Chapter 45
Trent
It’s a big deal because it’s a graduation and two bachelor’s degrees, and I finished this shit while recovering from an abduction and injury.
I’m proud of myself, but I’m also trembling in my dress shoes.
Magnus’s schedule for today had him leaving early, and I won’t see him again until after the ceremony.
I’m meeting my family afterward, and Magnus said he would find us.
They know about him, but they don’t know about us, and it’s going to be weird to tell them I got married this semester without hurting someone’s feelings. Probably.
“You are not responsible for other people’s feelings.
You are only responsible for your own actions and reactions,” I whisper to myself as I sit in the auditorium and the chancellor of the university greets everyone and introduces Magnus’s mother as the first speaker.
She’s a vibrant speaker, much like her son, and while I don’t think I’m going to remember what she actually says, I will remember the hopefulness that she gives me for my future.
After her speech, the commencement line begins, and being summa cum laude, I’m in line before most of the rest of the graduates.
I’m the third undergraduate to cross the stage, and it’s weird to shake Magnus’s hand on my way across.
He congratulates me with a big smile on his face and pulls me down for a kiss on my cheek that leaves me a little flushed with pleasure and embarrassment.
A year later, when every person has their empty diploma frames, Magnus gives his speech to end the commencement ceremony, hats are thrown, and the celebration ends.
I breathe deeply in my chair as people exit the auditorium, and I take a few minutes to prepare for seeing my family.
I haven’t told them what happened. I don’t know why, and time with my therapist hasn’t helped me make progress on this.
She says there are a lot of things going on with trauma therapy, and we don’t have to focus on everything all at once.
I decided to put telling my family low on the priority list. I don’t know why it throws me into a panic attack when I think about telling them, but even sitting here thinking about not telling them has my heart racing and my fear rising.
“Hey,” Magnus says, sitting beside me.
He places his hand on the back of my neck and offers me his other, and I take it, holding on to him as I breathe through the panic trying to drown me.
His touch gives me a starting place to ground myself, and frustration with my own brain interrupts the spiraling thoughts, giving me an out that stops the panic in its tracks.
I squeeze his hand, growling at myself. “This is so fucking stupid. I know I’m safe. I know I can tell them anything and they’ll still love me, but my brain is still on high alert.”
“Please don’t speak unkindly about yourself,” he murmurs.
“Your brain deserves kindness. You’ve survived something meant to kill you.
You did that, then you finished your schooling and earned your degree.
You’re amazing, and your brain is doing right by you.
Panic attacks are not a reason to give yourself a hard time.
Thank your brain for helping you, for keeping you safe and alert for problems.”
I take a deep breath, processing his words, and then decide why not? I thank my panic for keeping me alert and safe, and that kind of helps give me a better perspective. I turn to look into my husband’s pretty dark eyes. “I’m ready. I’ll tell them over dinner.”
Magnus dips his chin and smiles, leaning in to kiss my forehead. “I think we should find a private space so I can kiss the shit out of you as soon as possible.”
I laugh at his whispered words. “My horny husband,” I whisper back.
He smirks at me, nodding excitedly as he stands and pulls me to my feet.
It takes us longer than it should to get to where we’re meeting my parents, because Magnus is a popular professor, and this is goodbye to a lot of his students.
He addresses each person with focus, giving them the attention they’ve earned with their hard work, but eventually we make it to the fountain that I told my parents I would meet them at.
I hug my parents and my sister, then introduce them to Magnus. “Magnus, this is Calvin and Anne and my sister, Taylor. Family, please meet Magnus. We, uh, have a lot to tell you, but we’d like to do it over dinner.”
Magnus shakes everyone’s hands, greeting them each by name so he remembers. It’s cute, and I laugh softly when he’s done, slipping my arm around his shoulders.
Magnus shoots me a brilliant smile. “What?”
“You repeating names,” I explain with a shrug and tap over my heart. “Love you.”
Magnus’s smile grows brighter. “They’re important to you, so of course I’m going to learn their names. I love you, too.”
If my parents don’t put two and two together, I’m sure my sister will get them there on the ride to the restaurant.
She’s looking at me with a huge, surprised smile, and when I catch her eye, she winks at me and wags her brows.
I roll my eyes at her, but there’s a happy smile on my face that feels like an old friend that I’ve missed in the last month and a half.
Magnus claps his hands. “My parents are also meeting us at the restaurant, so we should go. Everyone know where we’re going?” he asks my parents.
My dad nods, glancing between the two of us with a little confusion between his brows. Mom’s smile looks manic.
“Yes. We’ll see you boys there,” my dad says gruffly. He’s falling into his I-don’t-know-what’s-happening-but-I’ll-be-damned-if-I-let-it-rattle-me tone.
I laugh, happy at the reminder of who my parents are, and I turn Magnus toward where my car is parked.
He and I walk slowly, stopped by friends and students both, saying goodbye to the people who’ve spent the last four years with us, before finally making it to my car.
I open the passenger door for him and then get in the driver’s seat, listening to him chat about nothing at all as I drive to the place where we're meeting our parents. We have reservations under Magnus’s name, so everyone should end up at the same table even if we arrive last.
Magnus rests his hand on my thigh the entire drive over, and even though I was feeling panicked before, I’m calm, happy, and ready to tell them what happened.
Magnus leads me to the table when we arrive, and our parents are already talking amongst themselves, but when they spot our arrival, they all stand, and more hugs are given all around along with congratulations.
Once we’re all seated again, my dad looks me in the eye. “Alright son, what is your news?” he asks in that same tone as before.
I grab Magnus’s hand under the table, take a deep breath to steel myself, and then I tell them all about the “adult subscription channel” and the stalker.
My mom cries when I tell her about the abduction.
Magnus tells them about how we got married over spring break, which is a lie, but he’s smart not to admit out loud to committing marriage fraud by way of hacking the system.
My mother would probably grapple with a moral crisis if he admitted the truth.
At the end, I say, “We bought a house that I’m going to spend the summer fixing up before I start grad school in the fall. I think you’re going to love it. All the windows are stained glass.”
And that gets the attention of both of our mothers, who start asking questions we can’t answer, but it gives us a chance to talk about something normal.
My mother jumps at that like it’s a lifeline, while my father starts talking to Magnus senior about the housing market, and the feeling at the table warms my heart.
My sister, who sat next to me, leans over, whispering, “I told them you were going to tell us about you and Magnus on the way over so it wouldn’t be as big a surprise.
I’m sorry you went through all that without us, but I like him.
I’m glad you had him to support you, but I’m a little pissed that you eloped.
You realize this means that I absolutely have to have a traditional wedding because mom will cry if she doesn’t get at least one. ”
I chuckle at her, shaking my head. “I’ll be your man of honor and help you get that fucker organized to make up for it.”
She hits me with the back of her hand. “You better, since it’ll be your fault I have to go all out.”
I fucking love my family, even when they’re pretending I didn’t turn their expectations on their head. My therapist is going to be proud of me for telling them everything.