Chapter 21
CAM
D erek cradled me against his chest, his frame so large I felt like a child in his arms.
He’d changed. Again. His mournful eyes were now diamond-bright and slanted, set in a slender face with high cheek bones and a pointed chin. His ears were pointed too, and the razor teeth were gone, replaced by even white teeth and elongated canines.
“You safe now,” he said again.
He was speaking real words. “How?”
“Cameron?”
Derek’s head whipped up, diamond eyes narrowing on Levi. He relaxed a moment later. “Not hurt you. Safe now.” He stroked my cheek. “You be safe now, my Cameron. I sleep.”
He misted into nothing, and Levi rushed forward to help me up. “That was Derek?”
I stood, legs like jelly. “He’s gone through some changes.”
“Derek?” Yarrow said. “You named it?”
“Him. I named him . He’s my tulpa. A boogeyman I created as a child.”
“He protected you in some way back then?” Yarrow asked.
I nodded. “Nightmares. Bad ones.”
“And since?”
“Not till recently. I mean, I hunted, but he never showed up. Something has changed.”
Everyone gathered ’round.
“You expected something to happen, didn’t you?” Levi asked Yarrow. “It’s why you kept pushing.”
Yarrow shrugged a shoulder. “I had a strong suspicion.”
Around us, the other cadets were murmuring among themselves and looking over at me like I was a freak. It hit too close to home. Felt too much like the strange dreamlike state the negative energy had thrown me into, and anger flickered to life in my chest.
I fixed a glare on my face. “What? You have something to say, then say it to my face.” Curi put his hand on my shoulder, and it took everything I had not to shrug him off. “Go on. Just say it. You think I’m a freak, right? I don’t give a shit.”
“No, that’s not it at all,” a cadet who I’d never spoken to said. “I think that was fucking awesome.” He looked over at Yarrow. “How do we get a Derek?”
“Yeah, I want one too,” Waxen said.
Everyone started talking at once.
“Silence!” Yarrow ordered. “As much as I’d like to take credit for Miss Basque’s humanoid shield, unfortunately, I cannot.
I fear Derek is unique to Miss Basque. A fortunate anomaly.
However, there is nothing stopping you from creating shields just as powerful, even though they may not be sentient. ”
Wait—what… “Shield?”
“Yes, Miss Basque. Derek is your shield.”
* * *
Class dismissed, Yarrow invited me back to the Arcana classroom for a ‘chat.’ Naturally, our whole group went. We came as a package deal, after all. Levi didn’t leave my side, so I found myself flanked by him and Curi.
My blue-haired fake boyfriend made sure to hold my hand, staking his imaginary claim all the way to our destination, and the tic in Levi’s jaw told me it bothered the heck out of him.
Back in class, we all took seats while Yarrow paced, hands on hips. Flora watched him almost warily while Levi perched on the edge of a desk, arms crossed over his powerful chest.
“This is truly amazing,” Yarrow said finally.
“When I tested your shields the first time, I sensed their power, but they were dormant. My psychic attack didn’t rouse them.
I did some research and discovered that in some cases, shields can be activated by a gargoyle’s emotional state, appearing only when the goyle truly believes themselves to be in mortal danger.
You didn’t perceive me as a threat, and that’s why your shield…
why Derek didn’t appear to protect you.”
“And when hunting, we were in a team,” Levi said. “You had the security of backup.”
“But not when Ignus attacked,” Shar said. “That time, you must have been terrified.”
“And just now,” Levi continued. “In the clearing, whatever memories or fears the negative energy dredged up were enough to make you feel threatened.”
It all fit. It all made sense. “You’re saying I somehow turned my shields into a tulpa?”
“Yes,” Yarrow said. “Tulpas are manifestations born of imagination and will. Most remain trapped in the creator’s mind, but some, like the ones the goyles fight, develop form and substance.
When you created Derek, you gave your protective shields a form.
As a child, it may have been the only way you could understand your own power and wield it.
You created a formidable being that serves to protect you.
But in doing so, you also separated your shields from yourself. ”
“He’s still a part of you,” Flora said quickly. “Born from your true nature.”
But he was also his own person, and he was changing. “He used to be smaller, unable to speak our language, but his whole form has changed, along with his speech.”
“Maybe being here is changing him?” Flora looked to Blake for confirmation.
Blake shook his head. “No. He’s part of you, Cameron. If he’s changing, it’s because something inside of you is changing.”
“What could that be?” Levi asked Yarrow.
Yarrow shrugged. “I don’t know. Halfbloods vary in their abilities. It could be that Cameron is reaching goyle maturity…” He sighed, exasperated. “I can’t say.”
“How old are you?” Flora asked.
“Twenty…twenty-one in…well, a few weeks.”
“It could be the age thing,” Yarrow agreed.
Was that the reason for the granite talons and the weird flushes? I needed to let Willowman know about this.
“I can, however, work directly with Derek to help him master your power…his power,” Yarrow said. “Your connection, however, doesn’t need any work. As long as you truly feel you need him, he will find you.”
He was a shield, but he was a being in his own right. “He shouldn’t be living in a closet. Is he doing that because of me? Because I made him think that’s what he needed to do?”
“He’s living off a blueprint a child created,” Yarrow said. “So yes.”
“He has his own feelings and wants. He never conformed to frightening people even though he believed he was a boogeyman. Because I made him think that…” His whole identity was messed up because of me.
“May I?” Flora asked tentatively.
Blake gave her an encouraging smile. “Go on…”
“The tulpas that goyles extinguish are created out of fear. They are monsters. But there are some tulpas who are created from love. We don’t usually come across them because they don’t make themselves known, but I believe Derek is such a tulpa.
I believe that he’s sentient, and whatever growth Cameron is experiencing is allowing him to become his own person. ”
Derek was a person. My person. “I’ll speak to him. Explain it all.”
Yarrow chewed on his cheeks. “I’ve never had a sentient shield as a pupil before. This will be…interesting.”
His golden eyes flashed, and for a moment, it felt as if an age of wisdom was looking out at me, but then he blinked, and the impression was gone.
“I’ll speak to Carter,” Flora said.
“It’s settled then,” Yarrow said. “Derek’s training can start next week. It’s important he not only understand his connection to you but also grow as an independent entity if he is to maintain control of his abilities.”
My tulpa was my shield. He was a part of me. And now I needed to explain that to him.