Chapter 11
Estelle
Ipushed a Victoria primer in front of Augusta after trying more than a dozen other texts. “Try this one.” It was a young reader for small children aged six or seven. I had used one similar for the twins.
Augusta enunciated each word. “If we do no ill we go to joy. But if our way be bad, we go to woe.”
“Well done.” I was pleased that after two days of examination, I had finally found a text that Augusta could read with ease.
It was becoming increasingly clear to me why Lady Camden had insisted upon a governess for her daughter.
Augusta excelled at mathematics but struggled in other subjects because of her inability to read well.
She adequately applied herself, but the work frustrated her easily.
Augusta grimaced. “Thank you for not telling me I’m stupid.”
My brows rose. “Why would I do that?”
“All the others did.”
“That’s shameful.”
“Why else would I despise all my governesses? I could never perform well enough to please them.”
I wondered if her struggle to read had created a wedge between her and her mother too.
While I could read with ease, I saw myself in her.
My parents had also had high expectations for me, and I had spent long hours in the school room.
Impressing them became an obsession to me.
Father’s serious manner always left me wondering where I stood with him—if he really knew I existed.
But with Mother, it had never been a question.
While I know she loved me, I felt she cared more when I had accomplished something noteworthy.
She wanted to prove to the English world that her Irish heritage had not held her daughter back.
“Augusta, has your mother kept you isolated because of your studies?”
Augusta played with a bent corner of her page.
“Not entirely. I am free to visit friends—although there are only two I care for in Rivendale. The Lovelace sisters are exceptional company. They are rarely permitted visitors, but we often write back and forth as if we live thousands of miles apart instead of just the few between us.”
“I should like to meet them—when they are free next.”
“They would like you; I am sure of it. I will write to them and arrange a meeting at the first opportunity.”
I bit my bottom lip. Would they like me? I had not made many friends with other young ladies. I was too busy with my studies. I thought back to my original question. “What other outings can you take?”
“Oh, afternoon tea or picnics and the like. But they can be dreadfully boring unless the Lovelace sisters are in attendance. There isn’t anything else terribly exciting in our corner of the country.
I could join the Ladies’ Sewing Society, but I’m only adept at making yarn balls for Gingersnaps.
As for country dances and balls, Mother does not permit me to attend those—not until I have shown vast improvement in my studies and overall decorum.
I fear I may never have a Season at this rate. ”
As much as Augusta had fought off her governesses, I had a feeling that it had only been after years of trying—and yet, it had not been enough.
After my parents’ death, I asked myself if any of my efforts had been worth it.
My entire existence revolved around pleasing them.
But since learning was the only pursuit I knew, I threw myself back into my studies at the same relentless pace that had been set for me before.
All while Reginald had slipped into Father’s previous role—solemn and unaware of my existence.
I blinked away the memories, my fists unexpectedly clenching. This was not about me. It was about Augusta. I had come to terms with my own missed Season, but it did not sound as if she had. “Do you long to attend balls and have a Season?”
Augusta’s gaze swung to mine. “Would you believe me if I said no?”
I tried to keep my face impassive. I thought those were every young lady’s dream. “What is it that you want then?”
Augusta smiled. “No one has ever asked me that question. I suppose it would be diverting to attend a ball or two, but I will always prefer the country to London. I adore riding my horse through the open fields with the natural smells and sights of nature all around me. The only enticement of a Season would be to find a husband.”
“What about reading?” I glanced at the text in front of us.
She took longer to answer this time. “I rather hate stumbling over my words when I read aloud. I don’t want to be embarrassed any longer.”
These were motivations I could work with. “I suggest we focus on what you want then and keep practicing your reading. We will sprinkle in a variety of subjects to please your mother and see if we cannot at least get you to a ball by the time we are through. But absolutely no more snakes in beds.”
Augusta adopted an innocent expression. “I would never terrorize my friends.”
Friends. I rather liked the sound of that. I tried not to let it go to my head and tapped the selection. “We should get back to work. Can you tell me what this means?”
Augusta sighed. “If I continue to remain in my current state of ignorance, woe unto me and my future.”
I tried to stifle my smile. “Your comprehension is not the problem, which is a good sign.”
“No, the problem is that I would rather be out there than in here.” Augusta pointed to the window.
Sunshine poured through it, creating a haze in the air above the small library table we sat at.
“Miss Lewis, I know I promised to try my hardest as a thank-you for your accepting this position, but don’t you think we have been at this long enough?
How about that boating lesson I promised you? ”
The name of Lewis grated on my ears. It reminded me that the real me was hiding, and someday my old life would inevitably catch me.
I tried to wave my worries away like one would a pesky gnat, but a knot was already forming in my middle.
I was halfway through the year I had allotted for myself.
In six more months, I would make myself return home.
Hopefully there would be no fiancé waiting for me by then.
“That boating lesson sounds thrilling,” I said quickly, suddenly desperate for distraction—even if that distraction included a body of water that I generally avoided religiously.
“Truly?” Augusta’s whole countenance lit up.
If I had learned one lesson from my previous governess position, it was that children needed creativity to spark their desire to learn. Augusta was not a child, but her attention often wandered like one. “Why not? We can have an oral spelling lesson as we soar across the pond.”
Augusta grimaced, pushing to her feet. “Don’t ruin a good thing, Miss Lewis.”
I certainly hoped boating was a good thing. I had my doubts. At least I knew it would interest my pupil, and that was half the battle.
Augusta took my arm and steered me to the servants’ door.
I knew what she was doing. She was avoiding her mother and her inevitable disapproval.
I agreed with the notion, for I was avoiding Lord Camden’s disapproval.
Lady Camden had the louder bark, but I believed it was her son whose opinion ruled the household.
It was clear by the way he had shrewdly taken my measure that he had taken a chance on me, and I did not want him to regret his choice.
I wouldn’t waste my opportunity to make a difference in someone’s life before I was imprisoned in my own.
Directing me down a dirt path, Augusta led me toward a narrow boathouse, set back a distance from the pond. “I thought boathouses were generally adjacent to or on the water?”
“My grandfather did not want to mar our enviable view with any structures.”
“Ah, I see.” I had much to learn on the subject of boats and enviable views of water.
After unlatching the two large doors, we both pulled them wide open, letting sunshine fill the outside building. Inside were a few rowboats of various sizes. Augusta pointed to the smallest one: a red rowboat, barely large enough for two.
“This one is mine. I call her Ruby. Isn’t she wonderful?”
Tilting my head, I studied this wonderful water conveyance. At first glance, it appeared sturdy enough. I did a quick perusal for spiders before I was satisfied.
“Do we ask a servant to help us carry her to the water?” I asked.
Augusta looked at me like I was daft. “And alert Mama? No, thank you. We can manage well enough. Take one end, and I will take the other.”
I heaved my side up, which was not easy with my wide skirts. I was more careful with my clothes now that I had fewer to my name, and I had a feeling that this dress would not come out unscathed. “Did your other governesses agree to carry boats too?” I asked through my shallow breaths.
Augusta scoffed. “I generally drag Ruby out myself.”
This heavy boat? I admired her determination through my shuffled steps. Augusta didn’t know it, but we had one very significant quality in common: We both tended to run away from our problems. I was not certain if this was going to bond us together or be our mutual demise.
“Does Ruby consistently float?” I could not recall ever stepping onto a boat before, and I needed reassurance.
“Always.” Augusta wrinkled her nose like I was half mad.
She was not wrong about my madness. I had my first up-close view of the pond—or rather, lake—and swallowed hard. Agreeing to go out on the water was insane.
We set the boat down hard, and I stepped back to wipe my brow with a handkerchief I often hid up my wide sleeve. “Why don’t you paddle around while I watch.”
“And keep all the fun to myself?” Augusta shook her head. “You get in first, and I will push us out.” Augusta shoved Ruby partly into the water and held her steady for me.
If I was at home, I would have come up with a dozen more excuses to avoid getting into the boat, but I was trying to show an air of authority and confidence to my pupil. I was an adult. A governess and companion. A woman taking charge of her own life.