client meeting just to bring her favorite food.
Lingling sitting beside her silently during stressful nights without forcing conversations.
Lingling remembering every small detail nobody else noticed.
Lingling always noticed.
Always cared.
Always stayed.
Even during the moments Orm barely gave anything back.
Orm hugged her knees tightly against her chest.
Her throat burned painfully.
Because only now-
only now that Lingling was finally getting tired-
finally pulling away-
did Orm realize how much of her life had quietly revolved around Lingling's love.
It had become something constant.
Something dependable.
Like breathing.
Orm never questioned it before because she thought it would always be there.
No matter what.
No matter who she chose.
No matter how careless she became.
Lingling would stay.
Lingling always stayed.
But now-
for the first time-
Orm could feel that certainty slipping away from her fingers.
And somehow that realization hurt far more than she expected.
Her phone vibrated again.
Sean calling once more.
The bright screen illuminated the dim kitchen briefly.
Orm stared at his name for a very long time.
Then quietly-
she muted the phone.
Because tonight-
all she could think about was Lingling.
-
She didn't sleep much that night.
Every time Orm closed her eyes, memories returned like waves she could no longer outrun.
Lingling laughing loudly while driving with one hand on the wheel and the other reaching for Orm's fries without asking.
Lingling instinctively searching for her hand at red lights, as if touching Orm had become second nature long ago.
Lingling turning toward her during conversations with that soft expression in her eyes-
like Orm was the safest thing in the world.
And then the letter.
God.
The letter ruined her over and over again.
"You became part of every future I imagined."
That single sentence alone felt enough to shatter something permanently inside her.
Orm pressed both trembling hands against her face as silent tears slipped through her fingers.
Because once upon a time-
Lingling imagined forever with her.
Morning coffees.
Shared apartments.
Late-night grocery runs.
Arguments over furniture colors.
Vacations.
Birthdays.
Growing old.
A lifetime.
And Orm never even noticed.
Or maybe she noticed-
and simply convinced herself not to look deeper.
The realization hurt worse than anything.
Because Lingling never demanded anything from her.
Never asked for promises.
Never confessed recklessly.
She simply stayed.
Loved quietly.
Patiently.
Faithfully.
And Orm-
Orm had unknowingly taken that love for granted.
The apartment felt suffocating.
Too silent.
Too empty.
Too full of Lingling.
Her eyes drifted toward the kitchen counter again where the unfinished birthday cake still sat untouched inside its box.
The tiny handwritten icing suddenly felt unbearable now.
She remembered smiling while doing it.
Excited.
Nervous.
Happy.
Before, she thought the ache inside her chest was only guilt for neglecting a friend.
Now she knew better.
And that truth terrified her.
Because Sean existed.
Sean, who loved her gently.
Sean, who stayed patient even when she grew distant.
Sean, who trusted her completely.
The guilt crawled underneath her skin until breathing itself felt painful.
Orm stood up shakily from the kitchen floor and walked toward the sink, gripping the counter tightly when dizziness suddenly hit her.
She looked awful.
Red swollen eyes.
Pale face.
Lips trembling nonstop.
She barely recognized herself anymore.
-
Her phone lit up again around 2 AM.
Sean.
This time, it was a voice message.
Orm stared at the screen for nearly a minute before finally pressing play.
For a few seconds, only silence came through.
Then Sean exhaled softly.
Tired.
Gentle.
Worried.
"I know something's wrong," he said quietly. "And I know it's probably not about work anymore."
Orm immediately shut her eyes.
Her chest tightened painfully.
"You've been far away lately," Sean continued softly. "Even when you're beside me."
Every word landed like punishment.
Because he was right.
She remembered all the moments she absentmindedly checked her phone waiting for Lingling's messages.
The times Sean talked to her during dinner while her mind wandered elsewhere.
The nights she smiled at memories that didn't belong to him.
God.
What kind of person had she become?
"You don't have to tell me everything tonight," Sean whispered through the recording. "But please... don't disappear from me completely."
Orm covered her mouth as a broken sob escaped her throat.
The recording ended.
But the silence afterward hurt even more.
And suddenly-
everything collapsed at once.
Orm slid down weakly onto the kitchen floor again beside Lingling's birthday cake, pulling her knees tightly against her chest as tears poured endlessly down her face.
Not loud.
Not dramatic.
Just devastatingly quiet.
The kind of crying that came from exhaustion.
From guilt.
From finally understanding something far too late.
Because suddenly everyone was hurting.
Sean-
who only wanted her honesty.
Lingling-
who loved her silently for years and still chose to walk away with dignity instead of ruining her life.
And her.
Stuck between a love she never realized existed-
and a relationship she was now destroying without meaning to.
Orm lowered her head against her knees and cried harder.
Because for the first time in her life-
she could no longer lie to herself.
The reason Lingling's absence hurt this much...
was because somewhere along the way-
without noticing-
Orm had started loving her too.
-
Morning came far too quickly.
The sunlight spilling through the curtains felt soft and warm, but Orm barely noticed it as she stood inside her kitchen at six in the morning, carefully staring at the cake resting on the counter.
The cake she spent hours baking the yesterday.
Not because she had to.
But because Lingling once casually mentioned-years ago-that homemade cakes always tasted better than expensive ones because "someone spent time loving you while making it."
Orm remembered every little thing Lingling said.
Even the things Lingling herself had probably forgotten already.
Quietly, Orm carried the cake toward her car with both hands, handling it with so much care like it was something fragile.
Something important.
Something she didn't want ruined.
She placed it gently on the passenger seat, adjusting the box twice to make sure it wouldn't slide during the drive.
Then she paused.
Her eyes lingered there for a little too long.
The empty passenger seat beside the cake somehow made her chest ache unexpectedly.
Because there used to be a time Lingling occupied that seat almost naturally.
Stealing fries while Orm drove.
Complaining about Orm's playlist choices.
Sleeping against the window during long drives while holding onto Orm's sleeve unconsciously.
Back then, being beside each other felt effortless.
Now everything required distance.
Effort.
Timing.
Careful words.
And sometimes-
silence.
Orm forced herself to look away before the heaviness inside her chest could settle deeper.
She returned inside the house and grabbed her overnight bag from the couch.
Just one simple bag.
Extra clothes.
Toothbrush.
Skincare pouch.
Hairbrush.
The kind of things people casually packed when they were planning to stay the night somewhere comfortable.
Somewhere familiar.
Somewhere that once felt like home.
Maybe she'd stay at Lingling's apartment in Khon Kaen tonight before driving back tomorrow morning.
The thought alone made something warm flicker quietly inside her chest.
It reminded her too much of old times.
The years when she and Lingling never needed reasons to stay together until morning.
When late-night conversations naturally turned into sleepovers.
When Lingling would lazily steal Orm's hoodies because her apartment was "too cold."
When Orm would wake up finding Lingling already cooking breakfast while humming softly in the kitchen.
Simple things.
Domestic things.
The kind of memories that hurt more once they no longer existed the same way.
Orm locked her front door before finally climbing inside the driver's seat.
For a moment, she simply sat there quietly with both hands gripping the steering wheel.
Then instinctively-
she reached for her phone.
Unread messages from Sean still filled the screen.
Sweet messages.
Patient messages.
Messages from someone trying so hard to love her properly.
And yet somehow, instead of comfort-
Orm only felt tired.
Guilty.
Because lately, every time Sean said I miss you, the first person Orm wanted to run to was never him.
It was Lingling.
Her fingers hovered above the keyboard for a long time before she finally typed slowly.
(Message)
Orm: Good morning.
Orm: I'll be out today.
Orm: I'm sorry.
She stared at the final sentence afterward.
I'm sorry.
Two simple words.
Yet somehow they carried the weight of everything she could no longer explain properly.
Sorry for replying less.
Sorry for sounding distant.
Sorry for trying while her heart kept wandering elsewhere.
Sorry because even now-
on Lingling's birthday-
she was driving across provinces just to see her.
Orm slowly lowered the phone onto her lap.
Her eyes burned slightly.
Because the truth was becoming harder to ignore now.
No matter how much time passed...
No matter how complicated things became...
No matter how hard she tried building a life that moved away from Lingling-
some part of her still gravitated back.
Naturally.
Instinctively.
Like breathing.
Like home.
Outside, the morning roads slowly awakened with life.
People heading to work.
Small food stalls opening.
Motorcycles passing by lazily under the pale golden sunrise.
Orm inhaled deeply before finally starting the engine.
The soft vibration filled the silence inside the car.
Then quietly-
she began driving.
Leaving Bangkok behind.
Driving toward Khon Kaen.
Toward Lingling.
Toward the person she was only beginning to realize had always been the center of every version of her future she ever imagined.
Even the ones she never admitted aloud.
-
Meanwhile, in Khon Kaen-
Lingling was abruptly pulled out of sleep by aggressive banging outside her bedroom door.
"BIRTHDAY GIRL!"
"WAKE UP BEFORE WE brEAK THIS DOOR!"
She groaned loudly beneath the blanket, blindly reaching for her phone only to squint at the bright screen.
6:12 AM.
Too early.
Far too early for whatever chaos Junji and Fluke were about to bring.
Another loud bang echoed.
"WE KNOW YOU'RE AWAKE!"
Lingling finally dragged herself out of bed with a tired sigh, her hair completely messy and her oversized shirt hanging loosely from one shoulder. Still half asleep, she shuffled toward the door before unlocking it.
The moment it opened-
Junji and Fluke practically lunged forward.
"Happy birthday!"
A small cake nearly got smashed against her face.
Lingling blinked slowly in confusion.
Then stared at the cake.
The thing looked... tragic.
The icing had melted unevenly to one side like it was trying to escape. The writing on top looked horribly misspelled, and one side of the cake had noticeably collapsed inward.
Silence.
Lingling raised an eyebrow.
"Did Fluke make this?"
Fluke immediately looked offended.
"Wow."
He placed a hand over his chest dramatically.
"So judgmental this early in the morning."
Junji burst into loud laughter beside him.
"He almost burned the apartment kitchen at three in the morning."
"That's an exaggeration," Fluke defended.
Junji pointed at him immediately.
"The smoke alarm literally went off."
"Because your pan was bad!"
"You used plastic on a hot stove!"
Lingling couldn't stop herself anymore.
A soft laugh escaped her lips first.
Then another.
Until she was standing there at the doorway laughing harder than she had in weeks.
Real laughter.
The kind that made her shoulders loosen slightly.
The kind that briefly quieted the exhaustion sitting permanently inside her chest.
Junji and Fluke both stared at her triumphantly afterward.
"There she is," Junji said softly.
Lingling rolled her eyes.
"Shut up."
But her smile lingered.
And somehow-
for the first time ever since she started purposely distancing herself from Orm-
the heaviness inside her chest eased slightly.
Only slightly.
Not enough to disappear.
Not enough to stop hurting.
But enough for her lungs to breathe easier for one small moment.
Enough to forget the ache temporarily.
-
The rest of the morning passed quietly.
Junji cooked breakfast while Fluke kept insisting the cake still tasted good despite looking "emotionally damaged."
Lingling sat by the dining table watching them bicker endlessly while sipping warm coffee.
Outside the apartment window, Khon Kaen looked peaceful.
Cloudy skies.
Slow morning traffic.
The occasional sound of motorcycles passing below.
It should've felt comforting.
But every quiet moment still somehow reminded her of Orm.
Orm complaining about mornings.
Orm stealing food from her plate.
Orm resting her chin on Lingling's shoulder while waiting for coffee to brew.
Lingling lowered her eyes quietly.
It had already been weeks.
Weeks of avoiding calls.
Weeks of unread messages.
Weeks of forcing distance because staying felt dangerous.
Because loving Orm while knowing someone else now stood beside her-
hurt too much.
And Lingling was tired.
Tired of hoping for something she could no longer have.
Her thoughts were interrupted when her phone suddenly rang.
A video call.
"Mama."
Lingling answered immediately.
The screen revealed her parents sitting together in a beautifully bright dining room somewhere in Paris, with her younger brother lazily eating breakfast in the background.
"Happy birthday, Lingling," her mother greeted warmly.
Her father smiled next.
"You're getting old, my dear. Please get married already."
Lingling groaned instantly.
"You say that every single year."
"Because every year you still ignore me," her father replied proudly.
Her younger brother snorted from the background.
"She'll probably marry work first."
Lingling laughed softly.
"That's the plan."
The conversation continued naturally after that.
Her mother asked if she had been eating properly.
Her father asked about work.
Her brother complained about university life while their parents argued in the background over something completely unrelated.
It was normal.
Comfortingly normal.
For nearly an hour, Lingling simply listened and smiled quietly at the screen.
But mothers notice things too easily.
Especially her mother.
"You look tired," she suddenly said softly.
Lingling paused slightly.
"Am I?"
"You do," her mother continued gently. "Are you working too hard again?"
Lingling only smiled faintly.
"Maybe."
Her father immediately interrupted.
"Take a vacation. Fall in love. Touch grass."
Lingling laughed despite herself.
"Yes, Dad."
But her mother continued staring quietly.
Like she knew there was something Lingling wasn't saying.
Something heavier than work.
Something sitting painfully behind her smiles.
Still-
she didn't ask.
And Lingling was grateful for that.
When the call finally ended, the apartment suddenly became quieter again.
Too quiet.
Junji and Fluke had already gone out to buy lunch ingredients, leaving Lingling alone in the living room.
For a few seconds, she simply stared at the blank television screen.
Then almost instinctively-
her hand reached for her phone.
A habit she could never fully stop.
Her chest tightened before she even unlocked it.
And when the screen lit up-
nothing.
No missed calls.
No unread messages.
No greeting.
No "Happy birthday, Ling."
Nothing from Orm.
Lingling stared at the empty notifications for a long moment.
Long enough for disappointment to slowly settle deep inside her chest.
Maybe Orm forgot.
Maybe she was busy with Sean today.
Maybe she was happy somewhere else now.
Maybe things between them had finally changed completely.
And maybe-
Lingling needed to stop waiting for something that no longer belonged to her.
Her fingers tightened slightly around the phone before she quietly locked the screen again.
The apartment suddenly felt colder.
Lonelier.
But Lingling simply inhaled deeply.
Then stood up.
Forcing herself to move on with the day anyway.
-