Chapter 24
Twenty-Four
Dominic felt exposed and vulnerable, as if he had just bared his soul to Selina. She was still lying against his chest, her body completely relaxed against him. She had wanted him. She told him he made her feel safe. She could not have given him a better gift if she had tried.
It was so much different with Selina. She welcomed his touch, had gotten pleasure from it, and even confessed that she felt safe in his arms. It was more than he could have ever hoped for.
Maybe that was why he let himself open up to her a little more, even though he rarely let himself be so vulnerable with anyone.
But now he felt a little agitated as if he had said something that would hurt him later. He knew that was not the case, but it was difficult to shake that feeling.
He did not know when he drifted off to sleep. But when he woke up, he found Selina sitting up, wearing his dressing robe and sitting in an armchair next to the fireplace. A breakfast cart was already in the room, laden with food and tea for both of them.
He felt a wave of possessiveness at seeing her wear his clothing. “Good morning,” he said, pulling the blankets away from him. “I believe you are wearing my robe.”
She giggled. “Well, I did not want to leave the room to go grab my own robe, and I could hardly put on the ball gown from the night before. I am sure you can manage.” However, as he stood up, wearing only a pair of slightly wrinkled trousers, she blushed and looked away from him.
“Um, would you like breakfast? A servant was kind enough to bring it up for us when I said we were too indisposed to go to the breakfast table.”
Dominic grimaced at that. No doubt his grandmother would notice their absence and come to a conclusion that would be almost correct.
He had been intimate with his wife the night before, but if his grandmother was hoping for more great-grandchildren, then she would be disappointed because they had done nothing that could have caused it.
He was also reluctant to have any more children, especially when Percy was only just starting to show progress. There was no need to risk messing up that progress.
But he did not want to worry about that at the moment. “Breakfast sounds excellent.” He went to the tea cart and poured himself a cup of tea, and fixed himself a plate of toast with jam before settling into an armchair next to Selina’s.
She smiled at him as she sipped her tea. “Last night was a lot of fun. Thank you for taking me to the opera. And for the activities afterwards.” She blushed a little when she said that.
He smiled, remembering the sweet little sounds she had made the night before as he took her apart with his hand. He would be thinking about those sounds for months to come. “I certainly enjoyed myself as well.”
“I appreciate you telling me about your first wife. I know that was difficult for you.”
He inclined his head in response, not willing to voice an answer. He did not like thinking about Eugenia because of the onslaught of horrible memories that rose to the surface every time he thought about her. But at the same time, he was glad he told her. Selina deserved to know.
Selina propped her chin up with her hand as she looked at him. “This morning, I have been thinking of a great many things. One of which is that I think you should show your vulnerable side to Percy more. He looks up to you as an example, after all.”
“I do not see what good that will do,” Dominic said, frowning. He did not like where this conversation was going. He had hoped for a peaceful morning with his wife, but now it was becoming clear that she had something else on her mind.
Why can’t you be satisfied with our roles? I am more involved in Percy’s life than my father ever was in mine.
“You need to be an example to him on how to navigate the world,” she said. “It would do him good to see more about how you feel your emotions, so he will know how to emotionally handle issues in the future.”
Dominic put down his breakfast, feeling agitated at the thought of his son looking at him for something like that. He was hardly someone to look up to in that regard. He had not been a good father in the past year. How could he suddenly become a role model for his son?
He would just fail him, even more than he already had.
He only started speaking because of you. He fell silent for an entire year because of me, and yet you think I can help him?
Selina must have mistaken his silence for acceptance instead of doubt because she smiled, looking encouraged. “Perhaps you can look at the stars with Percy to help bond with him. He loves them, after all.”
“No,” Dominic snapped. He got to his feet. “Why do you insist on involving me in these matters?”
She looked at him, shocked. “You are his father,” she said. “I thought—”
“Have you forgotten why you are here?” He opened his closet and snatched the first items of clothing he found. “It is your job to take care of Percy.” He dressed as quickly as he could.
She stood up, glaring at him. “You are his father! He thinks the world of you, and it is clear that you think the world of him! I do not understand—”
“It is clear that there is a lot that you do not understand.” Now fully dressed, he turned to glare at her. “I am his father, you are right about that. I will parent him as I see fit. You have not been here long, only a few weeks. You still have much to learn.”
“You might have known Percy for all of his life, but it is clear to me that you still have much to learn as well.” Her voice was quiet.
No amount of learning in the world would make me adequately qualified for the role you wish me to fill.
“I must leave,” he said. “I have a lot of work to do.”
Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean you are leaving? We are having a discussion.”
“The discussion is over,” he said as he strode to the door.
“Absolutely not!” She hurried to block his path as she glared at him. Her chin tilted up in defiance. “There is something that you are not telling me, and I think I know what it is.”
“Why? Because you know everything?”
“Perhaps I do!” she shouted. “Or at least more than you.” She crossed her arms in front of herself and glared at him. “You might not have loved Eugenia, but her ghost still haunts you, tainting every possible chance you have at happiness.”
Dominic grimaced at the sound of her name. “Do not mention her name.”
“I will do as I please, especially when you are being impossible! Are you going to deny it?”
“You…” He took a deep breath and turned away from his wife.
“You have no idea what it is like to live with someone who hates you so deeply, and then throws herself off a balcony.” His voice was quiet.
“It was unbearable, but I tried. I tried to care for her, even though that was the last thing she wanted. On that dreadful morning, I spoke to her and tried to convince her to…”
He stopped suddenly as pain lanced through him.
The vivid memory of her standing on the balcony with a crazed smile was burned into his mind.
“I do not know what exactly I said that drove her to do the unthinkable, but I know I said something that caused it. The more time I spend with you… and Percy…” he shook his head.
“I will simply hurt both of you the way I hurt her.”
Selina looked at him, her eyes full of compassion that felt worse. He did not want to see her eyes go cold and angry, like Eugenia’s. “Neither of us would do something like that,” she said softly.
“You say that now, but you have been married to me for less than a month. She was married to me for five years before I drove her to that point.” He shook his head and moved past her. He felt like he was suffocating, and his only hope of breathing again was leaving this room.
He put his hand on the doorknob before facing her again. “Enjoy breakfast. I will not disturb you.”
“No,” she said, sadness flickering over her face. “Please do not leave.”
He hated the sight of her sadness, but that alone was enough to tell him that he was destined to fail her and Percy. “I apologize,” he said. “Last night, I broke our original agreement by taking you to bed. That was my mistake.”
“A mistake?” Her voice broke slightly, and his chest tightened at the sound of it, but he strengthened his resolve.
“Yes, it was a mistake. I should not have gotten involved with you intimately. I should have known better. Percy is our priority,” he said.
“If we complicate our relationship, then we risk him getting caught in the middle. From now on, we must adhere to the original agreement. I can satisfy my basic needs at my own pace, and I suggest you do the same. It will be best if we forget what happened last night.”
She simply stared at him, looking like she was at a loss for words. Tears gathered in her eyes. “Do not give up on us,” she said, her voice cracking. “Please. You have made me feel cared for and protected. Do not take that away from me.”
“Can you not understand? I am trying to protect you and Percy. Do not pretend you would be happier with me than living an independent life. You did not even want to marry me!”
How could she not see the truth of the matter?
He would never be the man she wanted him to be.
The sooner she accepted it, the better off they would all be.
“We do not need to be lovers. We have duties to fulfill. You, as a duchess, and I, as a duke. It will be best for both of us to not lose sight of the original arrangement.”
A tear slipped down her face. “What if I want more? What if I want you as my husband? Properly.”
His chest clenched at the thought. His longing for her was overwhelming, but he suppressed it because he knew it was impossible. “I have already ruined my family once,” he said softly. “I will not make that mistake again. It will be best for both of us to live separate lives.”
He could not stand looking at her stricken expression anymore, so he left the room and slammed the door behind him. Her sobs echoed through the hall as he walked quickly away.
This is for the best. He did not completely believe himself. Why did this decision hurt so much if it was the right thing to do?
He took a deep breath as he entered his study, even though he knew he was in no state to work at the moment. He was too cross with himself to be able to do that.
He knew he could not fulfill the role she wished for him. If he tried to insert himself further into Percy’s life, then he would just damage his relationship with Percy further, and that was the last thing he wanted. He was better off taking direction from Selina. Not him.
I will not fail my son. Not again.