Chapter 18
LIZZIE
Jodie’s words have started a spiral of worry in my mind.
I take some deep breaths to calm myself down.
It’s all a coincidence, I repeat, a coincidence.
Finally I feel a little calmer. I’ve learnt coping tactics to see me through over the years and this is one of them.
Now I need to get back to work then it will be time for the school run.
I log onto the site to check the ratings for the session, as I do every day.
It’s important that I deal with any complaints straight away.
I’m self-employed and the ratings are visible for students to see and decide whether to book me.
So far I’ve got a solid line of five stars and I’m proud of that.
The knowledge that so many people are happy with my work helps me cope.
I glance at my overall performance ratings then freeze as my eyes rest on a single star. And it’s been added today.
I have never had a one-star rating. Never. Who has left it and why? I’m a good tutor, I know I am, and can’t think of any instance recently when I’ve upset a student enough for them to mark me down like this.
It’s one bad rating, I remind myself, you have lots of good ones. But it niggles at me. I can’t wait for Nick to come home so that I can discuss it with him.
I pick the kids up from school and take them to the park for a while. They love playing on the swings and slide, and it burns off some of their energy and I enjoy watching them play, so happy and carefree. Like I was once.
‘Push me, Mummy!’ Grace calls. She’s sitting on a swing trying to push herself up with her feet. Isaac is on the slide, going down backwards as usual. I walk over to Grace. ‘How high do you want to go?’ I jest as I gently push her. ‘Do you want to touch the trees?’
‘Right up to the fluffy clouds!’ she giggles.
‘Mum, watch me!’ Isaac calls. He’s on the climbing frame now, swinging along the bars. I wave to him then continue pushing Grace. I love this time I spend with my children and am proud that I pulled myself up out of my despair to be a good mother to them.
I’m never going to get that low again, I vow. I owe it to my family.
When we get home I give the kids a snack then they sit at the kitchen table and make a Get Well card for Mum while I prepare the dinner.
I’m doing cottage pie with extra carrots and peas to go with it, they’re the only vegetables that the kids will eat.
Nick messaged earlier to say he would be late so I’m guessing a problem has come up at work.
Nick finally arrives home when I’m draining the vegetables, he looks a bit flustered.
‘Everything okay? Trouble at work?’ I ask.
He gives me a big hug and kisses me slowly, and I feel my own tension fade away. Nick’s love keeps me safe, and sane. I don’t know what I’d do without him.
‘Ally texted and asked me to drop in on the way home to help her move some furniture around for Judith, to make the back room more comfortable for her. It’s going to be a while before she can manage the stairs.’
‘That’s a good idea. Though, she should have mentioned it when I was there this morning, I could have helped.’ I frown at him. ‘Why didn’t you say you were going to Mum’s?’
‘I was on a call to a client so I texted you in a hurry.’ He sniffs appreciatively. ‘That smells good. Anything I can do to help?’
I push away the niggle that Alison messaged him again when she could have told me. It feels like she’s deliberately excluding me. It was for Mum, to make her more comfortable, I remind myself. ‘It’s cottage pie. You can lay the table and call the kids down, please. They’re playing upstairs.’
‘I’m on it.’ Nick takes the plates out of the cupboard and places them on the table, then fetches the cutlery. ‘How’s your day been?’ he asks as he lays out knives, forks and spoons.
I want to tell him about the one-star rating but I know he’ll shrug it off and tell me to focus on all the four and five stars I get.
Which I guess I should but it’s niggling me.
‘Okay, I took Alison some flowers this morning to thank her for looking after Mum. And a box of chocolates for Mum to cheer her up. Did they tell you?’
‘No, there wasn’t time for chit chat, I wanted to get home as quickly as I could.’ He looks over at me. ‘That was nice of you. I’m glad you’re cutting Ally a bit of slack. She’s only trying to look after your mum.’
I nod. ‘I know.’
‘I’ll go and call the kids.’
I chew my lip as he walks out the kitchen, and I hear him shout up the stairs to Isaac and Grace.
Nick’s probably right and Alison is only trying to help, but I’m concerned with how quickly she’s integrated herself with my family.
And how chummy she is with Nick. And how he still calls her Ally, as if they were really close.
I can’t help wondering if there’s more to their history than he’s told me.