Chapter 2 Colten
TWO
COLTEN
Iam not cut out for running a Mafia family.
Managing all the behind-the-scenes shit that no one really thinks about? Sure.
But the people part? Absolutely not.
It doesn’t help that the De Luca family is barely finding its feet after ousting several high-ranking members of the family and everyone’s roles have changed to accommodate the loss.
Which means since Cruz and Riley left for their honeymoon a week and a half ago, I’ve been on back-to-back phone calls answering stupid questions.
Okay, they’re not actually that stupid, but they’re annoying as hell.
Between answering their incessant questions and doing my usual work, I’ve been working nonstop, which is where my true issue lies.
Because it’s been nine days since I’ve seen my wildcat, and I’m beginning to lose my fucking mind.
Now, am I aware that stalking my best friend’s sister is insane? Yes.
But hear me out.
I’ve been in love with her for as long as I can remember, and that love has morphed into obsession as we’ve gotten older.
The problem is, I’ll never be good enough for her.
She’s an angel. She’s kind and generous, witty and sarcastic. She’s everything.
And I’m just her brother’s best friend who grew up with parents who despised my very existence. A reminder of the affair my father had behind my mother’s back.
All my life I’ve been reminded of what a worthless piece of shit I am, and that means I’ll never be worthy of Lexi.
Hence the stalking.
There’s nothing I won’t do to keep her safe, including installing cameras all over the De Luca estate and trackers in every handbag and pair of shoes she owns, as well as her phone, and keeping track of her ingoing and outgoing emails, texts, and calls.
Okay, maybe it’s more than a little nuts, but my desperation to keep her safe only grows by the day, and this is the only way I can do it while keeping my distance.
“Danny, I don’t know what you want me to tell you. The club’s finances are fine, you’re doing great.” I try to keep the annoyance out of my voice, but I’m doing a pretty poor job of it.
“Can you just check them when you have a second? I’ve checked them three times today, and they don’t seem right to me.”
I sigh and massage my throbbing temple. “I’ll look into it if I have a chance.”
“Thanks, Colten. I just want to make sure we don’t have anyone else in the business gunning for its downfall.”
“I know, and Cruz appreciates all your hard work these past few months.”
It’s the truth. My best friend is happier than I’ve ever seen him, and he plans to give everyone across the board a bonus for everything they’ve done in the wake of weeding out our rats.
I end the call and drop my head back against the desk chair.
Maybe I could go work in Cruz’s home office today. An excuse to see her. I’m sure there’s something I need on his desk.
But I shake off the thought immediately.
I’m too close to the edge after not seeing her for so long and barely speaking to her. If I go over there now, I’m liable to throw all the reasons she can’t be mine out the window and drag her home to my apartment, where she belongs.
Not having eyes on Lexi this past week has been torture.
But not having the time to speak to her, even if she doesn’t realize it’s me, has been a special kind of cruel.
I wonder if Cruz knew this would happen when he went away? That I would be forced to step out from the shadows in order to see my wildcat.
Not that he knows his sister is a cam girl or that I’m her highest-paying subscriber.
She had one single slot available for the top tier, and what felt like every man and his dog tried to take it from me.
Lucky for me, I could just hack into each of their accounts and shut them down, clearing the way for me to take it, leaving me as the only one with exclusive access to Lexi and her extra spicy content.
You’d think with my level of obsession that I would feel jealousy knowing other men have seen her naked, have seen her pleasuring herself for their entertainment, but strangely enough, it’s never occurred to me. In fact, there’s a part of me that loves it.
Knowing they can never have her, that she’s mine even if she doesn’t realize it.
I squeeze my cock through my pants and groan. I’ve had no time to check out her profile for any new content, and my balls are aching for release.
You see, I can’t even get myself off without Lexi being involved. That’s how fucked up I am for her.
It used to frustrate the hell out of me when we were teenagers. While all the other guys were fucking anything that moves and watching so much porn their hands cramped, there was always something missing for me.
Or rather someone.
It wasn’t until Lexi’s eighteenth birthday that I realized it was her.
As kids I was infatuated with her, but it wasn’t until we were older that I realized what the feeling in my chest was whenever she was around.
I’d never seen love in real time.
My parents hated one another. My father was a serial cheater who resented me for existing. And the De Lucas were much the same.
That’s why it took so long for me to figure out the aching in my chest I felt whenever I left Lexi was love.
Now the four-letter word doesn’t seem like enough. Not big enough. Not worthy enough. Too little to describe the all-consuming emotion I feel toward her.
It’s like she’s written into the fabric of my soul, as if fate made her just to torture me with her perfection. An angel I can never have but will always worship.
My phone lights up on my desk, and I groan.
What the fuck do they want now?
I reach for it, and my chest tightens when I see the notification from Fan Faves, the app Lexi uses for her subscription services.
Fan Faves
You have a message from Wildcat
Her username always makes my chest clench, because it’s the nickname I gave her all those years ago when she was in her rebellious teen years. The fact she chose to use it only further proves what I’ve always known.
That she’s mine.
I press my eyes closed for a moment and open the message thread. This past week has been a test as to whether my obsession will ever be able to let her go, and I’ve failed miserably if the giddiness in my chest as I wait for the app to load is anything to go by.
Wildcat: Hiya, Handsome! You’ve been quiet the last few days, just checking in on you!
She misses me.
It’s the only reason she’d send a message like this, because regardless of whether I’m using the benefits of my subscription or not, she’s still having a thousand dollars clear into her account every week.
Really, the only reason she would notice my absence at all is if she missed me.
A rogue smile tips up the corners of my lips as I consider my response. I know I’m the only person she messages on this app with any kind of real emotion. There’s a lot of placating men’s fragile egos, but her conversations with me are far deeper, and I’m more than a little smug about that fact.
CJP: Hello beautiful! I’m sorry for being MIA. Work has been keeping me on my toes this week, but I’m missing you. How are you doing? I know you said you were going to be cat-sitting.
Walking the line of knowing everything about Lexi and pretending to be a perfect stranger is harder than you would think, because the more she tells me online, the more I have to keep track of what I should and shouldn’t know in her real life.
It’s a delicate situation I’ve woven for myself, but I wouldn’t have it any other way, having this small piece of her.
It’s as close as I’ll ever allow myself to get, even if living without her is the most painful thing I’ve ever had to do.