Chapter 10
Vanessa
When I arrive at Cami and Bryan’s couples shower, half of the guests are making their way through an impressive buffet line while the other half are out on the parquet dance floor.
I spot Jason immediately and take a moment to observe him in his element.
Sporting black slacks and a light blue button-down with the sleeves rolled up, he looks put together and comfortable.
The group of men surrounding him appear to be enthralled by whatever he’s saying.
Judging by their expectant faces, he’s telling a story, and they’re waiting to hear the climactic ending.
Sure enough, I watch him gesture with a flourish, and then the group erupts in laughter, everyone dispersing like a bunch of pool balls after a break shot.
Seconds later he sees me and smiles, throwing up a hand in greeting as he makes his way over. When he reaches me, he shoves his hands into his pockets, as if he doesn’t know what else to do with them, and says, “I’m glad you came.”
“Thanks for inviting me. You sure it’s okay that I’m here?”
“More than okay. There’s no such thing as too many people at one of our parties.”
“All right, I just wanted to be certain. Where should I put this?” I ask, raising a small box in the air.
“There’s a gift table in the back corner. I’ll show you, and then we can grab you a drink.”
Before I take a step, Lisa materializes by my side. “Vanny, I need to speak with you.”
“Is everything okay?” I ask, taking in her harried expression and jittery movements.
“Everything’s fine,” she says, swinging her arms in an arc and looking at me pointedly.
“I just need to ask you something in private.” She glances at Jason.
“Sorry to interrupt. We won’t be long.” Then she lunges for my free hand and drags me through the crowd.
With her head down, she marches us out of the banquet hall, not stopping until we reach the restroom way the hell on the other side of the building.
Once there, I double-check my lipstick as I wait for Lisa to explain what put a fire under her ass.
She doesn’t. Instead, she leans over and inspects the floor of each stall.
With her facial expression set in concentration, she pulls on the door of the only stall that’s locked, then does a second visual sweep of the floor.
“Must be out of order,” she grumbles to herself.
“Why are you doing that?” I ask, still facing the mirror. “Is this a drug buy?”
She ignores my joke. “I’m just making sure we’re alone.”
“They’re all shaking their asses to Bad Bunny. Besides, why would anyone come all the way over here? We’re in the clear. What’s up?”
“I’ve been so busy at work I didn’t realize until now that we didn’t talk about the plan for today. I’m nervous as hell. Do you need me to do anything?”
“Chill, you’re fine. Today is Operation Piss Off the Mom.”
Lisa cringes. “Nothing too outrageous, I hope. I mean, I want this woman to be my mother-in-law someday.”
“Lili, don’t stress. I got this. I’m just going to make it clear that I am absolutely not the right person for her son.
The key here is to guarantee that a serious commitment with me isn’t within the realm of possibility.
Given how close they are, pissing off his mom will do the trick.
And I’ve got some great ideas about how to do that, but I need to be flexible.
Whatever happens out there, just be ready to help. ”
Lisa stares at herself in the mirror and taps on her cheeks. “Okay, I can do this.”
I step behind her and give her shoulders a light squeeze. “You’ll have Jason eating out of your hands in no time. Remember, all you have to do is be the superior alternative to me. I know you can do that.”
“I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.” She flicks her bangs a bit, then nods. “Okay, I’ll see you in there.”
“Of course. And I’ll call you tonight to debrief,” I say, lifting the shower gift from the vanity.
She kisses my temple. “Good luck.”
“Luck isn’t going to get you a boyfriend, but my excellent acting skills certainly will.”
She rolls her eyes before she dashes out of the restroom.
I lick my lips, then pop them for good measure. It’s showtime.
Jason
I’m at the punch bowl getting drinks for Vanessa and me when someone tugs on the back of my shirt. I turn around and see Denise, whose usually emotive face is frighteningly blank.
“Come with me.”
“Now?” I say, lifting the cups in my hands to indicate I’m busy.
Her expression hardens. “Right now.”
Denise is the life of the party. The one who never takes anything seriously unless she absolutely has to. Whatever’s going on can’t be good. I set the drinks down. “Lead the way.”
She strides out of the banquet hall and enters the empty coat check room next door.
“What’s going on?” I ask. “You’re worrying me.”
She faces me and blows out her cheeks before she begins. “I was in the bathroom a few minutes ago. Honestly, I was planning to smoke a joint because”—she gestures to the door—“this lovey-dovey shit is making my skin crawl, and I just needed to relax a little.”
“Denise, you don’t have to explain all that. It’s your personal business.”
She draws back. “I know that. I’m just setting the stage for you.”
“O-kay,” I say, stretching out the word.
“So I went to the bathroom on the other side of the building, figuring everyone would go to the one closest to the party, and I was getting ready to light up, but then someone came in. Two people, actually.” She closes her eyes.
“And I just didn’t want to deal. Or talk to anyone. So I jumped up on the toilet seat.”
I step away, wanting to put some distance between us. “That’s gross.”
“I know,” she continues, opening her eyes. “I’m not proud. Anyway, that’s not the point.”
“Well, what is the point?”
“The point is that Lisa and your date walked in.”
My chest tightens as my brain processes that whatever she overheard has her riled up. “You eavesdropped on them?”
“I did. And I feel zero percent guilty about it. Because they’re playing you, bro. And dammit, I’m so sorry to be the one to tell you this.”
My brain doesn’t have enough information to make sense of what she’s saying. Lisa and Vanessa are playing me? How? Why? “Tell me exactly what they said.”
“I won’t be able to remember everything word for word, but the shit that stuck out to me is messed up.”
I scrub a hand over my face. “Specifics, please.”
“Lisa asked about”—she makes air quotes—“ ‘the plan,’ then Vanessa said today was Operation Piss Off the Mom. That she was going to do something to guarantee that Mami won’t like her—not that she has much work to do there.
And then Lisa said something about not wanting it to be too bad.
Said she wanted Mami to be her mother-in-law someday. ”
“What the hell?”
“I know. I had the same reaction. Then Vanessa told Lisa all she had to do was continue to be the better alternative to her and eventually she would get herself a boyfriend.”
“So Vanessa isn’t really interested in me? She’s just dating me as a warm-up for her sister?” I raise my hands in the air. “But I’m not attracted to Lisa. Never will be. What kind of ridiculous plan is that?”
“I don’t know what to tell you. I just know what I heard. They’re knuckleheads, the both of them. And I think we should call them out on their bullshit. Want me to get them in here?”
I put up a hand to stop her from leaving the room.
“Hang on. I need to think this through.” Pacing the space, I consider what my next move should be.
Damn, I sensed that Vanessa was crafty, but I wouldn’t have expected her to be this deceitful.
Not in a million years. Lisa either. She’s always struck me as an up-front person, but obviously she isn’t.
I can’t wrap my head around any of it. But as I slowly come to terms with the news, I realize none of it should be surprising.
It certainly tracks with everything I’ve experienced, doesn’t it?
The lies, the bullshit, the games. I know this is what people do, yet I let my guard down long enough to be duped by the Cordero sisters.
Denise, who’s pacing beside me, shakes her head, obviously still stunned by their audacity.
“Well, look at it this way: The one good thing is, Mami will be relieved. She wasn’t impressed with Vanessa at Xiomara’s, and as long as Vanessa’s sniffing around, she’s interfering with Mami’s plan to find you the perfect wife.
Just in time for the wedding too. Even Mami will twerk to Bad Bunny when she finds out Vanessa isn’t a threat anymore.
And a less-stressed Mami is a gift to everyone. ”
Denise is right. My mother isn’t sold on Vanessa.
When we talked about her the other day, I could tell my mother was only placating me.
Maybe she was relying on that mother’s intuition she’s always talking about.
Or maybe she learned her lesson with Elyse.
Because the more she complained about my ex in the early stages of our relationship, the more adamant I became that I’d make it work.
Whatever the reason, when she hears Vanessa’s no longer in the picture, she’ll be thrilled.
And she’ll immediately get back on the find-Jason-a-wife train.
Final stop: marriage within a year. Which is the last thing I need to be dealing with on the heels of this latest blow.
The perfect solution comes to me: Let their scheme play out for as long as it serves my purposes. And right now, it does. For a bunch of reasons.
One, it keeps Lisa at bay until I no longer need to be around her. As long as I’m “dating” her sister, she won’t be able to pursue me. And after Cami’s married and off to Chile, Lisa and I won’t have any reason to be around each other.
Two, I won’t be forced to wreck their plan before the wedding ceremony.
This is supposed to be Cami’s special moment.
If I say something now, though, it’ll put a damper on the days leading up to her wedding.
And how uncomfortable would it be for her to interact with Lisa as her bridesmaid?
Worse, what if she decided to drop Lisa as a bridesmaid altogether because of this? No, this is Cami’s time, not mine.
Three, it keeps my mother off my back. For a while, at least. As I discovered during the fitting, my mother’s attempts at matchmaking will drive me bananas.
And if she thinks I’m dating Vanessa, a woman she’s only tolerating for my sake, she’ll actively discourage any talk of marriage.
Plus, when Vanessa and I eventually “break up,” I’ll be given a grace period to mend my poor battered and broken heart.
Four (and this one gives me the most pleasure, to be honest), I get to upend Vanessa’s machinations and give her a taste of her own medicine. If she thinks she’s going to turn me off, let’s see how she responds when everything she does just makes me want her even more.
After going through it in my head a few times, I tell Denise my plan: “I’m not going to say anything just yet.”
Denise freezes, her eyebrows snapping together in surprise. “Why the hell not?”
“Because I can use what they’re doing to my advantage, that’s why.”
“How? And this better be good, or else I’ll snitch on them all by myself.”
So I explain my thinking, and as I do, her mouth drops open. When I’m done, I wait for her reaction. “Say something.”
She nods repeatedly, her head tilted to one side and her mouth curved into a devious smile. “You’re fucking brilliant.”
“But for this to work, you can’t let on that you know. I’m serious, Denise. Your hotheaded ass would ruin everything.”
She purses her lips in frustration. “Fine. But the minute this is over, I’m going to make Lisa regret she ever messed with us.” Noticing the wariness in my eyes, she adds, “Figuratively speaking, of course.”
“Why only Lisa?”
“Because she’s the one we’re really connected to. I mean, she spent so much time with us when we were teenagers, she practically lived in our home. We’ve treated her like family, and this is how she repays us? Absolutely not.”
I can’t help chuckling.
“What’s funny?”
“I’m just picturing you re-creating that Michael and Fredo scene in the second Godfather movie.” Doing my best impression of Al Pacino’s voice, I pull Denise into my arms and whisper against her ear, “I know it was you, Lisa. You broke my heart.”
Denise pushes me away and laughs, her eyes flickering with amusement. “It’s not that deep. But yeah, her fakeness is really pissing me off.”
“Try to hold yourself together around her, though, all right? They can’t know that we know. Otherwise, the whole counteroffensive falls apart.”
“Fine. Whatever you need.”
Before we leave the room, she tugs on the sleeve of my shirt. “Hey, I just want you to know that I’m sorry about this. I saw your face when she walked in. I haven’t seen you interested in someone in a long time, and I realize that doesn’t come easy for you.”
I shrug as if it’s no big deal, although she’s absolutely right on both counts.
Until this moment, I was optimistic about building something special with Vanessa.
Slowly. Surely. But that isn’t happening.
Ever. Because nothing about her supposed interest in me rings true anymore.
I’m over it. Over her. Simple as that. “It’s okay.
The good thing is, I learned about her motives early on.
Now that I know what she’s up to, there’s no way we’ll ever be in a real relationship. ”
When we reenter the banquet hall, I plaster on a smile and pretend to be unaffected by the secret I just discovered. It may take some effort, but I’m committed to making my date just as miserable as she intended to make me.
Okay, Vanessa, show me what you got. And let the petty games begin…