Chapter 18
Eighteen
Dear Percy,
I was happy to see you playing in the garden today. I love you, son.
Dominic grimaced to himself. The note felt woefully inadequate for how he felt. His son had been tossing a ball up in the air and catching it while his nanny supervised him. It was not a lot, but it was more engagement in a game than he had shown in a long time.
It had given him great happiness to see Percy doing such a simple activity, and he had no idea how to properly express that.
Before he could think of anything else to say, the door to his study opened and Selina walked in. “I need to talk to you,” she said.
“Can it wait?” he asked. “I am busy writing a note to Percy.”
Her brow furrowed. “You write notes to him?” She sounded intrigued as she entered the room and sat down in an armchair across from his desk.
Dominic felt a prickle of irritation at her interruption, but he knew, deep down, that he was irritated at himself for taking so long to write a simple note to a child who could not even read yet. He sighed and put down his pen.
“I write these notes to him every day,” he said. “I have the servants give them to him.” He shook his head. “Percy cannot read them, not yet, but I do not know how else to tell him…” he grimaced. “For all I know, he rips them up or throws them away.”
“I am sure he does not do that,” she said.
“I do not know. Things have been strained between us for the past year.” He looked at her, knowing she was listening patiently to him, as if she actually cared about what he had to say.
“I am envious of you, you know. You seem to know exactly what to say to him to make him feel comfortable and to put a smile on his face. He was playing in the garden today, and I know that is because of you.” He grimaced. “Meanwhile, all I can do is write notes to him that he cannot read.”
She thought for a moment before speaking. “Have you tried reading the notes aloud to Percy?”
“No,” he said. “I do not think I would be able to.”
“Why don’t you practice?” she asked. “You can practice with me.”
“That is absurd,” he said. “I am not going to recite something as if I am a child at school.”
“It will help you to become more comfortable,” she insisted. “Just try it with me.”
He sighed, feeling foolish as he picked up the note. He did not want to read it aloud to Selina, knowing she would see fully how inadequate it was. But he wanted to try, in case it did help him feel more comfortable reading a note aloud to Percy one of these days.
“Dear Percy,” he said. “I was happy to see you playing in the garden today. I love you, son.” He put the paper down. “I am not the most eloquent writer, but I do not know how else to talk to him.”
“I think that note is beautiful,” she said. “A sincere note is better than flowery prose full of falsehoods.”
He grimaced, not saying anything in reply.
“What was Percy like before his mother died?” Selina asked.
Dominic felt a fresh wave of grief as he thought about it. “He was a handful,” he said. “Percy was an energetic toddler who loved running around and making a mess in every room he could find. He would scream with happiness and laugh and sing at the top of his lungs.”
Sometimes he would play along with Percy’s antics, but more often than not, he would tell his son to behave or take it outside. He would give anything for Percy to run around the house while laughing now.
“You must have had fun playing with him,” Selina said, smiling.
“I should have made more time to play with him than I did,” he admitted. “He would only behave around Eugenia. He always wanted her affection—would do anything for it, but…” he grimaced. “She did not love him the way a mother should. In fact, she wanted nothing to do with him.”
“Why not?” Selina asked.
Dominic’s lip curled. “Because he looks exactly like me. Eugenia hated me. She never forgave me for marrying her, and Percy suffered because of it.”
Agitation filled him as he thought about how coldly Eugenia would treat her own son. Just because he had black hair and blue eyes like his father. He stood up suddenly. “I have to leave,” he said. “Please give that note to Percy.”
As he handed her the note, their hands touched. He lingered for a moment, taking comfort in the feeling of her hand as his gaze went to her mouth.
Dominic pulled away from her. He walked out of the room and went straight to the hallway. He needed some air so he could calm down and forget about painful memories.
Selina watched him leave, feeling sad for her husband and for Percy. Dominic had told her that Percy had loved Eugenia, who could not be bothered to return that love. It was also clear that Dominic was still deeply affected by his first wife’s death.
If there was any truth in what Lady Gillray had told her, then Dominic must have had an unrequited love for Eugenia.
She did not particularly consider her godmother a reliable source, but judging Dominic’s reaction, there might be some truth to her words.
No wonder Percy and Dominic were both so devastated by Eugenia’s death.
She looked down at the note in her hands, written in neat cursive. At least she could give Dominic’s note to Percy.
Percy was in his nursery, sitting near his window. Even though it was daytime, he was staring up at the sky, as if he could still see the constellations in his mind. When she stepped into the room, he startled slightly and looked at her.
“It is a beautiful day outside, isn’t it?” she said. “Your father told me you were playing in the garden earlier. I am happy to hear it.” She smiled and sat down in a chair next to the window seat. “He gave me a note to give to you.” She held out the piece of paper to him.
Percy’s eyes widened as he took the note from her. He turned it over carefully in his hands as he stared at his father’s handwriting. Then he scrambled off the window seat and went to a small cupboard on one side of the room.
He pulled out a small wooden chest and opened it. Selina could see that the chest was full of pieces of paper, just like the one in his hand. She smiled at the sight of it. I knew Percy would not just throw away notes from his father.
A thought crossed her mind at that moment. “Percy, do you want to know what the note says?”
He looked up at her, surprised.
“I can read it aloud to you if you wish,” she said.
He nodded eagerly and thrust the note back at her. She looked at the neat cursive again. “Dear Percy,” she read aloud. “I was happy to see you playing in the garden today. I love you, son.” She peeked at the child to see his reaction.
He was staring at her, his face unreadable for a moment. Then he took another note out of the box and held it to her.
She smiled as she looked at it. “This one says, ‘I’m proud of you, Percy. I love you.’”
One by one, he took the notes out of the box and handed them to her.
Selina would read them aloud and carefully stack them up on the window seat.
All of them shared similar sentiments: I love you.
I miss playing games with you. I enjoyed reading aloud to you today.
I am proud of you. I am sorry. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Selina felt a lump rise in her throat as she read the notes.
After she finished the last one, she had all of them stacked up on the window seat.
She looked at Percy to see tears streaming down his face.
He wiped them away quickly before jumping into her lap and hugging her.
Selina closed her eyes and hugged him back, happy that she was able to provide him with a little bit of happiness through the notes.
The next day, the dowager duchess and Selina sat together in the garden on a bench. A short distance away was Percy, sitting on the ground. He had gathered a small pile of pebbles and was arranging them in a spiral pattern.
“It is so nice to see him playing again,” the dowager duchess remarked. “It has been so long since he has done anything except sit and stare at the sky, or off into the distance.”
“I am happy to see him playing too,” Selina said.
“Yesterday, I read him a bunch of notes from his father. It seemed to give him peace.” She smiled.
“I’m glad I was able to give him that. I do not know if I will be able to help him find his voice—it is truly up to him if he wants to speak again—but I hope I can at least make him happy. ”
“You have already helped him greatly,” the dowager duchess said. “And I never doubted you would. I knew you were exactly what he needed from the moment I saw you with that dog at the party.”
Selina’s cheeks reddened as she remembered that scene. “I was only acting on instinct. I certainly did not have any ulterior motives in mind when I picked him up.”
“I never thought otherwise,” the dowager duchess said, beaming at her. “That instinct is exactly why I knew you would be perfect for both Percy and Dominic.”
“And that’s why you sent me to Dominic’s room?” Selina lowered her voice to keep Percy from hearing. She did not want the child to know exactly why his father decided to take another wife.
The dowager duchess merely smiled. “You will certainly not let me forget that, will you?”
“Probably not,” Selina said, smiling.
The older woman stretched her arms up above her head. “Perhaps we both need something else to occupy our minds. It has been two weeks since the last party. I am getting bored, and I am sure you are too. When are you planning on hosting a ball?”
“A ball?” Selina frowned. “It had never occurred to me.”
“You are duchess now,” the dowager duchess pointed out.
“It is your responsibility to host balls, afternoon teas, and other gatherings. You should also take the time to sponsor charitable organizations, as well as perhaps a favorite artist or two. At the very least, you should start accepting invitations. You and Dominic should start being seen in public as a newly married couple.”