Chapter 25
CAM
C uri was gone when I woke up. I was glad for that because I needed time to compose myself before seeing him again. The fever was gone too, but only because he’d given me what I needed last night. He’d given me what I needed, knowing that I could never give him what he needed in return.
My heart.
Guilt was a live thing burrowing inside my chest because I’d used him. I’d used him to relieve my need knowing how he felt. Knowing that he’d been falling for me.
As far as he was aware, Serath was gone, there was no barrier for him to lean on, to stop his feelings from resurfacing, but I’d forced him to test that barrier last night. I’d pushed him, begged him, pleaded for him to capitulate.
Shame burned a path up my neck and settled in my cheeks. I covered my face and squeezed my eyes shut at the memory of his hand on me. Of the pleasure that had rocked my body.
I’d let him touch me. Begged him to help me find release, and Serath…I’d betrayed him. I’d allowed another male’s hands on me and…and I’d liked it. I felt…revitalized. Energized.
No. That person hadn’t been me. It was the fever. This inexplicable thing linked to the fae blood in my veins or…or maybe not. If Serath was alive, then the mate bond was still alive and…No, Willowman had explained that distance would mute the bond, which was why Serath had planned to leave.
Urgh, I was going round in circles.
Focus, Cam.
I needed to tell the others that Serath was alive, but first thing’s first, I needed to speak to Curi and apologize. I needed to tell him about Serath and fix us because I needed him in my life, I needed our friendship.
Curi wasn’t in his room, and his bed looked unslept in because…because he’d slept with me.
I’d slept with Curi.
Together.
My stomach churned.
He was probably at breakfast already. I hurried down to the third floor and into a room filled with the sound of voices, the clink of metal on ceramic, and the smell of bacon.
Derek stood at the cooker, apron tied around his waist as he expertly flipped pancakes, and Shar leaned against the island watching him with a look that was a cross between pride and lovesick.
She caught my eye and quickly composed her features into something that was more light interest than anything else.
I arched a brow, and she rolled her eyes with a smile.
Yeah, she was so gone for him.
“Cameron, just in time!” Touron passed me a plate loaded with bacon, eggs, and toast. “Unless you want pancakes. I mean, you can have pancakes too.” He headed to the table with a second plate piled higher than mine for himself and parked his ass opposite the twins, who were already stuffing their faces.
“You should eat,” Levi said as he slipped past me, holding the coffee pot. “We have physical and mental training today.”
“Where’s Curi?”
“Here.” He came up behind me, and my body tensed. I forced myself to relax and look at him as he came abreast of me.
His easy smile didn’t reach his eyes, and my heart hurt. “You okay?” I kept my voice low.
He dipped his chin. “Are you okay?”
I nodded, my mouth dry.
“That’s all that matters, Cam.”
But that wasn’t true. “You matter too, Curi.”
His smile slipped, but he fixed it back in place quickly. “Course I do. And I can take care of me just fine. But we need to tell the others your fever is back.”
“Shar, Touron, and Derek know, but there’s more I need to tell everyone. Curi, I believe that?—”
“What are you two whispering about?” Ginia called out.
I took a deep breath and finished my sentence for all to hear. “Serath is alive.”
Silent faces stared back at me, and Shar was the first to speak.
“I know you dreamed about him the other night, but?—”
“I did. And I dreamed about him again last night. He’s alive. He told me. The graynites have him. He says he’s running out of time and?—”
“He’s alive?” Curi said softly. “You knew last night?”
I looked up at him, stomach in knots. “I woke up from the dream with the fever and?—”
“Your fever is back?” Palia asked.
“What fever?” Levi asked.
“What were you doing with Cam last night?” Derek demanded of Curi.
And suddenly everyone was speaking at once.
“Enough!” Orix stood by the stairwell, Taz at his feet. The room fell into pin-drop silence as he raked us all over with a stern glare. “Now one person, tell me what the fuck is going on.”
All eyes turned to me, and my stomach sank. I fixed my gaze on Orix. “Serath is alive, and we need to save him.”
No one spoke while I filled them in on my dream about Serath and how I was certain he was alive, that it was more than a dream. “He said he made a place to hide. An anchor. The lake and the bench…I think he’s fighting them by hiding a part of himself there.”
“If he is alive, then I believe it,” Orix said. “I believe he could do it. Serath is the most mentally strong of us all.”
“This is insane,” Levi said. “A wound like the one you described isn’t something he could have survived.”
“They must have healed him,” Touron said. “I believe Cam. I think he’s alive, and she’s somehow able to connect to him.”
“But you never consummated,” Ginia said.
“She’s a halfblood,” Palia retorted. “The rules don’t apply. In fact, we don’t know the rules.”
“He’s alive…” Curi said softly. “What you felt last night…the fever…that was you yearning for him…”
“You had another episode?” Shar asked.
“What is this fever?” Levi asked again.
Shar filled him in quickly about the fever, the needing, the sidhe moon, and my fae blood.
His gaze whipped my way. “You have fae blood?”
“Supposedly, yes.”
“And you were there last night when she had an episode?” he asked Curi.
Curi met his gaze levelly. “I helped.”
Silence fell, thick and heavy, and my cheeks burned. “It was bad, and Curi…Curi was there.” I knew how bad it sounded as soon as the words were out, as if he’d been an object to hand that I’d picked up. As if the fact it was him didn’t matter. “I mean…I mean he was close. No. I mean that?—”
“I know what you mean,” Curi said stiffly. “It’s fine. Serath being alive would explain her episode.”
“Not really,” Palia said. “Distance mutes the needing.”
I agreed. “I think this fever is related to my fae blood.”
“Your eyes changed,” Curi said. “During…” He swallowed hard. “They were darker and laced with crimson, and the air…it felt…different.”
“These episodes need you to…” Levi licked his lips. “You have to orgasm?”
“Yes, but not solo. I…uh…It doesn’t help if I do it.”
“Well, this is awkward,” Ginia said.
“But necessary,” Orix added. “If these episodes are linked to the sidhe moon and your fae blood, then we have a huge problem. The elite trials are on a sidhe moon. You can’t enter if you’re…”
“Horny?” I finished for him.
Ginia snort-laughed then clamped a hand over her mouth.
“Why him?” Levi asked. “Why not me?”
“Because I was there,” Curi said. I didn’t miss the edge of bitterness in his tone.
“Not true,” Derek said. “My Cam spoke to Shar and me about this, and she said she would come to you if need be.”
Curi looked across at me in surprise.
“It’s true.”
“Great,” Levi said. “You’d rather go to someone you met a few months ago than come to me, the guy you dated for a year.”
How the fuck was he making this about him?
“Yes. Yes, I would, and I can tell you exactly why. I care about you both. But if I have to go to anyone for help with this, it won’t be to the ex who I know is in love with me.
It would be much too easy to get lost in the fever, fall into a familiar rhythm, and cross the line.
It’ll be with the gargoyle who has the fortitude not to cross the line.
” I turned to Curi. “It’s true that you just happened to be there last night, but if you hadn’t, then I would have chosen to come to you because of the deal we made all those weeks ago.
Because I trust the boundaries you’ve set.
You helped me last night, but I promise I won’t put you in that position again.
I value our friendship too much. I won’t risk losing you. ”
Curi’s expression softened, real light bleeding into his eyes. “I believe you.”
I looked to Levi, who had his head bowed. “Levi? Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I understand,” he said. “But I don’t agree. Even the strongest boundaries can get blurred when you’re falling for someone, can’t they, Curi?”
Curi pressed his lips together, refusing to respond.
“This arrangement is not sustainable unless you wish to take Curi as your lover,” Orix said.
I couldn’t…wouldn’t do that. “I won’t play with someone’s heart if I’m not free to give mine in return.”
“Then we speak to Mirrowind,” Shar said. “And we find another way to deal with this fae blood fever, get you through the elite exams, and get Serath and Romi back.”
All we could do was hope that they both survived long enough for us to get to them.