Chapter 27 #3
I can eat, suck, and take orders like a good girl; just with a few subtle prompts. Really, I’m just being facetious, because he’s always given me a choice. He’s never MADE me do anything. It’s my play. I decided how the pieces move on the board.
I start eating as he grabs the remote, powers on the TV, and queues up my comfort show, The Sopranos.
I actually haven’t watched it since he last griped at me for rewatching the wedding episode.
As I predicted, he already knew I haven’t watched any further; beginning the next episode in season 6: Live Free or Die.
I wonder if he’s overheated in all those layers, as he lowers himself to the couch next to me.
His heavy body causes me to tip slightly toward him.
He then drapes his arm over the back of our seat and proceeds to cross his ankle onto the other knee.
Are we really snuggling up on the couch together to watch a show?
This all seems strangely normal. Aside from him being decked out in full militant gear and me looking like a disheveled cat lady who hardly ever leaves the house… you’d almost think we were a couple.
We silently watch the episode about a family disgraced by the actions of two consenting adults.
Lies, built on lies, creating conflict for everyone involved.
Pride and an obligation to family make people do stupid things, blood or not.
I can’t help but glance at the door frequently, expecting my roommate to appear at any moment.
My nonchalant stalker watches on, the epitome of composure and self-control that near strangers shouldn’t have with one another.
Was there some sort of message here I was supposed to be decoding?
All his curated songs seem to have held some kind of meaning or temporary comic relief.
Was I overthinking all of it? Maybe this wasn’t anything more than two people spending time together.
Reaching for the remote when the episode ends, he shuts off the television, and I find that our legs are touching. I stare up into his goggles, that just reveal my own tired reflection.
“Did that episode represent something? Like in real life? To me?”
He shakes his head up and down.
Yes? I think back to all the questions I’ve asked him prior to this moment. “You never answered me. How do you know my brother?” My mind reels, as one question leads into another, before he has a chance to respond. “Does all this have something to do with him?”
He bows his head again.
I’m so fucking tired. I attempt to temper my thoughts, while carefully forming my next question. The reason why I hated the impending holiday season, why I haven’t been quite the same for multiple years.
“Did my brother kill himself?”
He considers me, marginally angling his head. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I knew behind the covering they focused on me.
Time froze and I felt as though I couldn’t take a full breath, while waiting for this stranger on my couch to respond. I silently plead with the universe, promising anything it wants. Please give me answers.
His posture stiffens while his leg spontaneously starts to bounce.
I knew it. I’ve sort of always known. I shatter; hot tears stream down my face. Theo did not take his own life.
Without being asked, he wraps his large arms around my body, pulling me closer to his firm Kevlar covered chest.
I unravel teetering between loss and solace, unsure which one holds more merit.
He just holds me. My only pillar in a world that falls around me.
Once I’m able to collect myself, I pull back abruptly.
“How?” I sob, proceeding to bite down on my tongue, only to keep from crying again.
“HOW?!” I don’t know why, but I smack his immovable chest, like I was capable of harming this man.
As if he’s ever tried to hurt me. He is a wall and I, a feather caught in a breeze colliding against his strength.
“Tell me!” I idly push on him, expecting too much from the still shadow.
He locates his phone, wakes the screen, then seemingly types out a message.
Using a text to speech feature, the phone reads his words out loud.
Just like it did in the office at the Lantern Festival.
A deep male voice reads: Your brother started poking around, where he didn’t belong.
He discovered secrets. I strongly believe he left something behind for you.
“What?”
Just then, I heard the jingle of keys just outside the apartment door.
Swiftly, he stands, sliding open the window, and ascends the building’s fire escape. Despite my stunned state, I managed to close the window, just before my roommate crosses the threshold.
“Hey.” She rushes.
“Hey,” I reply, while trying not to look directly at her.
“Feeling any better?” She asks, setting her bag on the table.
“Mhmm.” I peek over my shoulder to see if there’s any trace of the shadow, I’m beginning to feel more attached to by the day.
“Need anything?” She asks, now walking over to me.
I curl the blanket around my face and shake my head. “No thanks, just need more sleep. I’ll be right as rain tomorrow.”
She gives a tight lip smile, folds in on herself, and halts her advance. As if she could tell, I was pushing her away.
Quickly, I say goodnight and find my way back to my room. Sleep is a welcoming diversion, releasing me from my spiraling thoughts.
“What secrets?” I whisper into the darkness.