Chapter 4
LIZZIE
‘Lizzie?’ Nick is beside me now. ‘What’s the matter, love?’
‘I think it’s the heat. She seemed to go all dizzy,’ Alison tells him. ‘I’ll leave her in your capable hands, Nick.’
She walks away to join her brother and aunt.
Nick crouches down in front of me, his forehead creased.
‘Are you all right, Lizzie?’ Nick is always patient with my anxiety attacks, treating me with kindness and understanding.
I try to keep them under control, not only because I hate them but also because I’m worried that he will get fed up with me.
I know that I can be difficult to live with sometimes and I don’t know what I would do without Nick. He and the kids are my world.
He’s a patient listener, and is never judgemental, but I can’t tell him what’s caused this attack.
I can’t bear him to know what I did. I never told Mum or Dad either.
I buried it deep down, nailed a lid on it, tried not to think about it.
I told myself that I’d never see Ally or Kenny again so no one would ever find out.
How wrong I was.
The nightmare of the situation I’m in engulfs me and dizziness claims me once more.
I feel Nick squeezing my hand and hear the concern in his voice. ‘What is it, Liz?’
I draw on every reserve of my strength to pull myself together and reply as calmly as I’m able. ‘I’m sorry, Nick. I think it’s the heat, and I was in such a rush this morning I forgot to have breakfast.’ I repeat the lie I told Mum. ‘I’ll be fine in a moment. Honestly I will.’
‘Are you sure?’ He stands up now and turns around, his eyes scanning the room, and I know he’s looking for Isaac and Grace.
‘Yes, please go and look after the kids.’ I shoo him away. ‘I’ll be with you in a minute.’ I take a big gulp of the water.
He goes off, and I take a few more deep breaths. In, hold, out. In, hold, out.
Get a grip, Lizzie. You’re causing a scene. Alison hasn’t recognised you, stop panicking.
‘Are you feeling any better?’ Alison is back. She sits down next to me.
‘Yes, thank you.’ I sip the remaining water in the glass.
‘Do you often have panic attacks?’
Her question takes me by surprise. ‘It wasn’t a panic attack. It was a combination of the heat and not having breakfast.’
She raises an eyebrow slightly, and I remember that she’s a nurse. She knows a panic attack when she sees one.
‘Ah, good, you two have already connected.’ George joins, a big cheery smile on his face as his eyes swivel from Alison to me. ‘We’re off to the park for the photos, it’s only a few minutes’ walk, then the meal. Are you ready?’
‘Are you okay to take a short walk, little sis?’ Alison squeezes my arm reassuringly then stands up.
The ‘little sis’ grates a bit, after all we’ve only just met, but her friendliness calms my nerves.
She hasn’t recognised me. Or maybe it isn’t her.
I could be wrong. Ally could have been short for Alice, Alex, Alana – or a dozen other names.
But how many people have two different shades of blue eyes and a distinguishing mole like that?
It’s no good trying to kid myself. It’s definitely her.
‘I’m fine now.’ I get to my feet and look around for Nick and see that he’s talking to Kenny. Isaac and Grace are huddled over Isaac’s iPad so I go over to them. ‘Come on, guys, it’s time for the photos then lunch,’ I tell them.
‘We haven’t finished the game yet,’ Isaac protests, and Grace pouts.
‘Remember what I told you about this being Nanny and George’s wedding day, and how you have to be on your very best behaviour,’ I say firmly. ‘Please switch the iPad off, you can finish the game later.’
Isaac reluctantly does as I say. He adores his nan. I hold out my hand for Grace. ‘Come on, Gracie, once we’ve had the photos taken we can get some fries.’
Gracie loves fries, she’d eat them for every meal of the day if we let her.
Nick is heading over to us now and Kenny has joined Mum and George. I study him, trying to see some resemblance to the little Kenny but I’d barely noticed him back then. It was Ally I’d been friendly with. And Kenny had been too young to remember me.
‘I’m starving, I want to eat now,’ Isaac grumbles to Nick.
‘And me,’ Grace chimes.
‘Me too, sweetie.’ Nick kisses her on the forehead. Grace is a proper Daddy’s girl. ‘The photos won’t take long.’
We all walk to the nearby park together, with Sam, the photographer, a friend of Kenny’s.
He leads the way over to the pretty pergola among the picturesque flower beds with a backdrop of trees already in blossom – it’s the perfect setting for wedding photographs.
Sam clicks away, taking several photos of Mum and George, then a couple of family groups.
We all stand together, with Mum and George in the middle, us on the left and George’s family on the right.
When Sam is finished taking photos, Alison turns to talk to Mum and George. I watch them for a moment, thinking how at ease with each other they all look, then something makes me turn and I see Nick looking over too, but his eyes are fixed on Alison.
She looks so striking in her red outfit, but the intensity of Nick’s gaze alarms me. What’s going on here?