Chapter 52
LIZZIE
Nick pushes a lock of his hair back from his forehead. I can see beads of sweat glistening there. He’s hiding something. I know he is.
‘What do you mean?’ he stammers. He’s playing for time. What is it that he’s scared I’ve found out?
Does he still have feelings for Alison?
I have to know. Whatever it is.
‘I need to ask you something and I want you to be totally honest with me.’
He takes a sip of his wine, his actions measured. ‘Go on.’
My eyes meet his. I hold his gaze. I want, need to see his reaction. I will see it in his eyes if he is lying.
‘What exactly was your relationship with Alison? Did you sleep together?’
‘What has she said?’
‘She said I had to ask you. But that makes me think you did.’
He nods slowly. ‘Yes, but it was only the once. And it was years ago, Lizzie. It’s not important.’
‘Then why didn’t you just come clean? What are you trying to hide?’ I pause. ‘Are you still attracted to her? Is that why you keep meeting up with her in secret?’
‘Of course not! I love you!’ He runs his hand through his hair.
‘And I’m not meeting her in secret. I’m not trying to hide anything, but you were so worked up about thinking Alison was trying to push you out I didn’t want you to start feeling insecure about me too.
’ He puts his wine down, moves closer towards me and lightly caresses my cheek with his fingertips.
‘I love you, Lizzie. Always have, always will. Past isn’t important. ’
‘It’s not that I’m jealous, Nick.’ I swallow, trying to find the words to explain how I feel.
‘But ever since the wedding I feel like our worlds been tipped upside down. Mum’s accident, and how weak she still is, and how Alison has completely taken over.
’ She hesitates. ‘She’s so much more glamorous and confident than me that I thought… ’
He puts his finger on my lips to silence me. ‘You’re beautiful, Lizzie. And I adore you. Alison and I were friends for a short time years ago. That’s all there is to it.’
‘But Alison said to talk to you about it. As if there was something more.’
He shakes his head. ‘There’s nothing more. She probably told you to talk to me so I could reassure you, because you wouldn’t believe her.’
That makes sense.
‘I know that your anxiety has been sky high since the wedding, love. Now everything is out in the open do you think you can relax a bit?’ Nick asks gently.
I want to. I really do.
‘It’s just so much has been going on.’ I bite my lip. ‘And someone has been posting one-star ratings and leaving bad reviews about my work. I’ve had a warning from my boss about it. I feel like everything’s going wrong.’
‘Liz, everyone gets bad reviews now and again…’
‘I never have before. And there’s the peanut butter. I’m not imagining that.’
‘I thought we’d sorted that, agreed that one of the kids must have picked it up.’
Is he right? I have been in a state and I did take the kids to the supermarket before we came home. They do sometimes put things in my basket, especially Grace. I’d been wrong about Alison, am I wrong about this?
‘Look, you haven’t been yourself since your mum’s wedding. You know you haven’t. And I understand why, now that you’ve told me all this. You’ve been under tremendous strain all these years. And then when you realised who George’s wife was, well, it must have really freaked you out.’
I can feel my eyes fill with tears.
‘It did,’ I acknowledge.
He takes my glass of wine out of my hands and puts it on the table. Then he wraps his arms around me and holds me tight.
‘Can we put all this behind us, Lizzie? I hate seeing you under so much strain. Can you accept now that George’s wife’s death wasn’t your fault and put it to bed?’
I nod. ‘I’ll try.’ I snuggle into him. ‘I’m so glad everything’s out into the open now. No more secrets.’
He kisses me on the forehead.
‘Me too.’
I cuddle into him and try to push all the doubts out of my mind. Mum is getting better and now that me and Nick have talked about things and shared our secrets, everything should be okay. So why do I still feel uneasy, and that Nick is holding something back?