Chapter 20 Lexi
TWENTY
LEXI
“Lexi Marie De Luca.” My mother’s voice carries through the closed door, and my entire body tenses.
That motherfucker.
He called my mom?
I don’t get a chance to steel myself before she pushes her way into the room, as meticulously dressed as always. I thought once Dad was gone that she would ease up a little, but it never happened, and honestly, I’ve always found her commitment to her personal style impressive.
“You’re still in bed?” she asks, dropping her bag onto the chest at the end of the bed.
“I didn’t get much sleep last night, or did you miss the memo about the home invasion and change of address?” I snap back.
She rolls her eyes at my sass, and I can’t help but smile. I know a lot of women have issues with their mothers, especially in Mafia families, but when I tell you there is no one kinder than Mary De Luca, I mean it.
She’s the backbone of this family, and I would be lost without her constant love and guidance, even if she can be a little overbearing.
“Plus, I’m not allowed to leave. Colten has been working out there all morning, and it’s a one-bedroom apartment. Where do you propose I spend my time?” I challenge.
“That’s enough of your sass, young lady.”
She loves my sass because it’s a carbon copy of hers.
I shake my head and climb out of the bed, only wincing slightly as the sheets brush over the burns on my legs.
Mom’s eyes drop to my knees immediately, worry crossing her features as she takes in the angry red marks.
Now I’m really glad I changed out of Colten’s shirt into my own lounge set, because I don’t want her getting too excited about this match.
Like you’re not losing your mind that you matched with the man you’ve been crushing on for the last decade, the voice in the back of my mind reminds me helpfully.
“Are you okay?” she asks, her eyes finally dragging up to meet mine.
I swallow around the tears that threaten.
Am I okay?
Not really.
But the part of me so desperate to take care of everyone else’s feelings before my own won’t let me admit that.
This is what a dysfunctional childhood does to a kid.
Cruz turned into a cold, heartless Mafia boss, and I became a chronic people pleaser. It’s just that he met Riley and found himself again.
I haven’t been so lucky.
Until now, I allow myself to think, and my chest hurts.
“I’m lucky Colten could get to me as quickly as he did,” I say, avoiding the question altogether.
Which reminds me, how the hell did he get to the house so fast? It was the middle of the night, and Cruz lives far enough out of the city that it’s unlikely he would have just been driving past.
Something else to ask about when he returns from wherever the fuck he disappeared to.
“He’s a good boy.” She smiles softly, guiding me to sit on the edge of the bed with her.
Just like when I was little, she gathers my hands in hers and carefully massages them. Once upon a time, all she wanted to be was a physiotherapist, but that’s just another dream Dad took from her.
What if Colten is the same?
He’d never put hands on me, not even if his life depended on it, but there are other kinds of abuse.
What if everything I’ve built for myself is taken away tomorrow?
I don’t want to lose my identity to anyone, even the man I’ve been crushing on my whole life.
She squeezes my hands, forcing me to look up at her from our joined hands.
“Change is scary. Even welcome change. But you wouldn’t have signed up for the matchmaker if it wasn’t something you wanted.
And you can’t be that surprised that you and Colten are compatible.
You know him. You know his heart is good.
And you know he will always keep you safe.
In this life, there’s not much else you can ask for.
” Shadows of sadness edge into her eyes, and I can’t help but wrap my arms around her.
She could have easily been like most women in families like ours. She could have been cold and distant from us kids, especially with the abuse she suffered from our father. But she’s the warmest mother I know, and if I ever decide to have kids, I hope I’m half the mom she’s been.
“I’m scared,” I admit.
“Of course you are, sweetheart. You were attacked when you were most vulnerable and alone. Your life has been tipped on its head, and someone you’ve always thought was out of reach turns out to be your perfect match. It’s a lot for anyone to deal with in such a short amount of time.”
I open my mouth to ask how the hell she knows I’ve had feelings for Colten for as long as I can remember, but she just laughs softly.
“Mothers always know, just like I’ve always known you were the only woman in the world that has ever interested him. It was only a matter of time before you found your way to one another.”
I stare at her for long seconds, trying to remember a single time Colten has ever spoken about another woman, any instance of flirting when I’ve been around him, or even a rumor of him with anyone when we were in high school.
But I come up empty.
Not once in the twenty-odd years I’ve known him has he ever given me the impression of being attracted to another woman.
Except for me.
The flirting that I always thought was one-sided, wasn’t.
The feelings went both ways.
“That can’t be,” I murmur to myself.
“But it is,” she says softly. “I know that might come as a shock, but we’ve all known this was coming since you were kids and he would put himself between you and any danger that may come to you. He’s spent almost two decades doing exactly that, and there’s no one I trust more with your safety.”
I’m still too stunned to speak, let alone make sense of the war of emotions swirling around in my mind.
It doesn’t make any sense.
If Colten had feelings for me for all these years, why did he never say anything? Especially if my family are as on board as they seem to be.
Why did I never make a move? I think to myself.
How can I blame him for the same thing I was always too afraid of?