Chapter 11
The birthday party slowly transformed into something dangerous.
Not loud.
Not obvious.
But dangerous enough for Orm to feel it tightening painfully around her chest little by little.
What started as laughter, drinks, and harmless teasing slowly became an invisible competition for one person's attention.
For Lingling.
At first, it was subtle.
Bam had taken the empty seat beside Lingling before anyone else could.
Then Mint casually dragged another chair closer until their shoulders nearly touched whenever she laughed.
Charlotte kept placing food onto Lingling's plate every few minutes despite Lingling repeatedly saying she could get it herself.
Miu, sitting across from her, would reach over absentmindedly to fix Lingling's messy hair whenever strands fell over her eyes.
And Yada-
Yada stayed beside Lingling almost the entire night, talking animatedly about engineering projects, future plans, and random stories that somehow always made Lingling laugh softly.
Too softly.
Too comfortably.
And through all of it-
Lingling looked visibly overwhelmed.
Like someone trapped inside a room that kept getting smaller.
Her smile remained polite.
But Orm knew Lingling too well.
The slight stiffness in her shoulders.
The awkward clearing of her throat.
The way she kept reaching for her water every few minutes just to avoid responding to certain comments.
Lingling was stressed.
Extremely stressed.
At one point during dinner, Junji quietly leaned toward Fluke while watching the entire situation unfold in front of them like a live drama series.
"Lingling looks constipated," Junji whispered seriously.
Fluke nearly inhaled his drink trying not to laugh.
He coughed violently before covering his mouth.
"Yeah," he muttered between laughs. "I didn't know being attractive came with this level of suffering."
He dramatically glanced toward the crowded table.
"She's literally surrounded by six gorgeous women."
Junji nodded thoughtfully.
"And one of them is currently having an emotional breakdown in silence."
Fluke followed her gaze immediately.
Toward Orm.
Who sat unusually quiet across the table.
Too quiet.
No sarcastic remarks.
No playful interruptions.
No complaints.
She simply sat there holding her glass while staring at Lingling.
Watching.
Observing.
And for the first time-
Orm was seeing Lingling differently.
Not just as her Lingling.
Not just the person who always stayed beside her no matter how difficult things became.
Not just the woman who waited.
But as someone other people noticed immediately.
Someone beautiful.
Magnetic.
Desired.
The kind of person who naturally drew attention without even trying.
And suddenly Orm understood something she had been unconsciously avoiding for years.
Lingling was lovable.
Painfully lovable.
Of course people would fall for her.
Of course they would pursue her.
Because Lingling was warm in a way that made people feel safe.
Gentle in a way that made people want to stay.
And beautiful in the quietest, most dangerous way possible.
Not the kind that screamed for attention.
The kind that slowly ruined you the longer you looked.
And somehow-
that realization terrified Orm more than she expected.
Because for years, a selfish part of her had believed Lingling would always remain beside her no matter what.
Like something permanent.
Something untouchable.
Something hers.
But now-
she was finally seeing the truth clearly.
Lingling was never hers.
And other people could easily love her too.
The thought alone made Orm's stomach twist painfully.
Then things got worse.
Much worse.
Because Yada suddenly turned toward Lingling with a soft smile.
Not teasing.
Not joking.
Just sincere.
“So my Lingling Kwong…” Yada began lightly, almost teasingly, though her eyes never left Lingling’s face. “Are you finally ready to go on a proper date with me after this project ends?”
The entire table fell into stunned silence.
A few workers nearby gasped so loudly it sounded rehearsed.
Someone accidentally dropped a spoon onto the floor with a sharp metallic clang.
Junji immediately slapped both hands over her mouth, eyes widening in horror and excitement at the same time.
Fluke leaned toward the others and whispered far too loudly—
“Oh my God… she actually said it.”
Across the table, Lingling nearly choked on her drink.
Her cough came suddenly, violently, forcing her to grab the napkin beside her.
“Yada—”
But Yada only laughed softly.
Not embarrassed.
Not nervous.
Completely certain.
“I’m serious.”
This time, her voice lost the teasing edge entirely.
It became quieter.
Gentler.
More honest.
Her gaze lingered on Lingling longer now—steady and unwavering in a way that made the atmosphere around the table feel unbearably intimate.
“You keep avoiding everyone.”
Then after a small pause, she added more softly—
“But I don’t mind waiting.”
Her lips curved faintly.
“Especially if it’s you.”
Orm froze.
Completely.
Her fingers tightened around the glass in her hand so hard she thought it might crack.
Because that sentence—
God.
That sentence sounded painfully familiar.
Too familiar.
Like hearing someone unknowingly reopen an old wound she spent years pretending didn’t exist.
And suddenly—
lyrics echoed mercilessly inside her head.
“I'd spend a lifetime waiting in vain…”
Orm lowered her eyes immediately.
Her chest hurt.
Actually hurt.
A deep, suffocating kind of pain that spread slowly through her ribs until breathing itself became difficult.
Because for years—
Lingling had been the one waiting.
Waiting patiently through confusion.
Through bad timing.
Through moments where Orm would pull her close only to panic and step away again.
Through lingering stares that meant too much.
Through almost-confessions.
Through silences neither of them knew how to cross.
And Lingling stayed anyway.
Always stayed.
Even when Orm gave her nothing certain to hold onto.
Even when loving Orm probably exhausted her.
Lingling stayed.
But now—
someone else was standing in front of her openly.
Someone brave enough to say the things Orm never could.
Someone certain.
Someone willing to pursue Lingling without fear.
Without hesitation.
Without hiding behind friendship, jokes, or confusion.
And the cruelest part?
It wasn’t only Yada.
There were so many people who looked at Lingling the way Orm secretly did.
People who admired her openly.
People who could choose her loudly.
People Lingling could choose back at any moment.
Because Lingling was easy to love.
Too easy.
The kind of person people naturally gravitated toward without even realizing it.
And Orm realized that Lingling would not wait forever.
One day, someone else would love her properly.
Someone else would sit beside her during dinners like this.
Someone else would become the first person Lingling called after exhausting days.
Someone else would hear her sleepy voice late at night.
Someone else would memorize the little things about her—
the way she rubbed her eyes when tired,
the way she unconsciously pouted while concentrating,
the way she always stole food from other people’s plates even when she already ordered her own.
Someone else would hold her hand openly.
Without fear.
Without confusion.
Without shame attached to it.
Someone else would get to love her in daylight instead of silence.
And maybe one day—
Lingling would look at that person the same way she once looked at Orm.
The thought hit so violently Orm suddenly felt sick.
Physically sick.
Her stomach twisted painfully.
The garden suddenly felt too small.
Too warm.
Too loud.
Like the walls were slowly closing around her.
Because the terrifying part wasn’t the jealousy.
It wasn’t even the thought of losing Lingling.
It was realizing—
Lingling deserved that happiness.
She deserved someone certain.
Someone brave.
Someone who wouldn’t hesitate every time love started becoming real.
Someone capable of loving her loudly and proudly.
Not someone like Orm—
who had already fallen hopelessly in love with her long ago yet she didn't know it and she still kept expecting Lingling to stay quietly beside her anyway.
Orm swallowed hard.
Her throat burned.
Because she finally understood how selfish she had been.
She kept Lingling close.
Needed her constantly.
Looked for her in every room.
Wanted all of her attention.
Wanted to be the person Lingling prioritized first.
Yet she never gave Lingling clarity.
Never gave her certainty.
Never gave her permission to stop waiting either.
And maybe that was the cruelest thing Orm had ever done to someone she loved.
Across the table, Lingling finally looked toward her.
Their eyes met briefly.
And everything inside Orm shattered quietly.
Because Lingling’s gaze held something she had never seen before.
Not anger.
Not sadness.
Just… exhaustion.
The kind that comes from loving someone for too long without knowing if they would ever choose you back.
Orm looked away first.
Immediately.
Cowardly.
Because she couldn’t bear the possibility that maybe—
just maybe—
Lingling was already learning how to let her go.
A little later, Lingling finally slipped away from the crowd and wandered toward the quieter side of the garden just to breathe.
The farther she walked, the softer the party became behind her.
Laughter blurred into distant echoes.
Music turned faint beneath the rustling trees.
Above her, warm fairy lights swayed gently with the evening wind, scattering gold across the dark grass like tiny floating stars.
For the first time that night, the air felt quiet enough for her chest to loosen.
Only slightly.
She placed both hands inside the pockets of her coat and exhaled slowly, staring blankly at the glowing lanterns hanging from the branches.
Then footsteps approached behind her.
Soft.
Familiar.
Lingling didn't even need to turn around.
Orm.
Of course it was Orm.
Somehow, even after everything, Lingling could still recognize her from footsteps alone.
Orm stopped beside her quietly.
Neither of them spoke at first.
The silence between them wasn't awkward.
It was heavy.
Filled with too many years.
Too many unfinished conversations.
Too many things they both kept swallowing instead of saying aloud.
Lingling finally glanced sideways at her.
"You okay?"
Orm nodded almost immediately.
Too fast.
Too automatic.
"Yeah."
Lie.
A terrible one.
Lingling almost smiled sadly because some things truly never changed.
Orm still answered "I'm okay" whenever she was falling apart.
Orm still avoided eye contact whenever her emotions became too obvious.
Orm still clenched her jaw exactly like this whenever she was trying not to cry.
Lingling could always tell.
Even now.
After distance.
After heartbreak.
After learning how to survive without each other.
After almost losing each other completely.
"Those girls came all the way here just to celebrate your birthday." Orm said.
Lingling looked away again and sighed softly.
"They're just friends."
The words were meant to comfort her.
Instead-
Orm felt something twist painfully inside her chest.
Because friends didn't drive hours across cities carrying flowers wrapped carefully in the passenger seat.
Friends didn't memorize favorite desserts years later.
Friends didn't spend entire nights awake baking ridiculous banana-shaped cakes just because one careless joke from years ago became a precious memory.
Friends didn't stare at each other like this.
Like one wrong sentence could ruin them.
Like one right sentence could destroy them even more.
Orm swallowed hard.
The garden suddenly felt colder.
Back inside the party, someone laughed loudly, followed by music changing into another upbeat song.
But here-
under the dim lights and swaying trees-
everything felt unbearably fragile.
Orm tried not to think about the woman earlier.
The one who handed Lingling flowers.
The one who made Lingling laugh.
The one who stood comfortably beside her like she belonged there.
Because the truth was-
Orm had no right to feel jealous anymore.
Not after everything.
Not after breaking both of them apart with her silence.
Not after choosing fear over love.
And yet the jealousy still sat ugly inside her chest anyway and negligence.
Because seeing Lingling beside someone else felt wrong in a way.
Like the world had quietly shifted while she wasn't looking.
Like she had come back too late.
Her voice came out smaller than intended when she finally asked,
"Did you like any of them?"
Lingling went still.
Just slightly.
But Orm noticed.
Of course she noticed.
Because beneath the question was the real thing Orm was too terrified to say directly.
Did you move on already?
Did someone finally take my place?
Did loving me become something you outgrew?
Lingling lowered her gaze toward the garden floor.
The fairy lights reflected faintly in her eyes.
For a long moment, she said nothing.
And that silence alone already began breaking Orm apart.
Because Lingling was thinking about her answer carefully.
As if the truth mattered.
As if it could hurt.
Finally, Lingling leaned back lightly against the wooden fence behind her and looked toward the distant lights of the city beyond the garden.
When she spoke again-
her voice sounded soft.
Tired.
Honest in the most painful way.
"I'm trying to. They're all nice, kind, pretty, and smart."
Orm felt her entire chest crack open instantly.
Not loudly.
Not dramatically.
Just quietly.
The kind of pain that happens deep inside someone when reality finally catches up to them.
Because suddenly-
the possibility became real.
Not imagined.
Not feared.
Real.
Lingling healing.
Lingling slowly learning how to laugh without thinking of her first.
Lingling accepting flowers from someone else one day.
Going on dates.
Falling asleep beside another person.
Smiling at someone the way she used to smile at Orm.
Looking at another woman with warmth and softness and love.
And worst of all-
maybe someday Lingling would stop looking for Orm in every room entirely.
The thought nearly crushed her.
Orm looked down quickly, afraid Lingling would see everything written across her face.
Because for years she had convinced herself this was what she wanted.
Lingling happy.
Lingling finding peace.
Lingling finally being loved properly by someone who wasn't afraid.
But now that it stood right in front of her-
now that it was becoming possible-
Orm realized something horrifying.
She wasn't ready for it at all.
Maybe she never would be.
-
As evening slowly approached, Lingling found Orm alone near the apartment garden lights.
The banana-shaped cake sat opened beside her now.
Slightly uneven.
Ridiculously adorable.
Lingling laughed softly while staring at it.
"You actually made this. You remembered."
Orm looked embarrassed immediately.
"Of course I remembered. It's ugly and it's not that luxurious like the other girls gave you."
"No," Lingling whispered gently. "It's perfect."
Silence settled between them afterward.
Warm.
Painful.
Dangerously familiar.
Then Lingling looked at Orm quietly.
"You didn't have to drive this far."
Orm's eyes softened instantly.
"Yes, I did."
The answer came too quickly.
Too honestly.
And Lingling's chest tightened again.
Because people didn't cross cities for someone they only considered ordinary.
Hours passed slowly after that.
The birthday celebration eventually came to an end.
One by one, the guests finally began leaving the apartment.
The warm lights dimmed.
Half-empty wine glasses remained abandoned across tables.
The once crowded penthouse slowly became quieter with every goodbye.
The beautiful women who had surrounded Lingling earlier throughout the evening finally started going home too.
Bam Saralee hugged Lingling goodbye a little too long while laughing softly at something she whispered into her ear.
Orm silently stared at the beer can in her hand afterward.
Her grip tightened slightly.
Then Mint Chalida walked near the doorway and smiled elegantly.
"You better wear the jewelry someday. It would look good on you. I'll see you in Bangkok soon." she teased lightly and blew a kiss.
Lingling only laughed.
Meanwhile, Charlotte Austin carefully packed extra brownies into a container before handing them over.
"Just for you my handsome Lingling Kwong." she said proudly.
Lingling thanked her warmly.
Then came Miu Natsha.
Casual.
Confident.
Beautiful.
She leaned down naturally and kissed Lingling's cheek before leaving the apartment like it was the most normal thing in the world.
Orm looked away immediately after seeing it.
Her jaw tightened.
Still silent.
Still pretending none of it bothered her.
And lastly-
Yada Narilya stood near the entrance while fixing her handbag.
Before leaving, she looked at Lingling with a soft smile.
"Think about that date, okay? Take care of yourself."
Orm nearly crushed the beer can in her hand.
The metal bent slightly beneath her fingers.
But she stayed silent.
Because what right did she have to react?
Lingling was single.
Free.
Allowed to entertain anyone she wanted.
Allowed to go on dates.
Allowed to kiss whoever she wanted.
The one already in a relationship was Orm.
Still-
the jealousy burned painfully inside her chest anyway.
Now only Lingling, Orm, Junji, Fluke, and a few remaining workers stayed in the garden.
The celebration had long softened into something quieter.
The loud birthday singing was over. The teasing and dancing had faded into sleepy laughter and distant conversations. Empty bottles crowded the tables, mixed with half-finished food and melted ice.
Soft music still played from the speakers near the apartment balcony.
The fairy lights hanging above the garden swayed gently with the midnight wind, casting warm gold across everyone's tired faces.
It should have felt peaceful.
But Lingling couldn't relax.
Because Orm had been drinking far too much.
At first, nobody noticed.
It was a birthday after all. Everyone was drinking.
But Orm drank differently.
Too fast.
Too carelessly.
Every glass handed to her disappeared within seconds before another somehow found its way into her hand again.
Wine.
Whiskey.
Cocktails.
Anything.
It didn't matter.
Lingling watched quietly from beside her, concern slowly tightening inside her chest.
"Orm," she finally said softly, reaching for the glass in her hand. "Slow down."
But Orm only pulled it away stubbornly before grabbing another drink from the table.
"I want to get drunk. It's your birthday anyway."
Her voice came out quieter than expected.
Not playful.
Not teasing.
Just... tired.
And somehow heartbreakingly small.
Lingling froze slightly.
Because she knew Orm too well.
Too painfully well.
She knew the difference between Orm drinking for fun and Orm drinking because something inside her was collapsing.
And tonight-
Orm looked like she was trying to outrun her own thoughts.
Meanwhile those thoughts were becoming unbearable inside Orm's head.
Every image replayed cruelly.
Bam laughing brightly while leaning close to Lingling earlier during dinner.
Mint fixing Lingling's sleeve naturally like she belonged there.
Yada openly flirting with Lingling without hesitation.
Without fear.
Without needing to hide it.
And Lingling-
beautiful, warm, kind Lingling-
had smiled at all of them politely.
The realization hit Orm much harder than she expected.
Lingling could leave now.
Lingling could genuinely fall in love with someone else now.
Someone better.
Someone free.
Someone who could choose her openly without complications, without shame, without conditions.
Someone brave enough to hold Lingling's hand in public and proudly say mine.
And what could Orm offer her?
Late-night phone calls?
Stolen moments?
Half-love hidden behind closed doors?
The thought made panic spread violently inside her chest.
So she drank more.
And more.
Until the music blurred together.
Until the voices around her became muffled echoes.
Until even Lingling's worried voice started sounding far away.
-
By midnight, almost everyone had completely lost the battle against alcohol.
Some workers were passed out in the garden chairs with blankets thrown over them.
Others had collapsed on couches inside the apartment while random birthday songs still played softly from someone's forgotten phone playlist.
Junji was barely functioning anymore.
"I love everyone here," she announced emotionally while hugging a half-empty bottle dramatically.
Fluke sighed beside her for probably the hundredth time that night.
"You say that every single time you drink."
"Because it's true."
"You also confessed to a lamp once."
Junji pointed accusingly.
"Because that lamp understood me emotionally."
Fluke rubbed his face tiredly.
"You were talking to a coat rack."
"Same energy."
Lingling almost laughed despite everything weighing heavily inside her chest.
Junji suddenly grabbed Lingling's arm with tears in her eyes.
"You know what your problem is?"
Lingling blinked slowly. "What?"
"You love too hard."
Fluke immediately covered Junji's mouth.
"Okay. Time to sleep."
"Mmmph-truth hurts!"
Fluke dragged her away while Junji continued mumbling emotional nonsense down the hallway.
Their voices slowly disappeared inside the apartment.
And then-
silence.
Only the music remained.
Only the wind.
Only Lingling and Orm sitting together under the fairy lights.
Orm looked exhausted now.
Her cheeks were flushed from alcohol.
Her eyes unfocused.
She stared blankly at the nearly empty glass in her hand as if she no longer remembered when she picked it up.
Lingling's chest ached at the sight.
Carefully, she crouched beside her and gently took the glass away this time.
Orm didn't fight back anymore.
"Come on," Lingling whispered softly. "Let's get you to bed."
Orm looked up at her slowly.
For a moment, her expression cracked into something painfully vulnerable.
And without warning-
she leaned against Lingling immediately.
Heavy.
Warm.
Trusting.
Like her body still instinctively knew where safety was.
Lingling swallowed hard.
Because carrying Orm like this still felt terrifyingly natural.
Her arm wrapped around Orm's waist automatically while Orm buried her face against her shoulder with a soft exhausted sigh.
Familiar.
So unbearably familiar.
Lingling hated how easily her body remembered every version of loving Orm.
The late nights.
The mornings tangled together refusing to leave bed.
The quiet domestic moments nobody else ever saw.
Even now, after everything-
Orm still fit against her perfectly.
And maybe that was the cruelest part.
They walked slowly toward the apartment.
Orm stumbled halfway there, causing Lingling to tighten her hold around her instinctively.
"Careful."
Orm only mumbled something incoherent against her shoulder before clinging closer.
Lingling's heartbeat became uneven.
God.
This woman would ruin her forever without even trying.
When they finally reached the apartment hallway, most lights were already turned off.
Everything felt strangely quiet after hours of celebration.
Lingling carefully guided Orm toward the couch.
But before they reached it-
Orm suddenly stopped walking.
Lingling looked down softly.
"Orm?"
Orm's fingers tightened weakly around her sleeve.
Then quietly-
almost too quietly-
Orm whispered,
"Don't let someone else love you first."
Lingling froze completely.
Her breath caught instantly.
Orm kept her eyes lowered like she didn't even realize what she had just admitted.
Or maybe she did.
Maybe the alcohol had simply stripped away all the walls she spent years building.
Lingling stared at her silently, heart aching so violently she almost couldn't breathe.
But Orm only leaned against her again weakly, already half-asleep.
As if those words had cost her everything.
And Lingling...
Lingling said nothing.
Because some silences hurt more than confessions ever could.