T W E N T Y - F I V E
What if he got in a car accident?
He’s in a ditch somewhere or got on the interstate for some reason and ended up in a median?
What if he got knocked out at work, and he’s sitting at the hospital unconscious?
I keep telling him to watch where he’s going and to report his coworker who likes to play it fast and loose with the forklift.
My thoughts wandered away to the point that I didn’t remember a single bit of the ceremony. I barely heard the ‘I do’s’ and the cheers when they kissed.
I had been checking my phone every two minutes and still nothing.
It’s as if he fell off the face of the Earth.
And with Charlie’s luck, that very well could be possible.
If there’s a crack in the sidewalk, he finds it.
He promised me he would be here.
Something must be wrong.
It just must be.
“Is there something wrong, Banks?”
We shuffle with the rest of the attendees toward the reception under the stars.
“You’ve been checking your phone like you’re waiting for bad news.”
“I’m not sure,” I confess to my mom. “I haven’t heard from Charlie in a while. ”
“Are you sure he’s still coming?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’m sure it’s nothing bad,” she tries to soothe me, rubbing my arm. “Your dress is beautiful.”
“Thanks.” I force a smile.
“You’re really worried, aren’t you?” She lifts my hand, seeing that nearly all my nail polish has been picked off.
“I’m fine.”
“Banks,” she sighs as we follow the rest of our family to our assigned seats.
“Do you need to go?” she asks as we sit.
I bite my tongue.
“Say hello to your grandmother and aunties,” Mom whispers. “Then go if you need.”
“I brought Kai,” I remind her.
Her eyes drift to my brothers. “I’m sure one of us can manage to get him home.”
I set my phone on the table, praying it buzzed as I gave her a nod.
Enduring my grandmother should be a sport. I love her, but you can love and not like a person.
“One of these days, you’ll grow out of those chubby baby cheeks, Malie.” Her eyes are nearly closed as she smiles up at me with smile lines framing her berry-colored lips.
She also refuses to call me Banks, only calling me by my middle name.
“One day.” I smile back at her.
“You’ll be so pretty when those cheekbones finally break through,” my aunt Tara agrees. Tara is one of the aunties, who is really my father’s aunt, but we all refer to them as ‘the aunties’.
“No date?” June brings her third glass of champagne to her lips. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she and my grandmother are wearing the same lipstick.
“You ought to introduce her to Julian, Mai-Mai,” Tara says to my grandmother. “They would make beautiful babies.”
“And he’s rich.” June burst into a fit of laughter.
“You need a matchmaker, Malie,” my grandmother nods. “I know this nice boy. Julian is his name.” He grabs my hand. “And he’s a dentist.”
I awkwardly try to keep my grin.
“Oh dear,” June huffs, causing the sisters to all look in her direction. “Look at Haruda.”
Another cousin is currently on the dance floor, grinding her hips a little too sexually for a formal wedding.
“Where is her mother?” Tara frowns as if Haruda is fifteen rather than twenty-five.
“Probably flirting with the bartender.” My grandmother eyes hit the backs of their sockets.
Haruda is my direct cousin, her mother is my father’s sister. She’s fresh off marriage number three and Haruda is her eldest daughter.
“You wear contacts now, Malie?” June now squints in my direction.
Can someone save me?
Anyone?
Kai walked over here with me, only to ditch the moment he saw a pretty waitress.
“It’s not right to fool men with colored eyes. ”
As if men don’t fool us with more important things; like honesty or keeping promises.
“My eyes have always been blue, Auntie June,” I inhale.
“Have they?” June smacks Tara’s arm.
“How should I know? Quit hitting me.”
My grandmother and her sisters are well into their seventies, though you’d never know it by looking at them. Fifties maybe. They have all aged exceptionally well. Still bicker like little girls though.
“They’ve always been blue.” My grandmother makes no attempt to hide her vexation with her sisters, adding some bite to her tone.
“Where’s your brother?” Tara changes the subject. “The middle one.”
“He’s here somewhere.”
“What’s he do again?” Tara lowers her voice, asking June.
June puckers her lips. “The tattoo artist .” Like her sister, has no shame in her disposition.
“Oh yes.” Tara shares June’s opinion.
I don’t fault them for disapproving of Kai’s profession. They grew up in a time when the only men with tattoos were part of the Yakuza, a dangerous Japanese gang.
But most importantly, Kai couldn’t care less about the aunties' approval, so I don’t feel the need to defend him. He just charms his way into their good graces regardless.
“This ought to be you next.” Tara gestures at the reception.
“Haruda is older than I am,” I say.
They all glance at Haruda once more, curling their lips .
“That one will be lucky to find a handyman to take her in.” June sips her drink.
“My first husband was a handyman.” Tara glares at her sister.
“Exactly,” my grandmother utters, throwing obvious shade.
“Mai-Mai,” Tara grumbles.
“She’s right, Malie,” my grandmother continues. “We expect to see you married.”
“I don’t think I’ll be marrying anytime soon,” I manage to say. “I’ve just begun my career—”
“Anyone can be a nurse, Malie,” June hums. “We did it during the war and we didn’t go to no fancy schools.”
I know it’s best to not argue and simply nod.
“Dear lord, Mai-Mai, go get your daughter,” Tara scoffs. “Haruda is ready to lose her dress at this rate.”
My grandmother dismisses her, grabbing her own flute and taking a long sip. Haruda takes after her mother and much to my grandmother’s dismay, she gave up a long time ago on getting them to act appropriately.
“I’ll talk to your father,” she tells me. “Set up a time for you to meet Julian.”
“That won’t be…” I sigh. “That won’t be necessary.”
“Oh, Malie,” June coos. “It would be rude to not give the boy a chance.”
Even if I did tell them I have a boyfriend, they’d never believe me without physical evidence and I can’t tell them before I tell my parents.
Anger started to mix with my worry. Best case Charlie is alive and well, but that means he stood me up. Means he lied to me .
“Banks.”
My shoulders relax when I hear my mother’s voice behind me.
“Aimee,” my grandmother murmurs.
“Hello, Mai-Mai,” she smiles. “Aunties.”
“We were just telling Malie about a fine boy that would make a good match,” Tara informs her.
My mom squeezes my arm. “I’m sure he’s very nice, but we want Banks to focus on her career right now.”
I silently thank her.
“Don’t be silly, Aimee,” June says. “Youth will only last for so long.”
“She’s still got time,” my mom assures them. “Mai-Mai, I must ask you how you pulled this whole thing together.”
My mom slid into the open seat next to my grandmother, giving me a wink which meant I was free to run at any moment.
Slipping away, I pull my phone out once more. I’m starting to question if my phone is even in service as I stare at the 5G in the corner. What my head knows and what my gut feels is starting to cause delirium.
I need to find Charlie.
Now.
“Ditching already?” my dad laughs as I collect my purse.
“Just tired,” I lie.
“Did you say hello to your grandmother?”
I nod.
“Good,” he stands. “We’d never hear the end of it, if not.”
“Remind Kai of that.”
“Didn’t he go with you?”
“Waitress caught his eye. ”
My dad gruffs, shaking his head. “Get home safe?”
“I will.”
“I better go find your brother.” He kisses my cheek before going to do just that.
Kai is a bit sneakier than Haruda, but no doubt my father would rather avoid the scandal.
Once I reached the floral arch, I broke into a sprint for the valet. My feet tapping as I waited for them to get my car and my limbs tingled the entire drive back to the apartment building.
What if he really was hurt?
Should I even be going to the apartment? What if I should be heading to the hospital?
I throw my car in park as I hold my cell between my cheek and shoulder.
“Hattie.” I dialed her direct line.
“Hey, Banks, what’s up?”
“Can you see if there’s a patient under the name Charles Barnes?”
“Friend of yours?”
“Something like that.” I shut my door as I listened to her nails hitting the keys on her computer.
“No admissions for a Charles Barnes,” she says.
“Okay, great. Thanks, Hattie.”
“Is everything okay?”
“I’m sure I’m just being paranoid. Thanks for checking.”
“No problem.”
I hung up as I stepped into the elevator, going straight to the top.
His apartment felt like the last place he might be, but only a fool leaves a stone unturned .
There’s no shame as I let myself in.
My mouth opens to call out his name, but I see his wallet and keys on the counter. A pair of shoes carelessly tossed into the entry.
I don’t know what it is.
Perhaps the same feeling that told me something was wrong.
I know he’s here.
My steps are soft, despite the current flicking through my veins.
I find him, hunched over, sitting on the edge of the tub with a cloth full of ice pressed to his orbital bone.
He heard my every move and chose to stay here, unable to look me in the eye.
“Phone die?”
His shoulders rise and fall before he manages to gaze in my direction. Remorse set between his brows.
There’s a cut across his cheekbone, freshly cleaned but swollen and pink.
“Banks, it’s not what it looks like,” he quietly says, pulling the ice from his flesh and finding his feet.
I bite my tongue, trying to not say something I may regret.
“It was an accident.”
“Really?” I nearly choke. “An accident? Run into a wall this time?”
Charlie hangs his head, setting the ice in the sink before trying to approach me but I step back, nearly running from his touch.
“Banks. ”
“You’re lying to me,” I spat. “We both know you’re lying.”
“I’m not lying to you,” he insists. “It was an accident.”
“What kind of accident?” I summon. “Because it looks like someone used your face as a punching bag.”
“Bad luck.”
“Charlie,” I hiss. “Tell me the truth. Forget that you stood me up tonight. That I have spent hours worrying about you and just tell me the truth!”
“I’m sorry I worried you and I’m sorry for not calling but— trust me when I say this was an accident. I—”
Eeriness hangs between the two of us as nothing comes. No more words leave his mouth as he simply stares at me with fear in his eyes. Stares at me as if he’s begging me to drop it.
To forgive him.
Again.
“How do we do this, Charlie?” I sob after a long while when my wits have nearly met their end. “How do I pretend like you aren’t lying straight to my face? Like you didn’t just make me feel like a complete idiot?”
“Trust me,” he pleads. “Trust that I love you and that every choice I make is because I love you. I am so sorry about tonight, about the wedding—”
My heart skips.
The man I trust with my entire being is asking me to ignore my gut. Not just asking but begging me.
My soul and my intuition are at war as all I truly want to do is clean him up and wrap him up in my arms.
“I didn’t want to embarrass you,” he admits with a voice of complete insecurity that nearly slices me in half. “I couldn’t… I couldn’t look your mom and dad in the eye like this and promise them that I would love and protect their daughter when I look like I can’t even take care of myself. I know how judgemental your extended family can be and I didn’t want them to see me on your arm with a black eye and berate you for it.”
“Charlie…” I fight the urge to hang my head. That all might be true, but it’s no excuse.
“I know I should have called,” he shuts his eyes. “I know I let myself go about this all wrong and I know I have let you down. I’ve royally fucked up just now—”
“You stood me up,” I remind him. “You left me alone, worrying something awful happened to you. How is it you can communicate with me so well until you’re hiding something? You could have just sent me a text— anything , Charlie. Aren’t you tired of having this same fight, over and over again?”
He sharply exhales, hanging his head in defeat. “The last thing I want to do is disappoint you, Banks, or embarass you—but please,” he begs. “Please trust me on this.”
“Haven’t I been understanding? Trusting enough at this point?”
He takes another step. His presence hovers over me as big wet tears stream down my cheeks, and he bares his teeth, taking my jaw between his palms. “I swear this is the last time I will ask this of you,” he vows. “The last time I will ever leave you waiting on me, just please... let this go. Please forgive me.”
Tears seep from his own eyes.
“I love you and I’m so sorry.”
Aching lives in both of us .
Charlie is suffering just as much as I am. Tossing with his own kind of torment that he is trying desperately to hide from me.
“I wish you’d let me see your demons so we could fight them together,” I cry. “Fuck what the aunties might have said. Me knowing you were okay was more important. And I wish you could see that. I wish you’d understand that you're enough and nothing could make you seem weak to me. That is the only possible reason I can come up with as to why you are comtinuing to hide this from me. Weakness. That I’ll think you’re weak, but I don’t. I don’t, Charlie.”
“I need to be strong, Banks,” he confesses. “I need you to know that I am strong.”
“You’re going to let your ego matter more than I do?”
“They are separate entities. You are the oxygen in my lungs, Banks, but my purpose is in my ability to protect you.”
“I don’t need you to protect me from you, Charlie!”
He holds on to me tighter. “I love you. I love you. I love you,” he professes across my lips as I fight against them, hitting my fists against his chest.
Till tears and aching win out.
I kiss him back.
I kiss him because he is the oxygen in my veins.
He makes life worth living.
He is my strength.
And my heart isn’t ready to let my intuition win.