Chapter 8 #2
“No!” She looked horrified. “Don’t…don’t say that.”
I blinked back tears. “Why not?”
“Because Derek is dead. He’s dead, and he can never come back, and I don’t want you to be dead and never come back.”
I could feel my panic, the panic of my four-year-old self. “I don’t get it.”
She exhaled shakily. “It’s a special cycle that makes us human. We get to live here, and then, when our time here is over, we go to a special place. But not today and not for a very long time. Today we get to stay here. Today we have to say goodbye to Derek.”
But I didn’t understand, and my heart was breaking. “Why? Why, why, why?”
“Oh, sweetie, everyone has to die sometime.”
Everyone has to die…
Everyone has to leave…
I was standing in the doorway, partially hidden by Miss Miller’s skirts as the police officer spoke to her in a hushed voice. My stomach formed knots, making me feel sick as the officer continued to speak.
“Terrible incident. Crime. Investigation.”
And then Miss Miller saying, “Dead? You’re saying she’s dead.”
Dead and gone.
Never coming back.
I was back at Pizza Delight, standing in the gloomy corridor with Levi, preparing to tell him I didn’t love him in order to keep him at arm’s length, when my phone buzzed.
No, don’t answer it.
Don’t answer it.
But I was trapped in a memory with no control, and no way to change the events. So I answered and held the phone to my ear.
“Hello, is this Cameron?” the gruff male voice asked.
“Who is this?” I echoed the words from the past.
“Is. This. Cameron?”
“Yes, who?—”
“Romi’s dead. I thought you should know.”
Dead and never coming back.
No, no, no.
Serath reached for me, bloody mouth parted. “Live free…”
And he was gone.
Gone.
All gone.
The darkness surrounded me once more as I curled into a ball, wanting to stay here. Wanting to be alone because my heart was safer this way.
“We’ve got you, Cam,” Touron said.
“We love you,” Palia added.
“So much,” Ginia said.
“You can do this,” Shar added. “And we’re here to help you.”
“Get up, Basque,” Curi said. “We’re not quitting. We’re a fucking team.”
My eyes snapped open on a gasp.
I was back in the training room, but the memories lingered.
“Cam. You okay?” Shar asked from across the room.
I nodded. “Curi?”
“He stepped out for a moment. Levi went with him.”
“I won’t ask you what you saw,” Adaline said from the window. A strip of light slid across the room as she raised the blinds. “What you see is private. It is a part of you, and it is for you to speculate on and learn from.”
“What…what does it mean?” Shar asked.
Adaline shrugged. “It’s different for everyone. The mind walk herb takes us to memories forgotten or misconstrued. It’s a mirror to our psyche, and the rest…the rest is for you to decipher.”
“And how will this help us in the trial?”
Adaline smiled. “You’ll understand once you’re in the trial. Trust me.” She clipped past us toward the door. “Now I have a dinner date to get to, but I wish you all the luck in the trial ahead.” She paused at the door. “Embrace your true self, and you’ll be fine.”
She slipped out of the room.
“I won’t ask you what you saw,” Shar said.
“I won’t ask you either…”
“Dammit, now I want to know,” she said with a smile.
I exhaled on a laugh. “Mine was…It wasn’t so different from what I saw when Yarrow was testing our shields.
I saw the police officer deliver the news of my mum’s death, the phone call that informed me that Romi was gone…
Serath’s death.” I licked my lips. “Yeah…but there was one memory I’d forgotten.
I had a mouse called Derek, and he died.
I was so upset. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t keep him. ”
“How old were you in that memory?”
“I think…maybe four.”
“Death is a difficult concept to grasp for a child.”
“Yeah. I think that was my first brush with it. I’m not sure why this mind walk showed me that memory, though.”
She stretched out her legs. “They all have death in common, and Derek…the name…I doubt it’s a coincidence you chose to call your shield that?”
“Yeah, me too.” I canted my head. “You want to share what you saw?”
She waved a dismissive hand. “Nothing forgotten, just suppressed.”
It was obvious she wasn’t comfortable talking about it, so I let it slide.
Levi returned alone. His cheeks had a little too much color in them. He’d had an argument with Curi.
I pulled myself to my feet. “What happened?”
“Mason is a little upset. But he’ll be fine. He understands how important this process is.”
“Where did he go?” Shar asked before I could.
“He said he was going to take a walk. We’ll pick up again tomorrow.” Levi held out his hand. “I’ll need the lockets back for now.”
I quickly took mine off and handed it to him before beelining for the exit. “I’ll see you guys for supper.” Supper…Shit. I ground to a halt and turned back to the room. “Levi, I’d love for you to join us tonight.”
His brows flicked up slightly as if to say really? But then he smiled and nodded. “I’ll be there.”
I ducked out and hurried into the night. There was only one place that provided a decent walking route, but I had a quick pit stop to make before I headed to the woods.