Chapter 22
That afternoon, Lingling decided to walk alone along the quieter side of the beach.
The farther she walked from the crowded shoreline, the softer the world became.
No loud laughter.
No music.
Only the endless sound of waves folding gently against the sand and the steady ocean breeze brushing against her skin like a quiet attempt at comfort.
The sun had already begun lowering itself slowly across the horizon, painting everything in warm gold and pale orange.
Lingling kept her hands inside the pockets of her jeans while her white sweater fluttered softly against the wind, sleeves folded neatly to her elbows.
Her hair was shorter now.
Shorter than before.
Shorter than the girl who once laughed too loudly, loved too openly, and believed some people stayed forever.
Time had changed her.
Not harshly.
But quietly.
In the way grief changes people.
In the way heartbreak carves gentleness into someone until they become softer with everyone except themselves.
And honestly-
she looked devastatingly beautiful.
Not the kind of beauty that demanded attention.
But the kind people stared at twice because there was sadness resting behind it.
The kind shaped by sleepless nights, unanswered prayers, and years of teaching herself how to survive without asking anyone to stay.
Lingling continued walking slowly near the rocky side of the shore.
She liked this part of the beach.
It felt untouched.
Lonely.
Safe.
No one really came there except the occasional tourists wanting photographs.
And maybe that was why she kept choosing lonely places lately.
Because loneliness had become familiar.
Predictable.
Unlike love.
Then suddenly-
she heard soft crying nearby.
Lingling stopped walking immediately.
Near the rocks sat a small boy, wiping his eyes with tiny trembling hands while hiccuping between sobs.
Concern instantly crossed Lingling's face.
Without hesitation, she carefully walked toward him.
"Hey," she said gently as she crouched slightly in front of him. "Are you okay?"
The little boy looked up with watery eyes and sniffled hard.
"I wost my mommy..."
Lingling's chest softened instantly.
"Oh no," she whispered kindly. "What's your name?"
"Wiam."
"Well, Liam," she said softly, brushing sand off his tiny arm, "how old are you and how did you end up all the way here?"
The child looked down guiltily afterward.
"I just tuwned fouw and I chased a fwog."
Lingling blinked once.
Then despite herself-
a small laugh escaped her lips.
"A frog?"
Liam nodded seriously.
"It was weally big."
Lingling finally smiled genuinely.
Not the polite smiles she usually gave strangers.
Not the practiced smiles she learned after heartbreak.
But something smaller.
Warmer.
Real.
"I see," she said, trying not to laugh again. "So the frog kidnapped you?"
Liam gasped dramatically.
"Yes! Youwe wight."
Lingling shook her head fondly while ruffling his messy hair gently.
"You're very brave then."
The little boy grinned shyly.
Lingling looked around afterward, scanning the empty shoreline carefully.
No adults nearby.
No frantic voices.
No one searching.
The area was too secluded.
So instead of leaving-
she stayed.
Patiently.
Quietly.
Liam slowly stopped crying after a few minutes and began absentmindedly playing with the ends of Lingling's hair while sitting beside her on the sand.
Children always seemed comfortable around her.
Maybe because sadness recognized sadness.
Or maybe because people who carried pain carefully often knew how to hold others gently too.
"Miss," Liam suddenly asked innocently.
"Hm?"
"You wook so beautifuw."
Lingling laughed softly under her breath.
The compliment caught her off guard.
"Wow. Thank you, you're very charming."
"May I know youw name pwease?" Liam cutely says.
"Oh I'm Lingling" Lingling replied sweetly.
Liam stared at her curiously for another moment before tilting his head.
"Ohh. Nice name, Wingwing."
Lingling immediately laugh at Liam' s cuteness.
"Awe you mawied?" he immediately asks.
And just like that-
something inside Lingling quietly cracked.
The smile on her face faltered almost immediately.
Not because the question was painful.
But because after all these years-
after all the healing, all the distance, all the pretending-
there was still only one person her heart had ever truly belonged to.
Only one.
Even now.
Especially now.
Lingling looked toward the ocean before answering, eyes growing distant.
For four years she had tried everything.
Work.
Travel.
Silence.
Moving on.
She met new people.
Learned new cities.
Built an entirely different version of herself.
But somehow-
every beautiful thing still found its way back to Orm.
Every sunset.
Every song.
Every quiet moment before sleeping.
Even happiness felt incomplete because somewhere in her heart, she was still looking for someone she lost a long time ago.
And maybe the cruelest part was this:
Lingling had loved Orm enough to let her go.
Even when it destroyed her afterward.
Before she could answer the little boy-
a frantic voice suddenly echoed across the shore.
"Liam!"
Lingling froze instantly.
Completely.
Her entire body went still as if time itself had stopped breathing.
Because even after four years-
even after silence-
even after trying so hard to forget-
she would recognize that voice anywhere.
Her heartbeat stumbled painfully against her chest.
Slowly-
terrified to look and desperate to look at the same time-
Lingling turned around.
And there she was.
Orm Kornnaphat Sethratanapong stood several feet away, wearing a white dress that moved softly against the ocean wind.
And for a moment-
time stopped completely.
The waves still rolled endlessly toward the shore.
The wind still danced across the sea.
Somewhere farther down the beach, strangers laughed beneath the fading sunset, children chased each other near the water, music drifted softly from distant bars.
Life continued.
The world continued.
But around them-
everything became unbearably still.
Neither of them moved.
Neither of them spoke.
They only stared.
Lingling forgot how to breathe.
Because after four long years-
Orm was still the most beautiful person she had ever seen.
Painfully.
Cruelly.
Beautiful.
Her hair was longer now, resting softly above her shoulders while the sea breeze lifted several loose strands across her face. Time had softened some of her sharpness. She looked older somehow-not in appearance, but in the eyes.
More expressive.
More careful.
Like life had slowly taught her how to carry pain without letting anyone notice.
But her amber eyes-
God.
Those eyes remained exactly the same.
Warm.
Gentle.
Devastatingly familiar.
The kind of eyes Lingling used to spend hours memorizing during sleepless nights.
The kind she searched for instinctively in every crowded room back then.
The kind she forced herself to forget after leaving Thailand because remembering hurt too much to survive.
And Orm looked just as stunned.
Like reality itself had cracked open in front of her.
Lingling stood beneath the dying sunlight looking almost unreal.
The oversized white sweater moving softly with the wind.
The black hair framing her face down tonher shoulders.
The same expressive eyes Orm once knew better than her own reflection.
Orm squeezed her eyes shut tightly.
One second.
Two.
Three.
Her chest rose shakily as she inhaled.
Then silently counted inside her head.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Trying to steady the violent pounding in her chest.
Trying to convince herself this wasn't another cruel dream.
That Lingling was truly standing there.
Alive.
Real.
Close enough to touch.
Then suddenly-
the small boy beside Lingling ran toward her.
"Mommy!"
The word hit Lingling like a knife directly through the ribs.
So sudden.
So sharp.
Her chest tightened so painfully she nearly forgot how to stand. So that's the reason why Liam's eyes are so familiar, he is Orm's son.
Orm immediately crouched and pulled the little boy into her arms tightly, panic flashing across her face as she checked him over.
"Don't run away like that again, baby," she whispered breathlessly.
"Sowwy mommy..."
Liam pouted guiltily before suddenly pointing excitedly toward Lingling.
"The beautifuw miss hewped me!"
Orm slowly lifted her eyes back toward Lingling.
And somehow-
the second glance hurt even more than the first.
Because now reality had fully settled between them.
Four years apart.
Four years of separate lives.
Separate mornings.
Separate pain.
People changed.
Time moved forward.
Entire futures happened without them.
And yet somehow-
their eyes still searched for each other instinctively.
Like muscle memory.
Like the heart never truly learned separation.
Orm gently held Liam's small hand before slowly walking back toward Lingling.
Every step felt unbearably heavy.
Careful.
Like approaching an old wound neither of them fully survived.
Silence stretched softly between them.
Not awkward.
Not empty.
Just fragile.
Too many unsaid things floating between every breath.
Until finally-
Orm spoke first.
"You're back."
Her voice came out softer than intended.
Almost fragile.
Lingling nodded once.
"For Junji's wedding."
Another silence followed afterward.
The wind slipped gently between them, carrying the scent of salt and the distant sound of waves breaking against the shore.
Neither of them knew where to look for too long.
Every glance lingered a second too much.
Every silence felt heavier than it should have.
Then, quietly-
"Thank you for looking after Liam," Orm said.
Her eyes settled on Lingling carefully, almost cautiously, as if she were afraid of what she might find there.
"I was fixing our things when he suddenly disappeared. I've been searching for him for almost an hour."
Lingling shook her head lightly.
"It's okay," she replied softly. "I just heard someone crying nearby."
Orm smiled.
Just a small smile.
Barely there.
But it nearly shattered Lingling where she stood.
Because it was still the same smile.
The exact same one she used to wake up beside every morning.
The same smile that used to greet her across their kitchen while coffee brewed between them.
The same smile she had once memorized so completely she could recognize it from across a crowded room.
The same smile she had foolishly believed she would spend the rest of her life protecting.
For one dangerous second, Lingling almost forgot everything.
The years.
The distance.
The heartbreak.
The life they had lost.
For one terrible second, she remembered what happiness had felt like.
And that memory hurt more than the grief itself.
Lingling inhaled slowly.
The air felt heavy inside her lungs.
Then she finally forced herself to ask the question that had been sitting inside her chest ever since she saw Orm again.
"How are you, Orm?"
Something in Orm's expression softened immediately.
But it wasn't happiness.
It wasn't peace.
It wasn't contentment.
Instead, something heartbreakingly sad flickered across her eyes.
A sadness so familiar that it made Lingling's heart ache.
A sadness so deep that Lingling almost wished she had never asked.
"I'm okay."
The answer came with a gentle smile.
The kind people wear when they've practiced it for years.
The kind that never quite reaches their eyes.
Lingling swallowed the lump forming in her throat.
"That's good to hear," she said quietly.
Her voice sounded distant even to herself.
"You look happy."
For a moment, Orm didn't answer.
Her gaze drifted toward the ocean.
Toward the horizon where the sun was slowly sinking.
Then she smiled again.
Smaller this time.
Sadder.
"I'm trying."
The words were simple.
Only two words.
Yet they destroyed Lingling completely.
Because Lingling knew exactly what that meant.
Trying.
Trying to smile when smiling no longer came naturally.
Trying to function when a part of you never recovered.
Trying to survive decisions that had already broken something inside you years ago.
Trying to convince everyone-including yourself-that healing was happening.
Trying to move forward while grief still occupied half your heart.
Trying to build a life around an absence that never truly left.
Trying to become someone who no longer waited for impossible things.
Trying not to look back.
Trying not to wonder.
Trying not to miss someone who was standing right in front of you.
And suddenly Lingling couldn't breathe as easily anymore.
Because she understood those words far too well.
She had been trying too.
Every single day.
Since the day they lost each other.
Lingling looked away toward the ocean.
Because looking directly at Orm hurt too much.
The sunset stretched across the water in shades of gold and amber, beautiful enough to make anyone stop and stare.
But Lingling barely saw it.
The horizon blurred faintly in her vision.
"Ahh, until when are you staying in Thailand?"
Orm tried to sound casual.
But the hand hanging beside her dress trembled slightly.
Lingling noticed immediately.
Of course she did.
She used to know every tiny thing about Orm.
Every nervous habit.
Every hidden emotion.
"A week maybe."
Orm nodded slowly.
Then without realizing it-
her eyes drifted toward Lingling's fingers.
No ring.
Her chest tightened quietly.
The realization settled heavily between herself.
Silent.
Dangerous.
Before she could process the thought-
She found herself suddenly spoke again.
Carefully.
Nervously.
"Ling..." she whispered softly. "If you're not busy... can we talk? Just the two of us? Any day is okay for me."
The question caught Lingling completely off guard.
Because buried inside that sentence were thousands of things neither of them dared say aloud.
Why?
About what?
Why now?
And why did Orm sound like someone seconds away from falling?
But before Lingling could answer-
a familiar male voice interrupted them.
"Orm, Liam. There you are."
Lingling's body stiffened immediately.
Then slowly-
she turned.
Sean walked toward them wearing black boardshorts and a sleeveless black sando, his hair still damp from swimming earlier.
Then he noticed Lingling.
"Oh-Engineer Lingling Kwong," he said pleasantly. "You're back in Thailand. How many years has it been? You're becoming very well known around Europe. I saw the news and the magazine interviews."
Lingling forced a polite smile.
"Sean Nakamura. Ah... thank you. It's been four years," she answered quietly. "I just came back for Junji's wedding."
Sean nodded warmly before effortlessly lifting Liam into his arms.
"Oh I see. Are you staying for good this time?"
And suddenly-
the atmosphere shifted.
Subtly.
But painfully.
Because Lingling became hyperaware of everything all at once.
Sean carrying Liam so naturally.
Orm standing beside him.
The domestic familiarity between them.
The quiet rhythm of a life built together while Lingling was gone.
A life Lingling no longer belonged to.
And before she could answer-
another voice suddenly echoed behind her.
"Engineer Kwoooonggggg!"
A woman jogged toward them before dramatically wrapping herself around Lingling's arm.
Lingling's eyes widened instantly.
What the hell was Jingjing doing here?
"I told you I'd see you again, right?" Jingjing grinned brightly. "Fate really loves me."
Then she finally noticed Orm, Sean, and Liam.
Her expression immediately shifted into embarrassed politeness.
"Oh my god, sorry for interrupting."
"It's alright," Sean chuckled easily. "We're just catching up."
Then naturally-
casually-
he reached for Orm's hand.
And held it.
Lingling's eyes immediately dropped toward their intertwined fingers.
Something sharp twisted violently inside her chest.
Right.
Of course.
Orm chose Sean.
Orm married him.
They built a family together.
This was reality now.
Not the memories Lingling still carried around like old wounds she refused to let heal.
Lingling forced herself to breathe.
Smile politely.
Act normal.
Even if her heart suddenly felt like it was splitting open all over again.
"Come to my bar later, Engineer," Jingjing said brightly, completely unaware of the emotional destruction happening beside her. "I'll make you my signature drinks. You'll definitely fall in love with them."
She tugged Lingling's arm playfully.
Orm's eyes instantly dropped toward Jingjing's hand wrapped around Lingling.
And something dark flickered briefly across her face.
Jealousy.
Raw.
Immediate.
Almost frightening.
"Oh," Sean laughed lightly, oblivious to the tension thickening between everyone. "I didn't know you're dating the famous bar owner in Phuket, Lingling."
"Ohhh," Jingjing grinned dramatically. "That obvious? Well, who wouldn't fall for this face?"
Then she clung even closer teasingly.
Lingling nearly wanted the ocean to swallow her alive.
Orm's jaw tightened subtly.
"You look good together," Sean commented warmly.
"People say that all the time," Jingjing answered proudly. "You guys should visit later. Drinks are free because I have a VIP guest tonight."
"That's sweet of you," Orm finally spoke.
But her eyes never left Jingjing's hand on Lingling.
"We'll try to come."
Lingling couldn't explain why those four words hurt so much.
Maybe because Orm sounded distant.
Careful.
Like someone forcing herself to stay composed.
Like someone trying very hard not to feel something she no longer had the right to feel.
"Okay," Sean smiled politely. "Thank you again for helping Liam earlier."
Then he bowed slightly.
Orm smiled too.
Small.
Fragile.
Painfully beautiful.
And then Sean slowly guided them away.
Lingling stood frozen while watching the three of them disappear farther down the shoreline.
Orm.
Sean.
Liam.
A family.
The exact future Lingling once dreamed of building with her.
The exact future she lost.
And somehow-
the universe chose today, of all days, to place that life directly in front of her like a cruel reminder of what could have been.
A few minutes later, once the Nakamura family completely disappeared from sight-
Jingjing finally loosened her hold around Lingling's arm.
"A simple thank you would be enough, handsome," she teased lightly, trying to bring back some air into the suffocating silence.
But Lingling barely heard her.
Her eyes remained fixed on the direction Orm had walked away from.
As if her body was still standing there beside the shore-
still frozen in front of those familiar amber eyes.
Still trapped in that moment.
Like a part of her had just been ripped away for the second time in her life.
The crashing waves suddenly sounded distant.
Muted.
Everything around her felt blurred at the edges.
"How did you even..." Lingling swallowed hard before finally forcing herself to look at Jingjing. "How did you know?"
Jingjing's playful expression softened instantly.
"I was already near the tree earlier," she admitted quietly. "I saw everything."
Her gaze drifted toward the ocean afterward.
"And honestly..." she sighed softly. "The atmosphere started feeling really heavy. So I stepped in."
Lingling lowered her eyes immediately.
Ashamed for reasons she couldn't explain.
"You didn't have to."
"Maybe not," Jingjing replied gently. "But you looked like you were about to break."
That sentence nearly destroyed Lingling completely.
Because she genuinely thought she had hidden it well.
For four years, she mastered the art of surviving quietly.
She learned how to smile at the right moments.
How to answer politely.
How to work until exhaustion replaced grief.
How to fill every empty second with meetings, flights, projects, interviews, deadlines, achievements-
anything that kept her from thinking too much.
She became excellent at looking functional.
Successful.
Untouchable.
Meanwhile every lonely night still ended the same way-
with Orm lingering somewhere inside her chest.
A wound that never truly closed.
Lingling spent years burying that heartbreak beneath accomplishments and sleepless nights.
But apparently grief had its own language.
Apparently love still leaked through the eyes no matter how carefully a person hid it.
"Is she the one?" Jingjing asked softly after a while.
Lingling frowned faintly.
"What do you mean?"
Jingjing looked directly at her this time.
Not teasing.
Not playful.
Just painfully observant.
"The reason your smile never fully reaches your eyes," she whispered. "The reason you always look lonely even when everyone around you adores you."
Lingling immediately looked away.
Toward the darkening ocean.
Toward the gray horizon.
Anywhere except her.
Because yes.
Orm had always been the reason.
Every city Lingling traveled to still somehow reminded her of Orm.
Every achievement felt emptier because the one person she wanted beside her was gone.
Every crowded room only made her loneliness louder.
Lingling thought she had already mastered carrying that truth silently.
Thought she had become strong enough to live with it.
But somehow-
Jingjing saw through her within minutes.
"Yeah," Lingling finally admitted quietly.
Her voice almost disappeared beneath the sound of the waves.
"Sort of."
The answer felt pathetic.
Because how could Orm still be "sort of" anything after ruining her so completely?
Jingjing sighed dramatically afterward, deliberately trying to lighten the heaviness hanging between them.
"Ouch," she muttered while placing a hand over her chest. "So that's why we're drinking tonight."
A weak laugh escaped Lingling before she could stop it.
Small.
Broken.
But real.
And honestly-
she appreciated that Jingjing didn't push further afterward.
Didn't ask what happened.
Didn't ask who left who.
Didn't ask why Lingling looked at another woman like she was staring at both heaven and heartbreak at the same time.
She didn't force answers Lingling herself still couldn't say aloud without falling apart.
Instead, Jingjing simply reached for her wrist gently and tugged her toward the parking area.
"Come on," she said softly. "I'll cook for you tonight."
Lingling blinked in surprise.
"You'll cook for me?"
"Of course," Jingjing grinned lightly. "You look exactly like someone who needs comfort food right now."
And somehow-
that nearly made Lingling cry.
Because after years of carrying pain alone-
simple kindness suddenly felt unbearable.
The drive back was quiet.
Rain started pouring halfway through the road, droplets racing against the windows while soft music played faintly inside the car.
Lingling rested her head against the seat and stared outside blankly.
Streetlights blurred into gold smudges through the rain.
And despite trying not to-
her thoughts kept replaying everything.
Orm's trembling voice.
Orm's watery eyes.
The way her fingers shook while holding that little boy's hand.
God.
That detail alone had lodged itself violently into Lingling's chest.
Because for four years, Lingling forced herself to believe Orm had moved on.
That Orm probably married someone gentle.
Someone better.
Someone capable of giving her the peaceful life Lingling failed to protect.
That belief was the only thing that allowed Lingling to stay away.
Because if Orm was happy-
then maybe the pain was worth it.
But this afternoon shattered everything.
Just tired eyes carrying the exact same grief Lingling spent years trying to bury.
"I'm trying."
Those two words kept echoing endlessly inside Lingling's mind.
Trying.
Trying for what?
Trying to move on?
Trying to survive?
Trying not to break too?
The thought alone made Lingling's chest ache so violently she had to close her eyes.
Later that night, Jingjing cooked for her personally.
One dish after another slowly filled the small dining table.
Warm soup.
Garlic shrimp glazed perfectly in butter.
Sweet chili fish.
Steaming rice.
Sizzling tofu with boiled eggs.
The restaurant kitchen glowed warmly beneath dim yellow lights while rain continued pouring outside the windows.
Soft music played somewhere in the background.
For a moment-
it almost felt peaceful.
Almost.
Lingling barely realized how hungry she was until the first spoonful of soup touched her tongue.
Warm.
Comforting.
Human.
Something inside her nearly collapsed from it.
Because she couldn't remember the last time someone outside her family took care of her this gently.
Without asking for anything in return.
"Eat slowly," Jingjing scolded lightly while placing more food onto her plate. "You look like you haven't eaten properly in weeks."
Lingling only nodded quietly.
But even while eating-
her mind drifted elsewhere.
Amber eyes.
A trembling hand.
The sound of Orm's breathing breaking apart between sentences.
And no matter how hard Lingling forced herself to stay present-
her heart remained back on that beach.
Standing helplessly in front of Orm all over again.