Chapter 43
CHAPTER
FORTY-THREE
CINDEL
It rained most of the night. I’d blame the change in barometric pressure for my fretful sleep and raging headache, but I know that isn’t why.
My skin crawled as if I couldn’t find comfort within my own body.
I was questioning everything. What I’ve done.
Who I am. How I am about to bring down the hammer on someone who I once considered family.
When we arrived home late last night, I closed myself in my room.
I was so drained, I couldn’t fathom hearing Andrea try and explain herself further.
Apparently, my uncle isn’t the only one who has been lying to me for years.
My brain simply couldn’t process anymore.
The entire time… our friendship has been a sham.
Like one of those artificial, cardboard cakes in the window of the bakery.
It looks nice, but the inside is void of what you actually desire.
Sustenance. Something real. The icing on this metaphorically fucked up cake is, she was hired by my fucking parents!
No wonder they always want to talk to her. Fuck me! Is anything as it seems?
I used the found earbud as a security blanket, keeping it in as I watched the rain beat against the window.
Each waking hour, Dax played me a new song.
At 1 a.m. it was: Ozzy Osbourne - “No More Tears,” 2 a.m.: Depeche Mode - “Policy of Truth,” and the final song I recall was: Incubus - “Pardon Me,” right around 3 a.m. That song ripped me to shreds.
I cried until I passed out. When I checked the time again, it was eight in the morning.
Music has always been a form of therapy for me. Whether these songs were meant as a distraction or a nudge of encouragement… I have this strange feeling that there are layers I have yet to discover.
The weather is dreary and the rain relentless.
It make the notion of leaving my bed that much bigger of a challenge.
The white tech rests beside me, upon a rumpled pillow.
To think… just a little over a month ago, this rogue earbud presented itself to me.
Everything before was so much less complicated.
As turbulent as things may currently seem, I’d rather be here, than continue navigating this life in the dark.
Being blissfully ignorant is an illusion, coveted by those who are wary of compassion.
Surely, I’m not lacking there. I feel sorry for my uncle.
Hell, I’m apologetic to ducks when I run out of peas.
It’s hard to swallow that Nicholas would rather kill off the people in his life than be benevolent.
Humanity would cease to exist without understanding…
without change. Sure, it can be troublesome and also really fucking unclear at times…
but without a little discomfort, we don’t grow.
I believed I was stuck, up until recently.
Forced to struggle based on someone else' s design. After everything… all the deception and lies… I’m just as guilty.
You can’t know your true self if you constantly seek others' approval. Well… no more lying to myself! Pain is no stranger to me. I wouldn’t be who I am without it.
Uneasiness is mandatory. Our time here is supposed to be messy.
Filled with self-doubt and risks with no guarantees.
I’ll never be able to go back to the person I once was… and you know what? I wouldn’t want to.
In a matter of hours, I’m expected to meet my uncle at the diner.
Dropping the earbud into its charger, I force myself from the warmth of my bed, in search of headache relief.
The pressure in my cranium, causing a head-splitting swell.
Our apartment is still… no sign of Andrea.
That’s when I find the note on the kitchen counter.
Cindel,
Had to run out you’re supposed to seem scared.
“Uncle, I’m so glad you came.” I try to make myself seem panic stricken.
Looking out the windows. Scanning the room every few moments.
“I didn’t know who else to tell.” I fidget with the cuffs of my long-sleeve shirt.
“The guy I told you about…” This next part I conjured up, while in the shower this morning.
When I considered that my deceptive uncle could have been monitoring me.
I decide to work every possible angle. It may be the only way to get him to accompany me to the warehouse district.
My hair cascades over my right ear, to cover the purple starred earbud.
I somehow felt more confident when my friendly stalker was with me.
Yet, I realize this was my web to spin alone.
Knowing what my uncle is capable of, I feel protective over the ones I care about.
Including Dax. Which is why I need Nicholas to believe that he’s not a part of this.
“Well... my musical stalker has disappeared. I—” Leaning slightly forward onto the table, I lower my voice.
“I think someone in the Murray family is to blame. One of my coworkers is trying to kill me.” My teeth clench and grind together.
Normally, the diner was busier around lunch. With minimal distractions, it is difficult to sell my fear, without calling attention to our booth. My uncle’s mouth pulls up in the corners and his eyes glisten, he looks pleased for a fraction of a second, before schooling his features.
I continue, “I found some kind of disk thingy. I… I got scared. Between Jada and the Eamon, I decided to hide it elsewhere. I found an abandoned building and stashed it there last night. Will you come get it, with me?” Take the bait.
Take the bait. My eyes feel dry. Not daring to blink, in case I miss any subtle tells.
Beneath the table my hands busy themselves by pushing the cuticles, even farther than necessary.
I worry the beds will bleed if he doesn’t answer soon.
The man who I once considered my closest family, remains hardened.
His eyes narrow to slits. A surge of panic runs through me.
Shit. Knowledge doesn’t mean you're credible. He doesn’t believe me...
I’ve always been a shit liar. Was I not convincing enough?
Is it possible he knows about Jada? I know he’s the one who sent her. She told me so herself.
“Be right with you,” the waitress says as she passes by to another table.
In sync with the interruption, the man before me softens. His features smooth out, while his next words are honeyed. “Sweet girl. Why ever did you wait so long to tell me? You found something, you say? A disk… did you see what was on it?”
Play dumb, Cindel. “I don’t know what it is.” I fib while simultaneously lowering and pulling together my eyebrows. “I thought it was a computer part. Like a broken piece off a motherboard. Could you help me see what’s on it?”
He scratches away the dried blood on his cheek then clears his throat. “Why not just bring what you found to our meeting today?”
Shit-fuck, he has a point. Think, think, think.
“I saw a cop. The one who came to my apartment asking questions about my last job. I got spooked. You know I don’t trust the police.
I couldn’t risk anyone taking it. Maybe it has the answers I’ve been searching for…
insight on Theo’s death.” I can barely hear the words leaving my mouth, I speak them so softly.
The ringing in my ears trumps any present sound.
“I hid it in the old club district. No one knows but me… and now you.” I wait with bated breath.
My uncle’s jaw ticks. Urgently I review what I’ve already said. Did I say the wrong thing? Was my face giving me away? Without a sound, he slides from the booth and stands. Reaching for his coat, he pulls it onto each arm, and adjusts his tie. “Well then… take me to it.”
Per Dax’s request, I share a cab with my uncle to the warehouse, instead of letting him drive me.
He only agreed because of my “insufferable paranoia”.
Neither of us is particularly communicative on the ride over, but Dax did play a song for me.
The Verve - “Bittersweet Symphony.” It was the ideal song.