Chapter 16
“This is so fucking dumb.”
Nate closed his eyes and pretended he couldn’t hear Ryan. Beside him, Charlie tensed.
“Seriously? No strippers?” Embarrassed smiles spread around the members’ area of the Wattle Junction Football Club. Thirty of Charlie’s mates were clustered around the pool tables and dart boards, drinks in their hands, but only one person was causing a ruckus. Nate made a mental note to tip the servers more than he’d planned. They were in for a long night. Everyone was.
“Like I was saying,” Nate began again, talking right over Ryan. He noticed Owen and Teddy weaving through the crowd, heading towards where Ryan was slouched over a pool cue, dots of blue chalk on his chin.
“Thanks for coming to Charlie’s buck’s night. We’ve got a bunch of blackjack tables set up over there, poker’s on the right. Each table has a croupier and special Charlie cash so no one leaves with any damage to their wallet. It’s an open bar, and the food trucks outside are serving tacos and burgers.”
“Wait a minute,” Ryan bellowed, lurching forward unsteadily. “We’re not even betting real money? What are you guys? A bunch of pussies?”
Nate cleared his throat, pushing aside the annoyance simmering inside his body. Owen and Teddy were almost next to Ryan, and he knew they’d take care of him.
“Charlie’s father-in-law-to-be, Dalton Fletcher, has also generously brought along a few cases of cigars. They’re out on the main deck facing the oval and must not come inside or we’ll be kicked out.”
Several guys edged towards the big double doors that spanned the oval side of the building.
“Everyone grab a drink and enjoy the night.”
Conversation resumed and chairs creaked as people got settled at the card tables.
“Ready to get your ass kicked?” Nate clapped Charlie on the shoulders.
“Please,” Charlie scoffed. “You’ve got the worst poker face of anyone I’ve ever met. I don’t know why you even bother to try and keep secrets when they’re always written all over your face.”
Nate held up two fingers when the bartender stopped in front of them. Turning to his best friend, he smiled. “The trash talk is beneath you, Charles.”
“You think so, huh?” They picked up their drinks and spun around, surveying the party in front of them. “Want to explain why my mother told me you’re now living with my sister?” Charlie was watching him from the corner of his eye.
Nate coughed, the usually smooth whisky burning down his throat. “Eloise needed a place to stay. And I know you’ve got a full house with Sera’s family.”
“Would you like to hear how Joanie described it?”
“You’re going to tell me anyway, aren’t you?”
Charlie put his glass back on the bar. “Fuck yes, because if I had to hear it, so do you. She predicts you’ll be playing ‘hide the sausage’ before the end of the week.”
Nate coughed. “We’re just friends.” The lie-not-a-lie sent a tingle sailing over his skin, setting his nerve endings alight.
“So, first you kiss her, and now she’s staying with you but you’re ‘just friends’?” Charlie sure was looking at his glass very intently.
“Uhhh …” Nate stumbled over the word, his brain trying desperately and failing to come up with more of an explanation.
“I mean, I know things are different now. You and I are different. And I get that I’m partly responsible for that because I’m with Sera and our lives are changing … but I just don’t want either you or Eloise to get hurt.”
“I’d never do that. Not on purpose. And you are right. We are different. I’m not the guy you used to know. Nothing in my life looks the same as it used to,” Nate said, but there was something different in Charlie’s gaze now. It wasn’t the unspoken question that Nate always imagined would be there if Charlie knew about his real feelings for his sister. It was pitying, which was worse. “What’s going on?”
“You know Eloise is probably leaving soon. Don’t you?”
Time slowed down, and the noise of the party faded away. Nate paused. Lifted his drink to his lips, but all he could taste was dust. Surely, he’d heard wrong.
“Shit.” Charlie took the glass out of Nate’s hand and set it on the bar. “You didn’t know.”
“What do you mean ‘she’s leaving’?” Nate wasn’t even embarrassed when his elbow hit the bar as his fingers curled into air quotes.
“Remember that exchange for her master’s? The one in Arizona. She was asked to reapply, and according to Joanie, it’s basically a done deal,” Charlie said.
Nate’s chest tightened, and he did his best to keep his tone neutral. Hard to do when he was having trouble swallowing and his mouth was full of ash. “When?”
“End of August or something.”
If there was a mirror in front of him, Nate knew he’d look like a ghost. Eloise is leaving. A good friend would be happy for her right now because this was what she’d wanted for so long. And there was his long-time companion: shame. Right on time.
“How long for?”
“A year.”
Nate picked up his glass and stared at the liquid inside it. This was a good thing.
“It’s a great opportunity for her,” Charlie said.
“Sure is.” Nate was going to have to do better than these paltry answers, but he was too deep in a self-loathing spiral to focus on performing. Because that’s what any answer other than ‘I don’t want her to go’ would be. God, he hated himself for being so selfish. And he hated Cobie for stealing his confidence and taking a blowtorch to all the dreams he’d had for his future.
At some point, he’d have to stop blaming her, but it wasn’t going to be tonight. Not when his world had been tipped on its axis. Because that’s what Eloise was for him. She was the centre of everything. From the moment he woke until he closed his eyes. It was her, and she was leaving. Spreading her wings and going on the adventure she’d been talking about for years.
Damned if he was going to get in her way.
* * *
Many gamesof poker and pool later, Teddy had convinced everyone to crash Sera’s hen’s night. A long line of dudes snaked their way down the driveway of the cricket club, bottles of beer clasped in their hands and raucous laughter filling the quiet night.
“Have fun?” Owen asked Nate, his breath puffing out in front of him in white clouds.
“Yeah, it was good. You?” The streetlights cast an eerie glow amongst the shadows.
“Aside from Ryan being a jackass, it was a good night.”
“Someone pre-gamed way too hard. Shame Raff couldn’t make it,” Teddy said, falling into step next to Nate.
“How hammered do you think the girls will be? Alice was a mess after that night in the city,” Owen said.
A vision of Eloise in his bed, make-up smeared, hair a mess, filled Nate’s mind, disarming his common sense. She’d looked so fucking sexy in his shirt. There was no other explanation for the words that tumbled out of his mouth. “Eloise was rough the next morning too.”
“That’s right.” Teddy’s voice was full of mischief. “Because she stayed at your place afterwards.”
Owen took the bait immediately, and Nate groaned, knowing what was coming next. “And now you’re roommates. I don’t remember seeing a message from our brother about this in the group chat. Do you, Little Ted?”
“Hmmmm, no, but Mum did have a lot of opinions.” Teddy tapped his chin, and Nate just shook his head, avoiding their eyes like he’d avoided the group chat.
“A tree fell on her house.”
“Yes. Alice thinks the universe has moved on from subtle signs that you two should get together to using acts of God to really ram the message home,” Owen said smoothly.
He could tell them that she might be leaving and trust they’d keep it to themselves, but Nate wasn’t ready to share the news just yet.
“Alice said she’s dating Ryan,” Owen added.
“They’re not dating,” Nate was quick to reply.
Too quick. Even in the dark, Nate saw the smirk his brothers exchanged. “They were just hanging out.”
“Oh, my sweet summer child.” Teddy wrapped his arm around Nate. “Do you need me to explain what ‘hanging out’ means?”
Nate shook him off. “It’s not like that.”
“Uh-huh. So, what are you going to do about it?” Teddy asked.
“Nothing. She told me I wasn’t allowed to kiss her.”
“Then don’t kiss her. Consent is king, brother,” Teddy said.
“Back it up. Why did she say that? Did you try to kiss her?” Owen asked.
“Again,” Teddy interjected. “Remember, he’s already kissed her a bunch of times.”
Nate sighed. These two assholes, honestly. “You guys know Raff’s my favourite brother, right?”
“Sure he is. Why did Eloise say you couldn’t kiss her?” Owen repeated his question.
“We had a … moment last night. At my place.”
Nate shoved Teddy when he raised his hand for a high five.
“What kind of moment?” Owen asked.
“We were making bread?—”
“Hot,” Teddy interjected.
“Anyway, I was going to kiss her, and she asked me not to.”
“Because …” Owen raised his eyebrows at Nate.
“The last time I kissed her, I told her it couldn’t happen again, and she said my mixed messages were giving her whiplash. That I had to figure out what I wanted.”
“Damn, she’s a badass. Maybe I should kiss her?” Teddy joked, his face sobering when Nate shot him a glare.
“Don’t even think about it.”
“Is there something else you’re not telling us? It’s been years since all that shit went down when you were in the US, but I’ve always wondered why you’ve never made a move.” Raff and Wilbur might be the detectives in the family, but Owen was far too shrewd. His brothers had never understood how Nate had gone from being in a very committed relationship to banging every woman who’d so much as raised their eyebrow at him to nothing.
Nate was saved from answering when they turned into High Street. The Wattle Junction Hotel was lit up like a Christmas tree. Cars lined the street, and the air crackled with excitement.
“What’s that say?” Teddy pointed at the bus parked opposite the hotel. Pictures of half-naked men wearing Akubras and not much else decorated the sides.
“Down Under Dudes,” Owen replied. “Believe me. I heard all about them this afternoon from Alice. Some strip group from Sydney the maid of honour organised. Did you hear about the party favours from the bridal dinner?”
“No.” Teddy’s head whipped between his brothers. “What am I missing here? I can tell it was amazing based on your smiles. C’mon tell Uncle Teddy.”
“Bianca gave everyone rabbit vibrators.” Owen chuckled.
“I think I love her,” Teddy sighed, earning himself a laugh from Owen and a rueful head shake from Nate.
“Shall we go and see what the fuss is about?” Owen said.
“Need some new moves to keep your lady happy?” Teddy joked.
“Alice is very happy, mate. Watch your mouth.”
Nate groaned, remembering something else from that night in the city. “Believe me, I heard all about how happy Alice is on the drive home from the bridal shower.” Nate turned to Teddy. “Don’t sit on anything at their house ever.”
“Niiiiiiiiice.” Owen returned Teddy’s high-five begrudgingly.
* * *
Strobe lights flashed,and pop music pounded as the ‘Down Under Dudes’ shook their asses as if their lives depended on it. You know, just a typical Friday night for Eloise. Not.
Half-drunk cocktails decorated the high-top tables Eloise and Sera were clustered around with the other bridesmaids, all wearing sashes and tiaras. The rest of the room was filled with everyone in town who possessed two X chromosomes and was over eighteen. Joanie was boogieing in the corner, her arms raised in a dance move that was more reminiscent of the chicken dance than anything else.
“Your money sucks,” Sera shouted in Eloise’s ear, her diamante tiara tipped to the side, the bright pink sash designating her as the ‘bride-to-be’ popping against her white lace halter dress. “You guys need dollar bills. Coins just aren’t the same.”
Eloise didn’t even want to think about how much it had cost to get these guys to put on a private show.
“And you need a shot!” Bianca pushed between them, offering Eloise a small smile. They’d even managed to have an almost nice conversation about the feedback Bianca’s editor had offered after reviewing her pitch for the profile on Nate and Kathleen’s Place.
The lighting changed, plunging the room into a hazy, smoky darkness.
“I do like a shot or two.” Sera giggled as a spotlight appeared over her. The bright beam hurt Eloise’s eyes, and she blinked, scooting to the far side of her bar stool.
“And someone special wants to give it to you.” Bianca pointed at the large shadow moving through the crowd.
A mountain of a man with legs like tree trunks and arms that could double as tugboats stopped in front of them. His long body moved sinuously to the beat.
“Who, me?” Sera purred as he helped her off her stool and escorted her to the stage, guiding her into the single chair in the middle of the spotlight.
The ass shaking resumed and frenzied excitement zipped around the room as the rest of the—revue? Troupe? What is a collection of strippers called? Probably not a fluffle—wound their way through the tables, dancing and grinding against women she’d known most of her life. People would be talking about this for years.
Alice squeezed into the empty space Sera had vacated. Her sequined dress sparkled under the flashing lights. “You look like you’re waiting to see the dentist,” Alice said.
The crowd roared as Sera licked a shot off Mr Mountain’s abs before he stood up and started thrusting his hips so aggressively Eloise was genuinely concerned Sera might end up with a black eye.
“This isn’t my idea of fun.”
“Rather be with someone else?” Alice asked over the rim of her wineglass.
“I’d rather be anywhere else.”
“I don’t think that’s true at all. Not when you see who’s just walked in.”
Eloise twisted in her seat, brightness spilling through the big double doors to the dining area. Charlie, Nate, Teddy and Owen were watching the room, bemused expressions on their faces.
“Oh no,” Eloise groaned.
“No? What’s with the face?”
Leaning closer, she raised her voice so Alice could hear her over the music. “I might’ve told Nate he wasn’t allowed to”—the speakers cut out, but Eloise wasn’t quick enough to adjust her volume to match the newly quiet room, so she yelled—“kiss me.”
“Yessssssssss,” slurred a loud voice. “Finally. Some girl-on-girl action! That’s what I’m talking about.”
Ryan pushed through the group of men who’d just arrived and attempted a weird body roll dance move before throwing up all over the polished wooden floors.
* * *
This was nothow Eloise thought her night was going to end.
Sitting outside in the cold evening air a few seats away from where Ryan was slumped over. Alice had volunteered to wait with her, but Eloise had needed space from all the enquiring eyes and she didn’t feel like answering questions—no matter how well intentioned they were—right now.
She buried her hands in her jacket pockets and wished she’d thought to bring a beanie with her. As soon as Ryan’s ride arrived, she was out of here. With any luck, she’d beat Nate home and be able to pretend to be asleep before he got back.
Her groan broke the stillness of the night.
“You okay?” Nate stepped out of the shadows. Had he been watching her the whole time?
“How long have you been there?”
“A few minutes. It looked like you were enjoying the quiet. I didn’t want to interrupt.”
She cast her gaze back towards the deserted street and burrowed her hands in her pockets as the chill of winter danced down High Street.
“But I didn’t want you out here with him on your own.”
Eloise shifted her gaze sideways to where Ryan was snoring. “Please. It’s Wattle Junction. And he’s out cold.”
“Bad stuff still happens here. Raff’s told me enough stories to know that nowhere’s truly safe anymore.”
Eloise shivered. She supposed he was talking about the Arturos. The local family had a reputation as drug dealers and all sorts of other bad things.
“And anyway, honestly, I needed a break too. It’s been a long night of peopling,” Nate said. “Are you cold?”
“I’m okay.”
He pulled his grey beanie off his head and passed it to her before retreating to the overhead heater near the front door.
Eloise fingered the soft wool, lifted it to her head and slipped it on. “Thanks.”
Say something else.
“Big night at the bachelor party?” She nodded towards Ryan.
“Not really. He turned up tanked. Mouthing off and being a dick. Typical Ryan behaviour.” It was impossible to ignore the edge in Nate’s tone.
She repeated the line Charlie had told her many times. “His divorce hit him hard. He’s still putting his life back together.”
“Doesn’t excuse the way he behaves sometimes, though. Ultimately, everyone is responsible for their own actions.”
She raised her eyebrows because hello, pot? The kettle’s on the phone.
Nate bit his lip and ducked his head. “I walked right into that one, didn’t I? I’m sorry about last night. I don’t ever want you to ever think I don’t respect you and our friendship.”
No one could ever accuse Nate of being afraid to apologise. It just reinforced what she already knew—and what everyone else who met Nate discerned within a few minutes in his presence—he was a good guy. Eloise had just never realised how much he kept to himself or how big the walls around his real life were. The disaster in his kitchen last night only reinforced that fact. She couldn’t be mad when there had been no denying the torment in his eyes was directed at himself, not her.
Eloise sighed. This was clearly another thing they had in common. Nothing ever happened at the right time, did it? “It’s okay, Nate.”
“No, it’s not.”
“What would you have done differently? Not tried to kiss me?”
There was a long pause filled only with the puffs of warm breath meeting cool air. Headlights appeared at the far end of the road, sweeping across the trunk of the wattle tree in the middle of the roundabout.
“I’ve got him,” Nate said when a taxi stopped in front of the pub, an older man getting out and hurrying towards them.
Once Ryan had been bundled into the backseat and the car’s brake lights were just two dots in the distance, Nate spoke again. His tone was sad like the weight of his words made them hard to say. “I would’ve remembered that I have to figure my shit out first before I try to drag someone else into it.”
Eloise shifted so she could see him properly.
“I don’t want to be this way,” Nate said, and her gut told her there were more layers to the simple statement than she could possibly understand right now.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I want to let people in. To share more of my life. But it’s hard.”
There was that defeated tone again. It broke her heart. “You don’t have to do it all at once, you know. Have you ever heard that old saying about the best way to eat an elephant?”
Nate shook his head and Eloise continued. “All you can do is one bite at a time.”
The faintest whisper of a smile flickered across his face, and Eloise watched as Nate took a deep breath, casting a long gaze out across the empty street.
She could be patient.
Without looking at her, Nate started to speak. “You asked me if I have regrets about my time overseas, and I don’t. There’s no point wishing away things you can’t change. But I wanted to explain it better. Every facet of your life becomes a commodity. You’re a brand and a product before a human. All the armchair experts can do your job better than you can, and they’re very happy to tell you about it. To your face, through social media, screaming at you on the field. And when you’re not even from there, all you have is a patched-together support network. You don’t have childhood friends or family you can trust because they’re on the other side of the world. People treat you differently. Thousands and thousands of people turn up to college games. I’m not saying there aren’t good people, great people even, amongst all that, but it’s a lot. They have different expectations for you. Add in the fact you’re barely an adult and you have more money than you know what to do with. And some”—his voice dropped, and Eloise’s heart followed it—“use you. Because to them, you’re nothing more than an opportunity. It makes it hard to trust people. To trust yourself, even.”
Oh, no. She didn’t need to ask if that had happened to him. It was written all over Nate’s face. His chest rose, and he shook his head, his gaze glued to the streetlights.
There was more to this story—Eloise was sure of it—but she didn’t want to hear it right now. Not because she didn’t care about Nate. Clearly, she cared too much, but because it was obvious he wasn’t ready to share it with her.
The front door of the pub opened, and a couple of people stumbled out, lifting cigarettes to their mouths.
“Do you want to get out of here?” Eloise asked. “I think I’m partied out.”
“Sure.”
“I was thinking of doing some painting or sketching. Something that doesn’t require thinking. Do you want to join me?”
“Are you trying to art therapy me?” Nate asked, a whisper of the smile that always destroyed her back on his face.
“Kind of? Is that weird?” Eloise wrung her hands together. “I thought losing yourself in something creative might help. Whenever I get stressed, I like to do something that doesn’t require thought. I wasn’t going to try and get you to talk about your feelings, though, I swear. Nor am I suggesting you need therapy. Shit. I saw this going differently in my mind. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s great. I know the perfect place,” Nate said. “I’ll show you my secret spot.”