T E N
I heard my phone buzz on the nightstand, but I wasn’t roused enough to even think about looking at it. Yet, gladly, it was signal enough not to scare to shit out of me when I heard my apartment door open on its own. I peeled open one eye to see him let himself in. Careless and lucky that I forgot to latch the chain. Every moment is stealthy and utterly soundless to a sleeping person.
A sigh leaves my lips as I twist my body and tug back the comforter as he turns. He’s in just a tee and a pair of black sweatpants. His hand was wrapped in another dirty bandage. He slides out of his shoes and walks over to the side of my bed.
He sits on the end of it, just beside my feet.
“Baby crying?”
He nods.
Both of his eyes are surrounded with purplish bruising, he rubs them as he yawns.
I hadn’t been sleeping the soundest either, tossing and turning.
“For being a day old, you’d think their lungs wouldn’t be that strong.”
I scoff, shaking my head. “Look at your hand.”
“Forgive me yet?”
I hate to admit it but it’s true.
“You’re sort of hard to hold a grudge against.”
He had been acting as if he were on eggshells since our talk on the roof, though he didn’t need to. As I said, he’s hard to not forgive.
Charlie’s lips tug to the right side of his face, trying to keep a smirk at bay.
Still shaking my head, I scoot to the other side, letting him slip under the covers with me. His head lies on the pillow that occupied mine just moments ago.
“Come here,” he murmurs, reaching for me across the bed.
I move just an inch closer.
“I’m cold.”
“You’ll warm in a minute.”
He’s not easily convinced as his palm wraps around my back, and he yanks me toward him. His legs quickly trapping mine and his arm creates a cage around me. Our faces are but inches apart now as I glare at him.
“Better,” he grins, smugly.
“I’m not a human teddy bear.”
“Feel pretty soft to me.”
“We can’t sleep like this.”
“Sure, we can.” Charlie yawns once more, bringing his finger to the tip of my nose, gently caressing it before giving me a bop.
“You snore,” I rant.
“I do not.”
“You do.”
He stares at me, pretending to be offended. “You talk.”
“I do not.”
“Yes, you do.”
“I do not, Charlie. ”
He leers. “You definitely do.”
“Then you definitely snore,” I quip back instantly, but the sudden nagging of what I may have said eats at me. “What… what do I say?”
His index finger starts to draw on my back, tracing an invisible map across my t-shirt.
“Nothing you need to be worried about.”
“Charlie.” I poke his chest, causing him to chuckle. “What have you heard?”
“I swear,” he promises. “Nothing important.”
“I don’t believe you.”
He lifts a brow. “What are you so worried about me possibly hearing?”
My lips parted as if words were going to tumble out, but I stopped myself.
“Forget it.”
Charlie’s hand stops drawing shapes on my back and suddenly, he starts creasing the top of my nose again. “You know there’s nothing you could ever say that I would find distrubing, don’t you?”
“Why are you touching my nose right now?”
“It’s cute,” he murmurs. “Like you.”
I feel my eyes cross as I stare at it, he continues to softly rub the pad of his finger against the slope of my nose.
“A little flat.”
He chuckles as I find his eyes once more. He peers at me, his own eyes staring so intently as if he’s mapping my face.
“Just right.”
“Do this to all your friends?”
“Just the ones I sleep with.”
“That many?” I taunt .
“Hundreds.”
He shuts his eyes, tugging me farther into him. My hands have nowhere to go but under my pillow and between our chests. I find his other arm under my pillow.
“I really can’t sleep like this,” I whisper after a while.
He raises his leg, letting mine escape as I turn over. I start to roll to my own side when he grabs me again. My back hits his chest as his leg forces its way between mine and his arm falls over my waist. His arm that took residency under my pillow bent a bit and his fingers searched till they found mine.
I feel him inhale as he presses his face into the curve of my neck. It’s been seconds and I can already tell he’s asleep while my body is on fire, nerve endings going haywire, feeling every bit of his curled around me in a very tight bear hug.
It’s not the discomfort that scares me. It’s how comfortable it is. Lying here with him completely molded around me feels… it feels like home. It feels like safety.
Feels like I never want to leave.
He was gone when I woke for work, coming back later for me to clean his hand again.
“You're healing pretty good, despite the fact that you won't stop using your hand,” I mutter with disapproval as I begin to wrap fresh gauze around his knuckles. His eye now yellowing, and he's eating a piece of cheese pizza with his other hand.
“You sure you don't want any?” He wiggles the piece at me.
“You know I'm meeting Ryan in less than an hour.”
We had to take a rain check on our movie last week because he had an emergency case, so tonight is our do-over.
“You could still eat,” he argues. “You're going to a movie, not dinner.”
“I plan on having popcorn for dinner, thank you.”
“More for me.” He shrugs as I secure the wrap, and he stands, going to collect another piece from the box.
Charlie broke his television earlier today, something about the drywall giving out, and it crashed to the floor. I asked why he hadn't found a stud, and he simply said the mount was already on the wall when he moved in, not thinking about the fact that whoever hung it would be dumb enough to not find a stud in the first place. So, he is currently watching reruns of ER and eating my leftover pizza while I get ready for my date with Ryan.
I still have one box of books to sort through, so I do while Charlie's feet hang off the edge of my sofa. I glance out the windows behind him as the snow falls. I would need to get some curtains before spring sprung. I brewed some coffee as I am going to a ten o'clock movie after I already worked a full day, and I didn't want to risk falling asleep during the film that I picked.
“Anything interesting happen at work today?” Charlie wonders as I pour the coffee into a mug.
“Not really,” I murmur. “Just usual stuff, charting, meds, and vitals. Anything interesting for you?”
“No,” he says. “Not really.”
I tick a brow in his direction but say nothing.
“Spoke to my mom today.” His eyes stay fixated on the television .
“And how is she?”
“As well as she can be,” he utters. His tone is lower, sadder.
“You miss her?” I guess, sitting on the edge of my bed with my lion up by my pillows.
Charlie glances over at me. “Sometimes.”
“You don't miss your mom, Next-Door-Charlie?” I gawk.
“I do.” He sits up. “I just... it's complicated.”
I huff, taking a sip of my coffee. “Is there something wrong with her?”
“No. Why would you think that?”
“You said 'as well as she can be' . That typically means something is wrong.”
He shrugs. “She wants me to come visit and I said no.”
“Why? It's been quite awhile since you’ve seen her, hasn’t it?”
He nods.
“Is it because of your dad?”
Charlie stiffens. “Partly.”
“Why doesn't she come here then?”
“She'll never leave without him,” he scoffs.
I sigh. “I know you don't want to talk about it, but you could…” I take an anxious sip. “You could talk to me about whatever it is.”
He looks at me, his blue eyes searing mine. “It's not because I don't trust you. It's because I don't want you to think differently of me.”
“I would never think differently about you.”
Charlie's hands ball together in front of him. “You would,” he mutters, staring at them. “And I can't risk losing you. ”
“It's hard to live in ignorance, Charlie,” I whisper. “At least for me, it is.”
“It's not,” he promises. “It's much better than the alternative. What I did in my past is not who I am when I'm around you. It doesn't affect you.”
My insides turn.
I want to understand Charlie. I wish it was as easy for me to read his chart as he did with me. He took a single glance and my entire personality was laid out. I feel like I am still trying to learn his because of whatever is hiding behind it.
I want to push him when I have no right to.
I'm not his girlfriend.
I'm his friend, and he isn't obligated to share anything more than he wants to. That's what's so hard for me. I know I am wrong for asking, for the questions that burn on my tongue.
I lean forward, placing my hand on his, waiting for him to look at me.
When he finally does, I see the sadness circling his irises.
“Can you just promise me that you'll tell someone ... someday?” I ask. “Maybe another friend or the girl you'll eventually fall in love with? You deserve the chance for someone to know and love all of you, even your mistakes. It doesn't have to be me, but someone?”
His lips parted as his eyes narrowed. “Banks—”
A chime from my phone stops him.
It's Ryan.
Letting me know he's a few minutes away.
I slip my hand from his and stand, walking over to the island where my phone sits. Wordlessly, I put my shoes on and grabbed my coat .
“Watch as long as you want,” I tell him, grabbing the door. “Just lock up when you leave.”
“Banks,” he calls, and I must force myself to look back at him.
He now stood. “You look really pretty.”
I grind my teeth together, surprised. “Thanks,” I murmur with a lungful before shutting the door behind me.