Chapter 44 #5
“Let. Me. Go.” I try to push free, but escaping his hold is useless.
My teeth clamp together paired with heavy breath.
Was this some kind of litmus test? Ultimately deciding when it was ‘the right time’ to pursue me?
This wasn’t fate. He made it so it was inevitable that I would fall for him.
He manipulated me! Dax is a liar. How could I forgive this?
Stuck in place, I lean forward toward the feast, he releases me just enough to pluck a jalapeno tortilla chip from its basket.
Then, reaching for the molcajete bowl, I scoop a substantial amount of guacamole onto my chip.
Bringing the overflowing bite toward me, I pause, hovering just long enough for the lumpy green mixture to fall from my chip and land on his fancy pants.
“Oops,” I taunt.
A grumble resonated from his chest again.
I smile, knowing I can provoke him so easily.
The song is about struggle. Battling invisible demons that are present for some, day in and day out.
If I plan to survive this life, I must embrace change.
Doing the same things time and time again, expecting different results…
that’s the definition of insanity. This time when I reached for the dip, Dax eases his grip just enough for me to grab only chips.
Denied guac… I make it my personal vendetta, to be as messy as possible.
I don’t want to be here, but I also can’t look away from the unusual slideshow.
There’s a candid shot of me at the Bazaar, right after my purse mysteriously found its way back to me.
Followed by photos of me of my recent stay at the cottage in the Catskills.
No matter how distant I make myself; my stalker is allegedly there.
Even before I knew of his presence. He’s always been watching.
I should find this terrifying… but for some confounded reason, I find comfort in knowing that he was always there.
Never truly alone. I’ve tried cutting this invisible thread which steadily cinches us together, but there’s no point.
Our lives are meticulously woven together.
I can’t change what’s already happened, but I’m stronger from it.
If I stay, I need to take risks. I don’t want to look back and regret how I lived my life.
The song concludes, halting on one final image and I drop my chip.
On the screen is a photo of me as a young girl, gazing into the bakery window at Mike’s.
Obviously, I’m unaware my photo is being taken, but the angle reveals someone else’s reflection.
The photographer. A young boy. Same unruly mop of hair.
Identical steely-stare. I incline closer to the phone.
It can’t be. Glancing back at Dax, he releases his hold, freeing me to twist toward him.
“You’re the boy from the hospital. The one that was with my uncle, after the explosion.” I’m malfunctioning. Unable to breath…. to move.
His arms come between us, not to hold me down, but to keep me up.
Large hands cradle my face so tenderly as he searches for something I’m not sure of.
I can’t help but notice how different his eyes are from his father’s.
Dax’s center has never held anything but regard, commitment, and desire.
His pupils now dilated, are rimmed in thick bands of bluish silver.
In an instant, he closes the rift, consuming me with a punishing kiss.
I need him more than air. Biting and licking, tongues battle for purchase.
I relinquish the fight against the predestined, becoming subdued within his hold.
I’ve wanted to know him since I was a child.
Always hoping one day, my uncle would bring him around.
Nothing is by chance. He is my past, my present, and my future.
Before I even realize what is happening, he guides me to stand and turn.
He brings me down onto his lap again, but this time I’m straddling him.
His erection rubs against my center. That droppie feeling hits the bottom of my belly, in anticipation.
Like when you careen down the crest of the rollercoaster.
I haven’t felt his touch in so long, I can hardly stand it.
Unabashed, I rock my hips, appreciating all he is.
All he’s done. His hands find my hips. This day definitely didn’t turn out the way I thought it would.
In fact, nothing seems to go to plan anymore…
nonetheless, I couldn’t be more content.
Some could say, I’m throwing caution to the wind but, it’s better than having decision paralysis.
In fact, I’m more sure of myself than ever; these past few months, I’ve felt more alive than I have in years.
Yes, a lot of fucked up stuff has happened, but living a half-life is so much worse than not living life to its fullest. I was barely holding on and it’s because of Dax, that I was able to sort through the broken pieces and rebuild.
Goosebumps emerge down the length of my arm, as he pushes loose strands of hair behind my right ear. He smiles with his eyes, tilts his head and kisses the freckle on my neck. With him, there are no flaws, only beauty marks. A chill wracks through me, just as he brings his lips to my ear.
No louder than a whisper. His bruised voice struggles to ask, “Can I keep you?”
My chest constricts. Before I can even answer, Dax stands to his full height, bringing me with him.
His massive hand holds me up by my ass, while the other clears an area on the table before us.
I’m laid down in the middle of the spread.
His body cages me in, while his lower half presses between my legs.
Breathlessly, I wrap my legs around him.
Locking my ankles together, he leans into me and hums his approval.
I can’t help myself… dipping my finger into the bowl of queso beside my head, I dab it onto his nose.
“I’ve always been yours. Now… are we finished with all this cheesy stuff?
” I jeer, in unison with unbuttoning his dress shirt.
This time when the reverberating sound moves through his chest, I knew exactly what was to come.