Chapter 40.
Forty-eight hours later, in the middle of the night, my phone rings.
It’s a number I don’t recognise. I stare at the screen for a couple of seconds, then answer it. I am praying it’s Ash – that he’s out somewhere and has run out of charge and got all nostalgic and borrowed a phone to call me and say he cannot, in fact, possibly conceive of a life without me. ‘Hello?’
The buzz of static. Then a female voice says, ‘Neve?’
‘Yes?’ My heart is in my throat.
‘It’s Gabi. Ash’s sister. Listen, I didn’t know whether to call you, but...’
I hold my breath.
‘...there’s been an accident. Ash has been run over. We’re at the N the next, he’d decided to ditch everything – his career aspirations, his friends, his family. And the only explanation I can think of is that something came between us that we don’t understand. Something... other-worldly. Some anomaly of science. And that’s coming from a science-lover.’
I can hardly believe it. ‘You think... I might be right?’
‘That depends. Tell me what your boyfriend was like. The one who died, I mean.’
So I do. I describe all the intricacies and hallmarks of who Jamie was. His innate tenderness, his dry humour. His passion for architecture. Where he hoped to live. Who he wanted to be. I open my phone and show her the list I made of all the ways in which he was similar to Ash.
When I’m done, Gabi puts her vape away then pulls her cardigan a little tighter, her breath making mist in the air. ‘See, your man was the opposite of the Ash I knew. Ash was a livewire, a joker, loved a prank, would never shut up. We all thought he was going to be famous one day. Like, a household name. We just didn’t know for what.’ She laughs faintly. ‘I guess he sort of got there, with the lightning strike and the papers and all that. Which I actually thought was funny at first. Like, the kind of thing that could only happen to Ash.’
We say nothing more for a couple of moments, until the silence is dismantled by the wail of an ambulance siren.
‘What do your parents think about what happened?’ I ask her. ‘Your mum didn’t say much when I was talking the other night.’
Gabi smiles. ‘No. I don’t think she quite bought what you were telling her. Well done for trying, though. You delivered quite the speech, apparently.’
I shut my eyes briefly. ‘I know.’
‘It’s okay. I’m assuming she kind of dragged it out of you? Mum has a knack for doing that. I’ve always thought she missed her vocation as an MI6 interrogator.’
‘Kind of,’ I admit. ‘But it’s not her fault. I didn’t have to say anything.’
Gabi shrugs. ‘Well, if it helps, you were only saying what I think, every day: that it doesn’t make sense. That something isn’t right.’
Vindication sits bolt upright in my chest. ‘You really think there might be something in it?’
‘Maybe. But as you know, my brother definitely doesn’t.’ She frowns, chews her bottom lip. ‘Look, Ash has had two fairly major near-misses in his life now, and countless minor ones. Tonight, it was as if he became the brother I lost all over again. And I have to be honest... it doesn’t feel that great. So maybe he’s right. Maybe I do just need to accept that he’s... a better version of who he was before.’
‘Maybe,’ I say neutrally, not wanting to derail her train of thought, because I’m desperate to see where it leads.
‘And maybe you need to accept who he is, too. Whether he’s really your ex, or not. Because I think you make Ash happy, and I think he does the same for you. And ultimately... I’d rather have a different version of him than no brother at all.’
‘What are you saying?’
She sighs heavily, like she’s encountering the full weight of the last decade all over again. ‘I’m saying that whoever Ash is now, I have a feeling that without you by his side, I’m pretty sure all is lost. So, can you two please just sort it out? Because I’ll be straight with you – I would really like him to make it to old age, and I think you can probably help with that.’
‘Okay,’ I tell her, my mind a hailstorm of conflicting emotions. ‘Okay. I’ll try.’