Chapter Nine
Sabrina
DESPITE THE EXHAUSTION OF BEING awake for almost twenty-four hours straight, I found myself doing the last thing I expected to do today—walking around the lake with Cash. I’d dreamed of this moment more than I cared to admit, but not like this. Not when I didn’t particularly care for him. I told myself I was only doing it because I needed help uncovering anything that could shine a light on Soren and his character. My search hadn’t gotten me far. The Wi-Fi kept going out, and my laptop kept restarting, preventing me from really digging in. It was as bizarre as the rest of my day had been. But the truth was, more than anything, I wanted to know where Cash had been the last three years and why he’d left me. And not the line he’d tried to feed me earlier about him being scared that we were moving too fast. That’s not the man I knew in Bordeaux—that man had been all in. Or had I read him all wrong?
I plunged my hands into the cozy depths of my jacket pockets, taking advantage of the warmth they provided in the cool air. My gaze fixed on the crescent-shaped moon casting a glow upon the tranquil lake. The moon’s reflection danced on the delicate ripples, making the water shimmer. The gentle lapping of the water provided the perfect music combined with the rustle of the trees and the crunch of the pebbles beneath our shoes on the rocky path. It made me realize how much I missed this place, despite the craziness that was my family. I still couldn’t believe Nana had groped Cash and, from the sounds of it, was planning on doing it again.
“So why did you really leave and cut me out of your life?” I punctured the serenity of the moment, knowing I had to get the truth. For three years, I’d wondered.
Cash let out a heavy sigh. “Have you ever had a moment when you see what your life could be, and it’s so different from anything you’ve ever known that you just panic?”
My first thought was no, I’d never experienced that, but then I remembered how I felt when the opportunity in Park City had presented itself. An old family friend wanted to sell her catering business, and she approached Mia and me about buying it. It seemed crazy to leave Tennessee, and all I knew, especially when Mia and I had plans to start something in Nashville, where we were living and working at the time for the most sought-after caterer in the state. While it presented a great opportunity and something I had always dreamed of, the thought of relocating to a place I had never even visited, so far away from home, filled me with panic. It also made Mama a little ballistic. She couldn’t believe I would leave her like that. But it had nothing to do with her—I just needed to spread my wings and see if I could fly, as scary as it was. And I had flown. Sure, Mia and I had our fair share of crashes over the years, but we were making it work.
“I felt like that once, but I didn’t change my phone number and forget everyone I cared about,” I snipped.
Cash tugged on my sleeve. “Sabrina, I never forgot about you.”
“You could have fooled me.”
“I know,” he breathed out. “You don’t know how awful I feel about it. Like I said, I panicked. I told you how I grew up going from foster home to foster home.”
I recalled when he’d told me about his terrible upbringing. My heart had broken for him. But I was so amazed at what he’d made of his life, despite the challenges. It had made me want to get to know him even more, and eventually it had made me love him all the more.
“I’ve never experienced real family life,” he continued. “I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be in a family until ...” He paused. “I met you.”
I stopped and held my breath, ticked off at myself that he could reel me in like this. It didn’t mean he was changing my mind about him, but darn it if I hadn’t wanted to hear those words for three years.
Cash stopped as well and caught my gaze, his blue eyes capturing me and holding me steady. “But I realized I have zero clue about how to be a husband or father. I don’t even know where I’d begin. So, when my company said they needed me in Singapore, I took the coward’s way out. I was so ashamed, knowing I was purposely hurting you, that I changed my number and got the hell out of Dodge.”
I stood there staring blankly at him, not knowing what to say. Don’t get me wrong: I wasn’t happy about it, nor did it make me feel any better. Except for maybe feeling relieved, knowing I’d dodged a bullet. I didn’t want a coward in my life. What would have happened had he let our relationship progress? Would he have left me at the altar or when I was in the hospital having our first child? But ... I had one question for him. “So why come here now?”
His strong, broad shoulders lifted and fell. “Because of you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I thought maybe if I came here, I’d feel closer to you. And here you are.” He swallowed hard, as if he were working up the courage to say something else. “And being with you again makes me think the biggest mistake I ever made was walking away from you.”
Oh. It was a gigantic something else. Those words went straight to my heart and sent the zingiest of zings through me. But I still had a brain, and it was telling me there was more to the story. Despite Nana’s and my entire family’s enchantment with him, or the fire he’d lit inside me, I couldn’t overcome this nagging feeling that Cash was hiding something. Or that a radioactive spider had truly bitten him. There were too many coincidences for them to be coincidences. Not to say that part of me didn’t want to believe that Cash and I could make a go of it again. There was something about him that called to my very being. And when a guy like him says things to you like the things he said to me, it’s tempting. So freaking tempting.
“That’s a really nice story,” was all I could think to say. Other than, Oh gosh, I missed you so much, kiss me now.
Cash hung his head. “I figured you’d say something like that.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“Honestly, I don’t know.”
“Well, I’m glad we cleared that up.” I continued walking. The breeze picked up a little, rustling my hair and sending a chill through me. Or maybe the chill came from knowing I might have missed out on the love of my life, even if he was radioactive. It was depressing and I kind of hated Cash for it. Okay, I totally hated him for it.
Cash shoved his hands in his pockets and easily kept pace with me. He was a good six inches taller and had longer legs than me.
Irritated by the thought he could just leave like that, knowing he’d had deep feelings for me too, I blurted, “Did it ever occur to you to just talk to me instead of running away?”
“No,” he said so bluntly, it caught me off guard.
“Seriously?”
“I told you, I’m not good at relationships. All I know is work. That’s what I’m good at.”
“You’re such a liar.” I picked up the pace.
“I’m not lying,” he barked.
“So, you’re saying everything we shared in Bordeaux was a lie?”
“No,” he adamantly responded. “It was the best two months of my life.”
“You can’t have it both ways. Either you are the world’s best faker or you’re lying when you say you aren’t good at relationships. Because those two months with you felt like the most real time of my life. I’ve never been with someone so attentive who just seemed to get me. Are you telling me it was all a lie and I’m a bigger idiot than I thought I was for caring about you?” My voice hitched. I didn’t think I’d ever been so vulnerable in my life, but the thought that I’d just imagined how special that time was crushed me.
Cash grabbed my hand, halting my furious pace, and pulled me right to him before his powerful hands framed my face, sending waves of heat over my cheeks. “Sabrina,” he said so intimately, I froze in place. “No matter what happens, don’t think for one second that what we shared was anything but real. Don’t question it. Ever.”
Holy, holy, holy wow! Like whoa. I hated to admit how sexy that was. He was so alluring, I was about to go Nana all over him. I was grateful when he dropped his hands and stepped back. If he hadn’t, I’m not sure I wouldn’t have grabbed his jacket and laid a kiss on him the size of the enormous wedding cake my sister wanted, which Mia and I would start making layers for tomorrow.
“Uh ...” I had no idea what to say. I wasn’t even sure I could speak. No man had ever made me feel enveloped in him—we are talking about an unworldly possession kind of feeling. Maybe he really was a ghost. If so, I had a feeling he would probably haunt me forever. The what-could-have-been was already eating at me.
“Tell me why you don’t like Soren.” Cash saved me from myself.
I paused my contemplation on how much I would hate myself if I kissed him and shook my head, trying to shake off the woozy feeling he’d left me with. My brain had too many things to process. Things like how he could just leave me when it was obvious that he felt as strongly as I had about our time together. I guess he really was a coward. It was too bad. And depressing. So freaking depressing. But I refused to let chemical cocktails rule me.
Still feeling buzzed, I moved one foot in front of the other. “Um ... maybe this sounds weird, but I get the feeling Soren’s hiding something, like someone else I know.” I couldn’t help but take the cheap shot. I couldn’t truly express how unhappy I was to be missing out on Cash, even though I knew I had to. Those were the rules. You don’t chase after ghosts.
Cash grumbled under his breath, not appreciating my slight, but also not denying he was hiding something.
“Anyway, something in his eyes tells me he’s not a good guy, and it’s not the colored contacts he’s wearing.”
“You noticed that?” Cash sounded impressed.
“Yes, and his Norwegian accent seems off, and the crinkles around his eyes don’t match his age. My aunt Vivian is right. He’s very plastic, but I think it’s more than his skin. He’s a fake. I feel it. Oh, and he also doesn’t want to be photographed. Which reminds me.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket. “Say cheese.” The flash went off on my phone, capturing a surprised Cash. I giggled at his wide eyes in the photo and his exasperated expression. “We’ll see how long this lasts. I swear if this photo disappears, I’m getting one of those Geiger counter things and running it over your body.”
Cash’s brow quirked. “Is that so? That sounds like fun.”
Did it ever, but I kept that to myself. Instead, I rolled my eyes. “Don’t get excited—I’m going to let my nana do it.”
Cash chuckled. “I see now that you inherited being handsy from your nana.”
“Excuse me. You were the handsy one. Need I remind you that the first time I met you, you backed me up against a wall and thoroughly kissed me?” What I wouldn’t give for him to do that now. I meant to say I hated him. Absolutely hated him.
“Need I remind you that you kissed me back, and you ran your hands all up and down my chest?”
I blushed, thinking of how uninhibited I’d felt in that beautiful, almost-dreamlike moment. Best. Meet. Cute. Ever. “I don’t even know why we’re talking about this, because it’s all in the past and we won’t ever be kissing or touching again.” Yep, still depressed about it.
Cash shrugged. “You never know about these things.”
“Oh, I do. I really, really do,” I said, trying desperately to convince myself.
“If you say so.” He kicked a rock.
“I do,” I said halfheartedly. “Anyway, I just don’t want to see my baby sister get hurt, even if she is a little, or a lot, scary at the moment. But I can’t just come out and say something to her because she’ll think I’m jealous because she’s younger than I am and getting married first. She’ll say I’m just trying to ruin her big day.”
“Are you jealous?” Cash asked.
Ooh, that was a good question. Was I? “Maybe a little,” I admitted. “I don’t begrudge her getting married; I just thought I’d be married by now. I don’t know why I’m telling you this,” I said, flustered.
Cash flashed me a sincere smile. “I know why.”
“Why?” I asked against my better judgment.
“Because whether or not you want to admit it, there’s still something between us.”
Yeah, I was afraid that’s what it was. “I wouldn’t say that.” I refused to give him an inch. If I did, we’d be mixing some chemicals.
“Understood. So, what is your plan of attack?”
“Well, if you’re telling the truth, I’ll get a background check done.”
“I promise you’ll get your background check. But sometimes those take time, so what are you going to do in the meantime?”
“I don’t know.” I looked out over the lake, feeling so confused and worried. Something was wrong—so wrong.
“Sabrina,” Cash said my name so tenderly, I couldn’t help but turn toward him and get lost in those baby blues of his.
“What?” I whispered.
“If you’re that worried about Soren, I have some ideas. If you’re interested.”
“What kind of ideas?”
“Ideas you might not like.”
“Like spying on him in the bushes?” I laughed.
Cash uncomfortably cleared his throat. “Of course not. Who does that?”
“Creepy voyeurs.”
“Obviously, neither of us are into voyeurism. With that said, you know the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer ?”
“Uh-huh.”
“It’s true, but the catch is to make your enemy believe you’re a friend.”
“I don’t want to be friends with Soren, real or fake.” I shuddered at the prospect.
“That’s understandable, but the best way to take down your enemy is to make him feel comfortable enough to let his guard down.”
I tilted my head. “You’ve thought about this a lot. Why? Do you have a lot of enemies?”
“I don’t have enemies or friends.”
“That’s sad. You know, I thought we used to be friends. Maybe even the best sort of friends.” Kissing friends were the best.
“You see how I screwed that up?”
“Yeah,” I breathed out. “So, you think I should make Soren believe I’m his friend? How is that going to help? What do you think he would tell me?”
“People always give clues to who they are. You just have to listen to what they say and sometimes what they don’t say.”
“What if I don’t hear the right things and my sister ends up marrying a louse?”
“I could help you. I’m good at reading people. It’s part of my analyst brain.”
“That’s not a good idea because that would mean us spending time together and he’s already suspicious of you—as am I.”
Cash didn’t even bat an eye or acknowledge my doubts about him. “Of course he’s suspicious of me. He’s afraid I can read him like a book.”
“Then how can you help me?”
“We just have to make him believe he’s wrong about me. Throw him off his game. Whatever that is.”
“Just out of curiosity, how would we do that?”
“You definitely won’t like this part.”
I stood still and braced myself.
Cash stepped closer to me, owning me with his gaze. He sure knew how to heat up a cool night.
An owl perched in the tree above us hooted, as if to tell us to move on, yet Cash and I stayed locked in a staring contest.
“We’ve already led Soren to believe we might be reconciling.”
I held up my hand. “Uh. That was you, not me. And by the way, that’s never happening.”
“Regardless.” Cash grinned. “It’s not a bad plan. We pretend we’re working on our relationship. Maybe even ask for some help and go on a few dates with Soren and Lexi.”
Was he for real? “You’re right, I don’t like this plan. You’re just using it as a ploy to get to me. I’ve seen the movies and read the books. You don’t think I know what fake dating leads to? Sorry, that’s a no from me.” Not a hard no, but he didn’t need to know that.
“Sabrina, being with you would never be fake.”
Oh, that was sweet. Ugh! Stop thinking like that .
Thankfully, he ruined it by saying, “I don’t think you would be faking anything either. I still see the spark in your eye when you look at me and the way your breath hitches when I touch you. You’ve never let me go.”
My jaw dropped as I scoffed. “You are so full of yourself.” The stupid man was right, but dang, was he conceited.
“I’m just stating the facts.”
“Well, since you love facts so much, you can chew on this one: I don’t need your help. I’ll figure out Soren on my own. Thank you very much.” I stomped off, pulling out my phone to text Mia. I needed her and some cookies. But my phone started flickering oddly. No. No. No. Why did this always happen around Cash? As soon as it would let me put in my passcode, I checked my photos, and sure enough, the one of him had disappeared. I spun around and glared at Cash, who stood there dumbfounded, running a hand through his hair. Did he really think I’d just jump at the idea of fake dating him?
“Get ready for Nana to come at you with a Geiger counter.”
He dropped his hand and chuckled. “Bring it on.”
Oh, I was going to bring it, all right. Not sure what I was going to bring, but when I figured it out, I was so bringing it.