Chapter 4
I was the first out of the assembly hall, leaving the others behind in my desperation to get away.
He’d known. Levi had known what his father was going to do. Had he suggested it? To take Serath’s place?
My stomach rolled with nausea as I hurried out of the building and down the steps, where I stopped to suck in huge gulps of crisp, cool air.
“Cam! Cameron, wait. Please!” Levi hurried toward me.
“No.” I backed away from him. “I don’t want to talk to you.”
“You can’t avoid me forever.”
“No, I suppose I can’t, not now that you’ve insinuated yourself onto the team. I told you we were over. I fucking told you there could never be anything between us. Why can’t you back off? Why can’t you let it go?” My voice rose, clawing at the night.
“Because you could die!” He glared at me, chest heaving. “The trials could kill you, but if I’m there, I can help. Once I’m in the trial with you, I can help. I can tell you what to expect.”
I stared at him in dawning comprehension. “You know what the trial entails…”
“Yes, but the council doesn’t know that I know.
I had to convince my father how badly I wanted to prove myself.
He likes the idea of his son being elite, so he pushed it through.
” He reached for me, but I backed away. “Cam, I want to help. That’s all.
Nothing more. I would never presume…” He put his hands on his hips and tucked his chin in, taking a moment to compose himself.
“Look, I know you’re hurting, and if it makes you feel better to hate me, if it helps with the pain to have a target for your rage, then I’ll be that for you, but you need to let me help you pass the trials.
Let me help you save Romi and then…then I’ll step down and leave. I promise.”
My anger evaporated, leaving me drained. What was I doing?
I turned away and headed for the elite tower.
“Cameron? Cam?” Levi called after me.
But I didn’t stop.
And this time he didn’t follow.
The observatory was my go-to place when I needed to be alone. No one came up here anymore. Not even Orix. I’d claimed it as my spot, bringing Orix’s favorite chair up close to the window and claiming it as mine also.
Taz, however, didn’t understand the concept of privacy. If the darn cat wasn’t with Orix, then he was trailing me. Jumping up onto my lap and expecting to be petted.
Orix said it was Taz’s way of soothing me. That he could sense my sadness, and when I looked into his peridot eyes now, it felt like he was peering into my soul.
“I’ll be okay, Taz. I will…eventually.”
The pain would fade…eventually.
But until then, it would be a constant ache in my soul. “This was Serath’s favorite spot. He loved looking out at the world from here.”
Taz yawned and bumped my shoulders with his head before padding to the door, then looking back at me expectantly.
“We need to put a hole in that door, don’t we?”
He made a soft chuffing sound but didn’t scratch to be let out.
“Is someone there?”
A knock sounded a moment later. “It’s Sharniza. Can I come in?”
Guilt pricked at me because this space should be for everyone to enjoy. Was I making them feel that they couldn’t come up here? “Of course you can come in.”
Shar slipped into the room, and Taz took the opportunity to dash out, probably in search of Orix.
“You mind some company?” Shar asked.
“Not if it’s you.”
She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes, and unease bloomed in my chest. “What is it? Has something happened?”
“I’ve moved my stuff into the tower,” she said. “Curi is here too.”
“That’s good though, right?”
“And Levi is joining us later.”
My stomach tightened. “Oh.”
“I heard your conversation with him outside the main building.”
“You did?”
She winced. “I think everyone in the hallway did.”
“Shit.” I stood and began to pace. “I don’t know why I got so mad at him.”
“You’re hurting, and you need to lash out, and Levi is a safe option. You know he’ll take the tongue-lashing. You know he loves you too much to hate you. Too much to walk away.”
“That’s not true. Derek loves me more. I could take it out on…on…” But Derek was a part of me, my responsibility to love and care for, and there was no way I would ever hurt him, but Levi…Levi was strong enough to take it. Take my shit and still be here. “I hate that you’re right.”
She pulled me into a hug. “I hate that you’ve turned me into a hugger.”
I laughed into her shoulder. “I love that you’re a hugger now.” I pulled away slightly. “And I’m sure Derek will appreciate it too.”
She blinked sharply, looking away. “What has Derek got to do with anything?”
I tried to catch her eye. “He loves hugs.”
Twin spots of color bloomed on her cheeks. “Hugs from you.”
“Hugs from the people he cares about and who care about him…”
She met my gaze levelly. “I do care about him.”
“I think it’s more than care, isn’t it?”
She looked away again. Was she hiding her joy because I was grieving? “Shar…you can be happy. I would never begrudge you that. I want you to be happy. Being in love is…It’s beautiful and wonderous. Please don’t hold back on account of me. I’d hate that.”
She exhaled. “I know. It isn’t that. Well not entirely…” She gave me a sheepish smile. “The timing is all wrong. Maybe once we have Romi back. Once the graynite threat is dealt with…Maybe then, but not now. Now isn’t the time to start anything, and I’m happy with that.”
I studied her for a moment, looking for any signs of deception and finding none. “Okay. I believe you. Speaking of Derek, where is he?”
“Training with Yarrow. He’s determined to be an asset to the elite.”
He’d been training a lot since the attack.
Yarrow had even given him a special bracelet to help ground him.
The goal was to help Derek become his own person, completely independent from me, so that he didn’t need my energy but could use his own.
He’d still be my shield but by choice. We’d still have a bond, but he wouldn’t be reliant on my existence to live.
I wanted that for him. “He’s already an asset. He’s saved my life on more than one occasion.”
“I know, but after what happened…”
“That wasn’t his fault.” I’d made Yarrow keep him away from the cadet exams. I’d made him promise to keep Derek in lockdown. “That was all on me.”
“He understands that now, but I think he wants to make sure it never happens again.” The corner of her mouth lifted, and her gaze grew soft. “He’s pretty amazing.”
“Yes, he really is.”
There was another knock on the door, and Orix popped his head in. “Food’s ready, and I have to say, it smelled delicious.”
“Curi?” Shar and I asked in unison.
Orix’s eyes crinkled in a smile. “Why don’t you come and see?”
Shar and I exchanged glances before following Orix down to the second floor where delicious aromas danced on the air. My stomach grumbled in appreciation. I’d eaten on autopilot, keeping fueled so that I could function, but the desire for food had died with Serath.
Curi’s voice drifted into the hallway. “Plates are in the next one along. No. Not that one. The other one.”
Who was he talking to? We were all here.
At the door now, Orix stepped aside to let me go first.
I pushed it open a fraction to peer in.
“We need more onion in the salad,” Palia said, her back to me as she arranged stuff on the table.
“No more onions or I’ll be farting all night,” Ginia replied from the other side of the room.
Palia’s back straightened. “Passing wind.” I imagined the prim look on her face.
“What?” Ginia said.
“You’ll be passing wind .”
“I know, that’s what I said!”
“You said fart,” Touron pointed out from a spot behind the door I couldn’t see.
“Touron, please!” Palia turned, hands on hips. Her gaze snagged on me standing in the partially open doorway. “Cam’s here!”
I stepped into the room. “You guys came for dinner?”
Touron cleared his throat and rounded the kitchen island to stand beside Curi. “It’s a little more than that.”
“We’re moving in,” Ginia said with a grin.
“Roomies once more,” Palia added.
“We cleared out a couple of rooms on the third floor,” Orix said. “They were just filled with furniture and odds and ends.”
“I’ve taken Selas’s room on the same floor with you and Shar,” Curi said.
“I’m on the fifth with Orix,” Touron said.
Prasan’s old room.
They were here. They were staying, and I hadn’t realized until this moment how much I needed this. Needed them.
I looked to Orix, heart in my mouth. His face blurred, and I blinked to clear it.
“I got authorization off Carter,” he said. “I told her they were part of the team even if they weren’t elite.”
I pressed my hand to my mouth to staunch a sob as my lips curved in the first real smile in days. “I love you guys. I love you so much.”
The area behind the island bloomed with shadow, and Derek materialized, carrying a basket. He froze for a moment, taking us all in, then held up the basket. “I bring eggs.”
For a little while, it felt like the old days, like everything was normal. Touron and Curi had cooked up a feast of wild rice, flavorful chicken, salad, and potatoes. There was even dessert in the form of a delicious cheesecake, courtesy of Palia, and the eggs were put aside for breakfast.
For a little while, I convinced myself to forget about the loss, but conversation soon steered itself to business.
“When’s Willowman back?” Curi asked Orix.
“I’m picking him up from Outpost Ten tomorrow,” Orix said. “He’ll have strengthened the wards by then.”
Usually Orix or Serath would have stayed with Willowman, taken him and brought him back, but with a shortage of elite, that wasn’t feasible. So it was a drop off and pick up situation now.
Outpost Ten was the elites’ home when they weren’t at the academy. It had been Serath’s home. “I want to come with you.”
Orix’s gaze flicked to me. “I’m sorry, I can’t take you. You’re our only Basque and not fully qualified as an elite yet.”
I didn’t have the energy to argue. “Fine.”
Silence fell, and the pressure of everyone’s regard made my scalp itch. My beast shifted, irritated by the attention. The dining room table was suddenly too full, the air too thick.
“I’m going to go check on Varsa.” I fixed a smile on my face as I pushed my chair back. “I’ll see you guys later. Thank you for the amazing dinner. It was just what I needed.”
The looks on their faces told me that my smile wasn’t fooling anyone, but no one called me out on it as I crossed the room to the stairwell exit.
I made it to the ground floor before the clatter of boots behind me pulled me up short.
Curi joined me by the door. “Mind if I tag along?”
“That depends. Are you tagging along to keep an eye on me or just because you want to hang out?”
“Will you hurt me if I say it’s a little of both, but more the hanging out thing?” He gave me a disarming smile, and I rolled my eyes.
“Fine, tag along.”
The night was crisp, cool, and filled with starlight and a moon that was almost full.
We walked in companionable silence, and I took a moment to study the strong, clean lines of his brutally handsome face, softened by blue tendrils of hair that had escaped from their band to brush his cheekbones.
His face had become a comfort to me, and I couldn’t recall ever disliking it. Disliking him.
I bumped my shoulder against his arm. “I’m glad we’re friends.”
He glanced down at me, his expression serious. “Yeah, me too, Cam.” He reached for my hand, and I allowed him to take it.
The grounds were dotted with goyles going about their evening, and we garnered a few curious looks. Heck, we were famous now. The cadets that survived a graynite attack.
“Are you going to square things with Levi when he moves into the tower later?”
“Yeah, I’ll speak to him.”
“He’s taking Serath’s room, by the way, but I can take it instead if you want.”
I ignored the pang of resentment. “No. No, that’s fine. He needs a room. It’s just a room.”
Serath’s room. His space. But he was never coming back.
Curi squeezed my hand. “We’re going to get through this, Cam. We’re going to make those bastards pay.”
I stepped closer to him so that our arms touched and I could rest my head on his shoulder. “Thank you for being here. For being with me.”
“Always.”
Willowman’s cottage came into view a moment later. The windows were dark, and the place looked empty. Willowman had asked me to keep an eye on Varsa, but I’d been too busy to check in today. What if he was hurt?
The door was ajar. Heart pounding, I pushed it open and stepped into the dark, empty living room.
“Varsa?”
His bedroom was somewhere at the back of the house, but I’d never ventured that far. Never needed to, but now…
Curi followed me through the door at the back of the living room and down a short corridor with three more doors coming off it—a bathroom, an empty bedroom that smelled of incense, and finally a closed door.
I knocked. “Varsa?”
A soft thud was my only answer.
“Varsa?” Panic bloomed inside me. “Varsa, answer me, please.” The door was locked.
“Out of the way,” Curi said.
I stepped aside and he shoulder-slammed the door. It opened with a splinter of wood.
“Shit,” Curi said.
Varsa lay face down on the floor by the bed. Unmoving. “Varsa!” I fell to my knees beside him, immediately checking for a pulse. “He’s alive.” I rolled him onto his side, and he looked up at me with glassy, vacant eyes. “Hey, it’s me. Varsa, can you hear me?”
He blinked slowly.
“Let’s get him onto the bed,” Curi said.
We hauled him up and got him settled while he continued to stare blankly at us. “He usually talks to me.” I wasn’t sure why it mattered that Curi know this. “He’s so smart. He knows so much stuff.” I stroked Varsa’s forehead. “Are you there? Can you hear me?”
Varsa coughed, his body going into a spasm.
“I’ll get some water.” Curi bolted from the room.
Varsa stopped coughing. “Cameron…”
I exhaled shakily. “Hey…You’re here.”
“I wish I could stay longer, but I can’t hold on anymore. I have to go.”
“What?”
He reached up to touch my face. “I’ll see you soon.” His hand dropped to his side, and his body went limp and heavy. I laid him down gently as his eyes fluttered closed.
Curi hurried back into the room with a glass of water. “Here.”
A soft crackling sound filled the air as Varsa’s skin hardened to stone.
Varsa had no use for water any longer.
He was dead.