Chapter 45 Lexi
FORTY-FIVE
LEXI
You know those cries when you feel like a totally new human after? Like you’ve expelled all your demons and have a whole new lease on life?
Yeah, this is not one of those cases.
My chest hurts, my head throbs, and my throat is scratchy when I’m dragged from sleep by the sound of a phone vibrating.
Colten is passed out behind me with Pancake asleep in the center of his chest. She’s been hovering over him like she’s protecting him from being hurt again, and it’s truly the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.
I watch her rise and fall with each breath he takes for long minutes.
It’s reassuring to have them both where I can see them, but I need to finish my exploration of the security program on Colten’s laptop before he changes the password again.
I got lucky guessing it this time, but I probably won’t again.
Slipping from beneath the soft blanket he must have put over me after I passed out, I head to the bathroom to take care of business, avoiding the mirror at all costs.
I check Colten and Pancake one more time, checking to make sure they’re both still asleep before I sneak into the living room.
It doesn’t take nearly as long to get into the computer this time around, and then I’m back to searching through the folders, even if I’m not sure what for just yet.
Whatever filing system he’s using, it’s either chaotic or genius. I just haven’t figured out which one it is yet.
Every now and then I check over my shoulder to make sure Colten isn’t watching me from the doorway, and eventually I get so engrossed in the program that I forget about everything else.
He has a tracker on just about everyone that works for the organization, as well as their spouses.
Again, it makes sense given how high-risk we are just by being with men like him, and the fact that if any of them were ever in danger, he would be able to help find them will probably make me sleep better at night, but it’s intense, nonetheless.
The problem is, apart from the mirrored phone, I can’t find myself anywhere.
Is it possible that that’s all he has on me?
It doesn’t seem likely, seeing as he has more trackers on every other person in the family, and he says he’s had feelings for me for years, but why can’t I find them?
I’m so distracted that I don’t hear the quiet footsteps until it’s too late.
Strong arms wrap around me, trapping me in place as warm breath whispers across my cheek.
“What are you looking for, Wildcat?” Colten asks, his voice soft and menacing.
I open my mouth to lie, but I think it’s pretty fucking clear what I’m doing, and at no point did it occur to me that I should come up with a story just in case I was caught.
He covers my hand on the mouse and guides it through several screens before a list appears. A really fucking long list.
“Was it this?” he murmurs, sending a shiver down my spine. “Were you looking for all the trackers I’ve had on you over the years?”
Again, I try to deny it, but he knows the truth. Lying would be a waste of both our time.
“Because there have been a lot, Wildcat. After you were taken in college, keeping you safe became my obsession, and I took that obsession very seriously.”
I should be scared.
Terrified even.
But I’m not.
Angry? Yes.
Scared? Not even a little bit.
Because throughout all of this, one thing has always rung true.
Colten would rather die than hurt me, and if the screen in front of me proves anything, it’s that.
“You had no right,” I say, my voice wavering.
One second, I’m facing the screen, the entries blurring together, and the next I’m perched on the edge of the desk, pinned by Colten’s large frame.
“I had every right, Lexi. You are mine, and therefore it is my responsibility to keep you safe.”
“We’ve only been together a few weeks,” I whisper.
Colten’s hand wraps around my jaw, forcing me to look up into heated green eyes. “In case it wasn’t clear, Lexi, you’ve always been mine.”
I open my mouth to argue, but I’m cut off by his lips crashing down on mine.
He pours every ounce of emotion into the kiss, and I return it tenfold. My anger, my frustration, my love.
My emotions run wild, and I don’t know whether I should push him away or pull him closer. My body wins out, and my legs wrap around his hips, holding him in place as I grind against his very hard cock.
“Such a greedy girl,” he growls between kisses, nipping at my bottom lip before soothing the pain away with his tongue.
I’ve never been kissed like this. Like if his lips left my body, he would cease to exist, and I’m starting to believe that that’s how much I mean to Colten.
I’m mad as hell, but I can’t question his undying loyalty.
I push against his chest, and to my surprise, he allows a breath of space between us. “How often did you use those trackers?”
“Every day.” There’s no hesitation in his answer. Lying to me doesn’t even seem to occur to him.
“Every day,” I breathe the word, like saying it out loud myself will change the insanity of it.
“Every single day, Wildcat.” Colten dips until his lips are so close I can almost taste them.
“Do you see now? Can you see that you’ve always been mine?
Even when I didn’t believe I was worthy of you, you were mine.
Every time you thought I was keeping my distance from you, I was never far away.
The night the house was broken into, I got there so fast because I was asleep in my car out front.
I couldn’t tear myself away from you. My gut told me not to leave you alone, and I’m so fucking glad I trusted it. ”
My body trembles at the admission.
I wondered how he got there so quickly and how he was able to stop my attacker from taking it further, and now I have my answer.
Colten’s obsession saved me.
“The day I was at the café…” I trail off.
“I saw the messages as they came through. I knew you were in danger before you even read the messages yourself.”
I stare up into his eyes, drinking him in the same way he is me.
How is it possible to be in love with one stalker while my life is being torn apart by another?
“I need some space—”
“No.”
“Colten, be reasonable. This is a lot for me to process.”
“Is it though?” he challenges. “I’ve already admitted to being in love with you since we were teenagers. Is this really that much of a stretch?”
He has a point, but there’s only one word that sticks out to me, my heart kicking up a notch at the way it sounds on his lips.
“You love me?” I whisper.
Colten chuckles, brushing his lips over mine before holding my gaze. “Lexi, I’ve loved you for as long as I’ve known what that word meant. I’ve loved you through every season of our lives, and I’ll continue to love you until death and beyond.”
The declaration is everything my lonely heart has always longed for, and I don’t get a chance to catch myself before I wrap my arms around his neck and tug him closer, devouring him the same way he is me.
Colten lifts me with ease, carrying me across the apartment until my back presses against cool glass. The soft crash of the waves below reminds me just how high we are.
Faster than I can blink, he sheds my clothes from my body, sending a shiver across my skin as the bite of cold spreads through me.
He makes quick work of shoving his own sweatpants down his thighs, freeing his hard cock.
He holds me in place with his hips and my legs wrapped tightly around his back as he grinds himself along my wet core.
“You know, Wildcat, I did a tour of that apartment right there.” He points to the building beside ours, the expansive space lit up as our neighbors watch television.
“And you can see straight into this window I have you pressed against,” he murmurs against my skin, dragging his lips and teeth along my heated skin.
A fresh wave of arousal leaks from between my thighs, earning me another rough chuckle. “My girl and her exhibitionist streak.”
“You want them to watch you fucking me, Colt? You want to lay claim on something they’ll never touch?”
The bold words feel foreign on my tongue, and before I can take my next breath, Colten’s cock is buried inside me, tearing a strangled scream from my throat.
Seems I’m not the only one with that streak.