4. The Beginning of His Obsession
THE BEGINNING OF HIS OBSESSION
GRAYSON
I ’m starting to hate the fact I agreed to be on a season of Emerson’s TV show.
It’ll be good publicity , she said.
It’ll be fun , she said.
Give it a try , she said.
Bullshit.
I’m tired, this show has too many lines, and I still have to do this for four more weeks, along with all my other responsibilities.
So far, we have filmed about seventy percent of the season, now we have to add in the scenes with the sweepstakes winner and a few other scenes before it’ll be ready.
The thing I hate about filming this show is Marina Cormack, she is my co-star and is supposed to be playing my love interest, Daniella Lukov. She is a nuisance to work with. I would literally rather claw my eyes out or burn alive than work with this girl. She doesn’t even cooperate to shoot the scenes.
I don’t know why they are keeping her around.
Actually, I do. I just hate the fact they do, but I hate almost everything.
“Grayson, are you ready to shoot the next scene?” Garner, the director, asks me, basically yelling across the set.
“Yes, sir!” I say back, which comes out a little coarse due to my Greek accent. I set my script down before putting the uniform jacket back on that goes with my costume of a boarding school uniform.
“Okay, everyone, this scene is where Chase and Hayden will find the map of the secret tunnels in the wall of Chase’s ex-girlfriend who disappeared,” Garner reminds us. I’m handed the flashlight that’s the prop for this scene as I take my place on the marker and wait for him to call action.
“Cut! That’s lunch, everyone. Be back in an hour!” Garner yells. I head for my set chair to get some water.
“Hey, have you seen the post Charlie and Scarlett were tagged in with some girl last night?” Noah asks and I shake my head while pouring more water in my mouth. Noah comes over to me, holding his phone. Noah scrolls down as I sit my water down. When he pulls up the post, I see the picture in front of my face, and I almost choke on my water.
I think I just lost my breath.
“He met her while he was out on his date with Scarlett,” Noah says. I manage to nod my head while staring at the picture. I’ve never been speechless over a girl, especially a picture but she's gorgeous. She’s the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.
“She's stunning.”
“You said that out loud,” Noah says, knowing I probably meant not to.
“Who is she?” I ask.
“Her name is Alexia, according to the tag, but I’ll see you at In N’ Out for lunch,” Noah says before putting his phone in his pocket and getting up to leave.
Once he’s around the corner, I whip out of my phone, ignoring texts and calls, and just go right to Instagram to the post and click on her profile. I scroll through her posts for what feels like seconds but then I look at the time and realize I’ve been scrolling for minutes.
“I’ve been waiting outside for ten minutes,” someone says in front of me. I look up to see Charlie.
“We have to meet Emmy and Noah for lunch,” he says.
“Right… Sorry, I was distracted,” I say and turn my screen off, hoping he didn’t see what I was looking at.
“Well, come on, start moving,” Charlie says, motioning for me to get up.
“So how was filming today?” Charlie asks.
“Fine, it went by fast, and I didn’t have to see Marina,” I answer.
“Won’t she be here later?” Charlie reminds me.
“Ugh, why did you have to remind me?” I groan, throwing my head back.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure it won’t be so bad,” Charlie says, trying to make it better.
“Yeah, you haven’t spent a day with the troll,” I say.
“Okay, let’s go out and get your mind off of her,” Charlie says.
Even riding in the car, I’m still thinking of the Alexia girl. I normally would get my obsessive thoughts out by writing it down and then making a song, but I can’t exactly do that. I don’t even know the girl. It’s literally just a picture. I don’t even know why but she’s still in my head.
That name does sound familiar. I think she entered the contest herself, but she used another girl’s song that was submitted two days prior, that's why we disqualified her.
I pull out my phone, turn the brightness all the way down and open it. I pull up the finalist of contest entries from the email we got from Emerson and go through it.
The last entry on the list is her. Alexia Kirby, entry seventy-eight, with a song named “Dramatic”. It was the best song yet. But then right above her is the contest winner, Aaliyah Wimberly, entry twenty-three with her song “Happenings”. They are two different titles but the same lyrics.
I find myself scrolling back to Alexia’s picture and looking at it.
Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with me? It’s just a dumb picture of some girl I have never met, and on top of that, she stole a song.
It’s just a girl.
I don’t even know why she is in my head. I’m experiencing major alexithymia right now. Even with this, I still stare at the picture.
“What ya looking at?” Scarlett asks, hovering over my shoulder.
“Nothing,” I reply quickly and turn my screen off. Scarlett laughs a little, leaning back. To not raise any more suspension, I look out the window regardless; my mind is still on Alexia.
I wonder what she’s like. What did she order at the steakhouse? I want to know so many things about this girl. I’ve never been so curious about someone before. It’s creeping me out. Like I'm giving stalker vibes, and I don’t like that.
I need to push these feelings somewhere else.
Whatever these feelings are.
“Gray, get out of the car!” Raven yells at me. I look around the car, noticing we are at In-N-Out and everyone has gotten out of the car. I hurriedly get out of the car and close the door behind me.
“Thank god you guys are here, I was starting to worry,” Emerson says, walking over to us. She begins hugging everyone, but she doesn’t hug me or Shawn, which is normal. We aren't big physical contact people. Once she is done, we start to walk up to the restaurant.
“We would have been over sooner, but someone has been a little distracted,” Charlie says.
“Yeah, what did you do, Noah?” Raven asks as we all start to enter the restaurant.
“As far as I know of, nothing,” Noah answers.
Before we talk more, we put our orders in and get our drinks. A large Neapolitan shake and a double-double with added chilies and pickles, along with animal-style fries, is just what I needed. My favorite fast-food meal. This will definitely help this brain fog I’m feeling.
“I’ll be back, guys,” I tell them and head off to the restroom. Of course it doesn’t take me long to do my business and soon I’m walking out of the restroom.
Looking up, I stop dead in my tracks. Alexia is here and If I walk up closer, she will see me, and I may have to talk. I don’t know if I could do that. This is one of the very few times in my life I am nervous.
Remember, she stole someone's song. Do not be nervous.
Alexia is waving to my friends as she locks arms with a woman who looks to be in her forties. Alexia is holding take-out bags from the restaurant. It’s a quick moment, but to me, it feels like hours, and in reality, it’s like fifteen seconds.
“Gray, come sit down and stop looking like a dumbass,” Raven says from our booth. I don’t say anything or look over to them, I just get back to the table and sit down.
“What’s wrong with you? You’re like having wonder brain right now,” Charlie asks.
“Nothing,” I reply.
“Right, because spacing out is normal for you,” Kenan says.
“Come on, guys, let’s leave him alone. Maybe he’s not having a good day,” Emerson says.
“Well, as long as he’s good for the concert,” Shawn says.
“I will be,” I say.
There’s definitely something wrong with me.
“Alright, MorningStars, Tati will be here in a few minutes with the sweepstakes winner and her guests. We need to be ready. Kenan and Raven will give the tour while Shawn will help the sound crew get situated. The rest of you, do nothing, ” Austin says. His Australian accent comes out a lot stronger today than normal.
“Why aren’t we fun?” Charlie whines, while hanging upside down on the sofa, causing his voice to sound very nasally.
“Because Charlie, you do things like what you are doing now,” Bridgett adds as she types on her iPad.
“Come on, that's what makes me so much fun,” Charlie says, swinging himself around to face forward.
“Yeah, we’re the life of the party,” I add.
“Just stay, and Scarlett, watch the terrible two,” Austin says as he and Bridgett leave.
Of course we’re in banishment. I know I won’t stay in this room for long. Waiting is boring, and I do not need watching but Charlie can be problematic in a very funny way, sometimes. “I’m going to the bathroom,” I announce, just so Scarlett doesn’t think I’m up to something.
I’m not actually going to the bathroom but I’m not up to anything either.
I exit the room and just start to walk around for a while.
“Gray, what are you doing out here?” I hear Austin ask from me behind me. I spot my dad beside him but choose to ignore him.
I turn around on my heel while saying, “Ya know, just casually strolling the halls,” and shoving my hands in my sweatpants pockets.
“You could have worn something better than that,” my dad says. I hate when my dad comes to sound checks or rehearsals in general; all he ever does is disapprove. Or tell me to do better.
“What’s wrong with this?” I ask, looking down at my beige sweatpants, Fast and Furious oversized T-shirt, and beige and white Jordan 4 Retros.
“Well…ya know Oliver, it’s important for them to be themselves and dress how they would any other time,” Austin says while looking between me and my dad.
Hmph, dad sounds. “Dame, don't encourage him, and get rid of some of those rings, Grayson,” Dad says, calling Austin by his stage name from when he was in his rock band Violence and known as Dame Ryker. His real name is Austin Ryker.
“Come on, Dame, I want to see the stage set up for tonight,” my dad tells him and begins to walk away.
“Gray, can you hand these out to the guests for me?” Austin asks, holding out a handful of VIP tags. I quickly walk up to him and take the tags. He gives me a tight smile before going after my dad, who's still walking away while typing on his phone.
I turn around and start walking toward the ‘ to stage ’ sign, where Tati will probably be bringing the guests around too soon. I take a seat in the chair that normally the security guard would sit in and wait. It doesn’t take long before I hear someone talking, “And this way is where you all will come after the concert and wait for the bands.”
“Along with that–Gray?” Tati cuts her sentence off.
“Yeah?” I reply, holding my head up.
“What are you doing?” Kenan asks.
“Austin gave me these to hand out,” I answer, holding up their VIP badges.
“After we left the room and you started to walk around, he put you to work,” Raven says, knowing exactly what happened.
“I got bored.” I shrug. Raven rolls her eyes.
I move from looking at Raven and turn so I can fully see the guests. Tati starts naming them off but I’m looking at her . That one picture has been stuck in my head. It’s been driving me crazy, but now I sit in front of her speechless.
She’s here, in front of me. I can’t form anything to say. This is the same Alexia I did the welcome basket for. Now I really hope I did a good job, even though I didn’t care when I did it yesterday.
I feel someone hit the back of my head and I look to find Raven beside me. “Hand them the passes and stop looking stupid,” she says as I realize that I was probably staring way longer than Tati was talking. I stand up, and I start with the older woman, who I think may be the mom, and then Aaliyah, who is the winner. The only reason I know that is because she’s wearing the winner sash Scarlett thought was necessary.
Mental eye roll.
I move on to the blonde girl next to her, who just smiles at me the whole time, and finally, Alexia.
“Here ya go,” I say, just above a whisper. She’s even prettier up close. She has thick, arched brows, plump lips, black curly hair and golden-brown eyes. Her face is narrow, but her hair makes it look fuller.
“Thank you,” she says, and I nod, moving away a bit, so it doesn’t seem weird I’m still standing here.
“Okay, guys, I’ll show you to your seats and we can watch the band do a sound check,” Tati says and as they walk away, I totally ignore the blonde girl waving and smiling at me because I’m busy watching Alexia and her perfect curly hair walk away.
“So that’s why you are all spaced out,” Kenan says from beside me, but I’m looking into the empty space of the hall where Alexia once was.
“What do you mean?” I ask, still spaced out.
“He means you are staring at Alexia. I take it you’ve seen Charlie's post and now you’re infatuated,” Raven says.
“Infatuated is a strong word. I’m just… I don’t know, she interests me,” I try to explain. There’s no way to explain what I feel.
“You know, that’s how crushes start,” Raven says in a high-pitched voice while poking me.
“I don’t get crushes,” I tell her.
“Gray, that poor little frozen heart of yours is saying otherwise,” Raven says and pats my chest before leaving.
“She’s shorter than I expected,” I say, not really aiming for a response or Kenan to be listening, but I know he is listening.
He’s the nosiest, quiet person ever.
“She’s five feet even,” Kenan states.
“How do you know?” I ask, giving him a curious look.
“Asked. Considering I’m six foot even and she was well at ground level, I was curious,” Kenan explains. I’m like a whole foot taller than her.
“Let’s go, we have sound check,” I say, trying to change the subject and move on.
Today was not my best rehearsal day, but almost everyone looked over my mess-ups because the new song I wrote was great.
“Decent job, guys, I want it together by the show so go eat some dinner then come back and practice till you get it right,” Austin says, standing up from his chair. I sit my guitar down and lay down on the stage. I don’t even wanna look over at my dad; I know he’s disappointed and he’s going to say something when I have to get in the car with him.
“What the hell today, Gray?” Shawn asks, standing over me. I know if he’s asking what was going on, I was not playing good.
“He’s a little distracted,” Raven says, nodding her head over to Alexia. I wipe my hand over my face then blow out a ton of air.
“I was not,” I try to defend myself.
“Sure, ‘cause staring at her the whole time was not distracting,” Charlie says, joining me, sitting crisscross on the floor.
“I wasn’t staring,” I say.
“You better get it together because she will be sitting in the same place at the show,” Raven says.
“I have an idea,” Shawn says.
“Which is?” I ask. Not that I need the advice. I’m fine.
“So, when Zara first came and saw a show, I was really nervous and so whenever I was performing, I would just try and not focus on her by focusing on her,” Shawn says.
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard,” Raven says.
“I think I get it. Okay, if he starts thinking of her long enough, he may get comfortable and then, without knowing it, move on,” Kenan says.
“I’ll try that,” I tell them. I stand up and prepare myself to be in the car with my dad. I know he doesn’t want some nice father-and-son lunch. He's only taking me to lunch to yell at me, but free food is free food.
Being in the car with my dad has been awkward since I saw him fucking Lena when he was married to my mom but today, I could cut the tension with a knife. “Never let a girl get to you,” Dad states.
“Yes, sir,” I reply.
“You have to do better. You need to do better, and you have a partnership with Castify. You will design seven phone cases with them starting soon,” Dad states.
Of course I can do better. It’s always do better with him. I made a hit song. Do better. Get signed to the best record company. Do better. Get a lead role in a Hayden movie. Do better. Next, he’ll be telling me to breathe better. God, I wanna move out fully so bad but it’d hurt Beatrix, and I can’t leave her alone with dad like that. He’d probably try and keep her from me if I did move out completely.
So I’m stuck.
On the way to lunch, Kenan’s comment ran through my mind. I’m not one to think about love or anything but I wonder. Could there be a girl out there? I feel like I’m way too much to handle. I’m not an open person, I find it hard to trust someone, love someone. When you love someone, they can hurt you. If someone falls in love with me, I’d consider it to be a miracle.
Maybe my miracle will be someone loving me in life.