Chapter 20
T he mind walk in the van was a bust because my mind was too busy going over everything that had happened on the trip. My dream of Serath, the fever, the coincidence with the park bench and my father’s hopes for me.
Curi and Shar seemed to manage it fine, but both were silent and reflective for the rest of the journey, so it was a quiet bunch who returned to the academy.
It was almost eight in the evening by the time we strolled into the elite tower, and we were all too wiped to cook, so Derek and Touron headed to Stone Comfort to grab pizza.
I showered and changed into a baggy T-shirt and leggings and slipped on my lastonflex shoes before heading down to join the others for supper. I had a lot to do before I could wind down for the evening, but my stomach grumbled incessantly, reminding me that food had to come first.
Five large pizza boxes were laid out on the kitchen island, open to showcase the variety of piping hot, cheesy goodness. Derek handed me a plate, which I loaded up before joining everyone at the table.
Curi patted the spot beside him, and I slipped into the seat, mouth already filled with deliciousness.
We ate in silence for several minutes, and I noted that even Derek had a slice.
Shar watched him, hiding the hearts in her eyes.
She had it bad. But I understood why she was holding back, although I doubted they’d be able to keep from professing their feelings for much longer.
The way Derek had stood up for her in Arcadia…
the look they’d shared…A weight settled on my heart—a reminder of what I’d lost. The fact that I’d never again feel the flutter low in my belly or the heat spread across my chest and up my neck.
I’d never experience the agony of longing to touch someone.
Having Serath here but not being able to be with him had been painful, but…
but there’d been comfort in that pain. A rightness that was now absent.
I was alone.
I’d always be alone.
“Cam?” Curi was looking at me, brows drawn. “Hey…” He reached up to gently wipe a finger across my cheek.
I blinked, dislodging more tears. “Shit. I’m sorry.” I wiped at my face. “Just tired.”
“Yeah, it’s been a long day.”
The look on his face told me he didn’t buy it, and my stupid eyes heated.
“I think we should watch a movie later,” Ginia said quickly. “To unwind. Popcorn and snacks. Ice cream!” She clapped her hands.
“Excellent idea,” Palia replied, her gaze stoically on Ginia.
And suddenly everyone was looking at Ginia and discussing movie options, taking the attention off me completely and giving me the moment I needed to pull myself together.
The only person that didn’t engage was Touron. He watched me solemnly from across the table.
“What do you think, Touron?” Ginia asked him.
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Sure, whatever.”
Wait…Touron had gone to see Selas? He must have, and now he was all subdued, which meant it hadn’t gone well. Orix must have taken him over…
Once again, I’d been so caught up in my own emotions…No. I wouldn’t be that person. I wouldn’t allow grief to make me selfish. “I need to pop in and see Yarrow. You wanna come with me, Touron?”
His forehead wrinkled, and he dropped his gaze, and for a moment I thought he was going to refuse, but then he nodded. “Sure.”
“Can you pick up Taz for me?” Orix asked.
“You mean, can I ask him to come back with me?”
Orix rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that one. And tell him I missed his furry face.”
It was my turn to roll my eyes. “Sure.”
The rest of the meal passed quickly, but my attention kept going to Touron, to his plate where one pizza crust sat.
My goyle friend who loved his food had barely eaten.
I had no doubt how the meeting with Selas had gone now. It was time for me to be there for him, just like he was always there for me.
It was good to be walking and not cramped into a metal can on wheels. My legs thanked me for the exercise as we made our way down the winding path toward the main building.
It was prime time on campus with goyles milling about and enjoying the moonlight, many in their gargoyle beast forms, wings out to take to the air. I couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have wings. To fly on my own steam.
Beside me, Touron seemed lost in his own thoughts, but a muscle in his jaw jumped the longer I studied his profile.
He exhaled softly. “Go on, then, ask me.”
He sounded resigned, and that hurt my heart. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. We can just walk. I just…I’m here, Tor, and I’m sorry that I didn’t check on you sooner.”
He glanced my way with a frown. “What? Don’t…don’t do that. You have enough on your plate.”
“Never too much to care about my friends. I love you, Touron, and I hate seeing you in pain.”
He swallowed hard. “You’re in pain too.”
“It doesn’t mean I can’t be here for you. I want to be here for you. Please.”
He dropped his gaze to the gravel, boots crunching with each step. “She broke up with me.”
“You told her you loved her, didn’t you?”
“No.” He looked across at me, indignant. “I did not say that. But…I didn’t have to. She read it in my aura.”
“Oh fuck.”
“Yeah, I forgot she could do that. I guess I’m walking around with hearts floating around my head or something.” He gave a weak smile. “She told me she isn’t coming back to the academy either.”
“I’m sorry, Tor. I wish there was something I could do to help.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever feel this way about anyone, ever. I love her, Cam. It fucking hurts.”
“I know.” I reached out and took his hand. “I know.”
“I’m such a dick. It’s worse for you.”
“Not worse, just…different. Serath is gone, but Selas is still here. Two kinds of pain, each as awful as the other.”
“Your dream…Do you really think he was reaching out to you?”
My pulse quickened. “It seems silly now.”
“I know, but…we never saw a body. They took him.”
“There was no way he could survive the wound that thing inflicted on him.”
“Maybe…but what do we know about the graynite abilities? About their technology or their medical facilities.”
My stupid heart beat faster with each word. “You really think he might be alive?”
“I think you have the right to hope.”
Hope, that fickle yet insidious bitch, flared to life in my chest. There was no body, and the dream…the dream had felt so real, not to mention the red bench. How could I have known about it even subconsciously without ever having seen it?
“Next time you dream of him, don’t fight it,” Touron said, eyes bright. “Ask him where he is. Ask him…ask him if he’s alive.”
My heart leapt, and Serath’s voice filled my mind, a memory from the dream, forgotten up until now. Look at me, I’m here ? —
Oh god. Could it be true? Was Serath alive?