Chapter 43
Sky
I wished I could have rushed to Kjell immediately to tell him how sorry I was. However, I am now alone on ?land because a simple apology is not enough to win him back.
No matter where I look in our holiday home, I see Kjell and our time together before me. Outside, the waves roll onto the coast, and seagulls glide through the bright blue winter sky.
In the past few days, it has snowed continuously. If Kjell were here with me, we could go for a walk in the snow.
But he's not. And I'm not here to have fun or relax either. I came to rearrange my stars one last time in my life, so I turn away from the glass front and get to work.
Countless times in the past few days, I've revised my design for the evening gown. So many times until I couldn't find anything I could do better. Then, I sent the design to the jury on the day of the submission deadline.
Now all I can do is hope that I make it to the shortlist, and my dress will grace the runway at the final show at the end of February. It will be my breakthrough, the day I cast off my shackles and show the world who I am. The whole world, but above all, Kjell, who will understand that this is my way of letting him know that I finally realized what he did for me.
That I'm giving him my story because I love him.
That I hope he can forgive me.
I spread the royal-blue dupion silk on the dining table, running my hand over its matte surface and letting out an involuntary sigh. The handwoven fabric exudes exactly the luxurious flair I envisioned.
"You'll become a fantastic gown," I tell it. I reach for the pattern templates, and in addition, I need pins, various scissors, beads, and sewing thread.
I arrange the tools and then fetch the sewing machine from my old room. Carefully, I pin the pattern templates onto the fabric. As I reach for the fabric scissors, my cell phone rings. It could be Aurora. I invited her here yesterday, and she said she'd take care of travel plans right away. Hopefully, there won't be any issues. I quickly grab the phone. However, it's not Aurora's name that lights up on the display.
I turn on the speakerphone. "Hey, Lil."
"I hate all this secrecy," my friend says after greeting me.
"You're risking your job." The thought that she could get into trouble with my father because of our contact makes me swallow hard. "I'm sorry."
Sighing, I make the first cut in the fabric, leaving more seam allowance than I need because it has been years since I last sewed something. Even though I've bought extra fabric, I should be careful.
"Well, it's for your mission to win Kjell back." I imagine hearing her grin on the other end of the line. "That's more than worth it."
"I'm also doing it a little for myself," I add. I've waited all my life for the stars to fall from the sky for me. Those times are over. "Do you have any news?" I ask because even though my father has banished me from his life once again, a part of me doesn't want to give up hope that one day he'll realize what we could be to each other: a family we haven't managed to be so far.
"Your father is making good progress. I've already been to see him, and he's given me a thousand new tasks," Lil tells me.
Typical of my father. Soon he'll be back to his old self. "I bet he can't stand being in his bed for much longer."
"Not at all." Lil laughs. "He insisted on being transferred to home care as soon as possible."
"With an army of silenced caregivers?" That would be typical of him.
"Yup," Lil confirms.
He's still as paranoid as ever. It's so sad that my mouth loses its strength to smile. "Is he still participating in the Oscar gown competition?"
I can't help but hold my breath. Many things would be easier if he withdrew. The odds are in his favor, as it was my idea, and declaring it null and void would be a good way for him to continue punishing me.
"Unfortunately"—Lil sighs—"Kahlo is back and working on a design."
I don't know whether to be happy or not. Obviously, in my father's eyes, the new direction I've taken with Touch av lyx was the right one. On the other hand, it makes us competitors.
In the midst of my work, I stop.
What am I doing here? Am I really sewing my own design to submit it for the selection show?
How did I ever think that I stand a chance against established labels with entire teams of designers and highly talented newcomers?
Stop. I need to make this statement.
In the fashion industry, there's always competition, and I won't be the only designer trying her luck alongside Touch av lyx . The business is tough, and my father knows that. After all, he's the one who taught me exactly that. Only if my design makes it to the shortlist and is shown on the runway will it become known that Sky Blohm is the designer.
That's what matters.
Kjell will understand what it means. I no longer want to hide from the public or from my true dreams. And especially not from his truth.
But what will my father do if it comes to that?
I can picture him, sizing me up with disappointment. I can hear him disowning me in interviews. And I can feel the fear his lawyers will instill in me with their threats.
With heavy shoulders, I let the scissors drop. "Maybe this is too big of a step for me."
"You've already submitted your entry," Lil reminds me.
That's right. The deadline was yesterday. I had to act, and in the excitement of the idea, it actually felt right.
But now?
"Should I check if it can be undone?" Lil asks empathetically.
I bite my lower lip and gaze outside. Kjell stood on this terrace when I had the first inspiration for the Oscar gown. He was the reason I started designing again in the first place.
"No," I reply firmly. "This is the right thing to do." I reach for the scissors again and pick up where I left off. My fingers tremble, but I don't let that stop me.
The days when I did everything to please my father are over. I have a right to my own life, to do what makes me happy, and to love as passionately as my heart desires.
"Alright. I'll continue looking for a model, and you make sure that dream dress gets finished." Lil sounds relieved, and so am I.
We bid each other goodbye, and I return to my work. I cut out one piece after another, then it's the flowing chiffon fabric's turn, which I'll attach as a one-sided cape on the pearl-embroidered strap of the dress.
With each successive move, I feel more energy coursing through me.
The decision has been made.
No matter what steps my father might take, and even if he discovers what I'm planning. He won't stop me.
The world needs to know Sky Blohm.
And Kjell needs to know that he's the one who made this liberation possible in the first place.