11. Aspen
Eleven
Aspen
I woke up with a pounding headache. I’d been hungover more times in the last week than probably in my entire life. When I said drinking was not my thing, I meant it.
Getting out of bed, I put my cow slippers on and shuffled to the bathroom. The room was spinning and my brain knocked against my forehead. Splashing my face with cold water, I hoped it would make me feel alive. Right now, I felt like a walking corpse. Looking at myself in the mirror was an awful idea because I was appalled at the red eyes and puffy bags looking back at me. I was lucky I had enough sense to at least attempt my skincare before going to bed.
I wanted to avoid thinking about last night because it made me literally sick, or maybe it’s the hangover. I was ashamed and mad at myself for the way I acted. I didn’t know what I was thinking, placing my claim on him like I did. Taking his hat and putting it on my head was stupid., I honestly didn’t know how that would play out. A part of me hoped it would have gone much better. Unrealistically, I expected him to carry me out of the bar and throw me in the back of his truck. When I saw him come into the bar, my sex drive took over. He showed up when I called, way too drunk to drive home, which added another layer of sex appeal. We love a man who does acts of service.
With regret on the brain, I called the one person I knew would talk some sense into me. On the second ring, Penny’s face crowded the screen. “My brain is a raisin!” She yelled into the phone. I could see she was still in bed with the covers pulled up around her head.
“Shhh…” I hushed, putting my fingers on my temples. “Penny… I fucked up last night.
“I’m glad you brought it up first. What the fuck was that?” She asked, sitting up in her bed. She laid the phone down to prop it up against something.
“I don’t know!” I squealed, rubbing my face with both my hands. “I didn’t have control over my thoughts. I saw him dressed like that and coming to my rescue, so I guess my libido just took charge.”
“You know that’s going to be the talk of the town this morning. ‘Good girl’ Aspen Westgrove throws herself all over town ‘bad boy’ Boone Cassidy. They totally fucked in the bar!”
“That is not true!” I exclaimed, she was making things worse.
“Yes, we know that, but this town takes rumors and spreads them like wildfire,” Penny pointed out.
I groaned, tossing my head backwards.
“What happened when you got home? Did he throw you around like a rag doll?” Penny raised her eyebrows up and down, pretty much panting like a dog for the details.
“The opposite,” I mumbled.
“So he made sweet, sweet love to you? That’s not what I expected from Boone,” Penny replied.
“We fought. Well, I saw it as a fight at least. When we were in the bar, he took the hat back and said something like ‘don’t do that again unless you mean it’ because he won’t hold back ‘ next time .’” I used air quotes on the last part.
“Oh fuck…” Penny replied. “He wants to fuck you so bad, Aspen.”
“If that were true, he would’ve taken me up on the offer last night. I pretty much told the whole bar I wanted to ride the cowboy, and he rejected me.”
“Come on!” She screamed, flinching when the volume of her voice was too loud. “You cannot be serious. He didn’t fuck you because you were clearly drunk and he was sober.”
I didn’t believe that. Boone had a standard and a reputation to uphold. He was the town bachelor.
“No way,” I replied, wetting my toothbrush under the sink and adding toothpaste. I went to say more, but there was a knock on my front door. My eyes darted to Penny who mouthed who is that? I mouthed back, I don’t know .”’\
“Let me call you back,” I whispered, putting my toothbrush down on the ledge of the sink.
“If you need help, send an SOS text. I’ll be there as soon as I can in this condition. Love you!” Penny whispered back.
“Love you too.” I ended the FaceTime and put my phone on the counter. I walked to the front door and I couldn’t see who’s out there without opening it. I slowly turn the door knob, cracking it a bit just to be able to see.
With two cups of hot coffee, Boone stood on my front porch in his pajamas bottoms and a black v neck t-shirt. His hair was disheveled like he just woke up. My mouth watered, and not at the coffee.
“Are you going to let me in or make me stand here while you stare?” Boone asked.
Clearing my throat, I opened the door all the way standing face to face with him. Boone’s eyes tracked down my body. When I followed his gaze, I noticed I was still in my skimpy tank top and shorts that barely qualified as clothing. Now, my nipples were slightly hard from the morning air. “Um, yeah come in. Let me just go grab a sweatshirt.” I crossed my one arm over my chest and let Boone come inside. After I shut the door behind him, I ran down to the bedroom throwing on an oversized sweatshirt that would cover everything. When I returned to the living room, Boone was leaning against my kitchen counter. He held one cup of coffee in his hand, the other rested beside him.
“I brought you coffee.” He nudged his head towards the plain white mug. Coffee sounded amazing. Maybe caffeine was what I needed? Hopefully, it would make this hangover more tolerable.
“Thanks,” I muttered, walking over and grabbing the cup between both of my hands. I took an inhale, smelling fresh ground beans and something else. Cinnamon, possibly? When I took a small sip, I knew I was right. I loved cinnamon in my coffee. I always added a little to the grinds. Swallowing, I closed my eyes as the warmth rushed down my throat. He added cream, no sugar. It was made just how I liked it.
“I’m going to break the ice,” Boone said, which snapped me back to reality. “About last night…”
“Nope. Absolutely not,” I said, walking away from him and towards the living room. I plopped down on the couch. This conversation wasn’t happening already. It was way too early, and the coffee didn’t even kick in yet. I needed time to think about what I was going to say.
“We gotta talk about it. Just hear me out,” He pleaded, coming to sit across from me on the coffee table. He took up most of the space. His knees sat on either side of mine. “Please don’t take me doing what I did as not wanting to hook up with you,” He paused. “Again.”
The asshole added a smirk, but I didn’t return the sentiment. “I would’ve loved to take you to the bed of my truck and have my way with you, just not now. Not last night, when you had enough alcohol in your system to inebriate an elephant.”
He could tell by the look on my face I was confused, again I wasn’t very good at poker.
“What I’m trying to say is, I like having you around. I like spending time with you, and if we go farther than we did last weekend, I’m afraid I will fuck it up. I don’t want you to think all I want is sex. I like our friendship. I like your muffins. If we go past the touching or the kissing, I don’t want you to be like the others,” Boone sighed.
His honesty took me by surprise. Whatever friendship that was forming was worth more than one steamy night.
“I feel the same way,” I whispered, now looking down into my cup. “I’m insanely attracted to you. I think that’s obvious. Last night, I don’t know what came over me to act like that,” I said, refusing to make eye contact.
“I meant what I said,” Boone said. “I want to get to know you.”
I wanted that too. If it meant keeping my libido in check, I would find other ways to satisfy her. I’d never felt this attracted to someone, and it would take some getting used to. My next-door neighbor, the town’s “bad boy.” The rancher and my now friend.
“Me too,” I replied, finally looking up at him. Our eyes locked, Boone and I grinned at each other.
“Why don’t we head up to the main house and get some breakfast? After your night, I think you need something greasy to help with that hangover.” When he stood up, he tapped my knee. The sparks between us flew, electricity shot through my body. A reminder that I was totally fucked. How was I supposed to be friends with Boone if I couldn’t keep my dirty thoughts under control?
“Oh, please,” I moaned, tipping my head back. “Bacon sounds so good right now.”
Boone chuckled and grabbed my half-full coffee cup from my hands. “Let me run next door and throw some clothes on. I’ll be over in 10 minutes. Is that enough time?”
“Plenty!” I shouted, jumping from the couch and running towards the bedroom.
* * *
“No, I can’t believe you just admitted that out loud!” I said to Boone as we walked up the gravel sidewalk to the main house.
“Root beer is, in fact, better than Dr. Pepper, and you can’t change my mind,” He says, shrugging his shoulders.
I decided to not wear a dress this morning. Instead, I opted for black biker shorts and an oversized t-shirt. My hair was thrown in a messy bun with little strands falling out around my face and down my neck. My face was bare. I had zero energy to add make up just to go get some greasy breakfast at Boone’s parent house. Before meeting back up, I had to give myself a pep talk and reevaluate our relationship. I let my guard slip a little bit over the last week. If I wanted to keep hanging out with Boone, I needed to get my shit together.
I would let that man fuck me senseless, but I needed to shove those thoughts and feelings into a jar, sealing the lid tight. If I kept pushing boundaries, I knew I wouldn’t be able to maintain my composure. The attention I got from Boone was misplaced in my mind. I made myself a promise, I would control my actions and manage a platonic relationship with Boone, Scout’s honor.
Boone and I walked into the kitchen where his mom was finishing up breakfast. I hadn’t been over since the initial dinner when they asked me to work at the farm stand. The house was just as cute as I remembered.
Boone approached Jill, giving her a kiss on the head. As an outsider, watching Jill and Boone interact warmed my heart. The love this family had for each other was clear through their actions and the millions of pictures on the walls. This house was a home.
“Hi, Mrs. Cassidy.” I waved, standing awkwardly at the edge of the island. I put both my hands on the cold marble, because what was I supposed to do with them? I knew I looked tense, I wasn’t not good in situations like this.
“Aspen, you can call me Jill,” She said with a sweet smile, walking towards the huge wooden block farm table in the dining room adjacent from the kitchen. Boone waved for me to follow him as he carried the plates behind his mom. “I made a breakfast casserole. All of the family favorites thrown together. Do you know how hard it is to make breakfast when everyone wants something different?”
No. I didn’t. My brother and I weren’t close, considering he was much older than me. When I was born, he was already going through teenage life and wanted nothing to do with family, which made life pretty lonely. I often felt I was an only child, navigating life by myself. I always knew my brother had my back; however, it didn’t feel like that until later in life.
“This looks delicious,” I said, smelling the bacon, eggs, and different spices. It looked like there was maybe sausage in there too? Jill took the plates and dished out four servings. That made me wonder if Boone’s dad would be joining us.
I grabbed my plate and placed it down in front of me. Jill sat across the table and the mysterious fourth plate sat next to her while Boone sat to my left. “The farm stand has been doing amazing,” Jill boasted in between bites of her casserole.
“Oh great!” I exclaimed, taking a fork full of food and putting it in my mouth. Jill was right. It tasted like every breakfast dish you could imagine. There was the saltiness from the meat and the sweetness from the fluffy layer of pancakes, or maybe french toast that sat on the bottom. I swallowed, basking in the deliciousness. “I love working there. I know it’s only been a short time, but it’s rewarding,” I said.
“I haven’t seen the stand busier,” Boone said, laying down his fork and cleaning his mouth with his napkin.
“I’m so happy to hear that!” Jill smiled. “How’s everything working out? The jars have been a hit! The teachers at school are talking about them nonstop.”
I felt myself smile from ear to ear. “It’s going well! I have a few things lined up this week. I’m trying to introduce jewelry made by locals, homemade candles, and other cute gift type things.”
“Sorry I’m late.” A male voice came from around the wall. By the time I twisted in my chair, Boone’s dad was coming around the corner. He sat down next to his wife, wasting no time indulging in his breakfast. “Nice to see you, son,” he said, looking at Boone then shifting his gaze to me. “And you Aspen, always a pleasure.”
The four of us chatted for a little while longer. Breakfast had finished and we found ourselves caught up in conversation. Boone’s parents asked me questions about myself. I asked them about the ranch. It was nice having a family that took my opinions and thoughts without some kind of push back. Boone’s family was welcoming and, from what I could tell, judgment free.
That feeling washed away when my phone buzzed under my thigh. I grabbed it, checking the notification under the table. A text from my mom. It’s like she could read my mind. I suddenly felt guilty.
Mom: Hi sweetie! Were you free today? Your dad and I miss you and would love to see you.
I missed them too. The relationship I had with my family was complicated. I could take their ridicule and concerns in small doses. They meant well, but where Boone’s family seemed judgment-free, my family did the opposite. If you didn’t do something exactly how they would, there was a talking to. The fact I wanted to be a romance author? Forget it. Try explaining that to them. I’d been avoiding them since I started at the farm stand. My dad saw The Coffee Cup closing as an opportunity to “get a real job.” Despite the fact I was content, all he saw was that I wasn’t making a solid living, I was just getting by. After working at the farm stand, I didn’t know what I wanted to do to support myself until I could get a book published. I wanted to finally start writing but didn’t know where to begin. I’d been putting it off out of fear that I wouldn’t know what I was doing or how to even tell a story of something I’d never experienced.
I quickly typed a reply to my mom, knowing if I didn’t answer, she would call.
Aspen: I have some free time today. I’ll come over this afternoon. Love you.
I tucked my phone back under my thigh and resumed the conversation with Boone and his family. When the talking subsided, I helped gather up the dishes and brought them into the kitchen. I turned on the water in the sink and squeezed soap over everything.
“Oh honey, don’t worry about that! Dan can just throw it all in the dishwasher!” Jill said from behind me.
“Are you sure?” I asked, leaving the water running to get warm.
Jill turned off the faucet, “Yes! Give that man a chore around the house.” Her soft voice carried in the kitchen. “I think Boone’s waiting for you in the foyer.” I followed the direction of her nod.
Boone looked so good. He was staring down at his phone, texting someone which gave me a few moments to soak in the man before me. The slope of his nose, the chiseled jaw and rounded biceps. To me, he was perfect.
Saying my goodbyes, I met Boone at the front door. When I came into view, he locked his phone and smiled at me. He opened the door, holding it so I could walk through. Boone and I made the walk back to the cabins in silence. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. It was nice to be able to exist and not feel the need or urge to fill every void. I spent this time reflecting, thinking about what I’d tell my parents when they’d inevitably ask what my next steps were or if I planned on staying at the stand forever. Would I finally stick up for myself and tell them I wanted to be an author? Or did I make up a bogus story about going to school? I knew the former wasn’t even an option. The anxiety I got when thinking about having this conversation turned my gut into knots.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Boone said, finally breaking the silence.
“Nothing!” I said, putting on a fake cheerful persona. “I’m just thinking about how good your mom’s casserole was. Where did she learn the recipe?”
That was a good enough answer for Boone, because he didn’t press for more information. “One morning she got sick and tired of everyone demanding something different and just threw all of it in a pan. It’s been a signature dish since I was a boy. She hasn’t shared the recipe with anyone. I think it’s her way of making sure we still come around as we get older.”
How fucking sweet was that? I didn’t even know what to say in response, because that’s the kind of thing you hear in the movies.
Before I went to my parents, I knew I needed a breather. It’s like preparing for a marathon or an important exam. I had to memorize my answers to questions I knew they would ask, so I could get through without causing a fight.
When we got to the cabins, I dragged myself inside to reluctantly get ready. For them, I’d get dressed and put some makeup on. I felt much better than I did this morning. The coffee and food cured my hangover enough for me to function like a normal human for the rest of the day. When I was ready, I gathered my purse and sulked to my car, preparing to give the best performance of my life.
* * *
My parents still lived locally in my childhood home. Since the ranch was outside of town, it took me a little longer to get there from where my apartment was prior. When I pulled in, everything still looked the same. The little white rancher sat on an acre of wooded land. Our driveway was long enough that you couldn’t see the house from the road, which added to its appeal. Putting my car in park, I headed to the front door. I didn’t knock. Instead, I let myself in.
I heard the TV in the living room blaring some mid-day soap. Most of the time, my mom watched television while my dad did his Sudoku puzzles on the couch. My parents were definitely homebodies.
“Oh! Our beautiful daughter!” Mom said, pausing her show and standing to greet me. I placed my purse down on the couch and gave her a hug.
“That’s me!” I said, holding her tight. Squeezing her, I take an inhale of her signature perfume. She smelt like jasmine and orange blossom, accented with a splash of sandalwood. There wasn’t a day when she didn’t put it on first thing in the morning.
“What about me?” My dad said, standing up and coming towards us. I hugged him next as he nearly suffocated me and kissed my temple.
“Why don’t we go sit out back? I have some lemonade and snacks in the fridge. You two go, I’ll be there in a minute.” Mom shooed us away from the living room.
I loved sitting outside when I lived at home. I mean, I still did love spending time outside. The peacefulness that you felt when there was nothing besides the sound of the trees rustling in the wind and birds chirping a pretty tune. I took a seat at the head of the patio table, admiring the outdoor scenery. The yard was relatively big and surrounded by trees, not a neighbor in sight. My dad occupied the seat next to me, waiting for my mom to come out before starting any conversation. It didn’t take her long to have all the goodies gathered and spread on the table.
Parker and I both take after our mom in looks. We shared her blonde hair but stole my dad’s blue eyes. My dad’s hair was black as night with gray streaks appearing as he aged. Both of my parents were shorter, which made everyone in town question where Parker got his height. He towers well over six feet.
“So, tell us how the farm stand is going. The ladies I play dominos with are raving about you and what you’ve done,” my mom said.
Taking a long pull of lemonade, I responded, “It’s going great!” Sounding more excited than I wanted. “I’m adding a lot of products and different aspects that I’m excited about. The hours are nice, and the Cassidys have given me full control to do what I want.”
“That’s great, sweetie,” my dad chimed in. “It sounds like a great place to help you transition into something bigger.”
There it was. It took less time than I thought before he started dropping his hints of me needing to be more or do more. I knew what he meant by his comment. He can’t trick me. My mom nodded in agreement.
“Yeah, well, I’m happy there. Plus, I love the cabin. It feels like home more than my apartment did,” I replied. That’s the truth too. I loved the cabin. Living in town was too much, but being on the ranch, I was in my element.
“It may be time to start exploring options for a real job,” my mom added, taking a bite of her cheese and cracker.
If only they knew what I wanted as my “real job.” My parents wanted me to go to college and get into tech or the medical field. Their dream for me was to move into the city and establish a life that provided me with everything I could ever want. My parents never wanted me to wish for anything, which I can understand. Yet, I wished they were more receptive to my goals or dreams. They saw me with a stable income, a home, and a loving husband. Right now, I had none of those. I was twenty-five, which puts me in that awkward stage where some of my friends are getting married, some are having kids, and some are still discovering who they are. I fell into the last category. Even though I knew what I wanted, my problem was that I doubted my abilities and was unsure where to start. I’d been putting off taking the leap for a while now. Coming to see my parents this time, in conjunction with everything else that had happened, was a wake-up call that I needed to take the plunge into writing.
“Right,” I said flatly. “I have a plan. You two don’t have to worry about me. Ellie will be back soon, and when she is, I’ll be going onto bigger things.” Lie. I was a filthy liar. I had no idea when Ellie would be back, nor did I know my fate when she returned.
We spent time talking about what Penny and Theo were up to, discussing what books I’d read to my mom, and the fact my parents hadn’t seen Parker in quite some time like that was my problem.
Everything was going well. That was until the next question that flew from my dad’s mouth was so left field it made me choke on my lemonade. “What’s going on with you and that Cassidy boy?”
“Jack,” my mom muttered, shooting him daggers from across the table.
“What do you mean?” I asked, hoping things weren’t about to take a turn down Awkward Street.
“The guys I play golf with said that there’ve been rumors in town about you two dating. I just want to make sure that isn’t the case. They shouldn’t know before your old man. Plus, I need to meet the boy first,” my dad replied. On instinct, I put my face in my hands.
“Dad, we’re just friends. I work for his family! Of course, I’m going to be seen with him. You know this town. Rumors are exactly that.” Nice save, Aspen. I prayed that my dad didn’t hear about the whole cowboy hat in the bar thing. If he did, I’d think the conversation would be much different.
My dad took a sip before answering me. “If there’s someone in your life, I wanna meet them. Make sure they’re enough for my daughter. I don’t think that Cassidy boy is good enough for you anyway. You’re more than this town, and one day, you’ll see it.”
No wonder why I didn’t have a boyfriend in high school. Meeting my dad would’ve been a deal breaker, and who needed that extra drama anyway?
“Speaking of dating. I would love some grandchildren,” my mom interjected, giggling to herself.
“Look at the time!” I said, glancing at the watch I didn’t have on my wrist. “I love you both, but it’s getting late, and I have some things to do at home.” I stood and bent down to kiss them both on the cheek. They wished me goodbye and asked when I would visit next. I gave the same vague answer I always did, “Oh, soon,” and made a break for it.
When I got in the car, I deflated against the driver’s seat. The nagging feeling of dread came back, knowing that I once again didn’t tell my family the truth.