Chapter 27
S har and Derek had asked to come with me to see Mirrowind, and we somehow picked up Levi in the main building.
Okay, so he might have been loitering outside waiting for us to go by, but I wasn’t about to call him on it.
There was no reason for him not to come, and having a druid with us couldn’t hurt.
He might even be able to help Mirrowind come up with a solution to my fever problem.
I mean, herbs and tinctures and fae magic had to mix well, right?
We headed to Yarrow first, who informed us that Mirrowind had indeed returned at dawn that day and had already moved Melanie to Yarrow’s quarters, where my spectral friend was hopefully recharging.
But the room was sealed and would stay that way for several more hours before it would be safe to check on her.
Mirrowind’s chambers were in the tutors’ wing but on a different floor from everyone else, up a flight of stairs and inside what I could only describe as a penthouse suite.
It was a huge, cavernous chamber dotted with comfy fabric seating that fought for space with the wonderous plant life sprouting from large, earthen pots set around the room.
Glass cases filled with strange, colorful insects hid among the foliage, and the windows were flung wide, letting in a steady circulation of cold air along with shimmering moonlight that competed with the dazzling lamplight illuminating the room.
The air smelled like syrup and freshly baked bread, a combination that made my stomach growl.
Mirrowind stood before us, all five feet four of her, draped in a loose-fitting shirt and pants.
Her tiny feet were bare, toes adorned with silver rings, and her slender fingers were wrapped around a goblet.
Twin spots of color sat high on her alabaster cheeks, and her sky-blue eyes were bright with curiosity as she took us in.
“It isn’t often I get so many visitors at once,” she said in her melodious voice.
It was strange seeing her again after all these weeks. I’d forgotten how petite she was. I remembered her as brighter…more alluring…more…everything. And although she was still a captivating creature, she didn’t turn my head like she had the last time we’d met.
That didn’t seem to be the case for the others, though.
Beside me, Levi let out a soft moan as if it pained him to be this close to her and not touch her. Shar sighed heavily in agreement, her gaze softening.
Derek frowned down at Shar, unaffected by Mirrowind’s presence and probably confused as to why Sharniza was.
But Mirrowind was fae, and this allure must be her power.
Yarrow confirmed it a moment later.
“Dial it down, Gwen,” he said, biting back a smile. “They won’t be able to think straight to absorb anything you tell them otherwise.” He sounded lighter, almost teasing, his golden eyes soft as they settled on the fae.
Mirrowind made a soft ‘o’ with her luscious lips. “Yes, of course. I forget sometimes the effect I have on non-fae.”
Levi cleared his throat and dropped his gaze, and I couldn’t help but notice that his hands were clasped in front of his crotch. Bloody hell.
Shar shook her head and blinked several times before speaking. “Were you using fae mojo?”
“Not intentionally,” Mirrowind said. “This is who I am, but my essence can be…intoxicating. I try to remember to mute it wherever I can, but it can get tiring to do so, and sometimes I slip.”
“What are you?” The question popped out before I could think to phrase it more politely.
She turned her attention to me. “I think I should be asking you the same question. You’ve changed. I sense…kindred…” She canted her head, a slow smile taking control of her mouth. “You have Baobhan sidhe in you.”
So Willowman had been right. “You can tell that from looking at me?”
“Yes, dear, I can, but I should not be able to. Fae blood in humans should be too diluted to have any effect, but then…you’re not human. You’re a gargoyle halfblood, so the rules do not apply.”
“You said kindred,” Levi pointed out. “Kindred as in another fae, or as in another Boabhan sidhe?”
“Both.” She looked me over. “You have the blood of my people, and I assume it is causing you some discomfort. I assume that is why you’re here. Unless this is about the ghost?” She looked to Yarrow who shook his head.
“No, I’m here about this fever.” I filled her in on the needing and how it was almost painful now.
“How often are you overcome?”
“Around the sidhe moon. The week leading up to it mainly.”
She nodded. “Yes, that makes sense. It doesn’t help that there are two sidhe moons so close together this year. But the next won’t be for a few months, so you should get a reprieve. Blood or sex, or is it both?”
“Blood?”
“Yes, child. The Baobhan must feed on blood and sex to survive, but you are not pureblood, and therefore you may not need both.” She waited for me to answer, tapping a slender finger against the brassy goblet.
I’d bitten Serath in my dream; did that count? “I…I don’t feel like I need blood but…I did bite my mate in a dream. It was…strange…” I recounted my dream, leaving out the romantic details and focusing on the sudden appearance of the moon and my urge to bite Serath. She listened intently.
“You marked him,” she said. “Bound him to you. It’s a primal impulse with our kind and reserved for the mates we take.” Her eyes narrowed. “Not something a fae blood would be practicing…”
“You have more than one mate?” Shar asked.
Her laugh was a short melody. “Of course. One male is not enough to satisfy a pureblood Baobhan sidhe.” Her expression sobered.
“Our hunger is potent, and we require much satisfaction.” Her attention slid back to me.
“You may have a fated mate, but your fae blood could still draw others to you and you to them. Not as strongly but undeniably. It is up to you to reconcile your natures as you wish. Serath is a sigma, and even if he lives and you save him, you cannot be together, so he cannot give you what your body needs.”
I knew that. I understood it perfectly, but I didn’t want to be controlled by sexual urges. “I don’t want to need sex. Blood, I guess I could handle, although, yuk.” I sighed. “I just want the fever gone.”
“I’m afraid that’s not possible. If you deny it, then it will worsen until it consumes your thoughts, your every breath, and eventually kills you.
I’m sorry, child, but the hunger is a part of you.
Sex is fuel to our kind. The energy it creates makes us stronger.
Faster. Immortal.” She took a swig from her goblet, and her lips were stained crimson for a moment before the color sank into her skin.
Was this why she’d been away? To feed? To fuel up? Was this the creature I would have to become to survive? No. I refused to accept that. “There has to be a way to control this hunger.”
Her expression smoothed out to something cold and almost alien, and a shiver raced down my spine. “Would you deny your belly food? Your lungs air? Hmmm?”
“No, but?—”
“There are no buts in this equation. You will accommodate your needs or die. And not just you.” She looked up at Derek. “Your shield too. He is a part of you, after all, a manifestation viable only because of the fae blood you seem to despise so much.” She raised her chin, her eyes narrow slits.
Fuck, I’d pissed her off. “I don’t despise anything. I just?—”
“Wish it gone. Yes. I understand what you want, child. You want to ignore your nature. Put it inside a box and forget about it. But it is your very nature that gave you this gift.” She smiled up at Derek. “A creature created in the image of a strong shadow sylph.”
“Shadow sylph?” Derek tested the words.
“That is correct.”
“He will be independent soon enough,” Yarrow said confidently.
“Not soon enough, if Cameron refuses to feed,” Mirrowind countered.
I couldn’t put Derek’s life at risk.
Panic colored Shar’s features. “Cam, you’ve got to do it. You can’t let him die.”
The thought of being with anyone else but Serath made my stomach hurt, but last night in the grip of a fever, with the needing strong, I’d allowed, no begged, Curi to help me.
I could do it. I could sate the fever, but I didn’t want to.
It felt wrong. It felt like a betrayal to my mate.
“There has to be some other way to get the sexual energy I need.”
Mirrowind rolled her eyes with a sigh. “It’s sex. For our kind it’s like having a meal, or in your case, a feast before weeks of hibernation. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”
Her flippant tone grated. “Well, it does to me.”
“What if she has sex with Serath in her dream?” Sharniza asked. “Her mind will make her body feel the sensations.”
“That can work,” Mirrowind said. “ If she can hold the connection for long enough.”
My dream visits with Serath were short and unpredictable. “I can try.”
“Try isn’t enough,” Levi said. “The elite trial is in a few days and on a sidhe moon. You need to be fueled up by then so you can focus.”
“He’s right,” Shar said.
This was too much. Too much pressure. Too much everything.
Derek had been silent all this time, but he spoke now, his voice a low, soothing rumble. “You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, my Cameron.”
The fresh flash of panic on Shar’s face echoed the turmoil inside me.
I looked up into Derek’s glittering diamond eyes, my heart too full, my throat tight. “I love you, Derek, and I’m not losing you. If there’s no other way, then I’ll do whatever needs to be done.”
“We could mute it,” Yarrow said suddenly. “There are herbs to mute desire, correct?”
“There are.” Mirrowind’s tone was weary now; it was obvious she was fed up of this whole thing. “But muting won’t help her long-term. Her body needs the sexual energy to thrive.”
“I understand that,” Yarrow said. “It would be a short-term solution to get her through the trial and this moon cycle.”
Mirrowind drained her goblet. “Fine. I know of a tincture, but it is a short-term solution.” Then to me, “It will cease to be effective the longer you deny yourself. It would be selfish to ignore your needs for some twisted version of honor you hold in your mind.”
“Whoa,” Shar said. “Cameron is the least selfish person I know. She might put herself at risk, but she’d never risk harming the people she loves. Denying herself to preserve someone else’s feelings is not selfish; it’s entirely the opposite.”
My chest warmed.
“It will buy us time to complete the mission,” Levi said. “End the alpha, get Romi and Serath back so you can say goodbye properly, and move on.”
Because even if I got Serath back, he would have to leave. But at least he’d be safe. He’d have a life, even if not with me, and in time…in time I might be able to move on with mine.
I looked to Yarrow. “Please. Do it.”