Chapter 56
LIZZIE
‘Mummy, why are you shouting?’ Grace comes out of her bedroom, worry etched all over her little face. Me and Nick always try not to argue in front of the kids, but I was so mad I hadn’t kept my tone down.
I go over to her and pick her up. ‘It’s nothing, darling, just a silly little squabble like you and Isaac sometimes have.
’ I kiss her cheek. ‘It’s all over now, you go and play.
’ She squirms out of my arms and runs back into the bedroom.
I glance over at Isaac’s room, his door is firmly closed – probably to keep Grace out while he builds his Lego.
I don’t think he heard anything or he would have come out to see what was going on too.
I go into our bedroom and sink down onto the bed, I don’t know what to do. I’m at my wits’ end.
Nick comes up a few minutes later with a coffee.
‘I have no idea what’s happening here, love.
But I’m working on a new project that’s computer-based so I’ll work from home this week.
Why don’t you call in sick and take a couple of days off.
Give yourself a chance to chill out a bit. I’ll look after the kids.’
Is he trying to say that I’m responsible for all this? That I’m going crazy?
Am I? Is there a simple explanation to it all? Do I really think that Nick, my husband, would do this to me? My head is throbbing and I don’t trust my thoughts anymore.
‘Maybe you’re right. It would be good to have a couple of days off.’
‘Try to rest. Everything will be okay. You’ve been under such a strain.’
I close my eyes. I don’t want to talk to him. As he closes the door my mind goes back to that dreadful time after Jamie, the boy in the class I was teaching, almost died.
I was a mess. I wasn’t sleeping. I couldn’t focus on anything.
I wasn’t fit to look after Isaac. I squeeze my eyes as I remember the day I put Isaac out in the garden in his pram to sleep and forgot about him.
Then thought someone had taken him. Another day I was watching a film when Mum came round and Isaac was screaming his head off in his cot upstairs, long overdue for a feed and with a nappy that needed changing.
I was so sleep-deprived, so riddled with guilt that I barely got through each day.
I left doors unlocked, put food on the cooker and let it overboil.
Left the iron plugged in and switched on, forgot to put the shopping away and left it on the kitchen table to thaw. Whole hours were lost.
Am I doing that again? Did Alison coming back into my life drag everything back up, make me have another breakdown?
I try to process it. Is it really all in my head?
I shake my head. That receipt is real. The jar of peanut butter is real.
Even if the kids picked up the peanut butter in the supermarket, how did the receipt get in Nick’s pocket?
And why, when he was the one who found the back door open, and he’s the one who’s being framed, isn’t he as concerned as I am?
It’s almost as if Nick doesn’t want me to believe it’s true. As if he’s hiding something.