Chapter 26
Vanessa
Sunday morning I blink my eyes open and snuggle into Jason’s broad chest. Enjoying the quiet, I take a minute to study his profile as he sleeps.
My fingers itch to trace his sharp nose, to brush against his every-o’clock shadow, to caress his strong jaw.
Sure, he’s what many people would call classically handsome, but there’s still a ruggedness about him that appeals to my baser instincts.
He’s the guy on Survivor who gets better looking the longer he remains on the island.
I’m floored by the reality that this sweet and sexy man wants to be my boyfriend.
I lean into this feeling of bone-deep contentment for a moment—but it doesn’t last long.
Within seconds, I remember that my relationship with Jason was engineered to coax him into my sister’s arms. No matter how much I want it to, that fact isn’t going away.
Just as I warned Lisa when I tried to discourage her from using me as a starter ex, there’s no coming back from this.
Either I tell him now—and risk losing him—or I commit to keeping this secret forever.
Considering how Jason’s been betrayed in the past, he deserves someone he can trust wholeheartedly. That isn’t me. That will never be me.
But what if our fresh start begins today?
Would my and Lisa’s scheme truly matter now that we’ve abandoned it?
If I commit to being honest with him from here on out, where’s the harm?
I didn’t cross any lines or go too far. In fact, Jason doesn’t seem at all fazed by anything I said or did; rather than being turned off, he’s attracted to the pieces of me that aren’t perfect.
Jason wouldn’t use what he learns about me to his advantage.
No, he simply meets people where they are, and I’d be a fool to let someone like him go.
Which is why I won’t tell him what Lisa and I were planning.
It’s a moot point anyway. He and I are together now, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make our relationship work. To make myself worthy of his love.
I snuggle closer into Jason’s chest, delighted by the purring sounds he makes when he’s sleeping.
Then an idea comes to me: Wouldn’t a new girlfriend do something special to commemorate our upgraded relationship status?
Waking him with breakfast in bed is the perfect way to kick off the new me.
I can prepare eggs and toast, at least. And coffee. Definitely coffee.
Careful not to disturb him—plainly, sex with me knocked his ass out—I slip out of bed and grab a pair of boxers and a T-shirt from his dresser.
After a quick stop at the bathroom, where I use my finger to brush my teeth, I tiptoe to the kitchen and assess what I’m working with.
Lovely. Jason’s fridge and pantry are well stocked, so this won’t be hard at all.
I’m whisking eggs in a bowl when I hear the turn of Jason’s apartment door lock.
Unable to fathom who could be coming into his place with their own key, I freeze.
I briefly wonder if I’m about to learn that I’m the other woman, but my gut tells me there’s some other explanation.
And sure enough, seconds later, Denise strolls through the door, a paper bag and two to-go coffee cups in her hands.
“Shit,” she whisper-shouts. “Wasn’t expecting you.”
“Same,” I whisper-shout back.
She holds up the paper bag. “I owed him breakfast.”
I hold up the bowl. “I’m making us breakfast.”
“Don’t let me mess up your plans, then. You two can have the coffee.”
“Do you want to join us?”
Her gaze sweeps over my morning-after attire. “Nah, he’d kill me if I stayed.”
I laugh. “Okay.” I’m hesitant to bring it up, but I’m too nosy not to. “So…you and my sister…What’s happening there?”
“I have no idea. I’m just as surprised as you are, but we’re figuring things out.”
“Fair enough.”
Her eyebrows snap together. “That’s all you’re going to say?”
“You two are adults. What else is there to say?”
“Refreshing,” she says, nodding. After a beat, she adds, “So I’m going to make myself scarce before he wakes up.” She sets the bag down. “Take the bagels, but be sure to mention they came from me. I want him to know I repaid my debt.”
“Got it.”
“Tell me something, though,” she says as she approaches the door.
“How did he react when you told him? And were you shocked that he knew this whole time? Because Lisa looked like a deer in the headlights when I called her out on that bullshit.” She shakes her head, giving me a wide grin. “You guys are ridiculous.”
A heavy weight settles in my stomach as Denise waits for me to answer. Unable to face her, I spin around and set the bowl of whisked eggs in the sink.
He knew. All this time, he knew.
“Vanessa, what’s wrong?”
I drop my chin and let out a harsh sigh. “He didn’t mention anything about knowing what we were up to.”
“Oh shit, I said too much.”
“On the contrary,” I say, turning to face her. “You said just enough.”
“Sorry,” she says, staring at me with sad eyes.
“I figured you two would have talked about it last night. I wanted to murder you and Lisa when I overheard you talking in the bathroom at the couples shower. He convinced me to keep quiet.” When she sees my eyes widen, she groans.
“Aaaand I’ve said more than I should have. Again.”
“No, it’s okay. It was going to be an issue at some point anyway.”
Because, yeah, who am I kidding? This was always too good to be true, and I should have known he would never be mine.
Not for real. And now that I’ve pulled my head out of my ass, I can see clearly that he was humoring me.
The couples shower. The Mets game. The flash mob.
The cookout. And so on. Jason kept coming back for more because he wanted to get even with me.
And who could blame him? I manipulated his feelings in a shortsighted effort to make up for treating my sister so poorly in the past. Selfish doesn’t even begin to describe my actions. I don’t deserve him, and I never did.
“Talk to him,” Denise urges, looking at me with sympathy, and then she quietly slips out the door.
Well, I’m getting the hell out of here. Thankfully, my shoes are in the foyer and my dress is hanging in the bathroom.
In less than a minute, I’m dressed and gathering my belongings, including the phone I left to charge on the coffee table.
A quick glance at the notifications screen confirms what I already know: Lisa tried to give me a heads-up, but I missed her texts because I put the phone on “do not disturb” as soon as Jason offered me a glass of wine.
And because I’m an unlucky bitch, I hear his low-pitched voice when I turn the doorknob.
“You’re leaving without saying goodbye?”
I lean my forehead against the door and gather the mental strength for the conversation I’m unprepared for, then I turn around and face him.
Sleep lines texture the skin of his cheeks, and drowsiness weighs down his eyelids. My chin quivers as I absorb the hurt in his eyes. “I didn’t know what to say. Figured it would be best if I left.”
His brow furrows as he considers me. “What’s going on?”
“Denise stopped by while you were still in bed.”
He glances at the food on the kitchen counter, still trying to piece it all together. “You were cooking?”
I nod. “Was going to make us breakfast.” I point at the paper cups on the island. “She brought you coffee. It’s probably cold by now, but a few seconds in the microwave should fix it.” How that’s relevant I have no clue, but I’m truly adept at making an ass of myself, so there you go.
“Why are you abandoning everything?”
“She assumed we’d talked last night. About us. About Lisa…About our plot to get you two together.”
“Right,” he says, a muscle in his jaw twitching as he grabs the back of his neck. “Let’s talk about it now, then.”
Sighing, I drop my shoulders in defeat. Dammit, I knew all of this would blow up in my face, but I tricked my brain into thinking I could outwit the inevitable. This conversation is just a formality; Jason and I both know how this will end. “What’s the point?”
“The point is that I care about you, and I’m trying to understand why you did it.”
He’s only making it worse and underscoring why we won’t work. He’s a good person; I’m not.
Jason leans against the wall and crosses his arms over his chest. “Let’s try this another way. Were you ever going to tell me?”
“No.”
The light in his eyes dims, and it’s torture. Because I’m watching the precise moment when any chance of salvaging our relationship dies. “Then you’re not who I thought you were.”
I’ve been in this situation before: when my family realized I wasn’t nearly as decent as they’d assumed.
Their disappointment nearly broke me. Seeing the disillusionment in Jason’s expression only reinforces that I’m still that same person.
Still letting down the people who care about me.
“You’re right, I’m not whoever you imagined.
I convinced myself I could be better for you, but I wasn’t being realistic. You deserve more.”
He scowls at me. “You know, in the last few minutes, you’ve managed to say absolutely nothing. It’s one of your many skills, Vanessa: pretending you’re revealing something about yourself when you’re doing the exact opposite.”
I nod. “Harsh but also fair.”
I don’t mean to be flippant about any of this, I really don’t, but I’m hurting, and faking control will stop me from bawling.
“Just go,” he says, glaring at me. “I can tell you want to, and I can see that talking isn’t getting us anywhere.”
I press on the door handle, releasing the lock. Once I get out of his apartment, I’ll give myself permission to cry. Just a few seconds more. I can hold it together that long.
“One more thing,” he continues, stopping me in my tracks. “I’ll be working at your parents’ store later this afternoon. It would be great if I didn’t see you there.”
His words rain on me like golf ball–sized hail, but I don’t even flinch. I’m hollow inside. “I understand.” Before I step into the hallway, I turn back one last time. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t believe you,” he says, his eyes hard and unrecognizable.
And that’s the problem I’d been trying to avoid all along: Now he’ll never believe me—even when I’m telling him the truth.